Slut (and a few additional thoughts)

A story from my friend Bart. He’ll tell you all about it (you might have heard this before but it is a story well worth repeating – I’m sure a lot of you can relate.) At the end I will have a few more thoughts of my own.

Slut

A lot of us have kids in college, or starting college in the next year or two. One of the big things everyone is talking about is sexual assault on campus or in college towns. I’ve talked about it with my two kids who are in college. Everyone has, at least everyone who is a decent parent.

So I get this call from Hodge Williams. Yes, that Hodge Williams. Everyone remembers him.

“Bart, how are you?” As soon as he spoke I wondered what he wanted.

“Hodge. Fine. Great. Life is good. What’s up?”

“I’m writing a story on the history of sexual harassment and violence at universities in the US. I tried to contact your sister but she wouldn’t return my calls.”

“Beth?”

“Yes, Beth. She kind of got around so I was thinking she might have experienced first hand, you know, she was at risk.”

“What do you mean by at risk?”

“Oh come on, your sister was a slut. Everyone knew it.”

I sat there with the phone a bit stunned. He just called my sister a slut.

“Hodge, you’re an asshole. In fact you’ve always been an asshole.” I hung up the phone. What an asshole.

After sitting for a few minutes and collecting my thoughts I called my sister and told her about the conversation.

“What an asshole,” she said. “Sure I was sleeping with his best friend without the benefit of being his best friend’s official girlfriend. OK I also slept with another one of his friends but we were in college. We were young.”

“Did you ever sleep with Hodge?”

“No. Hell no. He was always making passes at me and grabbing me. Hodges had that Madonna/Whore things going on in his head. A girl was either a virgin until marriage or a whore. Plus we’re not like him, you know the religion thing, so he just assumed I was a whore.”

“But you didn’t have sex with him.”

“I know. That makes me a whore. He called any girl who wouldn’t have sex with him a whore.”

“What an asshole.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. I mean, if the guy had asked me to go see a movie or go for a walk or just spent time talking that would have been different but he was just all over me like…yuck. He really called you? I can’t believe he’d have the gall to do that. Asshole.”

After we got off the phone with the promise of a lunch date later in the week I got to thinking about my own kids.

I’d spoken with both my daughter and son about sexual predators. I’ve done the best to teach them not to be bully bait. I’ve taught them to stand up for themselves and for others.

From experience I knew that bullies never grow up and most don’t change.

Hodge never got the answer he wanted. Over the years Beth had a few close calls with sexual predators but she always ended up safe either by being with friends or using physical force to get out of it (exactly twice as she told me.) That didn’t include unwanted advances by guys like Hodge. And even though Hodge didn’t use force it still hurt emotionally that he’d think so little of her or of any girl.

I wanted to pound the crap out of him. Then I thought about how many other women out there who thought the guy was an asshole. That made me smile. Spread the word ladies, spread the word.

That evening after work I talked to my wife about it. She shook her head and said she’d had similar experiences. More anger surged through my brain, then sadness deep in my soul.

We all judge others. We all make assumptions. We all call names even if it isn’t out loud. We all talk behind the backs of others. Maybe we need to stop. It isn’t easy. It isn’t even practical.

Anyway, if you see Hodge Williams call him and an asshole, and tell him that Beth and Bart don’t say hello.

~ end

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Since the day I became a mom I’ve thought of telling my kids about sexual predators. I’ve told them that more often than not sexual predators are people they know. It will be their word against yours. More often than not they already know how to hack the physical, emotional, legal, and social systems so that you won’t win. But always fight back. Never believe their lies. Tell your parents or someone else you trust.

Parents: LISTEN to your kids. Talk to them. Don’t judge. Don’t yell. Listen. Help. BELIEVE THEM. Kids and teens don’t lie about these things.

College Kids: RED CUPS. Don’t drink out of a drink anyone else gave you. That sweet punch in the big red cups will SLAM you hard. There will be a blog post about it and a quiz in a day or two.

In light of everything going on in the news this week I have a story. A friend posted something on FaceBook about men and boys behaving badly. She claimed if women flashed their boobs at Mardi Gras and other drunken events like concerts etc., then why did we all have a problem with men flashing their dicks.  I thought I’d quote my 19 year old daughter:

“When a woman flashes her boobs she is being silly and using bad judgement. It is insanely tacky and rude but not threatening anyone. When a man exposes his penis to someone it is a power and control thing. He is doing it as a threat. He is doing it with the purpose to make someone else intentionally uncomfortable. You can’t compare the two.”

That is all for today. Be safe. Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Believe them.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Why is behavior that is illegal in the workplace accepted as normal in our High School? OR POLITICS?

In 2015 I wrote a post about the racist and sexist behavior at school. As parents I hope all of us are raising our sons and daughters that both racist and sexist behavior is not acceptable.

In light of current events in the news I have to bring this up again.

Behavior that is unacceptable in school, the workplace, or our homes should not be acceptable from our politicians or those running for office.

This article isn’t about politics so I WILL remove comments if I have to. It is about society and what kind of people we want to represent us.

We’ve all known that guy who talks sexist talk 24/7. Nobody like to be around him. Nobody thinks it is funny. 99.9% of the time he is a bully. There is something wrong with him. But because he is a bully people let him get away with it. It is sick. It is wrong. It is disgusting. It shows lack of character. It shows someone who is seriously broken.

In the Paranormal world this kind of shit would end with a blood bath – the bully would be gone. Women and the men who love them would be celebrating. Unfortunately not all of my readers live in a paranormal world.

So read my old article. I have to note that as the kids at my daughter’s school mature that most of the sexist and racist behavior goes away. It is sad to think that some people never grow up.

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Below is the original article from 2015.

Dear High School Vice Principal: Why is behavior that is illegal in the workplace accepted as normal in our High School?

JANUARY 10, 2015 BY JULIETTE KINGS

Dear VP,

This is a partial post of what I’m going to be sending to you next week. I’m just using my blog to hash out the ideas.

On Friday I picked my daughter up from school but before she found my car I received a text that said, “I’m going to choke someone.”

Since the first day of High School my daughter and her friends have been complaining about the behavior of other kids in the school.

These are smart, normal, nice kids. They don’t fit into any categories. They’re just teens. In their core group the kids are White (6), Black (1), Mixed Race (2) and Asian (1). There are 4 boys and 6 girls in the group. Eight are straight, two are gay. They don’t care what anyone looks like or their ethnic background or who they will one day fall in love with.

They tell me tell me that the kids in the school are above all things sexist and disgusting. They tell me that kids are racists. They tell me that they will attack anyone who is different.

African American kids are subjected to comments like:

Why are you acting so white?
Why don’t you have black friends?
You don’t talk black?
One girl mentioned to my daughter that should wished she was in a different school where she could be wouldn’t be treated like she is different. She thought her school would be different but she was wrong.

Then the SAME white boys who criticize the black kids spend all of their time talking “ghetto talk.” And it is bad. Every other word is the N word, the C word, or the F word. You know what those words are.

My daughter called one of the boys out on in during PE on Friday. She asked him why he was talking like that. She told him he sounded like a 5th grader trying to be tough. She shut him down for a bit, but he’ll be back doing the same stupid stuff on Monday.

In every context and situation groups of boys constantly use the N word, the C word and the F word. This is both in and out of class. This disgusts my daughter.

My daughter is also shocked at all of the kids who hassle the Mormon teachers and students with rude and ignorant remarks. I found this surprising considering the large Mormon population at the school. Fair Oaks and Orangevale have HUGE Mormon populations so this baffles me. My family is not religious at all but I would never consider it acceptable for my child to hassle someone because of their faith.

On the other hand my daughter also told me that kids from one of the “religious clubs” tore down posters the Horror Club put up. Excuse me? That is also WRONG in every way. It is pure ignorance. Rather than finding out what the Horror Club is about the bigots from the religious club assumed they were worshiping the Devil. Excuse me but most horror novels, including this of Stephen King have a very strong good and evil focus. Good usually wins out in some sort or the other.

The real horror at the school is the bigotry, the sexist attitudes and the intolerance.

If a student, especially a male student, looks remotely Middle Eastern other kids will call him a terrorist. It doesn’t matter that he is Jewish and 4th generation American. He is still called a terrorist. Even when the Jewish kid defends himself, tries to ignore the other kids and tells them to stop it – they idiots still scream terrorist. Did you know about this?

The sexist attitudes at our high school are famous all over the school district. Kids from all school say it is the worst at our school. From the first day at school to the day they graduate girls are subjected to sexual comments. I’m not talking about a “hey baby.” These are explicit comments and suggestions. By the time a girl graduates she has received more penis selfies than she can count. And it never stops. It is all boys talk about.

Girls are constantly subjected to guys openly talking about sex, how many girls they have sex with, blow jobs, requests for blog jobs, requests for anal sex, requests to see tits, and all things related to those things. These boys don’t care who hears them.

The sad thing is the fact that a lot of kids think this is not only normal but acceptable.

My daughter complains how disgusting it is. She wonders why the worst offenders are always put in class together (her classes.) She wonders why they are so disgusting and stupid and why people put up with it.

My child isn’t some shocked little innocent. She knows there is a big wide world out there. But for heaven’s sake, what happened to manners?

I grew up seeing bigots who spewed hate with no thought about what they were doing.  I made a choice not to raise my child around such attitudes so you can imagine how shocked and disgusted and disappointed I am to hear about this. It happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. I’m not talking a bout isolated incidents but something that happens every single period of every single day plus in the hallways. It never stops.

Boys who hang out with girls or dress nice are called fags. Wait…if a boy hangs out with pretty girls that used to be considered pretty lucky.

From day one there have been complaints about sexist boys.

So, I have one question for you Mr. VP…

Why is behavior that is illegal in the workplace accepted as normal in High School?

Let me ask again. Why is behavior that is illegal in the workplace accepted as normal in the High School?

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman