Ask Juliette: Disgusting Creepers, Twilight, and Fun Movies

Welcome to “Ask Juliette” aka “Ask a Vampire” a not so regular semi-regular feature here at I answer all sorts of questions about life, love, Vampires, parenting, pets, possums, paranormal, wine, cheese, art, and anything else YOU need answers for or help with.

If you have a question leave it in the comment section below or send me an email message at juliettevampiremom @

So here we go.



The Rude Party Guest

Dear Juliette,

A few months ago while attending a dinner party at a friend’s home I sat next to a man I’d met at previous parties. I’ll call him Mr. D We talked for a while about parenting, social issues, and food. It was nothing but nice polite talk. Later that evening Mr. D told me we had a connection and that he knew we’d been lovers in another life. I smiled politely and went to find my husband. Sure the guy might have been charmed by me, but he was also full of shit. I’m a married woman in my late 50’s. I love my husband, who by the way is sexy and still hot, not that it makes a difference. I wasn’t looking for attention.

My husband had to leave early and Mr. D watched as I kissed my man goodbye. While in the kitchen talking to friends Mr. D came into the room and started rubbing my back. When I stepped away he would step closer again and touch me again. Juliette, this guy is adored by everyone in my friend’s friend group. I wasn’t going to turn around and yell “knock it off.” I was just shocked.

Later when everyone was leaving he  hugged me, kissed me, and grabbed my ass. I was shocked, again. I felt so violated. I made sure he didn’t walk me to my car. When I got home I told my husband about it. He said I should let it go unless it happens again.

I told my grown children and their spouses. They were all shocked. There reaction was shock. It said a lot about how younger generations take this kind of information. I was going to tell my friend who hosted the party but then social distancing started. She works for a hospital on the front line so I didn’t want to bother her. When things get back to normal, as in more parties, do I tell her? If this man ever touches me again I will tell him loudly and clearly that it is NOT acceptable. My husband said he’d also tell the guy it is unacceptable. But, should I tell my friend?

Oh yuck. I am so sorry you have to deal with such a pig. Yes, you should tell your friend. Be calm. Just state the facts. If this man ever touches you again please immediately tell him to stop. Don’t worry about who might hear you. This is unacceptable behavior. Nobody has the right to touch you without your permission, no matter how old you are. It sounds like you have a plan. Stick with it.  



And speaking of disgusting creepers…

Dear Juliette,

I know you are into Vampires, so why do you dislike Twilight so much?

Into Vampires? Yes, you could say that.

So why don’t I like Twilight. Let me count the ways.

First of all the story is fucking stupid and creepy in a gross way.

Second, and the most important reason is that Twilight is a story of an older man taking advantage of an underaged girl. Edward was born in 1901. Bella was born in 1987. Do the math. I don’t care if the guy is a Vampire or looks like he is seventeen. He is a creeper hanging out at a high school and taking advantage of girls. 

Any Vampire who has ANY self-respect would NEVER do something like that. NEVER. 

The Third reason is that Vampires and Werewolves having rumbles in the forest like they’re right out of West Side Story is fucking stupid. 

The Forth reason is obvious. Vampires don’t sparkle.

The Fifth reason, and last I’ll mention today, is the fact that Bella’s father didn’t do shit about his daughter hanging out with Vampires. Give me a break. Any dad who cared would have kicked Edward’s sorry skinny Vampire ass. 

Yes, the Twilight series got a lot of kids to read, but I just wish they’d read something that had better relationship and general life advice. No seventeen year old girl needs to feel like running away with an older man is EVER and answer. It is always the WRONG answer.



Dear Juliette,

What are the best movies you’ve watched during quarantine?

Thank you for asking. I’ve been fortunate so have seen some wonderful films over the past few month. Below is the short list. These are my favorites. 1-4 are movies I’d see again and maybe again.

  1. Searching
  2. The Half of It
  3. Blow the Man Down
  4. Good Boys
  5. Peanut Butter Falcon

Thanks for asking. All are fun and unexpected. The first four are exceptional. Searching will keep you on the edge of your seat, especially if you’re a parent. It kind of ties in with some of the questions asked today.



Stalker in the Making

Dear Juliette,

I went out with a guy I knew in high school. We are in our 20’s now. It wasn’t a romantic date, just catching up – so I thought. Now he leaving me long phone messages, zillions of texts, and telling me that he loves me. I wouldn’t answer him so he texted me and told me he tested positive for Covid-19. Now what?

BLOCK HIM from EVERYTHING. Block him from your phone and ALL social media. Take this seriously. BLOCK HIM. Tell your friends to block him. Tell your friends not to give him ANY information about you. His story about the Covid-19 sounds like a lie because he is mad at you for not calling him back, but don’t take any chances and GET TESTED. 

In the meantime just see people within your bubble until things start to get back to normal. Don’t take any chances. 



Thanks for dropping by. If you have a question about parenting, relationships, vampires, food, books, movies, cats, or anything else leave a comment below or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com.

To view the Ask Juliette archive CLICK here.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman




Searching for Vampires and Love Letters (and a monkey on your knee)

Looking for Vampires?

backtoschoolPeople want to know about Vampires and so it only makes sense that so many of them should end up here at

Visitors come to my blog all sorts of ways but the most unique ways are though search terms on search engines. Most are clear cut but some do surprise me. Below are some examples and my comment on those terms in italics. Note: I copied the search terms as they showed up on the search term report.

Search term: Bimbos eat lunch

I’m sure they do.

Search term: Vampire having sex with a monkey on its knee

I’m still trying to get a visual on that one.

Search term: Are vampires and ghosts real

Why yes they are. Next question.

Search term: How to convert a human into a vampire

I’ve told everyone over and over and over that the answer is: I am not going to tell you. Stop asking.

Search term: Fuck school its summer

OK that goes without saying, but I didn’t say that.

Search term: The standardized Vampire.

OK folks you know how I feel about anything that is “standardized”. But really, a standardized Vampire? I don’t think so.

Search term: How to Avoid Vampire Hunters

Like the plague, but yes, I have written about that subject and will continue to write on that subject.

Search term: Blue Gothic Weirdness

I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or not. I kind of like it.

Search term: What scares Vampires

A lot of stuff. Go away.

Search term: Brooding

Well, that pretty much sums it up for Vampires and teens.

Search term: Vampires looking for a snack

Yes, if you’re a Vampire I do have snack ideas right here on this blog. 

Search term: Vampire poems for kids

I thought that was sort of sweet. I think I will write some Vampire poems for kids in the future.

Search term: Story with a thrill

Yes, I DO have those kinds of stories on this blog (tell all your friends and send them right over.) Some of the best writing here could be considered in the grouping “stories with a thrill.”

Search terms: Do Vampires like cold or warm weather?

I generally like it in the 60’s but there is nothing like the feeling of a warm summer breeze on my bare skin while basking under the night sky. I like fog too. I really like fog.

Search term: How to act like a vampire in middle school

Is this from a book or a movie? I get this search term a lot. My advice is to never act like a Vampire unless you really are a Vampire.

Search term: Vampire history in California

This is dear and near to my heart. Yes, indeed, this is the blog for you. The founders of the Modern Vampire movement all moved here in the early 1850’s and we’re still in California. 

And the top search term to get to is:

How to respond to a love letter

Or anything else concerning love letters. I get more traffic to my love letter posts. If you look it up on Google you’ll be sent here. Don’t ever listen to those who say the love letter is dead. We all (no matter what you are) yearn for romance and expressing our love, even when it is brutally and gut renchingly honest.  To tell you the truth – I love writing the romantic posts more than anything else. Yes, I am a romantic, always, and forever.

Links to: How to Respond to a Love Letter and Writing a Love Letter

Now on to other business…

So traffic is up lately. Good. I have a good number of subscribers/followers/fans. Thank you all for looking for me, finding me and reading my stuff. My goal is to entertain, amuse, enlighten and inform.

This blog is pretty much a free-for-all with the excuse that I’m writing a parenting blog (never say mommy-blog unless you want me to hiss, show my fangs and puke.)

I feel my best work is done during the school year when I have more material to work with.

That said, I’m doing an extremely scientific poll on what YOU like to read. I know I can look at my stats but I’m not sure how scientific those are.

Pick the answer or answers you like best. Pick as many as you wish. Go ahead, it will be fun.

Of course no matter what comes up in search terms or polls – I will always write about parenting, gothic stories, the elders and of course the ghost.

May you always find what you’re searching for…

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Sure this little guy is cute but I don't want him ANYWHERE near my knee or any other body part.

Sure this little guy is cute but I don’t want him ANYWHERE near my knee or any other body part.