Burning Question #11: I had to ask…yes, it’s about Vampires

Well crap, I accidentally posted this today instead of Saturday so just pretend the weekend is starting early. As an added bonus I’ll post burning question #12 on Saturday. And remember don’t just tell me you like this post, give me an answer. It is fast, painless, and easy.

vampire girls

If you’re here you know this blog is Vampire Maman – Musings of a Modern Vampire Mom. And if you’re here you know it is Saturday and time for the BURNING QUESTION.

Yes, I have to ask this one. 

Everyone has different ideas about Vampires.

Some believe they are evil beings lacking souls and from the depths of Hell (of goodness.) Some believe the Twilight shit and think they are weird old sparkling creatures who stalk high school girls (the whole concept disgusts me, both as a parent and as a woman.) You do know that is fiction don’t you? It is. Get over it.

Some believe they follow ancient blood rituals and live by a strict order set down by ancient laws (I can’t even hardly write that without laughing.) It just doesn’t work for most Vampires.

Some believe they are all like Dracula or the Vampires in the Anne Rice books (all fun and well written, or at least most of them.)

And some… a few, know that Vampires are just like everyone else except we live a long long long time, have a lower body temperature, can see ghosts, drink blood, can be pretty scary if we want, are extra sexy, can get a bit pissy, and are generally good parents, among other things.

And sometimes Vampires are just dried up old assholes who live in crypts and come out at night with their joints creaking as the dust falls off of their jackets and scare the shit out of people. There ARE Vampires like that and they’re pretty disgusting.

Just like normal folks real Vampires come in a lot of flavors.

If you aren’t sure of an answer please feel free to ask questions, or search this blog for answers.

Burning Question #11: Would you willingly become a Vampire?


Now that didn’t hurt a bite, I mean bit.

Oh come one, admit it was fun.

I’ll be back next Saturday with Burning Question #12. If you have a burning question you’d like answered let me know. See me on FB or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail. com


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Action, Adventure, Romance, Parenting, Musings? What would you like to see in 2014?

Bigfoot is not the answer I’m looking for but if I get any photos I’ll post them here first.

I know, TWO posts for January 1st, but I’m feeling the blog today.

Answer as many times with as many answers as you want. Vote as often as you want. I never said there was anything scientific about this.

I like polls. No secret there. Polls are silly and fun and don’t mean a whole lot… unless it makes you ponder or smile or gives you the idea I might be motivated by something other than the smell of fresh blood and an evening of shoe shopping. And if you want to lie go ahead. Everybody lies to polls. At least Vampires do (all of us.)

And have fun. Have fun no matter what you do.

Searching for Vampires and Love Letters (and a monkey on your knee)

Looking for Vampires?

backtoschoolPeople want to know about Vampires and so it only makes sense that so many of them should end up here at VampireMaman.com

Visitors come to my blog all sorts of ways but the most unique ways are though search terms on search engines. Most are clear cut but some do surprise me. Below are some examples and my comment on those terms in italics. Note: I copied the search terms as they showed up on the search term report.

Search term: Bimbos eat lunch

I’m sure they do.

Search term: Vampire having sex with a monkey on its knee

I’m still trying to get a visual on that one.

Search term: Are vampires and ghosts real

Why yes they are. Next question.

Search term: How to convert a human into a vampire

I’ve told everyone over and over and over that the answer is: I am not going to tell you. Stop asking.

Search term: Fuck school its summer

OK that goes without saying, but I didn’t say that.

Search term: The standardized Vampire.

OK folks you know how I feel about anything that is “standardized”. But really, a standardized Vampire? I don’t think so.

Search term: How to Avoid Vampire Hunters

Like the plague, but yes, I have written about that subject and will continue to write on that subject.

Search term: Blue Gothic Weirdness

I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or not. I kind of like it.

Search term: What scares Vampires

A lot of stuff. Go away.

Search term: Brooding

Well, that pretty much sums it up for Vampires and teens.

Search term: Vampires looking for a snack

Yes, if you’re a Vampire I do have snack ideas right here on this blog. 

Search term: Vampire poems for kids

I thought that was sort of sweet. I think I will write some Vampire poems for kids in the future.

Search term: Story with a thrill

Yes, I DO have those kinds of stories on this blog (tell all your friends and send them right over.) Some of the best writing here could be considered in the grouping “stories with a thrill.”

Search terms: Do Vampires like cold or warm weather?

I generally like it in the 60’s but there is nothing like the feeling of a warm summer breeze on my bare skin while basking under the night sky. I like fog too. I really like fog.

Search term: How to act like a vampire in middle school

Is this from a book or a movie? I get this search term a lot. My advice is to never act like a Vampire unless you really are a Vampire.

Search term: Vampire history in California

This is dear and near to my heart. Yes, indeed, this is the blog for you. The founders of the Modern Vampire movement all moved here in the early 1850’s and we’re still in California. 

And the top search term to get to vampiremaman.com is:

How to respond to a love letter

Or anything else concerning love letters. I get more traffic to my love letter posts. If you look it up on Google you’ll be sent here. Don’t ever listen to those who say the love letter is dead. We all (no matter what you are) yearn for romance and expressing our love, even when it is brutally and gut renchingly honest.  To tell you the truth – I love writing the romantic posts more than anything else. Yes, I am a romantic, always, and forever.

Links to: How to Respond to a Love Letter and Writing a Love Letter

Now on to other business…

So traffic is up lately. Good. I have a good number of subscribers/followers/fans. Thank you all for looking for me, finding me and reading my stuff. My goal is to entertain, amuse, enlighten and inform.

This blog is pretty much a free-for-all with the excuse that I’m writing a parenting blog (never say mommy-blog unless you want me to hiss, show my fangs and puke.)

I feel my best work is done during the school year when I have more material to work with.

That said, I’m doing an extremely scientific poll on what YOU like to read. I know I can look at my stats but I’m not sure how scientific those are.

Pick the answer or answers you like best. Pick as many as you wish. Go ahead, it will be fun.

Of course no matter what comes up in search terms or polls – I will always write about parenting, gothic stories, the elders and of course the ghost.

May you always find what you’re searching for…

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Sure this little guy is cute but I don't want him ANYWHERE near my knee or any other body part.

Sure this little guy is cute but I don’t want him ANYWHERE near my knee or any other body part.

A New Random Vampire Poll


Take the poll and discover…something or other.

drink coffee




Yes, I know there is a boo boo in some spelling in the poll. Haven’t figured out how to fix it yet (I tried).