Vampire Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Vampire Kids Say the Darndest Things…

Every Vampire parent has had that call from school about something totally crazy and sometimes scary our little ones have said.

Tessa age 5: “My dad is 160 years old.”

Jake age 5: “My parents drink blood.”

Kat age 6 to a classmate: “When I get old I’ll drink your blood.”

Michael age 6: “My parents are Vampires but that’s ok. They don’t kill anyone. Well, not anymore.”

Devin age 7: “I can see in the dark but I can’t see through clothes or anything like that.”

Lydia age 7: “Real Vampires are nice.”

Pierce age 6: “I won’t get my fangs until I’m 12.”

Rebecca age 5: “We don’t sleep in coffins because we’re not really dead.”

Tasha age 6: “Dracula is somebody a guy made up to make people afraid of my grandparents.”

Nathan age 7: “My dad reads minds and can make women faint.”

Sarah age 5: “My mom used to be human but that was a 100 years ago.”

Then we get the calls from the school suggesting family counseling. We’re asked all sorts of questions about what sort of movies and TV our kids watch. We’re asked about video games and books.

The standard answer for all Vampire parents, since about 1870 has been “I’m sorry. My Uncle Bob fills the kids up with all sorts of stories. I’ll tell him to stop.”  Hey, it works. Blame it on Uncle Bob.

Then we get calls from teachers. Usually frantic.

“Richard is chewing up all the Nerf Balls” What can a parent say? The kid had fangs coming in. He’s teething.

“Gabe was sucking on a squrrel.” Don’t even try to explain that one, just take your kid home and tell him to leave the school yard animals and classmates alone.

“Why pray tell does Tiffany have raw meat in her lunch?” Well, because she wanted to pack it herself.  

“Jason is showing the other kids where their veins are in case they ever find themselves with hungry Vampires.” Jason was 4 by the way. A cute little preschooler if there ever was one. Jason also said it was nice to share with your friends. 

You never know what those cute little stinkers are going to say – so talk to them about what they can and can’t say to regular people and start them early!

Have a lovely night with your Vampire family.

!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

A word about Mummies…and Mommies! And Vampire Kidlets! Halloween Fun has Just Begun!

Halloween will be here soon!

 

What are you going to be for Halloween???

We’re planning a trip to Evangeline’s the best Halloween Store in the Universe (in Old Sacramento). The mail goal is to find striped tights and the right makeup and maybe some wigs. But you never know. I think we’re going this weekend.

Vampire kids love to go Trick-or-Treating but unfortunately they don’t get to keep too much of the candy. We have a low tolerance for sugar so our systems just can’t handle it. But you know, the kids have so much fun giving it away.

Now that my children are Vampire Teens they get a special treat of Spiced Halloween Blood (and it’s the good kind – recipe to come). To make this year even more special we’re going to be making our own Halloween goblets out of wine glasses and glass paint. If you have any recommendations on glass plaint let me know! I’ll be posting photos and sharing my designs with you!

And of course what fun is Halloween without a Nightmare Before Christmas Party!!!!! Vampires love all things Tim Burton! So I’ll post recipes for treats and costume ideas! It will be great.

So Happy Pre-Halloween!

xoxoxoxoxo

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

FYI the illustration shown is by one of my favorite artists of all time W. Heath Robinson. The man was absolutely brilliant!

 

 

 

School Lunch for Vampire Teens – Recipe for Success

School lunches are better than they used to be in most schools in our area but for the Vampire Teen most are lacking in what our kids need.

Being a teen on a sugar free, gluten free, high protein diet is often difficult. Even the most innocent snack foods make our kids violently ill. Fruit is wonderful, but not too much or the sugar rush will turn into violent headaches.

And feeding off of classmates or teachers during school hours is an absolute NO.

In Middle School and High School it is cool to bring salads to school. Dark leafy greens are rich in iron and other nutrients needed by Vampire kids. This recipe is also fantastic for regular human kids.

 Easy School Lunch Salad

Start with 2 cups of dark leafy greens (kale, Swiss chard, spinach, red leaf lettuce, spinach) – avoid iceberg and butter lettuce.

½ cup cut up broccoli

½ cup chopped red bell peppers

Then add the toppings of your choice:

  • Cheese chunks – your choice (vitamin D – important because our kids don’t spend much time in the sun)
  • ½ cut rare/raw beef strips – cut paper-thin
  • Toasted soy nuts
  • Walnuts
  • Boiled eggs
  • Raw veggies – green beans, carrots, squash, bell peppers, mushrooms, tomato, etc
  • Black beans (a tablespoon or two at most)

Dressing

Mix about ¼ cup of lemon juice with 1 tablespoon of mixed dried herbs (basil, thyme, oregano)

Note: Make sure you put a frozen ice pack in your kids’ lunch, even in the wintertime. Food poisoning is a real threat, even for Vampire teens (who as you know have very sensitive stomachs)

  • A good way to add liquid blood into the lunch box is to add it to 100% cherry or cranberry juice. Mix it half and half for a great lunchtime treat.

Other easy choices:

  • Cheese sticks and nuts are good.
  • Milk and Unflavored Greek Yogurt
  • Gluten free crackers (especially made with bone meal)

Summer Camp for your Vampire Kid – Have fun (but PLEASE remember self control)

I posted this back in April – but in light of my 13 year old going off to camp next week I thought I’d post it again.

Summer Camp for the Vampire Kid

Self-control is the bane of the vampire adolescent.

We all remember that sense of wonder when our paranormal kicked in and we discovered could woo small animals into our hands. To hold a thrush so close and feel it’s warmth and the beat of its heart against our cheeks. Hard beaks and soft feathers as it sits ever so still and calm for our pleasure.

Unfortunately when you send your middle school kid off to summer camp you have to warn her that it will be tempting but no matter how good it seems – it is not the time for your first kill or any kill for that matter. It isn’t even time for a taste.

Good manners are essential to becoming a successful vampire. 

Tell your kid “If your teeth get itchy grab an apple or an orange.”  Just don’t grab and animal or worse the wrist of one of your cabin mates.  At camp food isn’t always available  – Vamp-Toys makes a great taste free rubber like ball that kids can scratch their new teeth on.

Of course your kid will look at you, like mine did and say something like “Mom, yuck. I’m not into that sort of stuff yet. I’m not ready.”  Sort of like talking about sex with your kids only worse.

Four Important things to pack:

  • Teething gel – the kind used for babies. It works for our older kids. They can squeeze it into a small container so it won’t embarrass them if other campers see inside of their bags.
  • Iron tablets – to make sure they get the energy they need and aren’t tempted to grab a squirrel.
  • SUN SCREEN: Don’t forget. The higher the spf the better. Sunburns are already bad with us, but with the child going through changes it is HELL.  Include a protective hat too.
  • Guidebook on native plants: If you haven’t already, teach your child what native plants are edible. Many are rich in iron, C and calcium (you’d be surprised).

Outdoor camps that feature night hikes are perfect for the vampire child. Night vision makes it fun to share secrets with other kids, without giving up the ultimate secret (“guess what I’m a vampire”).

But any camp is good. Let your little birdies fly. Sooner or later they will have go out in the real world and hang with humans (opposed to bats LOL). Summer camp is a great way to experience that.

Summer camp at the beach

Summer Camp Prep for the Vampire Adolescent

Self-control is the bane of the vampire adolescent.

We all remember that sense of wonder when our paranormal kicked in and we discovered could woo small animals into our hands. To hold a thrush so close and feel it’s warmth and the beat of its heart against our cheeks. Hard beaks and soft feathers as it sits ever so still and calm for our pleasure.

Unfortunately when you send your middle school kid off to summer camp you have to warn her that it will be tempting but no matter how good it seems – it is not the time for your first kill or any kill for that matter. It isn’t even time for a taste.

Good manners are essential to becoming a successful vampire. 

Tell your kid “If your teeth get itchy grab an apple or an orange.”  Just don’t grab and animal or worse the wrist of one of your cabin mates.  At camp food isn’t always available  – Vamp-Toys makes a great taste free rubber like ball that kids can scratch their new teeth on.

Of course your kid will look at you, like mine did and say something like “Mom, yuck. I’m not into that sort of stuff yet. I’m not ready.”  Sort of like talking about sex with your kids only worse.

Four Important things to pack:

  • Teething gel – the kind used for babies. It works for our older kids. They can squeeze it into a small container so it won’t embarrass them if other campers see inside of their bags.
  • Iron tablets – to make sure they get the energy they need and aren’t tempted to grab a squirrel.
  • SUN SCREEN: Don’t forget. The higher the spf the better. Sunburns are already bad with us, but with the child going through changes it is HELL.  Include a protective hat too.
  • Guidebook on native plants: If you haven’t already, teach your child what native plants are edible. Many are rich in iron, C and calcium (you’d be surprised).

Outdoor camps that feature night hikes are perfect for the vampire child. Night vision makes it fun to share secrets with other kids, without giving up the ultimate secret (“guess what I’m a vampire”).

But any camp is good. Let your little birdies fly. Sooner or later they will have go out in the real world and hang with humans (opposed to bats LOL). Summer camp is a great way to experience that.

Summer camp at the beach