Searching for Vampires and Love Letters (and a monkey on your knee)

Looking for Vampires?

backtoschoolPeople want to know about Vampires and so it only makes sense that so many of them should end up here at

Visitors come to my blog all sorts of ways but the most unique ways are though search terms on search engines. Most are clear cut but some do surprise me. Below are some examples and my comment on those terms in italics. Note: I copied the search terms as they showed up on the search term report.

Search term: Bimbos eat lunch

I’m sure they do.

Search term: Vampire having sex with a monkey on its knee

I’m still trying to get a visual on that one.

Search term: Are vampires and ghosts real

Why yes they are. Next question.

Search term: How to convert a human into a vampire

I’ve told everyone over and over and over that the answer is: I am not going to tell you. Stop asking.

Search term: Fuck school its summer

OK that goes without saying, but I didn’t say that.

Search term: The standardized Vampire.

OK folks you know how I feel about anything that is “standardized”. But really, a standardized Vampire? I don’t think so.

Search term: How to Avoid Vampire Hunters

Like the plague, but yes, I have written about that subject and will continue to write on that subject.

Search term: Blue Gothic Weirdness

I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or not. I kind of like it.

Search term: What scares Vampires

A lot of stuff. Go away.

Search term: Brooding

Well, that pretty much sums it up for Vampires and teens.

Search term: Vampires looking for a snack

Yes, if you’re a Vampire I do have snack ideas right here on this blog. 

Search term: Vampire poems for kids

I thought that was sort of sweet. I think I will write some Vampire poems for kids in the future.

Search term: Story with a thrill

Yes, I DO have those kinds of stories on this blog (tell all your friends and send them right over.) Some of the best writing here could be considered in the grouping “stories with a thrill.”

Search terms: Do Vampires like cold or warm weather?

I generally like it in the 60’s but there is nothing like the feeling of a warm summer breeze on my bare skin while basking under the night sky. I like fog too. I really like fog.

Search term: How to act like a vampire in middle school

Is this from a book or a movie? I get this search term a lot. My advice is to never act like a Vampire unless you really are a Vampire.

Search term: Vampire history in California

This is dear and near to my heart. Yes, indeed, this is the blog for you. The founders of the Modern Vampire movement all moved here in the early 1850’s and we’re still in California. 

And the top search term to get to is:

How to respond to a love letter

Or anything else concerning love letters. I get more traffic to my love letter posts. If you look it up on Google you’ll be sent here. Don’t ever listen to those who say the love letter is dead. We all (no matter what you are) yearn for romance and expressing our love, even when it is brutally and gut renchingly honest.  To tell you the truth – I love writing the romantic posts more than anything else. Yes, I am a romantic, always, and forever.

Links to: How to Respond to a Love Letter and Writing a Love Letter

Now on to other business…

So traffic is up lately. Good. I have a good number of subscribers/followers/fans. Thank you all for looking for me, finding me and reading my stuff. My goal is to entertain, amuse, enlighten and inform.

This blog is pretty much a free-for-all with the excuse that I’m writing a parenting blog (never say mommy-blog unless you want me to hiss, show my fangs and puke.)

I feel my best work is done during the school year when I have more material to work with.

That said, I’m doing an extremely scientific poll on what YOU like to read. I know I can look at my stats but I’m not sure how scientific those are.

Pick the answer or answers you like best. Pick as many as you wish. Go ahead, it will be fun.

Of course no matter what comes up in search terms or polls – I will always write about parenting, gothic stories, the elders and of course the ghost.

May you always find what you’re searching for…

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Sure this little guy is cute but I don't want him ANYWHERE near my knee or any other body part.
Sure this little guy is cute but I don’t want him ANYWHERE near my knee or any other body part.


  1. Oh man! Poetry get’s 0 votes! Stab me now! I said “all of it” so didn’t specifically vote for any category. Poor poetry!! Anyway just keep doing what you do! 🙂

  2. I love search term mocking! I’ve been getting some good ones lately after a dearth of them in the Spring. I also chose only one option, and that’s “Surprise Me!” I enjoy the variety of topics you write about here!

    1. I can only imagine what weird search terms bring people to your nest. And yes indeed, I will surprise you! That is a given. My brain isn’t so organized (thank goodness) to make me do the same thing over and over! And I’ll share a secret, ok it isn’t a secret…I just like polls. I mean, I really like polls. Don’t try to figure it out or reason with me or anything like that – I just like polls. Thanks for the feedback!

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