Good things between the cracks…

It was a year when

Resolutions were forgotten

And other things

Happened.

 

A lot of good things happened in between the cracks. There were those times with friends both old and new. There were good books. There were teenagers. There was a sense of community. There was creativity and thought… and there was love.

And in the middle of this odd houred musings the cats are suddenly alert to what sounds like a mountain lion purring but it is I think it is snoring. The calico cat snores. I can’t imagine who it could be. It sounds like loud snoring from a man. It can’t be that. But now the dog is growling at the sliding glass door that goes out to where the wild animals are before the sun comes up. I guess that goes to show that things are not always what they seem.

I refused to let the dog out to rumble with wild life and the calico cat has started to snore… again, as she always does.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

VM_ foggy moon

 

Write or Wrong…

VM_ magic book

When you write a blog you learn how to write fast and dirty (not THAT kind of dirty but you could if you are so inclined to.) You learn to spit out ideas faster than hillbillies at a tobacco chewing contest. OK I had to say that.

This morning I was having coffee in my kitchen with my Grandmama Lola. She isn’t your typical grandmama because she looks younger than I do and was born the same year as Jeffery Chaucer. Yes, the Canterbury Tales guy. And why yes, she is a Vampire. So am I.

Now that we have that out of the way…

We were looking out the window at the bird feeder I’d just installed on my deck. The cats of course took great interest in it. This this cold morning the large oak trees are full of tiny song birds but they’re cautious about going to the new feeder. No doubt they smell the cats.

That is the way it is with us. We’re cautious where we feed. And don’t worry, I’m not going to get all dark and morose on you.

Lola asked how my teens were doing with their “donors”, that is finding regular humans to get blood donations from. I haven’t covered that subject much in this blog, but it IS called “Musings of a Modern VAMPIRE Mom.

They’re doing great. They have down the quick trance, a quick pint from the wrist, seal the wound and heal it, leave sweet thoughts in the mind of the donor. Garrett, who turns 18 in a short 4 months is now going for necks, but only when it is completely safe. His dad has been working on him with that. You know, it is the usual parenting stuff. You teach your kids what they need to know to survive in the world.

Yes, it has been a while since I’ve written any Vampire specific parenting posts.

It is just one of those mornings with coffee and Lola. She has years of stories and tales for my teens that could teach them about the dangers of being a Vampire. There are dangers being anything these days. The news is full of stories that scare the bejeebers out of any parent.

The little birds continue to be cautious. They’ll relax soon as the scent of cat soaked up by the afternoon sun.

I was telling Lola about the plot of a novel I’m working on. I asked her about some historical details and she leaned back and smiled at me.

“I’m so glad you’re writing. I don’t know how you just come up with your stories. You’re so young,” she said.

154 years young. But yes, I do come up with stories. I need to do something with those stories.

The longer I go I realize that it would be wrong to keep those stories to myself. A new year is here. A new story, just like the new bird feeder. I’m cautious now but after a while I won’t be. And I know, just like the bird feeder will be full, my mind will be full of ideas and stories and what it takes to keep me fed.

So all of that mused upon and said here… No matter what you do, no matter what feeds your soul, don’t be afraid to taste and savor and then share.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

vm_leaves on tree

Resolutions and whatever those things are called…oh right, predictions

Rather than resolutions for a new year, I used to write down predictions for the coming year and seal them in an envelope.

It could be anything from world news events to a romance involving a friend. Crazy, total fantasy or something very predictable – it didn’t matter. There were no limits to what could be written. It was usually my brother Val and me who did this. We once brought in a friend who tried to make it into something mystical and way too serious.

It wasn’t mystical at all. It was like a Ouija board where you know somebody is pushing but everyone giggles with shock over the messages from the spirit world.

No, it was just us putting down stuff on paper and sealing it up for a year.

The funny thing was that, no matter how outlandish or silly, 90% of all of the predictions came true. Huh.

OK that is that story. No dramatic music building up behind me and a dramatic twist. Maybe we were just good at observation. Maybe we were just lucky.

But what about resolutions? You know, those things we say we’re going to do to improve our lives and the lives of others. I dare not admit to the long list of things I plan on doing each year but end up not doing. It is easier to give up something for Lent (but I’m not Catholic so I don’t give up anything for Lent either, but the idea behind it is good if done with the heart and not out of a sense of mindless duty.)

But predictions…

Ahhhh. That could be fun. But please no mumbo jumbo or fortune-telling. No spirits. No grand illusions. No wishing for the impossible. No wishing at all – just predicting.

Just gut reactions off the top of your head. Add in a few funny ones. Add in a few wishful ones. Add some silly in there too. Then seal it up and forget it for a year.

  1. I predict that someone I know will become a famous writer. I predict more than one will make their mark in that circle.
  2. I predict that it will rain in March… for a week… or two.
  3. I predict that another dog will come into my life.
  4. I predict that I’ll attend an unexpected wedding.
  5. I predict that my children will do well.
  6. I predict that something extraordinary will happen in Congress.
  7. I predict that it will be a good year.
  8. I predict that an old rocker will make a real comeback with someone fairly new.
  9. I predict a week at the beach.
  10. I predict art – a lot of art.
  11. I predict finding treasure of some sort.
  12. I predict that someone close to me will do something very stupid but funny at the same time.
  13. I predict that the space program (NASA) will come back in full force.
  14. I predict that there will be a Volcano go off in North America – south of Alaska.
  15. I predict that I will see a bear (but I hope not too close.)
  16. I predict beautiful dresses and shoes to match.
  17. I predict my brother Max will finally get “it” right.
  18. I predict all Vampires I know will get exactly what they deserve.
  19. I predict that someone dear to me will find true love.
  20. I predict that my nails will always look good in 2014.
  21. I predict that there will be an amazing discovery in Louisiana.
  22. I predict that a planet with life will be found.
  23. I predict that Juliette aka Vampire Maman and Modern Vampires will become part of the popular vernacular.
  24. I predict that everyone will read my blog.
  25. I predict that my readers will retain their sense of humor, sense of wonder and any good sense they have.

Those were pretty random, but that is how it is supposed to be. That is what makes it so much fun.

I didn’t seal this in an envelope or keep it private… but this is just to give you an idea. Try it. Have fun. Happy New Year.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Be it the click of the metal keys or the click of a computer keyboard...I will write.

Be it the click of the metal keys or the click of a computer keyboard…I will write.

Accidental Meetings

Accidental Meetings

Accidental Meetings

Accidental Meetings

“You must come now,” said a whispery voice on the phone.

“What is it?” I asked afraid to find out what the ancient fragile Vampire needed.

“It is a human thing,” he said, now no longer in a whisper. “We need your help.”

I told them to call 911 and wait.

30 minutes later my 17-year-old Garrett and I had arrived at the farmhouse. My husband Teddy and 14-year-old Clara were out seeing “Frozen” with friends. I swear, I’m surprised I didn’t get pulled over for speeding, but it isn’t like I couldn’t have talked my way out of a ticket.

We parked by the side of the road which was blocked off by a lot of emergency vehicles. Flashing lights and a lot of people – exactly what Vampires like us try to avoid. Without interacting with anyone we made it to the farmhouse.

Tellias met us at the door wearing steel-blue coveralls, the kind that mechanics wear, with a bright yellow scarf around his neck. His white blonde hair fell around his shoulders. Eleora had on a stretched out red sweater and a red and blue pleated plaid skirt that fell a few inches below her knees. She had on pink slippers. Her hair was wet.

They look like they’re only 19 or 20 years old but they are ancient Vampires – over 2,000 years old. Dealing with elders isn’t just for regular humans or pet owners. We all must take care of those in our lives who need extra help.

They took Garrett and me by the hands and brought us into the house.

“Why is your hair wet sweetie?” I asked Eleora.

“A car went into the water,” she whispered.

“A car went into the river with a woman in it,” said Tellias. “Eleora pulled her out, and her daughter.”

“Another car hit them. I went into the water after them. I could feel their fear. I broke the glass and pulled them out.”

Tellias came close and whispered. “They were full of water. Eleora sucked the water right out of their lungs.”

Eleora nodded her head. “Right out.”

“Did you help anyone else?” I had to ask, fearing certain answers.

Tellias narrowed his eyes at me. “Nobody will die tonight Juliette.”

“Not tonight,” sang Eleora with a smile and a wink.

I swear, dealing with these ancient Vampires drives me crazy.

I glared at them and could hear myself lecturing them. “You should have let them alone. You shouldn’t have helped except to get them out of the water or basic first aid. You know the rules.”

“We made the rules,” said Tellias. “Stop scolding us.”

The front door opened. John, who lived next door, was standing there looking grim. In his early 60’s he was still a handsome man who made heads turn. “Juliette, come outside.”

With Garrett tagging along, I followed John to the edge of driveway. I could see the top of a car in the river. Two other mangled cars and a large farm truck were on the side of the road.

John was visibly shaken but not saying anything about his own fears or pain. His wife had been killed in a car accident 20 years ago. “Eleora and Tellias were out for a walk and saw it all. It looked like a drunk in a truck was speeding. He clipped a car and it spun out taking other cars with them. The drunk kept on going. When the car went into the river Eleora dove in and pulled out a woman and her daughter. Then we helped with the rest. It’s a miracle nobody was killed, but…” He tapered off. I knew the but. There were serious injuries and lives interrupted. Then there was the matter of Eleora and Tellias helping.

“They saved lives tonight.” John patted my back. “I couldn’t believe how quickly they took action. People would have died…”

I stopped him from saying more. “Have you ever read Dracula? I don’t want to use that as an example because it is fiction. Fiction John. But remember the character Renfield? The crazy guy who ate bugs? Any lives they saved tonight will forever be bound to Tellias and Eleora if they want it. Not that Tellias or Eleora will ever act on it or whatever, but those people, those humans, will be bound forever to those two old fools who live next door to you.”

“You’re harsh,” said John.

“I’m a realist. You aren’t a Vampire. You have no idea what we can do to people.”

“I’ve lived around your family my entire life.”

“We’ve sheltered and protected you. You don’t know,” I snapped.

Garrett tugged at my arm, “Mom, I would have done the same thing. I mean, I would have saved them.”

I said nothing. I was too angry to say anything. All I could do was look at the wreckage almost numb at the extent of the damage. The three of us turned and walked back to the farmhouse.

A Highway Patrol officer was at the house. The two woman who been pulled from the car were sitting in the kitchen wrapped in blankets. It broke my heart to see them and know what a horrible frightening experience they’d had. At the same time I knew   what other nightmares they might have.

Eleora had made tea for everyone. The officer was asking them questions. He knew Eleora. No doubt she’d sucked blood out of his big handsome neck in the past as he patrolled the rural route past their farm. Sometimes being a Vampire was more complicated that I wanted it to be (yes, add that to having kids in high school and marriage and work and everything else a mom does.)

Questions were answered. Everyone involved in the accident was taken away to hospitals or home. I left the elders with John. I couldn’t wait to get home.

Eleora and Tellias gave us hugs before we left and thanked us for coming. Eleora whispered in my ear, “We love you so much.” I kissed her cheek and patted her hand.

When we got into the car I told Garrett to play music. Any music as long as it was loud and would get my mind off of the night.

As I drove away my mind wandered back to the day before. I was having a conversation with my kids about vegans. If you’re a vegan because of “moral” reasons could you be a scavenger – that is could you eat road kill because it is already dead? Then my husband said “Redneck Vegans. That could be a new TV show.”

As if he could read my mind, which he could because we’re, you know, Vampires, Garrett said, “We need our own reality TV show Mom. We could call  it Blood Relatives.”

“Very good. But nobody would believe it.”

“They believe Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty.”

“Then we’d have to be redneck Vampires and I’m not going to be a redneck.”

“Mom, we could be The Red Neck Vampires. Get it? Red Neck.”

“Nice try. I love you baby.”

“Love you too Mom.”

I thought of the mother and daughter who were saved. The daughter was about the same age as my son. That could have been us. We could have been in danger if there had been fire or something much worse. I took his hand and gave it a squeeze.

By the time we arrived back home I was feeling a lot better. We watched the sunrise together before we went inside.

In big and little ways the ability to change directions and go from one extreme to another without missing a beat is what life is all about. Old and young and all of us in the middle – it is what we do. It is who we are.

For the new year remember to make it a goal to love and to appreciate the miraculous and strange things that happen in life, both big and little. It isn’t magic or mystical. It is just chance or you could say a twist of fate, but not really fate.

You never know who will be there to help. You never know but sometimes it might seem like a miracle or something you won’t be able to describe. But there are those who will help – more than you think.

I don’t really believe in fate, not much. None the less, when good things happen or bad things are avoided treasure that. Most of all you should treasure those precious folks that make up your life.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

elder gingerbread

A Year With The Ghost

When I’m alone, especially when I’m trying to get something done, inevitably I get visited by The Ghost. That is Nigel. As a Vampire I have a natural tendency to hate ghosts. They’re sneaky, dishonest, and truly dead. Plus anything without a body creeps me out.

That said, Nigel and I have come to an understanding. When he isn’t around I miss him. When he is here I want him gone. His girlfriend Mary (another ghost) is adorable and seems to bring out the best in the lost artist soul of Nigel.

The posts on The Ghost are also among the most popular posts on Vampire Maman. For those of you who want to walk down a foggy memory lane, and for those of you who are new, I’ve made a list of the Ghosts Posts of 2013. You’ll have to take the journey on your own (and use the search function for earlier Ghosts Posts.)

Ghost Posts from 2013

Click on the links below:

Passings in the Night (a very special post about love and loss)

Dancing in the dark – ghosts of the past

Ghostly Muse – I think Not

Don’t Haunt Yourself (because real ghosts are bad enough)

Ghost Story Follow-up

Ghost of a Chance for Romance

Coffee with a Ghost – Musings on Life

If You Need Something Done Ask A Busy Person

Morning Ghosts of Passion and Annoyance

My Haunted Ghost

Driving in the Dark

Heart and Soul: Vampires  & Ghosts

Lost Keys and Lies

Are you going to be a real ghost or just a guy with a sheet over his head?

Vampire Desires (on writing fast & ghost writing… sort of)

If you read this tell the Vampire

Thank you for dropping by. You can follow all of my adventures with The Ghost, parenting teens, Vampires, elderly folks and other stories, poetry and what not, by email, on Facebook or through WordPress.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Chuck the Elf (the Best X-Mas Elf Story EVER)

I am honored to share a Christmas Story from my friend David. Prepare yourself for a real Christmas treat with this new Holiday Classic! ~ Juliette

Chuck the Elf

By Davidus Hunter

I was born in the Bronx way back in 1902.

St. Anne’s orphanage was the only home I ever knew till I went north years later. The place was crazy; a lotta little midgets running around makin’ a lotta noise. I guess I was one of ‘em, except I was no midget – I was an elf. I stayed in that place for 30 years until they figured out I wasn’t no kid! So I packed my shit up and hit the road. I joined the army for a while, got into some action at Omaha Beach even. After dat, I never trucked with the military much.

I joined the circus for a while – but the bearded lady and I didn’t get along. The fact was, I couldn’t stand life on the road livin’ wit all them freaks – I was longing for a fambly, if you get my meanin’.

One night, Christmas Eve if you gotta know – I was on the roof of my tenement building because my landlady didn’t like my cigar smoke. She always whiffed it through the vents and complained so I went up on the roof. I was feeling lonesome as hell too, wit the snow fallin’ and all streets quiet and empty. To be honest, I crawled out on the ledge. I was thinkin’ of just ending it. I was just a lowly Elf, livin’ off racetrack bets and scroungin’ for handouts.

I was a Bronx kid, though. I couldn’t do it. Plus, that street looked like it could hurt a guy real bad falling from dat height.

I went back on the roof and finished my stogie, lookin’ up at the twinklin’ snowy sky. It was damned cold. I never felt so bad in my whole life.

I saw sumpin’ then, over the East River. Looked like plane or some kinda flying object. I tracked it for a while and realized it was comin’ right towards me! I ran back and ducked behind a ventilator shaft.

I heard bells, and some guy yelling. I heard da soft thump of somethin’ landing.
Now don’t get me wrong – I ain’t no pansy or nuthin’ – but this was strange. I can deal with stormin’ a beachhead and all, but the unknown always unnerves me, y’know?

I peeked around the corner an I saw animals or somthin’, shakin’ snow off themselves. Everytime they did that, bells would jingle. There was some fat shmoe sittin’ in a red sled too. All of a sudden I hear my name!

“Charles! Charles! Come out from behind there!”

There was a silence as I was trying to figure out what to do.

“Who wants ta know?” I said after a while.

I peeked over my hiding spot and saw the lard-ass comin’ towards me. He was big – triple my size – but I figured if I bit his knee caps the odds would be evened out.
He stuck his head around the vent, and stared right at me.

“Charles! I found you!” he said. He had dis soppy smile on his face, what you could see of it anyway with that friggin’ large white beard.

“Listen Mack …” I started to say.

“Charles! You must come with me! You don’t belong here. You belong up at the North Pole with the others!”

I looked at dis guy and thought he was nuts. “You shittin’ me?”

He straightened up and crinkled his nose.

“I’m afraid I’m not! You are an Elf, of the elfus smallicus genus. All my staff up at the North Pole is comprised of Elves. You see, you were given up for adoption by mistake.”

I looked up at the guy, and I could see he was tellin’ da truth. Others like me? Elves? For true?

Dat was the one and only time I cried – at least since that time I pooped my pants back at the Orphanage and the sister swatted me a good one.

“Come! You can help me give out presents tonight, then we can take you home,” he said. He wedged his large ass back into the sled, and I followed. There wasn’t much space between his girth and all them sacks’a toys for me to sit, but I managed.

He tole me about his toy making racket and all the right-offs he got for it. Pretty slick, I had to agree. We shot up inna sky and I was dubious about them moose things haulin’ us up into the stratosphere and all, but they maintained a good speed, except for the turbulence which I didn’t care for.

All night long we delivered them friggin toys, all over the damned world, Australia, England, and places I never hoid of, like ‘Canada’. I was so tired by the end, I thought I’d collapse. But this guy, Santa, he had a mini bar in his sled and I had a few shots of whiskey. We delivered our last toy to some kid in Montana – a train set. We went down the chimney (I still couldn’t get over goin’ down them tings!). I was placin’ it under the tree when I heard a noise. I look over and see the kid peeking around the corner at me.

“Ain’t polite to stare, kid,” I said. “Murry Christmas.”

Da kid scampered off.

Not even ten minutes into our journey north I was out like a light.

So, I went to the North Pole. I met my mom! Saw all the udder elves like me. It was a happy homecoming, I gotta say. Still, I miss New York sometimes, even though I visit occasionally. I miss the smell of the Hudson, the rude people, the street vendors selling junk, Coney Island hot dogs, the racetrack, all of it. But it ain’t so bad up here; got lotsa snow, plenty of fresh air, and the pay is good. Made foreman a few years ago; I’m in charge of making them iPad thingies. Big responsibility. The uniforms could use some revamping, but y’can’t have everything, am I right?

I guess I didn’t do so bad after all, y’know?

The End

________________

For more works from David check out the links below:

http://bloggodavid.blogspot.ca/…/chuck-elf-by-davidus…

http://davidhuntershaw.blogspot.ca/