Interview with a Vampire… the truth as we choose to tell it.

I was asked to be interviewed because I’m a Vampire. For the most part nobody knows I’m a Vampire… Anyway I was asked to be interviewed for some “paranormal” publication. Yes, I was talked into this one by someone who is going to owe me big time.

So what was I going to tell them?

I could tell them I like TV.  I might watch way too much TV but when you’re up all night… Zero Below just started… it is about people who live above the Arctic Circle. It isn’t done like some fake wacked out reality show. And…well, it is a little known fact that Vampires like to watch TV. We like movies a lot too. We also of course read a lot. If you find a Vampire you’ll find a book.

Of course blood will come up. Yes, that is the one big thing that differentiates us from them. My favorite types are poet’s blood and blood from lawyers. Now if I can find a lawyer who writes poetry I’ve found a little bit of heaven. My brother Val likes Vegan blood these days, then again it might just be that hot girl and her friends he… anyway…

The subject of being “human” always comes up. I can only imagine what I’ve missed out on, but then again don’t we ALL imagine what we might have missed out on had we been born as someone else, in another time or place, to different parents or a different gender? Or maybe we don’t wonder that at all. But they always ask.

They’ll ask more questions about my “Vampire powers.” Sure, if I try I can read your mind. I can make your forget. I can seduce you without you even knowing. I can make you long for me and not know why or who or what I am. I can make you feel good or I can send you to Hell.

Don’t ask how many people I’ve turned into Vampires. That is like asking someone how many people they’ve had sex with. You just don’t ask questions like that in polite society.

They’ll ask how old I am, then they’ll stare me. They’ll stare at me anyway. They’ll peer into my face looking for something. Then they’ll ask to see my fangs. They always want to see the fangs.

And how about those souls? Ugh. No no no. I’m not telling you about my souls or what I do or don’t do with them or if I have one or not.

I am not a rouge Vampire who rips flesh and has come back to life without a soul and the personality of a rabid wolverine. I don’t have fancy parties where I kill all my guests (I don’t want that kind of mess.) I don’t walk in league with dark lords or sleep in a crypt. I don’t mess with children. I can drain your body of every drop of blood you have but I choose not to do that.

Yes, I can eat regular food, or at least some of it. Processed sugar makes me violently ill, as do most baked goods.

I use a lot of sunscreen and have prescription sunglasses.

If I choose I can tell them my story about my life in three centuries. I can tell them about how I remember when the 120 year old building I’m meeting them in was new.

Should I tell them that we’re romantics and experts at writing love letters? Should I tell them that we can turn our hearts stone cold and uncaring at will?

When they look in the mirror will they see a shadow of a Vampire who hunts them? Maybe… maybe not.

I can tell them about things that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. I can tell them things that would make them never want to sleep again. I can put the fear in them so that they will never leave their homes after dark EVER again. I can make them go insane. Or not.

They ALWAYS ask the same questions.

Half of the time (more than half) they ask “would you turn me into a Vampire?” Of course the answer is a resounding NO. Please, you don’t know anything about it. You have no idea. And that is where I roll my eyes or maybe growl.

When I arrived Cody was waiting for me at the door, my dear Cody who has been a Vampire for only 2 years now.

“So what should I tell them?” Cody asked with one of his fun boyish smiles. At 34 he is cute and smart and has taken to the Vampire life like a champ.

“Tell them you’re the bastard child of Thomas Jefferson and Martha Washington. You were then raised by an old Indian Woman and her Werewolf companion.”


“Sure. They’ll believe anything.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of bastard son of Louis the 14th. You know, the Sun King.”

“Good thinking and a much better story.”

“Depending on what genre you want to be in today.” Cody smiled and put his arm around my shoulders.

I do love Cody. We met the journalists in the back booth of a downtown bar. It was dark and fitting for such an interview. They seemed surprised when they saw us. We were a stylish young couple who looked as normal and innocent as anyone else in the place. We were the last two people you’d pick out as Vampires.

Then again what does a Vampire look like? What does anyone look like?

In the end Cody and I told them that we’d talk to them but we wouldn’t tell them anything. We’d just let them know that they’d met a couple of Vampires and lived to tell about it. In the end we showed them our fangs – something they’d never forget.

And eventually they’d forget most of the details. It would be frustrating but, oh well.

All in all it was fun. I know my attitude sucked at first but that is not unusual for me. I don’t want to do something – go in complaining and end up glad I went. Cody was delightful and the journalists were nice people. They really were. Sincere and curious. I like that in people. I might have cocktails with them again. I might even have a little more than cocktails.

We all have our stories both public and private. Different versions for different situations.

This story will come out and Cody and I will be described as mysterious, elusive and charming. Which is always the truth, or at least the only truth we want to tell.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

(Thanks again Cody)


6 thoughts on “Interview with a Vampire… the truth as we choose to tell it.

  1. I love this post! – hmmmm…. I haven’t even been thinking about it… “Interview with a Vampire”, hm? On the other hand: I interviewed a writer in the first place – not a vampire. Does that make the difference? 🙂

    • I thought about that as soon as I posted this one. The “writer” interview isn’t like this one at all. That one is about who I am and not what I am. It is about my passion and what I do and how I try to inspire. This is well, you know, just Vampire stuff and fun with Cody.

  2. At my place of work, there was a stir. Co-workers were all buzzed & told me we had vampires in the restaurant. Calmly, I replied Really? Talked to the couple and found they were travelling to St. Louis. A nice conversation…very human. The Darkness doesn’t me. All entities, human or otherwise, should get a measure of respect.


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