Play Ball (and Other Summer Vampire News)

“We’ve known the fallacies and misleading contradictions spread about our kind,” said my dear old Dad with a little bit of smile, along with a little bit of fang. “Let them spread it my darlings, it is to our advantage.”

My teenage daughter and twenty-two year old niece listened to their Grandpapa who’d lived through the English Revolution (yes the one in 1688) and decided to start a movement with his fellow Vampires. They’d never lived in the shadows that much, and they didn’t have any plans to follow old dark ways.

I listened to his voice that still held a touch of an English accent. Then they started to talk about Baseball and this year’s Giants lineup. That is one of the advantages of not living in the shadows, especially if you have nice club seats during an evening game. Play ball.

I’m looking forward to a lot of summer fun with both of my kids (Garrett and Clara) and my niece and nephew (Laurel and Logan) RIGHT HERE so I can use them for blog fodder. Whoo Hoo. That is more Vampire fun than most folks can handle – but I know you’re up to it.

 

i-heart-giants

 

On another summertime note, I will be starting up my famous “America’s Got Talent and Cocktails” blog posts soon. The show is in it’s final season unfortunately. But don’t cry because it looks like it will be a good season – maybe the best. And yes, it will make you cry because it is so good. Plus I’ll be posting a new batch of Vampire cocktail recipes and party suggestions.

I will also feature uncensored comments from my own Vampire peanut gallery.

When I started Vampiremaman.com in 2012 the “America’s Got Talent and Cocktails” posts were one of the things that made this blog so famous. No kidding. So watch along with the Vampire family and let us know who your favorites, and not so favorites are this season.

By the way, if you don’t like the show, don’t read the posts.

 

AGT and Cocktails

AGT and Cocktails

Don’t forget… Thursday, June 7 is the next “Ask Juliette” day, where you get to ask me, Juliette aka Vampire Maman, questions about anything and I’ll answer. It is the ultimate advice and information column. If you have a burning question about parenting, relationships, life, Vampires, Zombies, or whatever please plop that burning question in the comments section below or if you’re feeling a bit shy, email me at juliettevampiremom@gmail dot com (you know, .com but if I write it out spamming troll robots will find my email and I’ll never find your message.) All questions received by midnight June 8 will be answered. Any questions I can’t get to will be answered the following week.

 

The fact that he always brought his brothers and their tiny chairs along on dates should have clued me in on just how weird he was.

The fact that he always brought his brothers and their tiny chairs along on dates should have clued me in on just how weird he was.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

ATG 2015 (with Cocktails and Vampires)

Summer is here and for my family (key words: family, family time, children) America’s Got Talent is a silly, fun, tradition. It is an old-fashioned talent show full of magicians, 78-year-old singers, dancers, comedians, acrobats… and you never know who or what will show up. My daughter told me that some kids from her school auditioned. It would be fun to see them on the show.

Last night was the second week of auditions. It is the 10th anniversary of the show. This is our 6th year of watching it, my 4th summer of blogging about it. While we watch my husband Teddy makes snarky comments and makes cocktails.

 

Cheers!

Cheers!

I have adored talent shows from the time I was a child. I never saw a Wild West Show (we lived in the Wild West.)

When my brother’s and I were growing up we took every opportunity we could to see performers. Most were musical acts, but we were open for anything. We’d sneak into theaters, do just about anything to see animal acts and puppets.

We first met our good friend Innocenzio D’ Antonio when he came through town with a touring opera company in 1865. My mother convinced him to stay in California (and turned him into a Vampire.) He showed up on Tuesday, at my house. His opinion is always valued. But we didn’t see any opera singers – not yet, but I guarantee you there will be some.

So what I’m trying to say is that we love shows and a variety of acts. Plus our silly summer ritual is the only talent type reality show we follow.

America’s Got Talent Season 10: Last Tuesday’s Show and Cocktails

The first few shows are the auditions shot during the winter months. The finalists (some children) are called back for the live summer shows (where the audience votes.)

This is what we saw and our rude comments for the second show:

Howie, Howard, Heidi and Mel are all back. My husband Teddy likes to give the silly Heidi clap. He says I clap funny like her.  And of course Nick is back in his usual ugly ill fitting suits – but he is still darling.

Here we go…

The DM Dance Group: Wow. This is one of the best dance groups I’ve ever seen on the show. About two dozen young women in black not only dance in the most mysterious way but use facial expressions too. Teddy thought they were boring, but he hates dance groups.

Wayne Hoffman: This guy exploded stuff in his mouth, or more accurate he did not explode stuff in his mouth, but rather in a box. He was ok. Teddy asked why he didn’t use m-1000’s. Now that would have been an act to remember.

The Craiglouis Band: Two cute and talented soulful singers. The judges loved them. Everyone sitting on my couch kept yelling “wrong key guys.” They also yelled, “you picked the wrong song dudes.”

The Swollowing Vomit Guy, Stevie Star: This guy swallowed stuff then pretended to barf it back up. Parlour tricks at best. He would have made a good opener at an amateur talent show.

Ronnie the Dancer: A weird middle-aged guy who danced in silver shoes. He was buzzed off.

Fourteen Year Old Ballet Dancer: I didn’t catch this young man’s name because everyone was talking too loud and yelling rude things about the previous dancer. The child was a beautiful teenage boy. They mentioned a vision problem, but I couldn’t tell. He was lovely.

Shirley Claire: Wow. This gal was a spunky, 87-year-old vixen. She sang her heart out. The jumpsuit didn’t do much for me – it was a bit baggy, but she hit it out of the ball park with her personality and style. The song she sang was “I’m Going to Live Until I Die.” Good choice.

There was a treadmill dance group. Impressive but not as fun as OK Go. Click here to see OK Go and you’ll know what I mean.

Roller Skate Guys: Horrible. They were nothing but a bunch of rink rat session skaters. Please, stop saying guys like this can skate. Come to the USA Roller Sports National Championships with me this summer and see how REAL skaters do it. Yes, it is a REAL SPORT. My daughter commented, “I can’t stand people like that.”

A magician sawed Heidi in half. I know how that is done. Someone mentioned he should have put a sock in her mouth. Yes it was mean but we all laughed. Sure we’re rude and awful but we’re Vampires.

Then there was the shy girl…

Lisa: A pretty young woman wearing a white blouse and red skirt came out to sing. The nervous girl came out with a huge beautiful bluesy voice. She was on key and absolutely killed it (in the best way.) I only wish the best for her. As a mom, I’d suggest a different hair style next time to frame that lovely face better.

Young Blood: He was a long-haired young man. I think he was trying to look like John Claire in Penny Dreadful (Frankenstein’s Creation.) He drank milk through his nose and squirted it out of his eyes. Why yes, it was disgusting. Yuck.

Derick Hughes Magician: Just look him up on YouTube (Click here for the link). He was a lot of fun and quite unexpected. He could win if he plays his cards right (yes, that was an intended pun.) Yes, he is the guy who pulled the cards out of his fly and out of his butt.

Freckled Sky: A couple of lovely young dancers played underneath water while fantastic images flashed on a screen. The comments from the peanut gallery were, “not tech bull crap,” and, “I’d rather just seem them dance,” and, “putrid,” and, “contrived.” I kind of liked them. They went straight to the Las Vegas semi-finals without having to perform again.

As for those cocktails…

Teddy mixed up a batch of one of our favorites.

Bloody Talent

3 parts V8
2 parts Vodka (I use the kind in the blue bottle)
1 part blood
A dash of lemon juice
A dash of lime juice
A dash of hot sauce
A dash of orange juice (just a dash)
A splash of good gin (the blue or green bottle)
3 large green olives (stuffed with whatever you like)
And add a pickled green bean if you like. Might as well.

Pour over ice!

Thank you Teddy!

If you’re not a Vampire leave out the blood.

So have fun and if you have a talent show it off!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

AGT Tonight AMAZING THINGS even for Vampires!

Not a lot of time getting ready for the Vampire Ball…

But we did watch America’s Got Talent tonight and OMG there are THREE clear winners:

William Close: Amazing, Talented, Good Looking, AMAZING…did I say amazing yet? I would pay big money to see him live. I think he is the best act I’ve ever seen on the show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEb0XZOAMkA

Eric Dittleman: Nobody that isn’t a vampire can read minds like him AND he is sooooo cute (like the Olate Dogs)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phggC7P-XXw

Joe Castillo: Beauty in sand

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jsh2W8ulc8w

Our three runner ups were:

  • Eric and Olma: We liked them despite what the judges said.
  • Lindsy Norton: Beautiful Young Dancer
  • Olate Dogs: Cute cute cute (the dogs and their sweet trainers)

Teddy went out with friends. I’m going to fix a cocktail, throw in a load of clothes and read one of my silly summer paranormal romance books. The kids are online voting and planning the rest of the week with their friends (it is summer after all)

Wishing you all the best from Vampire Maman!