Half a dozen teens ate Tide Pods.

About half a million people tweeted about it.

Twenty million believed that half a million kids were eating Tide Pods.

Thirty Million posted memes on Facebook about kids eating Tide Pods.

Those same people are now criticizing kids for speaking out against school violence because they believe that all teens eat Tide Pods.

This is what is wrong.

Everyone WANTS to judge.

Nobody THINKS about these things.

Nobody asks the teens they actually know about this shit.

People are stupid.

I’m sick and tired of it.


THIS is why Vampires sleep during the day. It has NOTHING to do with sensitivity to light. It is because people are stupid and they rush to embrace ignorance.

How do we change this?

Listen to young people for a change. They are our future. Listen to old people. Sometimes they have good ideas and nobody listens to them anymore.

Or maybe just shut the fuck up for a change and THINK before you post. Listen before you post. Have an original idea.

Go back to bed. Clean out your garage. Take a deep breath. And realize that there are different ideas and opinions out there to every problem.

This is for ALL issues.

In June all of the kids I had watched grow up will now be voting.


I wish them the best. 

They are our future.

We’ve let them down.

Let’s hope they won’t let us down.


Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Don’t talk AT them. Talk with them. Engage them. Force the conversations. Spend time with them. Hug them. Love them.

Don’t parent by accident. Your children deserve more than that.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Never confuse a hot werewolf with a hotdog.

That title was just a cheap shot made-you-look ploy, but I am in a Werewolf kind of mood.

You want to know the difference between Werewolves and Vampires? Vampires change once. Werewolves change all the time. Neither are good at surviving that first change. Most don’t. It is what it is.

But you gotta feel sorry for Werewolves. When I was a kid they were considered the trailer trash of the underground world of people who were, well, changed. We’ll just call it changed. As in changed into something else.

Werewolves tended to be brash and tacky. They’d wear too much bling and bad color combinations – both in the 1980’s and the 1880’s. Then things sort of turned around in a certain segment of their population right after WW2. They started to get serious. They became scientists and thinkers. They were the geeks of the paranormal world. They still are. They’re always looking for a cure without the drastic silver bullet. And if not a cure, they want to just find out “why,” because of course many don’t want a cure.

Listen to a Werewolf talk about a run through the woods on a full moon night and you’ll know why not all are looking for a cure.

For those born into the world of shadows being a teen is like being in constant change. All teens are like Werewolves and Vampires, even those who aren’t technically either. I don’t mean that in a negative way. I just mean that they have a lot of challenges to face. Their world is changing. Expectations are changing. It is confusing. Their bodies are doing weird things. They have no idea when their bodies will stop doing weird things. They don’t know how big things will get or how tall. Their complexions are weird. Their emotions are totally confused and off the charts – even for the calmest and coolest of teens.

So if you have a teen in your house treat him/her like you would a Werewolf. Listen. Spend quiet time together. Give a shoulder rub. Stay calm even when they’re changing. If they start to growl, quietly and firmly try to calm them down and remember the full moon will soon be over. And love them. Play with them. Show some understanding. And they can be reasoned with. Really.

I stopped by my Werewolf friend Adam’s studio early this morning. He is an extraordinary photographer. Anyway we are working on a little project together but… we were doing what we do the most, which is just shoot the breeze.

Adam is one of those stereotypical hot Werewolf guys. Before I knew he was a Werewolf and before he knew I was a Vampire, he was one of my donors (he has a nice neck.) I always thought it was charming that is blood tasted like Bourbon. I never knew that about Werewolves.  Then he found out my secret and well, it wasn’t good. But we’re friends again, unlikely friends, but friends none the less.

So we’re having coffee this morning and Adam says, “May the fourth we with you. So in Star Wars who would we be?”

“Han Solo and the Wookie. You know who the Wookie is.”

He laughed. Our friendship works. Why shouldn’t it. We both crave blood but we never kill. We both live in a secret world with demands that just make life a little bit different. Other than that we’re just like everyone else. OK not exactly like everyone else, but close.

The coffee was good. On the drive home I thought about all of my Werewolf encounters when I was a child. Those were always weird hushed events with my parents meeting strange people (the Werewolf folks) on uneasy terms. They were sort of the lesser of many evils out there. Times have changed. Well, for the most part.

Then I thought about Adam. He is so attractive and funny. No wonder he is so successful (and insanely talented and good at self promotion.) It was difficult when we first discovered out differences but I’m glad we did. No pressure.

So Werewolves… I have to say that they’ve always been misunderstood, but then again, haven’t we all felt that way. I mean it. Who hasn’t?

Tell your kids that feeling different isn’t a bad thing. Sure you have to try harder and work around things, but it can work out for the best. Use those differences to your advantage. Use those differences to make yourself happy. Hey, you know, if we were all the same the world would be a boring place.

OK I have to get the kid to school. Have a good week everyone.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Stephen King and Monet in Space

Yesterday my 15 year old daughter Clara told me about a conversation she had in school with another girl.

Girl: Who is SteFAN King?

Clara: He was an astronaut.

Girl: An astronaut?

Clara: Yes, he was the 5th man to go into space. He also writes horror novels on the side under the name Steven King.

Girl: Who is Moe-Net?

Clara (knowing it was Monet the painter): He works with SteFAN King. He was the 6th man in space.

Girl: OK. Thanks.



~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman (who is not making this up)


Cat on Mars

Cat on Mars

Random Acts of Violence

As a mom, the news today was chilling, again.

There was a stabbing at a high school in Pennsylvania. Many people were hurt – many seriously. More school violence. More lives torn apart.

It is another sad example of a kid throwing away his life with a random act of violence.

Fortunately nobody died (that we know of.) but like I just said, the kid who went through a crowded hallway with a couple of kitchen knives just threw away his life. He also destroyed the lives of everyone in his family.

Others risked their lives to help classmates. Students, the assistant principal, and others risked their lives to stop the violence.

Why did he do it, the kid with the knives? He was only 16 years old. Was it just because he doesn’t like Wednesdays? Nobody can answer that. If we knew the answer to that and questions like that this sort of thing wouldn’t be happening anymore.

The school where this happened wasn’t unlike the high school my kids go to. I have imagined the faces of all of the teens I know. I’ve imagined their teachers. I’ve imagined the fear I have for them. I’ve imagined their parents. I’m imagined getting “that call.”

Yes, it is an isolated event but then again, it isn’t.

I can write volumes about Vampires and Werewolves and things that go bump in the night, but nothing is more frightening than things that humans do to each other.

I hear about what is going on at the upscale high school in our neighborhood. I hear about what is going on at schools friends go to.

For the most part all is well. Kids are friendly. Teachers are ok (tired but ok.)

But there are those stories of kids who snap and pound the crap out of another kid. There are those stories of strange behavior and odd kids. There are also kids who aren’t odd or violent who are dreaming of guns and knives at night. I hope I’m wrong about that.

If anyone had an answer for school violence we wouldn’t have to worry about it. We wouldn’t have to feel that sick feeling in our stomachs.

I want the need to hug a teenager or a teacher not to be out of fear but out of joy. I think that is what we all need.


 ~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

A house full of teens – and all is well

March came in like a house cat, a bit of rain and noise and general annoyance but nice and comforting.

By the way, I’ll try to have a short story for “Short Story Sunday” later today.

There is a house full of teens today. Not all are mine. They seem to congregate here. I guess they’re all mine in a way, they are part of my life and my heart. I hear bits of words like “manatee” and “scare things” and “teeth” and “it kind of sounds sort of creepy” and then laughing.

Now my husband Teddy is talking to them. I hear the words “pandemic” and “disgusting” and “depends on where you go” and “Japan.”

Then I hear: Cats don’t give a shit. Dogs carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Anyone who says teens don’t talk haven’t been to my house. We can get any kid to talk – a lot.

Telling and lecturing doesn’t cut it with teens. Discussing and listening does.

Now they’re talking about governments and laws and society and trust and secret police. That is my husband and half a dozen teens. Just hanging out. It’s a beautiful thing.

The conversation has changed to school and teachers. They’re talking about languages – Spanish, German, Latin (yes some schools are teaching offering it again), Chinese, Arabic, Japanese, Gaelic, Welsh, Norwegian… I’ll need more coffee before getting in on that one. Then it switches to the American Civil War and speaking Southern. It moves to taking old people to museums who get shocked by naked statues in museums and how cute that can be. More laughing, more twists and turns. I hear someone mention monkeys. Now they’re talking religion. Weird religion. It is weird. In fear of not being politically correct I will not name names (maybe later.)

Nobody mentioned my squirrels but that’s ok. I’m more into the small trivial things – they’re having lofty thoughts right now.

While my own teens will complain about a lot of things and express their concerns I’m not getting teen angst. We’re not yellers or screamers. Nobody says “I hate you” or has any reason to. Sure they can piss me off but teens are a joy.

What a wonderful time of discovery and change. It is a time when parents really need to spend the time with their kids.

It is a time we should all spend with them. I don’t mean to be trite, but they ARE our future. And I see good things coming from this group of kids born in the last few years of the 20th century. I see a lot of good things.

Have a good Sunday everyone and a great week.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman