Challenges of Vampire Parenting

Parenting is never easy but with vampires we have our own set of challenges.

We don’t let our kids walk around with snot crusted on their little noses. We don’t let them whine or act like brats or pull one over on us. We can’t afford to do that. We don’t have that selfish luxury or immature lame excuses. Keeping quiet and keeping smart is the key to our survival.

  • At an early age our children learn that tantrums are unacceptable.
  • Selfishness is unacceptable.
  • Self-centered behavior that is not in survival mode is unacceptable.
  • Rudeness is unacceptable.
  • Self control is gold.
  • We teach our children that NO they cannot be the master of who their friends are. We MUST ALWAYS know who their friends are. If we do not approve of those friends or their parents then it is OVER.
  • That might sound harsh to some regular humans but in order to protect our children it is a MUST.
  • What we do is encourage creativity, humor, independence, loyalty, acceptance, bravery, maturity,
  • As a hunter you can’t be selfish or your prey will die.
  • If you are immature you will starve or be eaten.
  • If you throw fits or expect special treatment you will be found out and burned.

Nobody ever said being a vampire was easy…actually, if you’re good, fair, loyal and smart it is easy.

 

Summer Camp for your Vampire Kid – Have fun (but PLEASE remember self control)

I posted this back in April – but in light of my 13 year old going off to camp next week I thought I’d post it again.

Summer Camp for the Vampire Kid

Self-control is the bane of the vampire adolescent.

We all remember that sense of wonder when our paranormal kicked in and we discovered could woo small animals into our hands. To hold a thrush so close and feel it’s warmth and the beat of its heart against our cheeks. Hard beaks and soft feathers as it sits ever so still and calm for our pleasure.

Unfortunately when you send your middle school kid off to summer camp you have to warn her that it will be tempting but no matter how good it seems – it is not the time for your first kill or any kill for that matter. It isn’t even time for a taste.

Good manners are essential to becoming a successful vampire. 

Tell your kid “If your teeth get itchy grab an apple or an orange.”  Just don’t grab and animal or worse the wrist of one of your cabin mates.  At camp food isn’t always available  – Vamp-Toys makes a great taste free rubber like ball that kids can scratch their new teeth on.

Of course your kid will look at you, like mine did and say something like “Mom, yuck. I’m not into that sort of stuff yet. I’m not ready.”  Sort of like talking about sex with your kids only worse.

Four Important things to pack:

  • Teething gel – the kind used for babies. It works for our older kids. They can squeeze it into a small container so it won’t embarrass them if other campers see inside of their bags.
  • Iron tablets – to make sure they get the energy they need and aren’t tempted to grab a squirrel.
  • SUN SCREEN: Don’t forget. The higher the spf the better. Sunburns are already bad with us, but with the child going through changes it is HELL.  Include a protective hat too.
  • Guidebook on native plants: If you haven’t already, teach your child what native plants are edible. Many are rich in iron, C and calcium (you’d be surprised).

Outdoor camps that feature night hikes are perfect for the vampire child. Night vision makes it fun to share secrets with other kids, without giving up the ultimate secret (“guess what I’m a vampire”).

But any camp is good. Let your little birdies fly. Sooner or later they will have go out in the real world and hang with humans (opposed to bats LOL). Summer camp is a great way to experience that.

Summer camp at the beach

The Dark Ones – Warning Your Vampire Teens of the Dangers

Dear friends,

I was going to take the weekend off from blogging and writing anything else, but when I was working in my garden I had unwanted visitors. Visitors that made me think of the safety of our teens.

This morning the air was sweet with the smell of orange and lemon blossoms. The kids were at sleepovers and Teddy was still asleep. I was up before dawn digging my summer garden.  The dog and younger of the two cats were busy digging and otherwise supervising.  As I pulled the winter weeds I noticed an inordinate amount of large and obnoxious plants coming up around last season’s tomato cages. Strange and unwanted visitors. It made me think of the unwanted visitors our kids will run into, like those weeds will strangle the life out of our flowers and vegetables if we don’t get to them early.

Our mortal cousins have to deal with talking to their kids about drugs and alcohol. In the vampire community we have to deal with the dark seedy underbelly of our own culture. The Dark Ones.

We have a lot of sub cultures in our society and different life styles, but they are the total dirt bags, they are like the seediest and vilest of human drug dealers, scum bags, and immoral trash.

The Dark Ones are the vampires who give us a bad name. They live in an unclean disgusting world of blood orgies and badly played out conversions. They have no respect for themselves or their humans. They refer to humans as “prey” and not merely donors. Ruining lives and causing their “prey” to die or go insane isn’t a concern of theirs. They stalk the world at night, only concerned with feeding and what they consider parties with no responsibility.  They have forfeited their souls for a few hours of pleasure that they will never be able to repeat, but must always try to find to fulfill their vile urges and desires.

Most of them end up dying of disease or in vampire comas or being taken out by, well, you know who I’m talking about. It never ends up well.

But for some reason, beyond my understanding, some vampire parents are uncomfortable talking to their kids about the Dark Ones. Just like human parents are uncomfortable talking to their kids about drugs and hanging out with “bad kids”.

The Dark Ones are a parent’s worse nightmare. They seduce our kids into thinking that they are friends. They turn children against their parents. They promise a life of excitement which only ends up in ruin, where they first lose their looks, their friends, their family, and then their minds.

Talk to your kids. I know it can be difficult. But DO IT.

I’ll be writing more on this later (I have to go pick up my kids now).

Hugs! May your garden be weed less and your children safe. Have a great weekend everyone.

~ Juliette

Relating to your vampire teen: When I was your age…

“When I was your age…” you tell your vampire teen, knowing they’ll listen to your every world. Excuse me while I fall off of my chair laughing. If things were only that easy.  Most of us were the age of our children long before they were born; I’m talking 50-100 years or more.

The culture of my teen years is not the culture of my children.  I was 12 in 1871. People were still talking about the Civil War. My husband was 12 during the Civil War.  Even more distant is my BFF Elizabeth who was 12 in 1632. Samuel Pepys was watching Punch and Judy.

Modern teens still marvel at the idea that many of their parents had no computers in the home when they were teens and no Internet. When most vampire parents were teens there was no electricity, much less phones, recorded sound or shopping malls. How did our mother’s make it through the adolescent years without Target and Aeropostal? No really, I’m serious.

A few helpful hints for relating with and being actually helpful to your vampire teen:

  • Keep up with popular culture – this one of the top survival tools for any vampire, especially vampire parents.
  • Don’t be old fashioned. The phrase “When I was your age” will sink like a rock in water to your kids. Feel free to tell them stories of your youth – they will love and respect and understand you all the more for it. But don’t compare. We grew up in a different universe than they did.
  • Retro is cool for parties, decorating and clothing but not a cool parenting style – especially not for vampire teens. Retro is the kiss of death in the modern world for our kids especially.
  • Modernize your mouth. Don’t used old fashioned terms when talking to your teen. Do not refer to your son and his popular friends as “Swells”. And whatever you do, don’t call them “Sheiks”.
  • Never act like things were better when you were young. It wasn’t better – it was just different. No, actually it was worse. A lot worse. Deal with your own insecurities – don’t pass it on to your teen.
  • Practice empathy by helping your child understand that it’s normal to be a bit concerned or self-conscious, and that it’s OK to feel grown-up one minute and like a kid the next.
  • You couldn’t wait for your first corset and bustle. Your daughter can’t wait to wear make-up and strapless sundresses. Guide your teens into good taste but let them be individuals (and be grateful bustles and corsets are not everyday wear anymore).
  • Read what they read. Keep up with the new world of YA literature. They aren’t reading Dickens unless they’re forced to. Today’s young adult literature is full of ridiculous vampires (always a real treat for us), violence, post apocalyptic worlds, draconian societies, Goths, fractured families, paranormal everything, and more sex and romance than we could have imagined when we were teens.
  • Let your child know that some things are best kept within the vampire community.In English Lit your teen should know he can’t say, “My dad was friends with Oscar Wilde.”

~ Juliette

Summer Camp Prep for the Vampire Adolescent

Self-control is the bane of the vampire adolescent.

We all remember that sense of wonder when our paranormal kicked in and we discovered could woo small animals into our hands. To hold a thrush so close and feel it’s warmth and the beat of its heart against our cheeks. Hard beaks and soft feathers as it sits ever so still and calm for our pleasure.

Unfortunately when you send your middle school kid off to summer camp you have to warn her that it will be tempting but no matter how good it seems – it is not the time for your first kill or any kill for that matter. It isn’t even time for a taste.

Good manners are essential to becoming a successful vampire. 

Tell your kid “If your teeth get itchy grab an apple or an orange.”  Just don’t grab and animal or worse the wrist of one of your cabin mates.  At camp food isn’t always available  – Vamp-Toys makes a great taste free rubber like ball that kids can scratch their new teeth on.

Of course your kid will look at you, like mine did and say something like “Mom, yuck. I’m not into that sort of stuff yet. I’m not ready.”  Sort of like talking about sex with your kids only worse.

Four Important things to pack:

  • Teething gel – the kind used for babies. It works for our older kids. They can squeeze it into a small container so it won’t embarrass them if other campers see inside of their bags.
  • Iron tablets – to make sure they get the energy they need and aren’t tempted to grab a squirrel.
  • SUN SCREEN: Don’t forget. The higher the spf the better. Sunburns are already bad with us, but with the child going through changes it is HELL.  Include a protective hat too.
  • Guidebook on native plants: If you haven’t already, teach your child what native plants are edible. Many are rich in iron, C and calcium (you’d be surprised).

Outdoor camps that feature night hikes are perfect for the vampire child. Night vision makes it fun to share secrets with other kids, without giving up the ultimate secret (“guess what I’m a vampire”).

But any camp is good. Let your little birdies fly. Sooner or later they will have go out in the real world and hang with humans (opposed to bats LOL). Summer camp is a great way to experience that.

Summer camp at the beach