Short Story Sunday: Curse of Bloke Island

They were all such guys. Really. They expected her to do all the work while they farted around and shared all of their bull shit sexist stories. It wasn’t as if she had an opinion. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t a valued member of the team. It wasn’t as if they even knew she was there until they needed something.

Mehitabel walked up the path to the top of the hill. She could see in the dark moonless night with no problem. That was never a problem. The only dark that bothered her was the dense void of her male counterparts.

At the top of the hill she raised her hands to the level of her shoulders than put her palms up. Her feet raised up off of the ground. She could levitate. Most of the males at the camp couldn’t even imagine doing anything like that. They were all Vampires, sure, they were, but none of them could harness the powers of darkness like she could. Sure they were larger and stronger physically, but they were such jerks.

And she always beat them at Risk. Every. Single. Time. The girl beat them at Risk.

Putting her feet back on the ground she listened to the surf break on the beach below.

He’d be there in a minute. She always knew. He always knew that she knew. He was the sender. She was the receiver. That was it. He was such a guy.

Mehitabel turned around. There stood he stood, the ultimate in alpha Vampire guys. Dark hair, amused eyes, and handsome as hell.

“Max,” she said, “I knew you’d be here.”

“You always do. We have that connection,” said the man who had also told her that he could never love her. What an asshole. What a guy.

He put his arm around her, and with his hand on the small of her back he pulled her close and kissed her.

She kissed back then pulled away. “What do you want Max?”

“You know what I want.”

Such a guy.

“Hey Max,” she said. “After we get rid of the Vampire Hunter headquarters on the island, get the treasure back, and clean up the mess, do you want to go see the new Star Wars movie with me?”

He smiled. “Sure, that would be fun. It’s a date.” Then he kissed her again.

He was such a guy.

 

~ End

 

 

 

Women are funny

My brother Valentine (Val) is one of the “go to” guys for romantic advice for the single Vampire guys in our area. One evening not long ago, while visiting the Ancient Vampires Tellias and Eleora I overheard his discussing women with our friend Matthew.

Matthew, a widower with a teenage son, used to be what we call a “Shadow Creeper,” That is an old fashioned brooding Vampire who lives in the shadows and stopped their clocks in the 19th century. The world is not kind to them and life brings little joy to them. With a small child to raise Matthew decided to join the world of Modern Vampires. It has been an adjustment needless to say.

Valentine: Women are funny.

Matthew: Funny? What do you mean by funny?

Valentine: They have a good sense of humor. They laugh out loud, The tell jokes and make bad puns. It is so cute.

Tellias: Don’t look for coy Matthew or you’ll spend the next 200 years alone.

Matthew looked slightly uncomfortable. “I’m not used to them being so open. There are no formal introductions or rules. It is as if they feel they run the world.

Valentine: They do rule the world.

Tellias: They’ve worked hard to rule the world. But let me tell you something Matthew. Women have worked hard for what they have. They’ve risked their lives and reputations. All the while they’ve taken care of us and of their children…and they take care of those who can’t care for themselves. So if they laugh a little or flirt with an attractive Vampire then let them. Enjoy their forwardness. Savor it.

Valentine: Matthew, aside from eye contact and good hygiene women want a sense of humor. They want a guy who laughs with them, not at them. They want someone who makes them smile. You don’t need to show your fangs.

Tellias: Don’t show your fangs. Never show your fangs.

Valentine: We can talk all night but what you need to do is get out there and just talk to women. Not as a romantic partner but just as friends. Get some practice. There isn’t any hurry.

I listened at the three male Vampires talked about relationships. It wasn’t anything earth shattering or unique. Just three friends, talking about women. Three men who just happen to be Vampires.

Tellias has been with his true love Eleora for 2,000 years. Val has been single but with a healthy appreciation of women. Needless to say he never has to spend a night alone. And with any luck, Matthew will find his way and his heart.

Click here for: Uncle Val’s Advice about Women (for Vampires and everyone else)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

red heart

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/daily-prompt-groupthink/

Real Men

From my husband (exact quote): “Real men wax their cars, not their chests.”

I'm not Juliette's husband. I'm another Vampire guy with a hairy chest and a great set of wheels. Let me drive you all night baby.

I’m not Juliette’s husband. I’m another Vampire guy with a hairy chest and a great set of wheels. Let me drive you all night baby.

Bad taste (and it isn’t bad blood)

Warning…bad taste and bad puns to follow…Fell free to search for previous posts about poetry and ghosts.

 

Vampire guys are sometimes a little weird.

 

I have to admit that a few Vampire guys I know have inspired books like these. Ohhhh they’re all respectable now but back in the day…

Would you marry this woman? On the other hand I'm not sure if I want to know that answer.

Would you marry this woman? On the other hand I’m not sure if I want to know that answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A woman needs more than housework and a new broom. Unless she is a witch then a new broom would come in handy, but that is another blog post.

A woman needs more than housework and a new broom. Unless she is a witch then a new broom would come in handy, but that is another blog post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What she needs is a fun night out with her skates and a little organ music (ok if you don't get that pun then there is no hope for you)

What she needs is a fun night out with her skates and a little organ music (ok if you don’t get that pun then there is no hope for you)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then again, there are those slutty girls I warn my brothers about. They love to tease the Vampires then yell for help. Right, like they need help. Give me a break. Go away you silly tramp and find a Werewolf or something.

Then again, there are those slutty girls I warn my brothers about. They love to tease the Vampires then yell for help. Right, like they need help. Give me a break. Go away you silly tramp and find a Werewolf or something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All Starry Eyed Over Vampires

starryUncle Max, hunts rogue Vampires and Vampire Hunters for a living. He goes after just about anyone and anything that could do harm to Vampires or Regular Humans. Max lives in the shadows like an avenging angel.

Max is also my eldest brother and my husband’s best friend. I remember him as the annoying older brother. He remembers me as his smart ass little sister. Max and my husband have had a  164 year old bromance – best buddies forever, since they were born, like a couple of guys in a silly comedy (think of The Wedding Crashers or worse The Hangover with Vampires).

Go figure.

So Max stops by this afternoon, as usual dressed in black and totally buffed. He asks if he could do something with the kids. My children. My teens.

I love Max…But like all Vampire guys, regular human women are attracted to him. And with Max, being Mr. Alpha Manly Vampire, they are out of control. Add my “most handsome creature who ever lived” husband to the mix and we almost have riots of out of control females.

Vampire dude with Vampire Maman Ink

So, as the mother of a teenage son, you can see my concerns, even for a Vampire mom.

I tell Max to tone it down and not to encourage the ladies. I tell him that he has to be a good example to his nephew and keep the respect of his niece. So far my son Garrett has done a pretty fair job of keeping the high school girls in control, and I want to keep it that way.

My Vampire friend Angela told me it is the same with her husband. She finally have to lay down the law and tell him not to play with his food and show some respect.

I shouldn’t worry. They just went to the new Star Trek movie. But if you think Kirk was good with the ladies, imagine if he had been a Vampire. Wooooo!

I asked the kids if “it” happened. They said Uncle Max got a few looks. OK, Clara said he got a lot of looks. Garrett didn’t notice. Good Max.

And what about Vampire ladies? We get noticed…but only when we want to be noticed. If we want to be noticed they can’t resist us. That is the advantage Vampire girls have. Bet you didn’t know that did you?

By the way…they loved the movie. I’ll have to go see it soon. 3-D of course.

Live Long and Prosper. And for good luck, kiss a Vampire.

enterprize

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman