Ask Juliette: Hairy Backs, Sleepy Teens, and Naming Your Imaginary Peeps

Ask Juliette

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire – Advice for Everyone) is a regular Thursday feature on Vampiremaman.com

All of the questions are from my readers. If you have a question about anything – relationships, Vampires, parenting, life hacks, writing, paranormal crap, romance, or anything at all, just ask. I’ll find an answer for anything. Just send me a message at juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com (figure it out, I don’t write the address the normal way due to trolls.)

So here we go…

I'm not Juliette's husband. I'm another Vampire guy with a hairy chest and a great set of wheels. Let me drive you all night baby.

I’m not Juliette’s husband. I’m another Vampire guy with a hairy chest and a great set of wheels. Let me drive you all night baby.

Dear Juliette,

My Vampire husband makes me nair his hairy back. I hate doing it. What can I say to him to avoid an argument and ensure I never have to shave or nair his huge back ever again?!

~ Grossed Out

 

Dear Grossed Out,

You have several options, but this one is tough because, like you said, your husband is a Vampire. Vampires grow and heal quickly and that also means fast hair growth.

You’ve got several options.

You could just embrace his hairy back. If that isn’t working then get working on some hot and heavy Werewolf fantasies. You have to admit that sometimes those guys can be sexy hot (sure, but who am I kidding…next option.)

Keep using Nair. Use it as a bonding tool. Put on the Nair. Get him to wash it off. Then take advantage of that smooth back (a little scented oil, some candles, fresh sheets… you know where I’m going with this.)

Shaving leaves stubble so I recommend against it.

Have him get his back waxed. It will last a little longer, maybe a week or two if you’re lucky.

There are other options, like contacting a Witch for a potion. Unfortunately, aside from the fact that you can’t trust a Witch, most of the potions are vile. The side effects include horrible rotted corpse breath, slurred speech, the blacking of fangs, and excessive hair growth on the back of the knees and groin. So, don’t call a Witch.

~ Juliette

 

More coffee please.

More coffee please.

 

Dear Juliette,

I can never think of names for my characters when I write fiction. How do you do it?

~Nameless

 

Dear Nameless,

First and foremost – HAVE FUN. Don’t stress over it.

I love coming up with names. It is one of the best parts about writing. For the most part names just pop into my head. I don’t overthink it. I just name them and go.

Like with any writing project you can always go back and change the name later if you don’t like it.

First think about who your character is.

Age: Get the names right for the decade. Make sure the name even existed when your person was born. The Internet is full of great resources for names. Just do a search on baby names for the year your character was born and the top 100 list will come up.  Do the same for historic characters as well – there are lists of common names going all the way back to the Middle Ages and even earlier.

For example, nobody born in 1990 is going to be named Nancy unless she is named after Grandma. Just like nobody born in 1959 is going to be named Madison or Kylee.  There has to be a certain ring of truth to it.

Get real. That isn’t a sarcastic remark. Not everyone can have art house names or “unique” names. Most people have pretty normal names. A story or book filled with unique names rings false.

Pick a name you like. But make sure it works. Don’t name a congresswoman Candi or Baby. Don’t call all of your romantic guys Blake, Blane, or Damien. It has to ring true.

Some writers I know ask their friends in online writing groups for name suggestions. I don’t do this, but it works for a lot of writers.

You can always name a character you despise after your wife’s ex-husband, or the ex-girlfriend who cheated on you. Hey, I’ve done it. It feels sooooooo good.

There are times when a unique name makes the character. If someone has old hippy parents then by all means call them Star, Storm, and Sunshine.

Just like with the hippy parents, background makes a difference on what you name your character. I wrote a story about a woman from a religious family and gave all of the children traditional Biblical names like John, David, and Ruth.

Fantasy and SciFi names can but fun. That said, I’m not big on made-up names the readers can’t pronounce. Case in point, here are some examples from popular Science Fiction and Fantasy: Spock, Gorn, Bilbo, Gandalf, Strider, Jon Snow, Tyrion, Leesa, Harry Dresden, Carrot Ironfoundersson, Ged, Durzo Blint, Ford Prefect, Zaphod Beeblebox. And those are just a few. But you see where I’m going? A name like Qvxzoonaskat is too difficult to read or pronounce and pretty annoying to most readers. Of course if you’re using a difficult name for humor by all means make it as weird and difficult as possible.

I’m not a comic book character, so my name is not Vampirella or Bloodvina. It is Juliette. Another well-known Vampire in the blog world is Jannice. Damn it (close enough.)

Do your research and try to stay away from potentially offensive racial stereotypes. Do your research. Look up unique names from your character’s ethnic and cultural background.

Do your research. It is both fun and easy when it comes to names. Did I mention to do your research?

~ Juliette 

 

Wake me up after I graduate...from college.

Wake me up after I graduate…from college.

 

Dear Juliette,

How can I get my teenager to get up in the morning?

~ Wits End

 

Dear Wits End,

HA! Good luck with that one. Other than a bull horn, a spray bottle full of cold water, and McAuthur Park blasting at full volume SOMEONE LEFT THE CAKE OUT IN THE RAIN OHHHHHH NOOOOOO, I don’t have a sure fire answer.

First of all threats aren’t going to work. We’re dealing with biology here. Teens are interesting creatures. They look like adults but their brains behave more like toddlers. A lot of growth and change is going on between those ears. They need a lot of sleep to keep up with what is going on in their changing brains.

Many high schools are starting to change their bell schedules for a later start time – from 8:30 to 9:30, rather than the traditional times between 7:30 and 8:00. When the start times are later grades go up – so students are obviously not sleeping in class.

But back to your present problem. You just have to keep yelling “GET UP NOW.”

Another suggestion is to have everything, clothes, backpack, lunch, and anything else ready to go the night before. I know with a teen that can be difficult but try to do it.

~ Juliette

design

 

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire – Advice for Everyone) is a regular Thursday feature on Vampiremaman.com

All of the questions are from my readers. If you have a question about anything – relationships, Vampires, parenting, life hacks, writing, paranormal crap, romance, or anything at all, just ask. I’ll find an answer for anything. Just send me a message at juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com (figure it out, I don’t write the address the normal way due to trolls.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Note: I just heard about Prince. What a tragic loss to the creative universe. Sigh. This news is sad indeed.

Prince

 

 

 

 

Ask Juliette

 

9 thoughts on “Ask Juliette: Hairy Backs, Sleepy Teens, and Naming Your Imaginary Peeps

  1. Back hair…Hey! I resemble that!

    The best, but kinda expensive way, is laser removal of body hair It’s permanent, a distinct advantage to those who want it as a “one & done.”

    • OMG I totally skipped it. I’ll address it next week. I promise I won’t forget. Come to think of it I’d planned on giving my dog a bath today but never got around to it.

  2. We are still on the 7:45 am start time at high school here. My daughter is pretty good about getting up herself, she’s only been late once this year due to oversleeping. But it would be nice to have a later start time, but the bus system here uses the same buses that go to high school to transport the elementary schoolers that start at 9 or so I think.

    • No busses in our district except for the special needs kids. Ugh. I swear the high school kids here look like zombies in the morning. Dutch Brothers and Starbuck’s both opened up a block from the school and do a brisk business in the mornings. I envy you having a child who gets up in the morning. I do everything from sing bad songs to throw dogs on the bed to get mine up.

  3. I’m terrible at naming characters, and in fact, named very few of the critters on my blog. Same with pets… all three cats I’ve had went nameless for days before something finally came to me…

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