Slut (and a few additional thoughts)

A story from my friend Bart. He’ll tell you all about it (you might have heard this before but it is a story well worth repeating – I’m sure a lot of you can relate.) At the end I will have a few more thoughts of my own.

Slut

A lot of us have kids in college, or starting college in the next year or two. One of the big things everyone is talking about is sexual assault on campus or in college towns. I’ve talked about it with my two kids who are in college. Everyone has, at least everyone who is a decent parent.

So I get this call from Hodge Williams. Yes, that Hodge Williams. Everyone remembers him.

“Bart, how are you?” As soon as he spoke I wondered what he wanted.

“Hodge. Fine. Great. Life is good. What’s up?”

“I’m writing a story on the history of sexual harassment and violence at universities in the US. I tried to contact your sister but she wouldn’t return my calls.”

“Beth?”

“Yes, Beth. She kind of got around so I was thinking she might have experienced first hand, you know, she was at risk.”

“What do you mean by at risk?”

“Oh come on, your sister was a slut. Everyone knew it.”

I sat there with the phone a bit stunned. He just called my sister a slut.

“Hodge, you’re an asshole. In fact you’ve always been an asshole.” I hung up the phone. What an asshole.

After sitting for a few minutes and collecting my thoughts I called my sister and told her about the conversation.

“What an asshole,” she said. “Sure I was sleeping with his best friend without the benefit of being his best friend’s official girlfriend. OK I also slept with another one of his friends but we were in college. We were young.”

“Did you ever sleep with Hodge?”

“No. Hell no. He was always making passes at me and grabbing me. Hodges had that Madonna/Whore things going on in his head. A girl was either a virgin until marriage or a whore. Plus we’re not like him, you know the religion thing, so he just assumed I was a whore.”

“But you didn’t have sex with him.”

“I know. That makes me a whore. He called any girl who wouldn’t have sex with him a whore.”

“What an asshole.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. I mean, if the guy had asked me to go see a movie or go for a walk or just spent time talking that would have been different but he was just all over me like…yuck. He really called you? I can’t believe he’d have the gall to do that. Asshole.”

After we got off the phone with the promise of a lunch date later in the week I got to thinking about my own kids.

I’d spoken with both my daughter and son about sexual predators. I’ve done the best to teach them not to be bully bait. I’ve taught them to stand up for themselves and for others.

From experience I knew that bullies never grow up and most don’t change.

Hodge never got the answer he wanted. Over the years Beth had a few close calls with sexual predators but she always ended up safe either by being with friends or using physical force to get out of it (exactly twice as she told me.) That didn’t include unwanted advances by guys like Hodge. And even though Hodge didn’t use force it still hurt emotionally that he’d think so little of her or of any girl.

I wanted to pound the crap out of him. Then I thought about how many other women out there who thought the guy was an asshole. That made me smile. Spread the word ladies, spread the word.

That evening after work I talked to my wife about it. She shook her head and said she’d had similar experiences. More anger surged through my brain, then sadness deep in my soul.

We all judge others. We all make assumptions. We all call names even if it isn’t out loud. We all talk behind the backs of others. Maybe we need to stop. It isn’t easy. It isn’t even practical.

Anyway, if you see Hodge Williams call him and an asshole, and tell him that Beth and Bart don’t say hello.

~ end

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Since the day I became a mom I’ve thought of telling my kids about sexual predators. I’ve told them that more often than not sexual predators are people they know. It will be their word against yours. More often than not they already know how to hack the physical, emotional, legal, and social systems so that you won’t win. But always fight back. Never believe their lies. Tell your parents or someone else you trust.

Parents: LISTEN to your kids. Talk to them. Don’t judge. Don’t yell. Listen. Help. BELIEVE THEM. Kids and teens don’t lie about these things.

College Kids: RED CUPS. Don’t drink out of a drink anyone else gave you. That sweet punch in the big red cups will SLAM you hard. There will be a blog post about it and a quiz in a day or two.

In light of everything going on in the news this week I have a story. A friend posted something on FaceBook about men and boys behaving badly. She claimed if women flashed their boobs at Mardi Gras and other drunken events like concerts etc., then why did we all have a problem with men flashing their dicks.  I thought I’d quote my 19 year old daughter:

“When a woman flashes her boobs she is being silly and using bad judgement. It is insanely tacky and rude but not threatening anyone. When a man exposes his penis to someone it is a power and control thing. He is doing it as a threat. He is doing it with the purpose to make someone else intentionally uncomfortable. You can’t compare the two.”

That is all for today. Be safe. Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Believe them.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Slut

A story from my friend Bart. He’ll tell you all about it (you might have heard this before but it is a story well worth repeating – I’m sure a lot of you can relate.)

Slut

A lot of us have kids in college, or starting college in the next year or two. One of the big things everyone is talking about is sexual assault on campus or in college towns. I’ve talked about it with my two kids who are in college. Everyone has, at least everyone who is a decent parent.

So I get this call from Hodge Williams. Yes, that Hodge Williams. Everyone remembers him.

“Bart, how are you?” As soon as he spoke I wondered what he wanted.

“Hodge. Fine. Great. Life is good. What’s up?”

“I’m writing a story on the history of sexual harassment and violence at universities in the US. I tried to contact your sister but she wouldn’t return my calls.”

“Beth?”

“Yes, Beth. She kind of got around so I was thinking she might have experienced first hand, you know, she was at risk.”

“What do you mean by at risk?”

“Oh come on, your sister was a slut. Everyone knew it.”

I sat there with the phone a bit stunned. He just called my sister a slut.

“Hodge, you’re an asshole. In fact you’ve always been an asshole.” I hung up the phone. What an asshole.

After sitting for a few minutes and collecting my thoughts I called my sister and told her about the conversation.

“What an asshole,” she said. “Sure I was sleeping with his best friend without the benefit of being his best friend’s official girlfriend. OK I also slept with another one of his friends but we were in college. We were young.”

“Did you ever sleep with Hodge?”

“No. Hell no. He was always making passes at me and grabbing me. Hodges had that Madonna/Whore things going on in his head. A girl was either a virgin until marriage or a whore. Plus we’re not like him, you know the religion thing, so he just assumed I was a whore.”

“But you didn’t have sex with him.”

“I know. That makes me a whore. He called any girl who wouldn’t have sex with him a whore.”

“What an asshole.”

“I know. Believe me, I know. I mean, if the guy had asked me to go see a movie or go for a walk or just spent time talking that would have been different but he was just all over me like…yuck. He really called you? I can’t believe he’d have the gall to do that. Asshole.”

After we got off the phone with the promise of a lunch date later in the week I got to thinking about my own kids.

I’d spoken with both my daughter and son about sexual predators. I’ve done the best to teach them not to be bully bait. I’ve taught them to stand up for themselves and for others.

From experience I knew that bullies never grow up and most don’t change.

Hodge never got the answer he wanted. Over the years Beth had a few close calls with sexual predators but she always ended up safe either by being with friends or using physical force to get out of it (exactly twice as she told me.) That didn’t include unwanted advances by guys like Hodge. And even though Hodge didn’t use force it still hurt emotionally that he’d think so little of her or of any girl.

I wanted to pound the crap out of him. Then I thought about how many other women out there who thought the guy was an asshole. That made me smile. Spread the word ladies, spread the word.

That evening after work I talked to my wife about it. She shook her head and said she’d had similar experiences. More anger surged through my brain, then sadness deep in my soul.

We all judge others. We all make assumptions. We all call names even if it isn’t out loud. We all talk behind the backs of others. Maybe we need to stop. It isn’t easy. It isn’t even practical.

Anyway, if you see Hodge Williams call him and an asshole, and tell him that Beth and Bart don’t say hello.

 

Women in history, religion and stupid ignorant people (let me rant a bit.)

Before you read the rest of this I want you to know that I adore men. I absolutely adore them… most of them. They’re lovely creatures. They’re fun. They have hair on their bodies. They’re men.

The following post is a hostile rant about hostile and ignorant people so if you want to leave right now I’m cool with that. More Vampire and parenting stuff will come your way tomorrow. Maybe even some cats. Maybe even romance, but not today.

I usually don’t write posts like this. In fact I never cover religion (aside from death) or political thoughts. But today I am, just because I feel like it. I can just see my number of followers dropping at a rate faster than mosquitos dropping from DDT in the 1950’s. Don’t do it – don’t stop following me. I promise I’ll be back to fun stuff tomorrow. Just indulge me a little.

Also, this is not a well researched paper or Master’s thesis. It is just me spouting out.

After writing the Pandora post a few days ago I was thinking about all of those “the girl did it” creation stories and myths out there.

Then I thought about the story of Adam and Eve. Oh please don’t even try to get all Sunday School on me. We all know these stories are not literal (anymore than most of my blog posts that teach lessons in life.)

There are serious flaws in this story. Adam and Eve were told NOT to touch the apple/fruit because it held knowledge. Knowledge is power. Keep the people ignorant, as in keep the knowledge to yourself, and you will have all the power.

So you put the apple out there. Then a snake comes and says “EAT IT.” Come on, snakes don’t have lips. They can’t talk. Blame it all on the snakes because they don’t have legs. Blame it on the creature who is different. OK it wasn’t really a snake, it was some creepy pissed off ex-angel asshole pretending to be a snake but still.

So Eve bites the apple and she gains knowledge. She suddenly realizes that she is naked. But wait – that isn’t a bad thing. That means shoes and accessories and great dresses in her future. It’s a beautiful thing. The human body is a beautiful thing.

Yes, just blame everything on the women. If that is the case then why the Hell are men so violent? Why do they fear and repress women in so many cultures? Why do they consider women property? Why are women considered less than human? Why do men go to war and kill each other and each other’s children?

I am not an atheist by any stretch, but most stories of the “first people” are full of stupid holes that can’t make any sense to anyone with half a brain. It is all about control. One half of the population wanted to control the other half. They made up these stories a long time ago. Modern men, real modern men are beyond this sort of silly and dangerous stuff.

There are so many examples cautionary tales of women being told what NOT to do then they turn around and do it. Well screw that. Maybe if they’d let women do what they needed to do and learn what they needed to do the world would be a nicer place. I’d open the box. I’d eat the apple. I’d drag those gold tablets out from under the bed, I’d crack the code, I’d look in the closet, I’d do all of that.

I’m not that impulsive. I’m generally a serious rule follower. Most rules are based in common sense. But there must be a reason behind the rule. Don’t hold out a tasty orange carrot if you don’t want something to come along and eat it, especially if the carrot makes them strong and healthy.

A great source of violence comes from the fear of knowledge, the fear of curiosity, the fear of change and the fear of women. It is also about the fear of sex and ignorance of sex. Notice how religious zealots of all religions – the crazy ones – are obsessed with sex. It is sick. They’re sick. All they think about is sex and women having sex and gay sex and all sex. And the first thing they do when they get a chance is to do something nasty in secret and in a way that will hurt someone. It is a story as old as Adam and Eve and their stupid snake friend. Those who rant against sex and call it evil are so unhealthy. In fact, they can’t even imagine healthy sex because their minds are so sick and twisted and evil and perverted.

And why do people follow these nut jobs? Because they instill a sense of fear and reward people for embracing ignorance. And they punish people for seeking knowledge. They reward people who are too weak and frightened to have their own thoughts – but then again isn’t it easier to have someone think for you.

There is no reason to assume the “man” is the head of the household or even in charge. Why should he be? Why should he get all the ulcers… but that is a different post. Why not just be people regardless of what you look like under your pants? Does it really matter if you sit or stand. Does it matter if you give birth to a child or not? No it doesn’t matter – so why are some people so intent on fucking up our world in order to keep King Ignorance in power?

I wish I knew so I could fix it. But I don’t think it will ever be fixed because Ignorance is so easy and seductive. 

I always tell my kids not to be followers. You don’t have to be a leader but NEVER be a follower.

So what does this have to do with Vampires? Nothing. Vampires never embrace ignorance. That is why we love them so. I’ll get back to the Vampires tomorrow.

That’s all.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Freedom to Breathe

Lavish balls,

Sweeping silk

Of dresses long

Corsets tight

In another time.

Your voice was loud

But nobody listened.

Your mind was brilliant

But it could not shine.

Now you stand

In a different ballroom

Under the oak trees and stars

In jeans and a sweater

Hair down your back

Freedom to breathe

And live

As you wish

With love

And respect

And thoughts

That are your own.

lola

For great-great-great gradmamam Lola on International Women’s Day.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Women are funny

My brother Valentine (Val) is one of the “go to” guys for romantic advice for the single Vampire guys in our area. One evening not long ago, while visiting the Ancient Vampires Tellias and Eleora I overheard his discussing women with our friend Matthew.

Matthew, a widower with a teenage son, used to be what we call a “Shadow Creeper,” That is an old fashioned brooding Vampire who lives in the shadows and stopped their clocks in the 19th century. The world is not kind to them and life brings little joy to them. With a small child to raise Matthew decided to join the world of Modern Vampires. It has been an adjustment needless to say.

Valentine: Women are funny.

Matthew: Funny? What do you mean by funny?

Valentine: They have a good sense of humor. They laugh out loud, The tell jokes and make bad puns. It is so cute.

Tellias: Don’t look for coy Matthew or you’ll spend the next 200 years alone.

Matthew looked slightly uncomfortable. “I’m not used to them being so open. There are no formal introductions or rules. It is as if they feel they run the world.

Valentine: They do rule the world.

Tellias: They’ve worked hard to rule the world. But let me tell you something Matthew. Women have worked hard for what they have. They’ve risked their lives and reputations. All the while they’ve taken care of us and of their children…and they take care of those who can’t care for themselves. So if they laugh a little or flirt with an attractive Vampire then let them. Enjoy their forwardness. Savor it.

Valentine: Matthew, aside from eye contact and good hygiene women want a sense of humor. They want a guy who laughs with them, not at them. They want someone who makes them smile. You don’t need to show your fangs.

Tellias: Don’t show your fangs. Never show your fangs.

Valentine: We can talk all night but what you need to do is get out there and just talk to women. Not as a romantic partner but just as friends. Get some practice. There isn’t any hurry.

I listened at the three male Vampires talked about relationships. It wasn’t anything earth shattering or unique. Just three friends, talking about women. Three men who just happen to be Vampires.

Tellias has been with his true love Eleora for 2,000 years. Val has been single but with a healthy appreciation of women. Needless to say he never has to spend a night alone. And with any luck, Matthew will find his way and his heart.

Click here for: Uncle Val’s Advice about Women (for Vampires and everyone else)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

red heart

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/daily-prompt-groupthink/