Burning Question #44: 2019 Resolutions

Get it together Gentlemen!

Happy New Year. It is now 2019 and time for Burning Question #44.

Every January 1st people resolve to get organized, lose weight, learn to sing, be a better parent, become a Vampire, write that novel, blog every single friggin day, write poetry more, or do SOMETHING they’ve been putting off. It is called RESOLUTIONS.

The other day a friend of mine told me that she does unresolutions. She gets rid of something. This year she decided not to wear skirts for work anymore. Last year it was to get rid of pantyhose. Another year she got rid of something else she didn’t like to do.

Burning Question #44: Do you have any resolutions for 2019?

Note: YOU, yes YOU, can click as many answers as you want on this poll. Don’t feel like you have to limit yourself.

 

Are you going to cook more meals at home in 2019?

But seriously, did you make any resolutions for 2019? What do you plan on doing or not doing? Do you care? Let us know. Leave a comment below. Leave a bunch of comments. Do whatever you want. You can’t even leave an unrelated comment. I don’t care (yes I do. I want you to leave a comment.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

Vampire Diary: Resolutions

Dear Diary,

I do not understand all of this talk about resolutions. I am already doing every task I need to do. Why should I proclaim in public my short comings and lack of decisiveness?

My love Gillian told me that it would be fun to make resolutions. She said I would feel more modern. Fun? Bah. Writing such things is not fun. Chasing down Vampire Hunters in the forest on horseback and ramming them through with spears is fun. Dancing with beautiful women then sinking my teeth into their necks is fun. Finding no blood stains on my clothes after a night out is fun. Resolutions are not fun.

Alas even a Vampire Kings has to do things to amuse his lovers, so I made a resolution. I told Gillian that I would take it upon myself to learn all there is to know about the games held in the huge arena where large men play with their balls before a cheering crowd.

She told me not to say that to others. I questioned her about that. Why should I not talk about sport? It is the only thing men are allowed to speak freely about. She said it was how I used the expression, “their balls.” I did not understand.  Then Gillian told me not to be a fool. I called her a bitch. She locked me out of the bedroom. It was not a good night.

I will make a resolution to ignore her next time she asks me to do resolutions and talk about the confusing sports of idiots with balls.

~ Vlad

__________

Dear Diary,

Balls. Now I know what BALLS is. Why did not a soul tell me about balls? Back when I was Vampire King heads and balls would roll. Now I look back and realize I sounded like a young boy laughing at his first vulgar jest.

~ Vlad

___________

Dear Diary,

Balls! How did I not know?

~ Vlad

___________

Dear Diary,

I brought Gillian a case of Romance Writers’s Blood, and a diamond bracelet. She is now happy with me again.

Tonight we went out in the city streets to see fireworks and other lights in the old part of town.

As Gillian and I walked through the crowds I could see heads turning, and eyes upon me. They smile and whisper to each other. “Oh my God,” they say, “he is so cute.” I do not understand what this cute means, but I do know it is important.

One New Year’s Eve when I a young Vampire of eighteen years my Auntie Dorgania said, “Vlad it is too bad you do not have the dangerous hooked nose, the pointed chin, and dark large eyebrows of your grandfather, and your uncles. He made those who saw him in his magnificent robes recoil with fear, but also bow with respect. Vlad, you are hardly a figure to be noticed. You are like your father. You are more like a woman. Do you have anything under your tunic or just a smooth spot like a fork in young tree branches? You will be nothing. That is too bad. You have so many other talents. Maybe I should sew you a dress. You should grow your blonde locks and braid them with pretty red ribbons. I will find you a husband who will beat you into submission.” The she laughed and licked her lips like a dog. We were not alone. Everyone at the party in the great room of the castle laughed with her.

I went home and looked into a mirror. It was nothing but fog and I had a hard time finding my reflection. I caught my eyes and my image became clear. I did not look like a woman. Yet, the cruel words of Auntie Dorgania still stung. Later that year I sent a pack of wolves after her horse and she was never seen again.

My father kept saying, “I wonder what happened to Dorgania?” I said nothing. I kept her skull for many years then gave it to a monk who made it into a goblet and gave it to a nun he was in love with. Nobody can accuse me of not believing in true love.

Tonight I walked proud, as I had when I finally became King of the Vampires. I was no longer the ruler of anything but I was coldly confident and content.

For Vampires the eve of a new year is the time for secrets. I asked Gillian how she became a Vampire. I have known her for four hundred years but never had heard her story. She smiled and kissed me under the first explosion of fireworks. I forgot about her secrets.

Gillian and I dined in the dark basements of the old city on merry makers. They slept well, and we celebrated. Then we made resolutions. Only two.

  1. We will learn games with big and small balls.
  2. We will drink no bad blood.

Then we wished all we saw, and all who saw us, a Happy New Year, as much as two Vampires in love can wish anyone anything, which isn’t much. That is our nature after all.

~ Vlad

 

 

Vampire Diary: Resolutions

Dear Diary,

The diamond earrings went over well today. My Gillian is a happy Vampire. If Gillian is happy then I am happy. A Merry Christmas to me.

~ Vlad

 

_____________

 

Dear Diary,

What is all of this end of the year commotion? It is as if humanity wishes to forget the mistakes of the previous year and try to wash themselves clean. What strange rituals they will perform on midnight January 1st I do not know. Six hundred years ago I would have been able to tell you but now… now anything is possible.

~ Vlad

 

_____________

 

Dear Diary,

Tonight I walked along the streets past bars and clubs watching the people who stood in the doorways and sidewalks. Women and men smiled at me. I smiled back. The thrill of the hunt is almost as good as that first taste of blood on my tongue. Unlike the cat who uses her claws, I seduce my prey like a lover.

A young woman with a round face and long eyelashes asked me in a pretty voice what my New Year’s Resolutions were going to be?

Resolutions? This must be like a vow knights would take to keep their honor for the year. Honor. There is little of that among Vampires or most men for that matter.

There is nothing I could change or imagine doing better. It is the world that needs to become better.

She said she lived near by and invited me to walk her home. I could see in her eyes that she was nervous and excited. She told me her name was Samantha, not Sam. She told me that she thought I was cute. Of course she did. They always say I am cute. I just smiled and did not ask her what she meant by cute.

The apartment was upstairs in a home that had once been a grand mansion, now divided into four separate living quarters.

It was odd, the juxtaposed sadness from Samantha and the cheery apartment decorated with flowers and the colors of sunshine and blue skies.

She poured wine then asked, “Why would a guy who looks like you come home with a girl who looks like me?”

“You’re cute.” She reminded me of her cat with her bright eyes and round face. Cats are cute. Her hair was glossy and moved with her. “Where I come from no woman has hair as beautiful as yours. No woman lives alone in a place as lovely as this. Do you think you’re not worthy of the company of a man like me?”

A tear came down her cheek. “Maybe you should go.”

Suddenly something inside of me became colder than usual. “Sit down Samantha. Let us talk.”

So she talked of her hopes and dreams. She spoke of a man who had left her for another girl. She spoke of a man who ignored her. She spoke of being alone.

I looked into her big blue eyes and put her into a trance. Her neck was warm and her blood was hot. When I was done I let her sleep. But I did not go. I stayed. I do not know why.

An hour later she opened her eyes and looked at me, surprised I was still there.

“Did we?” She asked me.

“Did we what?” I asked back.

“Never mind. You’re still dressed. I’m still dressed.”

It was then I realized what she had asked. She spoke first. “Why are you still here Vlad?”

“I have nothing else to do tonight,” I told her. It was true.

She smiled and the sadness came over her again. I could feel it like a great greedy troll looming in the room. Then she went to the bathroom.

While she was gone I looked on her desk and saw a paper where she had written her “resolutions.”

I will feel beautiful.

I will feel loved.

I will run every morning.

I will

Then I heard the click of the door lock. Then the sound of a body falling.

I stared at the nob of the door and made it unlock. As I stepped forward pills crunched underneath my feet. Inside the small room I found Samantha barely breathing, almost at Death’s door. I could feel the icy chill of a phantom waiting outside to take her soul. Given any other night I would have left her to die, but tonight I had to stay.  No deathly phantom would take her if I could help it. My actions were not out of love. It was something else. I do not know what. Maybe it was the Vampire King in me wanting to protect my people. It was justice for a girl who had been wronged. I wanted to rip the throats out of the men who had hurt her.

I had two choices. I could bring her back with my blood or I could call 911. Giving her MY blood was not an option. Not tonight. Not with Samantha. I had never called 911 before, but that was what I had been told to do if humans were near death.

At the hospital I waited on uncomfortable chairs in a room full of quiet people.

Gillian came and sat with me until a woman who said she was a doctor said Samantha wanted to talk to me.

Samantha lay in a bed with needles and tubes in her arm. It was as if a mad lunatic was experimenting on her.

“You saved my life,” she said.

“Of course I did. I ripped the beating heart out of a man after almost draining his body of blood after he had raped a child. I am not without feeling,” I told her.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I realized I had said the wrong thing. “You are worth saving. You are worth being alive Samantha. You are loved by many. You are talented beyond compare. Listen to me. Make your resolution to love yourself. Make your resolution to thrive. That will be your best revenge against those imbeciles who scorned you. You are beautiful. Believe me. Samantha, you are beautiful.”

I kissed her on her forehead and she tried to smile and touched my face with her tube infused hand.

I left Samantha with her best friend and her parents. Gillian and I went home.

~ Vlad

______________

 

Dear Diary,

I do not know what is wrong with me.

I used to be so delightfully cold and uncaring.

I do not know who I am anymore.

~ Vlad

 

_______________

Dear Diary,

I am not writing any resolutions. Neither are my cats. We shall all remain cute. LOL. That is supposed to mean I wrote something humorous. I know what WTF means. WTF. WTF. WTF.

I suppose I will try to make sense of this modern world. Maybe not.

~ Vlad

 

 

Avoid Bad Blood (and other New Year’s Resolutions)

New Year Resolutions for Vampires

  • Avoid bad blood of all forms
  • Drink more fresh blood
  • Seek out organic blood when you can
  • Embrace your inner shadow
  • Bring your thoughts into the future
  • Embrace the 21st Century
  • Get enough sleep
  • Try making friends outside of your normal circle (like a Werewolf or a Ghost)
  • Help Vampires in Need – those who are clueless or new at this.

 

New Year Resolutions for Werewolves

  • You’re not a dog. Don’t sniff butt. Don’t see yourself short.
  • Run proudly even when the moon isn’t full.
  • Keep that fur conditioned.
  • Go ahead and let that pretty girl scratch your belly.

 

New Year Resolutions for Silly Vampire Wannabees

  • Don’t.
  • Don’t even think about it.
  • Don’t go there.

New Year Resolutions for Zombies

  • Don’t lose your head
  • Try not to shuffle your feet so much
  • Remember not to mumble
  • For an vegetarian option try roasted cauliflower drizzled with a little balsamic vinegar instead of brains

New Year Resolutions for Regular Humans

  • Do not under any circumstances fall in love with a Vampire
  • Stay healthy and active
  • Eat your vegetables every single day
  • If you are going to get a pet adopt a shelter or rescue animal.

 

New Year Resolutions for Parents (of all kinds)

  • Talk with your kids.
  • LISTEN to your kids.
  • Have dinner with your children.
  • Tell your children that you love them every single day.
  • Stand up for your kids.
  • Be aware of what they’re doing.
  • Don’t just lecture – discuss issues. They will be open for discussion. They hate being lectured.
  • Spend quality time with your kids – just hanging out together.
  • Tell them that they are doing good. They need to hear that.

 

Wishing all of you a happy 2015! May it be a bright, creative and peaceful year for all.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Good things between the cracks…

It was a year when

Resolutions were forgotten

And other things

Happened.

 

A lot of good things happened in between the cracks. There were those times with friends both old and new. There were good books. There were teenagers. There was a sense of community. There was creativity and thought… and there was love.

And in the middle of this odd houred musings the cats are suddenly alert to what sounds like a mountain lion purring but it is I think it is snoring. The calico cat snores. I can’t imagine who it could be. It sounds like loud snoring from a man. It can’t be that. But now the dog is growling at the sliding glass door that goes out to where the wild animals are before the sun comes up. I guess that goes to show that things are not always what they seem.

I refused to let the dog out to rumble with wild life and the calico cat has started to snore… again, as she always does.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

VM_ foggy moon

 

Resolutions and whatever those things are called…oh right, predictions

Rather than resolutions for a new year, I used to write down predictions for the coming year and seal them in an envelope.

It could be anything from world news events to a romance involving a friend. Crazy, total fantasy or something very predictable – it didn’t matter. There were no limits to what could be written. It was usually my brother Val and me who did this. We once brought in a friend who tried to make it into something mystical and way too serious.

It wasn’t mystical at all. It was like a Ouija board where you know somebody is pushing but everyone giggles with shock over the messages from the spirit world.

No, it was just us putting down stuff on paper and sealing it up for a year.

The funny thing was that, no matter how outlandish or silly, 90% of all of the predictions came true. Huh.

OK that is that story. No dramatic music building up behind me and a dramatic twist. Maybe we were just good at observation. Maybe we were just lucky.

But what about resolutions? You know, those things we say we’re going to do to improve our lives and the lives of others. I dare not admit to the long list of things I plan on doing each year but end up not doing. It is easier to give up something for Lent (but I’m not Catholic so I don’t give up anything for Lent either, but the idea behind it is good if done with the heart and not out of a sense of mindless duty.)

But predictions…

Ahhhh. That could be fun. But please no mumbo jumbo or fortune-telling. No spirits. No grand illusions. No wishing for the impossible. No wishing at all – just predicting.

Just gut reactions off the top of your head. Add in a few funny ones. Add in a few wishful ones. Add some silly in there too. Then seal it up and forget it for a year.

  1. I predict that someone I know will become a famous writer. I predict more than one will make their mark in that circle.
  2. I predict that it will rain in March… for a week… or two.
  3. I predict that another dog will come into my life.
  4. I predict that I’ll attend an unexpected wedding.
  5. I predict that my children will do well.
  6. I predict that something extraordinary will happen in Congress.
  7. I predict that it will be a good year.
  8. I predict that an old rocker will make a real comeback with someone fairly new.
  9. I predict a week at the beach.
  10. I predict art – a lot of art.
  11. I predict finding treasure of some sort.
  12. I predict that someone close to me will do something very stupid but funny at the same time.
  13. I predict that the space program (NASA) will come back in full force.
  14. I predict that there will be a Volcano go off in North America – south of Alaska.
  15. I predict that I will see a bear (but I hope not too close.)
  16. I predict beautiful dresses and shoes to match.
  17. I predict my brother Max will finally get “it” right.
  18. I predict all Vampires I know will get exactly what they deserve.
  19. I predict that someone dear to me will find true love.
  20. I predict that my nails will always look good in 2014.
  21. I predict that there will be an amazing discovery in Louisiana.
  22. I predict that a planet with life will be found.
  23. I predict that Juliette aka Vampire Maman and Modern Vampires will become part of the popular vernacular.
  24. I predict that everyone will read my blog.
  25. I predict that my readers will retain their sense of humor, sense of wonder and any good sense they have.

Those were pretty random, but that is how it is supposed to be. That is what makes it so much fun.

I didn’t seal this in an envelope or keep it private… but this is just to give you an idea. Try it. Have fun. Happy New Year.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Be it the click of the metal keys or the click of a computer keyboard...I will write.

Be it the click of the metal keys or the click of a computer keyboard…I will write.