Vampire Kids Say the Darndest Things…
Every Vampire parent has had that call from school about something totally crazy and sometimes scary our little ones have said.
Tessa age 5: “My dad is 160 years old.”
Jake age 5: “My parents drink blood.”
Kat age 6 to a classmate: “When I get old I’ll drink your blood.”
Michael age 6: “My parents are Vampires but that’s ok. They don’t kill anyone. Well, not anymore.”
Devin age 7: “I can see in the dark but I can’t see through clothes or anything like that.”
Lydia age 7: “Real Vampires are nice.”
Pierce age 6: “I won’t get my fangs until I’m 12.”
Rebecca age 5: “We don’t sleep in coffins because we’re not really dead.”
Tasha age 6: “Dracula is somebody a guy made up to make people afraid of my grandparents.”
Nathan age 7: “My dad reads minds and can make women faint.”
Sarah age 5: “My mom used to be human but that was a 100 years ago.”
Then we get the calls from the school suggesting family counseling. We’re asked all sorts of questions about what sort of movies and TV our kids watch. We’re asked about video games and books.
The standard answer for all Vampire parents, since about 1870 has been “I’m sorry. My Uncle Bob fills the kids up with all sorts of stories. I’ll tell him to stop.” Hey, it works. Blame it on Uncle Bob.
Then we get calls from teachers. Usually frantic.
“Richard is chewing up all the Nerf Balls” What can a parent say? The kid had fangs coming in. He’s teething.
“Gabe was sucking on a squrrel.” Don’t even try to explain that one, just take your kid home and tell him to leave the school yard animals and classmates alone.
“Why pray tell does Tiffany have raw meat in her lunch?” Well, because she wanted to pack it herself.
“Jason is showing the other kids where their veins are in case they ever find themselves with hungry Vampires.” Jason was 4 by the way. A cute little preschooler if there ever was one. Jason also said it was nice to share with your friends.
You never know what those cute little stinkers are going to say – so talk to them about what they can and can’t say to regular people and start them early!
Have a lovely night with your Vampire family.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman