Short Story Sunday: Tall Tales

I met a guy once, a young Vampire guy, who claimed to be sleeping in Marilyn Monroe’s casket. I asked him what he did with her body and he just shrugged. I told him he’d better be careful or someone was going to put a stake through his heart.

The next year at the annual Vampire Masquerade Ball I saw him dressed like Buffalo Bill. He told me he’d been in Egypt and raised a beautiful mummy from the dead by giving her his blood. I asked him if her found all of her internal organs. He looked at me as if I was crazy.

“The Egyptians too out most of the internal organs, including the brain. Most went into jars. I’m not sure what they did with the brain,” I told him. “Did you find the jars?”

“Maybe she wasn’t a mummy,” he said.

A few months later I saw him at a Christmas party. He was telling a group of admiring young female Vampires that he’d been on tour with both Maroon 5 and Justin Timberlake. He said Justin Timberlake’s blood tasted like butterscotch with a hint of coffee. The young ladies all cooed with admiration.

I went up to the group and said, “So how was your year? I hear you were working at the CSU in Fresno? Lecturing on chemistry I heard. How’d that go for you?”

The subject quickly changed.

Over the next few years I ran into him several more times. He was always telling some sort of silly story. There were Elephants in Africa, killer rogue Vampires in China, rabid Werewolves in Montana, and my favorite – Rudolph Valentino’s Ghost.

He grew up and stopped making up stupid things to impress women. I heard he’d finally been taken down by one of his elders after saying something about working for the Secret Service and saving the President of the United States from a Werewolf.

Now everyone likes him for being who he is – just a sort of handsome-in-a-cute-way science geek who just happens to be a Vampire. Another time, another place, another stupid young Vampire trying to impress. Oh well.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman





7 thoughts on “Short Story Sunday: Tall Tales

    • Thank you. I wrote it from experience (sort of) in about 15 minutes while my kid was at skate practice this morning – as with most of my Sunday short stories. We’ve all known a guy like that.


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