Vampire Maman Bonus Post: 2-Second TV Reviews

2-Second TV reviews

Don’t tell me that you don’t watch TV because I know you do. I know you aren’t reading literary books and discussing Eastern Philosophy and organic farming techniques every single night. And I can say that because I like history and opera and I’ve read War and Peace. I don’t watch TV 24/7, but sometimes one just has to chill out and take a break.

This is just a small and unscientific sampling of things I’ve seen this season. Feel free to add your own 2-Second reviews in the comment section for shows I failed to mention.

Vikings

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You’d think anyone that violent with that much artistic talent would be having a whole lot of fun. These guys are no fun at all.

Sherlock

A lot of fun. All the young girls like it for obvious reasons. Very British. Sometimes it drags a little.

Elementary

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A fun and smart take on Sherlock Holmes, with a female Watson. They saved the show by not having the two main characters jump into bed. Witty writing.

Grimm

Watch-Grimm-Season-3-Episode-14-Online-Mommy-Dearest

We love this show. We love the characters. Grimm Rocks! That’s it.

Dracula and Hostages

Just shoot me now and poke my eyes out with a stick. Both had potential but ended up being just stupid with a lot of bad plot lines, melodramatic acting and general confusion. Plus exceptionally bad costumes in Dracula. Don’t bother.

CSI

Only Las Vegas is on now. What is up with all the caked on makeup on the women this year? Come on gals this isn’t Cathouse. Still silly and fun to watch with a cocktail.

Drive-in, Diners and Dives:

Food Pornography. We need a Vampire version of this show.

Almost Human

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This was almost good enough to capture my attention but then turned into just another bromance cop show. I hope it gets better (let me know and I’ll give it another try.)

Downton Abby

I’ve never watched this show. I don’t know why. For the longest time I thought it was Downtown Abby.

Are you the one (MTV)

Unknown

A bunch of unsuccessful daters are put together, each with a perfect match. They each get $50,000 if they find their match. This is a group effort. This is a train wreck that we can’t stop watching. We’re so pathetic.

Resurrection

We saw the first one. We all thought about people coming back but didn’t say much to each other about it. It is an old story. This one was done quite well. We’ll keep watching it.

Bate’s Hotel

I’ve never seen it but the kids say it is exceptionally creepy.

Bones

Read the books. You’ll thank me for it later.

Parenthood

Good production value… BUT these characters are sooooooo annoying. Too politically correct. Not good parents at all. Makes me want to scream – so I don’t watch it. My husband watches it when I’m not around.

Ripper Street

Not as good this season or as campy. Hmmmm. Somewhat confusing. Adding the Elephant Man was an unfortunate plot twist.

Naked and Afraid

We saw this once. The guy was an antisocial dick. The woman was sweet and deserved a better partner. The kids want to watch the new season and that makes me feel naked and afraid. Uh no, I think you have homework to do.

Modern Family

Brilliant and always funny. The smartest show on TV.

Parks and Rec

I didn’t think I’d like this one but find myself laughing every time.

Person of Interest

No weak female characters in this show. Woo Hoo. Am I sick and twisted because I’m starting to like Root?

Big Bang Theory

Too many sex jokes. I think it is running out of steam. Why do guys with such well paying jobs live in such a dump?

Ink Master

Always fun and a little weird. Dave Navarro is still smoking hot but needs to grow his hair out. Nobody is that good this year. Run human canvas run!

Hawaii Five-O

This show is so campy. It was sort of fun in a really stupid way (good drinking game material) until Steve’s girlfriend quit the Navy and became just another bimbo TV cop. She was smarter and sexier in uniform. Blah.

Justified

This season isn’t quite as wonderful as past seasons. I still enjoy the wonderful accents and plot twists, but I expected more this year. Maybe it will happen. I hope so.

Pawn Stars

I’ve seen things that I own on this program. Nothing is rare. Nothing is valuable unless two people want it bad enough.

Duck Dynasty

I don’t get the attraction. I don’t get it at all.

Oddities

Watch the New York show. The San Francisco show is too contrived and the people on it look like they’re wearing contrived Halloween costumes – not genuinely weird or original.

Too Cute

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Nothing but puppies and kittens. No kidding. Feeling down? Watch this show. Feeling good? Watch this show. Warning – it is toxic cute.

Montessori Mafia

Doves with razor blades. No such show – my kids told me that one. Based on years of Montessori schooling. HAHAHAHAHAH.

TV-Watching

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

And have a happy pi day!

America’s Got Talent Show #2, Cocktails and Vampires

We never know what short of acts we'll see. It could be anything.

We never know what short of acts we’ll see. It could be anything.

It is summer and it is Tuesday so…drum roll please…it is ATG Night! The second night of the try-outs to see who will go to Las Vegas.

I started the America’s Got Talent posts last year and shall continue to. My kids like it. I think it is fun. My husband puts up with it and uses it as an excuse for summer cocktails.

Yes we’re Vampires, but who wants to sit around all night and be all dark and gothic when we can just sit back and be silly and clear our brains of everything. We’ll hunt on Thursday (tomorrow is 8th grade graduation). And of course Vampires always save Friday for the best lunch of the week (as my regular readers know.)

So here we go for our opinions on tonight’s show. And by the way, we still don’t like Special Head and his trick is something side show folks have been doing for centuries. He had a plate in the floor mat, he stuck his pole in it and then his seat popped up under his butt. That is why he wore a robe and walked funny. Let him try it in shorts and a tee shirt – no way in Hell could he pull that off. I thought he was just plain creepy.

So before the show starts we have cocktails (Thank you darling husband Teddy)

Bloody Teddy

Mix everything together and pour over a lot of ice in tall glasses. Serves two.

  • 1 (11.5 fl oz) can spicy vegetable juice cocktail
  •  1/2 lime, juiced
  • 1 stalk celery
  • 4 dashes pepper sauce (such as Tabasco)
  • 2 dashes Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 teaspoon prepared horseradish
  • 4 (1.5 fluid ounce) jiggers vodka, or to taste (I use a lot more)
  •  4 (1.5 fluid ounce) blood (optional if you’re not a Vampire)
  • salt and ground black pepper to taste
  • 1 cup ice cubes
  • 4 marinated cocktail onions
  • 2 short stalks of celery with leaves (stick in glass for  garnish)
  • 2 stuffed green olives
  • 1/2 lime, cut into wedges and squeezed into glasses over the ice.
  • 2 small sprigs of mint

Now we’re all settled in…on to the show!

I might spell some names wrong…so anyway…

First let me get this out of the way. The guy who brought us the Untouchables last year and the year before is back again exploiting children as hoochie dancers. I’m sorry if you like that sort of thing but no little girls should be shaking their little butts and flat chests like that. No kids should be exploited for the glory and ego of an adult. Period. That is my opinion and I think that guy should be banned from the show. He is sick and twisted and exploits children.

Brad Byers swallowed 9 swords. Cool. Good old fashioned side show stuff. We liked him.

There was a 16 year old who did magic. He was so sweet. It was with the dollar bill and the chip bag. Very sweet. I’m happy for him. Good job kid.

Travis Pratt holy cow where’d you get that beautiful voice. He also has the face to go along with the opera music. Good job. Wow. And SHE SAID YES. He proposed to his girlfriend. Awwwww it was so sweet. OMG it was cute.

Jonathan if you’re reading this NEVER GIVE UP. He has a beautiful opera voice. His parents kicked him out of the house when he was 18 for the sin of being Gay. Listen up folks, if your kid is gay it isn’t a sin. It just is what it is. Love your kids or don’t have them.

Paul Thomas Mitchell – a singer with a sweet voice and a big future ahead of him. He wrote his own song and it was good. I’d like to see what he does next.

We loved the girl with the puppets – my husband and Garrett (age 16) and I did. Clara (13) thought the puppets were creepy. She thinks most puppets are creepy.

The rest of the acts were ok but not much stood out. Yes, we have to admit that we all know somebody like JC Starbright the older guy who was a computer programmer by day and a rocker by night. HA HA very funny. No really, in a painful sort of way.

So that brings this post to an end (because I spilled my drink on my notes and can’t read anything else). And remember…if you sound good in the shower it doesn’t mean you sound good on stage…BUT you never know. So if you have a talent show it off and share share share.

Until next Tuesday have a good week. And continue to check this blog for fun posts about parenting, Vampires, books, jaded opinions, life and love.

Enough with the snakes PLEASE!

Enough with the snakes PLEASE!

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Lost Boys, Aliens and America’s Got Talent (or an evening with my teenage Vampire son)

imagesSummer is here and so is this season of America’s Got Talent. Yes, it is back along with my weekly update about what your favorite Vampire family thinks of it and our opinions.

For those of you who are just recently following this blog – there is a history here. We did this last year. Usually we added cocktails too but Teddy isn’t here tonight so no cocktails (you’ll have to make your own).

Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, CA

Boardwalk, Santa Cruz, CA

Teddy is with Clara on the last field trip of Middle School – ever. They’re in Santa Cruz enjoying the beach and the boardwalk and touring UCSC. And yes, it IS where the movie Lost Boys took place, but that isn’t going to happen on this field trip. The Vampires we know aren’t like that (it is fiction). OK a few might be that nasty but not in our circles. And yes, in the movie they call the city something else be we all know it is Santa Cruz, CA.

So tonight it is just Garrett and me. We’re drinking virgin cocktails of fresh blood on ice with a sprig of mint and a dash of unsweetened cranberry juice. If you’re not a Vampire just try the cranberry juice and mix it with a little ginger ale with the mint. Good stuff (yes, we’re always thinking of keeping our Regular Human friends happy as you keep us.)

Garrett asked me what my favorite Vampire movie was. I don’t know. I don’t really like most Vampire movies (and don’t ask why. Just figure it out.) I guess Lost Boys. Then he asked about Werewolf movies. American Werewolf in London hands down winner. So what about Alien movies? Now that is a difficult one. I know Vampires and Werewolves but I don’t believe I’m ever met an alien (I’ve had my suspicions) but it would have to be District 9 and Close Encounters and ET and The Man Who Fell to Earth and Liquid Sky…but District 9 is brilliant.  And as everyone knows the one thing that gives me the hair stand up on the back of your neck willies is space aliens. It all started the first time I read War of the Worlds (when it first came out).

Lost-Boys-wallpaper-the-lost-boys-movie-1969090-1280-800

 

 

 

 

So we’re watching America’s Got Talent and so far we’re impressed with the judges. The ladies are great (Heidi and Mel are darling.) And we all adore Howard and Howie. And you all know I adore Nick  – he is as cute as my cat Oscar.

 

 

My cat Oscar (as a kitten)

My cat Oscar (as a kitten)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So on to the acts…

We have a lot of rattlesnakes around where we live so I wasn’t too impressed with the snake guy. In case you’re curious a snake popped a balloon. My girl cat Gloria could do that (but she won’t.)

The country singer was ok. I didn’t see him. Just heard him. Just ok. He will not always be on my mind.

CATAPULT – remember that name. They were wonderful. Dancers who told a great mystery story through shadows and body movements. WOW. Expect to see more of them in the future. They have my vote. And of course we all remember that silly sickening sweet shadow dance troop from last year. These guys take it to the next level without all the annoying kids.

The three guys who danced to Singing in the Rain were absolutely darling. Good job guys (I didn’t catch your name because I was petting the cat.)

The guy with the blow up doll (it isn’t what you think) was fun. I definitely want to see more of him. Another fun act was the kid with the hat.

They had to show Chuck from the Bronx because he was exceptionally stupid eating peppers and snorting salt and sucking eggs. He sucked more than eggs. He just sucked.

Ten year old Anna Christine sounded like a seasoned 25 year old professional – the girl could sing. Oh my goodness. The House of the Rising Sun no less. Wow. She was good – she was amazing.

The 3 Penny Choir and Orchestra was so much fun that we laughed out loud. The did the Call Me Maybe song as a classical number. That was FUN. Really FUN. I want to see/hear more. A lot more.

The Pacific Boys Choir was nice and sweet.

Special Head was a weird bit of smoke and mirrors. I didn’t like him. Neither did Garrett. And his name sounds sort of nasty and creepy.

And just as he finished up I noticed a huge raccoon out on the deck eating the dog food. I have to respect our nocturnal friends. Creatures of the night have a special place in my heart. It ran off as soon as I turned on the light. And yes, I brought in the food dish. Don’t need a critter party out there tonight,

So back to the show…

Angela Hoover did a fine job with her impressions and comedy. We want to see her again. I’d like to see more women in comedy. I’ve always thought it would be fun to do stand-up. It is one of my secret dream jobs.

Tone the one hit wonder reminded me of the scene in the movie the Proposal when the grandma and the boss lady were dancing around the fire. It was that bad and not funny or cute like the movie. It was stupid. Nooooooooooo.

So that is our review for tonight. Happy Tee Vee watching. We make no excuses here for any of our opinions, taste in entertainment or life choices. We are what we are and we like what we like.

After it was over Garrett said, “Maybe the Elders should be on America’s Got Talent. Their voices are amazing.”

“Not a good idea. They might tell everyone they’re Vampires.” I had to be honest about it. I never know what those two old Vampires might do.

Garrett smiled. “Sure Mom, but who would believe them?”

I had to laugh. “You have a point there darling.”

So tune in later for more on Vampire Maman!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

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Musings on Reading, Sharing and Not Much…

“For one who reads, there is no limit to the number of lives that may be lived, for fiction, biography, and history offer an inexhaustible number of lives in many parts of the world, in all periods of time.”
-Louis L’Amour

Musings on Reading, Sharing and Not Much

I once knew a guy who read everything written by Louis L’Amour. I read a few upon recommendation. Like Romances, I could see how the Westerns became addictive. It was a fun escape with strong tides of right and wrong with tension and adventure. Most of all it was an escape and a way to relax in another world. I haven’t read any Westerns since. But I’m glad I did, just to try it out.

We read to escape, to be inspired, to travel outside of our bodies, to share ideas and emotions. to solve mysteries and feel emotions that out busy lives might block out.

Yesterday I cleared my deck of acorns and pollen and dust. Now I have a perfect place to read in the warm soon-to-be-summer evenings.

I was repotting a plant, not thinking about reading at all, my mind on overtime with Vampire business and mom business.

The Vampire children are hunting on their own more and more. They’re doing great – undetected by their regular human friends. I’m proud of them. School is wrapping up with good grades and a little bit of bad attitude creeping in (the 8th grader is so tired of the kids in her small Middle School and can’t wait until the BIG high school starts). Plans for the summer are being made. Summer will be low key for us.

My Vampire brothers are hanging out more often. It is like grand central station with their visits. I make them bring books and take books with them.

I also make sure I lecture Andrew on how I hate his old friends and he needs to keep them away. He tends to be amused by what I call  trash Vampires. They are the ones who give us a bad name. They like me for some reason too. I get so tired of their sleazy compliments and nasty attitudes about everything. I get tired of the way they attempt to suck up to us (no pun intended). They call me a snob. Ugh. Andrew is so smart that is surprises me. Since he moved back to the US…anyway. Despite my annoyances at Andrew, I like the books he recommends. My brooding Vampire brother likes light and funny mysteries. Go figure.

Vampire guys seem to like action movies and romantic comedies too. No point to telling you that except next time you go see a movie with a Vampire and want him to watch the screen and not your neck you’ll know.

Summer is coming and I want to say I will never ever do any volunteer work again as long as I live. It is sports this weekend (yes, I am a self-respecting Vampire…but…). Thousands of hours of time for school. There are other groups I’m asked to help with. It isn’t as though I don’t like to help, but like all volunteers, we want to know that our time is well spent and actually doing good. Of course when I volunteer to sit at that raffle booth I always have a book with me. Bet you didn’t know how I was going to tie that one in.

I can see my deck from the window right now. The cat is in one of the chairs. The sun is just starting to come up so the shadows are still deep and cool.

The Ghost is out there mouthing the words “get out here right now Vampire.” I wonder what he wants. So time to turn off my computer and pick up my coffee and my book and go outside for just a bit.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Vampire Maman’s Official 2013 Spring/Summer Reading List

cat reads the classicsSummer is almost here. I know some of you are still getting snow (I’m sorry) but it is in the high 80’s here. School is wrapping up. We’re planning for our summer already (travel, school plans for next year, college applications/tests/essays, etc). But always in my plans for the warm weather is summer books. And when one lives in a temperate to hot climate with the average temperature of 74 degrees F it always feels like summer (especially when we have what seems like months of triple digit weather). But no matter where you live or what your weather is…it is always nice to share books suggestions.

I’ve read all of the books and can honestly say THESE ARE WORTH READING.

Vampire Maman’s 2013 Recommended Summer Reading List

Summer Reading

The Language of Flowers

By Vanessa Diffenbaugh

Beautiful book.  It is both heartbreaking and will make you think again about the youth who are part of the foster care system.  This book isn’t what I expected at all. Just amazing.

When Victoria Jones turns 18, she is no longer eligible for support in the foster care system. But life on her own is no easy feat and she is soon reduced to sleeping in a park. The remarkable garden she cultivates brings her comfort and soon after her talent with flowers catches the eye of Renata, a kindly shop owner who takes pity on the girl and gives her a job. Victoria’s understanding of flowers—that hawthorn is for hope, honeysuckle for devotion, or daisy for innocence—is as extraordinary as her ability to discern people’s needs and find blossoms that can help them. Soon she has a thriving clientele of her own. If only Victoria could make things right for herself….

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Gone Girl

by Gillian Flynn (who is brilliant)

There are so many twists and turns in this book that you’ll always be surprised. One of the best books I’ve read all year. Loved it. It was so much fun (and at times so uncomfortable but in a fun way). Just the right amount of sick and twisted to make it really fun.

On their first four wedding anniversaries, Nick’s wife, Amy, sent him on an intricate scavenger hunt to find her gift to him. When she disappears on their fifth, the police think the game has turned deadly…and Nick is involved. Amy’s friends claim she was pregnant and that he was furious, even though Nick swears it isn’t true. And his protests of ignorance regarding searches on his computer for death by smothering…nearby wooded areas…and how to obtain arsenic fall on deaf ears. Yet the beleaguered college professor cannot deny that his marriage was unraveling, and that he and a student have been having an affair.

Gone Girl is a masterpiece of suspense by Gillian Flynn—a publishing phenomenon that will keep you guessing till the end.

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Whiskey Beach

By Nora Roberts

This is a fun light read that I thoroughly enjoyed. Good characters. Good male point of views. Yes, it is a romance novel folks so don’t take it to seriously.

 

Whiskey Beach, delivers a strong belt of action right from the start, when the murder of Boston lawyer Eli Landon’s cheating, soon-to-be ex-wife makes him the cops’ prime suspect. A year spent proclaiming his innocence to no avail leads Eli to accept his beloved grandmother’s offer of refuge at her vacant 300-year-old home located high on the bluffs of Whiskey Beach. She wisely knows her housekeeper, Abra Walsh, a multi-talented free spirit, will be a breath of fresh air to a man in dire need of resuscitation. Abra inspires Eli to regain control of his life, first by hiring a private detective to clear his name. But as the couple’s attraction leads to intimacy, indications surface that someone has invaded Bluff House—searching for what, Eli is unsure. What he does know is that a family mystery stretching back for centuries has never been solved. And it soon catches Eli and Abra in its net—the same one that has already ensnared a desperate, cunning killer intent on destroying Eli Landon.

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Suspect

by Robert Crasis

I loved this book.  This was one of those books I could really feel. Wow. This is a good one, especially if you like dogs at all. Even if you don’t like dogs. Exceptional.

They’re unlikely partners—and for both of them, this is their last chance. Eight months ago, LAPD officer Scott James was ambushed by masked attackers and his partner, Stephanie, was killed. Now, Scott, sidelined by post-traumatic stress disorder, is torn by rage and shame. Then he’s assigned his new—four-legged—partner: Maggie, a German shepherd who’s as damaged as Scott is. The dog served in Afghanistan until her handler died in an IED explosion; now, she, too, has PTSD. Scott still burns to find Stephanie’s killers, and Maggie has one weapon left in her arsenal: absolute loyalty. In Robert Crais’ Suspect, man and dog must rely on one another as they face their nightmares anew in a world in which nothing is what it seemed.

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The Black Count: Glory, Revolution, Betrayal, and the Real Count of Monte Cristo

By Tom Reiss

This is the only non-fiction book on this list. But it reads like fiction. Wow – what a story. Even if you claim not to like history you’ll like this one. But how could you not like history?

Here is the remarkable true story of the real Count of Monte Cristo – a stunning feat of historical sleuthing that brings to life the forgotten hero who inspired such classics as The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers.

 

The real-life protagonist of The Black Count, General Alex Dumas, is a man almost unknown today yet with a story that is strikingly familiar, because his son, the novelist Alexandre Dumas, used it to create some of the best loved heroes of literature.

 

Yet, hidden behind these swashbuckling adventures was an even more incredible secret: the real hero was the son of a black slave — who rose higher in the white world than any man of his race would before our own time.

 

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THE

By Nathan Tackett

Not only is Nathan a great writer – I’m honored to call him my friend. THE is THE book to read this summer for unexpected horror (and fun).  Damn, this was fun to read.

 

JOHN SCHMIDT is a loser. 
He’s an overweight mall cop plagued with nightmares. His only joy in life comes from singing karaoke at the local dive bar.

Feeling adventurous, John goes out to a trendy Goth club to see an old friend perform – an old friend that died five years ago.

A few days later John wakes up to find the naked dead body of a missing co-worker on his kitchen floor.

Then shit gets really weird…

John soon discovers that he comes from a long line of losers cursed  to save the world from an unknown evil-an evil so absolutely terrible that it threatens to destroy the universe with its own nightmares.

Armed with absolutely nothing other than his father’s notebook and a beat up Buick, John must ultimately decide if this world is even worth saving-saving from the evil that is only known by one word…THE.

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The Graveyard Queen Series:

by Amanda Stephens

  • The Prophet
  • The Kingdom
  • The Restorer

More fun than I’ll ever have with ghosts (but these ghosts are extra creepy). These Paranormal Romance books are even loved by folks I know who said they’d never read Paranormal Romance. A fun series that will keep you wanting more and more. Well written without a lot of over kill drama or silly gushing stuff.

Amelia Gray may see ghosts, but she’s always heeded her father’s advice to avoid acknowledging them—until a woman is murdered in a Charleston cemetery she is restoring. Amelia offers to help detective John Devlin when the killer begins leaving more bodies on old graves bearing symbols that could be grisly clues to his motives.  (description of first book…take my word for it and look up the entire series.)

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Always on my summer list:

Envy

By Sandra Brown

A hot and nasty page-turner – and I mean hot and nasty in many different ways – revenge, greed, betrayal, sex, writing…great summer reading. Take my word for it if you’re looking for a fun escape.

An explosive tale of a long-ago crime and the victim’s plan for revenge…When New York publisher Maris Matherly Reed receives a tantalizing manuscript from someone identified only as P.M.E., its blockbuster potential-and perhaps something else-compels her to meet its author. On an eerie, ruined cotton plantation on a remote Georgia island she finds Parker Evans, a man concealing his identity and his past. Maris is drawn into his tale of two young friends and a deadly betrayal … and to Parker himself. But there’s something especially chilling about this novel, its possible connection to Maris’s own life, and the real-life character who uses her, or anyone, to get what he wants.

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Dirty Blonde

By Lisa Scottoline

I just love this book. I really really do. I know it isn’t great literature but it is a great story and a great escape.

The description here doesn’t do it justice.  Unexpected, fast, tense, sexy, thoughtful and just plain fun. The relationship between Cate and her best friend (mother of an autistic child) is touching and tugs at the heart. The characters are all fun and well developed. Take it from me…another perfect summer read.

Cate Fante is strong and sexy and wears designer suits like overpriced armor. She’s just become a judge but leads a dark double life that she hides from everyone.

Her cover is blown when a high-profile case in her courtroom takes a stunning turn. Overnight the tabloids tell her secret, her boyfriend dumps her, and her new career hangs in tatters. But Cate’s troubles are only beginning. An enemy no one anticipated sends her running for her life, and she’ll have to fight her way back to the truth . . . or die trying.

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flying pages

Feel free to add any books you’d recommend in the comments. We’d all love to hear from you too.

And why no, there aren’t any Vampire books here. There are ghost  stories and a few other scary things. If you’re itching for Vampire stories I have a few on my blog – of course I do, this is after all a Vampire blog. Or for some different sort of fun with a few Vampires and other creatures try Kim Harrison books. Her books are always fun (and popular).

There will be a part two of this list sometime in the next few months.

In the meantime, have fun and happy reading. Oh, and don’t forget your yellow flip flops (the Elders wanted me to tell you that.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

reading kitten

Musings on Reading in the Dark and Audio Fantasies

I’m compiling my Spring/Summer reading lists – this included books (paper and otherwise), indie authors, big name authors, blogs, poets and anything in words that you might want to read on a quiet evening with a book, Nook, Kindle, or Laptop or better yet, have someone with a really good voice read it out loud to you.

I’ve been thinking about creating some audio stories (and you can hear my real voice). I’ve also had discussions with my kids about who I’d get to read my stories. There is a guy who goes by the name of William Control who has a great voice that would be awesome for my more Gothic themes. Who would you have read your stories? No, really. Let’s share our audio reading fantasies. Audio books and Radio are two great loves of mine.

The sound of  a voice is a powerful thing. Some voices transport us.

Then there are the others. You know the type. Politicians who drone on and on (who votes for them?). The grown woman with the high sing-song child like voice that just makes me want to smack her (my Vampire shortness comes out). The list goes on, but you know, there are great voice coaches out there for those who are “voice challenged.”

One of the best things that ever happened to me was when my brother Andrew (the one I haven’t written much about) told me to take my high 11-year-old voice down a octave.

“Nobody will ever take your seriously. You sound like a baby.” He told me this with a smirk and a scowl on his 20-year-old face. He never had much patience with his younger siblings but he always made a good point to pass on his judgmental wisdom. The thing is, as a child I found him intimidating, but now I thank him for his watchful ear and eye.

Out of five children in my parent’s brood of young Victorian Vampires my brother Andrew was he most serious and mysterious, but then again, he makes a fine Vampire. And he has a great voice. His voice can make politicians bow to their knees, corsets come untied and make babies stop crying for weeks.

So I lowered my voice. Not that I can make anybody do anything, but I can read aloud like the most accomplished of actors or radio announcers. Then suddenly the sound of Wolfman Jack comes to mind…OMG…every time his name is mentioned my husband HAS to tell everyone about the movie Motel Hell (the worst movie ever made – ok, it ties with Roller Boogie as the worst movie ever made.)

My American kids tell me that everything sounds better with an English accent. We have a long list of relatives with wonderful musical Southern accents (the Louisiana Vampires – almost another subspecies). Accents make things interesting as long as it is real. There is nothing worse than someone trying to do one of those fake “rich folk” accents or a bad accent of any kind.

So back to stories…I’m writing stories (along with my random blog posts) and finishing up books and telling stories and reading.

The nights are dry and the wind has died down so I can sit on my deck at night with the cats and read. I might look out beyond the deck and spy the glowing eyes of a raccoon or a bobcat. I might see a bat or hear something stir in the tree tops. I might be visited by a ghost but I don’t even want to think of that right now (he is still on my shit list.)

I’m compiling my list for warm weather reading. “THE” by Nathan Tackett is first on the list. My copy should arrive in the mail soon. The rest of the list will come shortly.

Let me know what you’ll be reading or listening to this summer. Oh I forgot – great audio books for car trips! I have to start thinking about that as well.

So anyway, happy Friday to all and I hope all of your reading is good!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

reading at night