What Kind of Meat Are You?

From 2015. The kids are grown now but I thought I’d entertain you with this again. Don’t forget to answer the polls.

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Way back when, back before I had teenagers, back before I knew what a blog was, back when Microsoft had Front Page and we did html by hand…

Years ago when the kids were playing Club Penguin I discovered Facebook. I didn’t think much of My Space. Anyway, a family member sucked me into Facebook. Way back then I discovered goofy polls. Mind you this was before cat memes and horrible inspirational quotes took over. This was back when you could easily create your own polls.

I used to LOVE polls in women’s magazines about relationship styles and clothing styles. The polls were fun. The polls always had something to do with relationships or sex or style. It was fun. Admit it – you did those polls too.

One day I sat at my computer, a toddler on my lap, and I tried to make my own poll. It was called “What Kind of Meat are You.” Yes, I did think that was funny. But it was never to be.

Back then blogs were also a mystery. They were difficult and serious or political. Fast forward about a million years. I’m writing a blog. I’m writing. I know other writers. I’ve evolved (thank you WPaD and Becky for your support.)

Hold on for a second…. a teenager needs to use this computer to do her online drivers ed so I’d better cut to the chase. Blogs were difficult and serious or religious. Parenting blogs were HORRIBLE and full of the kind of mom I never wanted to be.

But then I started this blog and discovered that I’m not alone. No, not the Vampire Parenting stuff, but the fact that the world is full of fun and unusual and creative and unique bloggers.

But that takes me back to polls. I was thinking about polls. Let us do some polls RIGHT NOW.

How old are you?

 

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WHAT KIND OF MEAT ARE YOU?

 

Thank you for your time. Your information will not be given to any third parties.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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A Vampire Roasts Pumpkin Seeds (an easy how-to with pictures)

Juliette Roasts Pumpkin Seeds (an easy how-to with pictures)

At my house, after we carve our Jack-o-Lanterns, we roast the pumpkin seeds.

Contrary to popular opinion Halloween isn’t great for Vampires due to the over abundance of sugar. I’m not kidding. We don’t handle it well. So it makes sense that pumpkin seeds are the perfect Halloween treat (other than fresh blood but that is a different post).

Some methods of roasting pumpkin seeds are full of steps. Well step no more. This isn’t the fox trot or Dancing With The Stars. It is just pumpkins seeds. It is EASY.

Juliette’s Way to Make Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

  1. Clean seeds after removing them from your pumpkin. Just scoop them out with your hands or a spoon. Remove all the gunk. Rinse them off.
  2. Spray your baking stones or pans. I use either my thousand year old well used black and beaten pizza pan or a well seasoned stone (I used to have a Pampered Chef stone but somebody broke it). I have better pans that I use for other things – but the old ones seem to work better for this sort of thing.
  3. Heat oven to 300 degrees F
  4. For 3-4 cups of cleaned seeds mix in a couple table spoons of olive oil and season to taste. I use a lot of garlic and a touch of seasoned salt. And why yes, Vampires DO eat garlic. But mix up your flavors with herbs, chili powder or Tobasco sauce. Whatever floats your ghost.
  5. Spread seeds on pans (one layer) and bake for 25 – 60 minutes. It all depends on how wet your seeds are. Figure it out as you go along and check every 10 minutes or so. When seeds are dry and crisp take them out. Feel free to taste while you cook (the sign of a good cook). PLEASE keep checking so you don’t burn the seeds. They will be dry and crisp when ready. And I mean dry, not chewy like an apple, but dry like a potato chip.

This isn’t a recipe for the exacting anal cook but it always turns out wonderful pumpkin seeds for me.

Happy Halloween!

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Clean out your pumpkin.

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Carve it. Admire it. Smile because it is so happy and scary!

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Clean your seeds.

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Turn oven to 300 F.

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Season and mix.

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Put seeds in the oven.

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Go admire your Jack-o-Lanterns.

Nom nom nom! Seeds are ready and crunchy and yummy! And good for you!

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Happy Halloween!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #29: Fortune Cookie

Only Thirty-one Burning Questions to go in the Fifty Burning Questions Festival.

When I was a child I used to absolutely love going to China Town in San Francisco. Yes, I was a tiny shy white child with wide eyes taking it all in. I thought it was the most wonderful place ever.

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Fortune Cookies have a long and colorful history. Look it up on Wikipedia. They started out as Japanese cookies. During the Japanese internment during WW2 the crazy little cookies started to show up in Chinese restaurants.

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Once in the 1970’s a friend of mine gave me a “dirty” fortune cookie. The fortune read: Girl chase boy around church and catch him by organ.

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For centuries people have been looking for ways to see their futures. They’ve thrown bones, looked into crystal balls, gone to charlatan psychics, read tarot cards, and done all kinds of weird stuff. But the sweetest of all, and the most fun is the Fortune Cookie.

So is it just a chance encounter with a random slip of paper, or is there another more celestial meaning?

Burning Question #29: What is it to open a cookie without a fortune? A simple machine error? Or a profound statement of the uncertainty of the future?

 

 

A favorite game is to have everyone read their fortunes and add the words in bed after the fact.

  • Success will come to your plans in bed.
  • Use your abilities at this time to stay focused on your goals in bed.
  • You will always be well liked and popular in bed.

Anyway you fold it, fortune cookies are both fun and maybe profound.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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San Francisco 1877

Burning Question #14: The Pineapple Dilemma

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It is time for #14 of 50 Burning Questions. Happy Saturday. Now get ready for an emotional roller coaster.

Today I submit one of the most divisive burning questions in the history of the universe.

Traditional Italian vs Hawaiian. No this has nothing to do with soccer or volcanos. It has everything to do with PIZZA. 

 

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Burning Question #14: Should Pineapple Be Allowed On Pizza?

 

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I hope I haven’t caused any riots. Please, listen to Israel sing. It will make you feel happy, even a world where a simple pizza topping can tear families and friendships apart.

In the meantime please feel free to leave comments. Let me know what your favorite pizza toppings are, where you favorite pizza joint is, or anything else you need to say.

 

I’ll see you next Saturday for Burning Question #15.

Oh, and by the way you can get your pineapple coconut and Thai tea ice cream at Gunther’s in Sacramento, CA. They make their own ice cream. Loads of flavors. Gunther’s has been there since 1940 – they know what they’re doing. To make it even better Gunther’s is fairly close to the Old Sacramento City Cemetery AND the Sacramento Zoo so you can make a day of it. 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #1

I want answers.

I have questions for the ages.

These questions are important.

Today I will ask the first of 50 BURNING QUESTIONS.

YOU will provide the answer. YES YOU. I’ve got a poll below. Don’t just say you like this post. Answer the poll question.

Please comment as well if you want. I encourage it.

BURNING QUESTION #1

Is a hotdog a sandwich?

This includes hotdogs, weenies, brats, and sausages served on buns or rolls where the top and the bottom of the said bun/roll are attached on one side. You know what I’m talking about.

 

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Open All Night

When you’re a Vampire, especially a Vampire mom you appreciate places that are open all night. That includes Wally World (Wal-Mart.) Yes, I know I’m supposed to be a wearing black lace and black pearls 24/7 but the reality is that I’m going to be in jeans and a tee-shirt.

One night, close to Halloween, back when my kids were babies I was out at 1:00 am, early for a Vampire but late for everyone else. You always need something when you have small children.

So Garrett (now 17) is an active 3 year old running up and down the aisle singing at the top of his lungs “I wanna be sedated.” Yes, the Ramones. I’m holding baby Clara over one hip. She is laughing and howling like a Banshee.  I have baby spit all over my shoulders. Garrett gets on the ground and starts to roll around, still singing. I’m looking for what I’m looking for.

Then a woman, a stranger I’ve never seen before, walks up to me and says “You need to take parenting classes.”

I looked at her and said “They’re just little children.” And before she could get out another condescending word I showed her my fangs and growled at her. Oh the cold fear that went through her soul. She froze and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d passed out or peed her pants or barfed. I didn’t wait to find out.

So, Clara and I were back at Wal-Mart to find some bits for a Halloween costume and I remembered I was supposed to bring a treat for the party. And there, like the Holy Grail of Sugar Rushes was a HUGE display of Twinkies.

I don’t eat the things – I’d go into a sugar coma, BUT everybody who isn’t a Vampire loves them.

We giggled all the way through the store (almost as much at the night we almost bought a BB gun).

After a fun Lucy and Ethyl moment we finished our TWEENKIE GHOSTS.

No, I don’t know how they taste and I will never know but I’m sure they’ll be a big hit!

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