Welcome to Ask Juliette (Ask A Vampire), a regular Thursday feature here at Vampiremaman.com

If you have questions about anything – parenting, marriage, relationships, romance, Vampires, Werewolves, Ghosts, gardening, wine, paranormal stuff, life, work, or anything send your question to juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com (figure it out because I have to write it this way to keep the trolls away)

I never see Vampires so how do I know you’re real? You always write about going out to bars or events, but I never see anyone who look or acts like a Vampire. What gives?

I’ve never been the kind of Vampire who dresses like Lily Munster or Elvira. Seriously, can you imagine if I showed up at school dressed like that? My kids would never forgive me. Plus it just isn’t practical. I’m more of the little black dress and pearls type, or most days jeans and white button down shirt with some great vintage jewelry, or jeans and a hoodie, and of course flip flops. Vampires love their flip flops. Sorry to blow your bubble about the flowing dresses and impossible cleavage. And my finger nails are painted with a sort of sparkly pale pink polish – not red or black.

But seriously, if you had to go to the grocery store would you dress like someone out of the middle ages, or a porn film? It is the same for when Vampires shop for food. Or if you went fishing or hunting would you wear a tight black dress with everything you have spilling out? Of course not.

Wanna know a secret? We look just like you, only slightly better.

What are some fun Halloween movies that aren’t gory slasher films? I’m looking for something to help my family get into the orange and black holiday spirit.

This is my quick list:

• Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
• Corpse Bride (2003)
• Bell, Book, and Candle (1958)
• Shaun of the Dead (2004)
• Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
• The Innocents (1961)
• Every Simpsons Halloween Show
• The Addams Family (1991)
• Phantom of the Opera (2004)
• The Body Snatcher (1945)
• Laura (1944) This movie has NOTHING to do with Halloween but Vincent Price is in it, it is hecka creepy, and a GREAT movie.
• The Hitch-hiker (1953) A truly creepy movie directed by Ida Lupino

What do you give out on Halloween?

I’ve given beers to dads more than once. Once I ran out of candy and gave a kid a can of Diet Coke. I try to give out good stuff that kids like. This includes anything with Skittles or Chocolate.  Kids don’t want pretzels, canned corn, or pencils.

If you could sleep with any horror movie actor/character who would it be?

First of all I have to say that this is purely fantasy and I’m happily married.

It would be Mick St. John (played by Alex O’Loughlin) out of Moonlight (2007-2008). Damn he was sexy. You can now see Alex O’Laughlin on Hawaii Five O but it just isn’t the same. I have to admit that this is one of FEW Vampire shows/movies that I’ve ever liked.  Hey, Alex, take your shirt off again.

And Vincent Price.

I added this image of Vincent Price just because he is smoking HOT.

And here he is again.

Come on, you have to admit there is more hotness in Vincent Price than just about anything anyone can think of.

And don’t even think of asking me about any real-life Vampires because I won’t answer THAT.

Didn’t you make ghosts out of Tweenkies one year? Would you share that again?

Yes I did. I won’t eat the damn things but I was in a pinch a few years ago when I was asked to bring something to a Halloween party. These were a big hit. All you do is get Tweenkies and decorate them with icing. Booooooo.

TWEENKIE GHOSTIES FOR HALLOWEENIE! ONLY EAT IF YOU DARE! BOOOOOOO

Alright, that was fun. And remember if you have ANY questions about anything, or just need information, and/or advice ASK JULIETTE. 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman