Vampire 101: Removing Blood and Red Wine Stains (file this under ADULTING)

Now that both of my kids are out of the house I am not longer there for them when they get stains on their clothes. Dirt is easy.

I’m not going to believe the Tide Ad (The Super Bowl Ad) where the woman keeps saying “It can wait.” It kind of can’t. The faster you get something on that stain the better.

A good item to give your college bound kid (or yourself) is a laundry stain pen. Most major brands make them and they can be found in any grocery story. These handy little stain removers can easily be kept in a backpack, purse, pocket or binder.

But if you DO get a blood stain follow these follow these steps:

Don’t wait. Don’t scrub. Don’t put heat on it (heat will set the stain in forever unless you’re getting out grease and oil.)

To remove blood stains from washable fabrics.

  • Spray with a stain solution such as Simple Green or any laundry pre-treatment and wash immediately in cold water.
  • Check before you put the shirt (or other whatever is stained) in the dryer. You don’t want to set a stain in that you can still remove.
  • If any stain remains, I usually soak the hell out of it overnight with OxyClean or Goof Off spray. If you don’t want to do that then soak it in a solution of 1 quart warm water, 1­/2 teaspoon dishwashing or liquid laundry detergent, and 1 tablespoon ammonia for 15 minutes.
  • For excess solid or caked-on stains, scrape off what you can, scrub gently with a soft brush or clean sponge, blotting occasionally until the stain is gone.
  • This works for most organic stains, not just blood.

To remove blood stains from leather or suede:

  • Mix a solution of mild soap in lukewarm water. Dish soap works well. You want a lot of suds.
  • Apply only the foam with a sponge and gently rub the stained area, taking care not to spread the stain. Q-tips work great for this.
  • Wipe dry with a clean soft cloth. If all else fails take it in to get it professionally cleaned.

Blood stains on Silver

It may seem romantic and daring to the younger Vampires to use silver goblets to drink blood from but DON’T DO IT. Not only is it hard to clean but it is TACKY. Use glass or ceramic. Or even a red cup is better than ruining a nice goblet. But what if your college aged child gets carried away with the moment. Wash the silver right after use. Dried blood will cause some nasty tarnish. Better yet, tell your kids NOT to use silver with blood – especially not YOUR silver. If the stains are difficult get out the polish and elbow grease and MAKE YOUR KID DO THE WORK and polish those stains out.

Red Wine

I spill red wine a lot more than I spill blood. My secret is to get Simple Green on it ASAP. If you don’t have Simple Green just put it in the wash ASAP, or in a sink with whatever dish washing liquid (like Dawn) or any organic spray cleaner, or OxyClean.

If you’ve got a red wine stained carpet and on furniture take care of it ASAP. You’re taking care of it right now, and you didn’t start scrubbing away like a mad man (or woman).

Apply a dry material that will “lift” the red wine out.

Like any liquid, red wine will move toward anything dry that it comes into contact with. Your best move right after you get a red wine stain is to grab a dry, powdery material and apply it generously on the red wine stain. These include:

Table salt
Baking soda
Sodium percarbonate, a.k.a. a granulated form of hydrogen peroxide
Dry soap powder
Talcum powder, which is used for baby powder
Clay Kitty litter

These dry materials will “pull” the red wine out of the carpet, but don’t just start rubbing them in. Remember, you never want to rub (or scrub) the stain, regardless of what you’ve applied to it. Always apply the blotting method, even when it comes to cleaning up the salt or powder.

This works on oil stains too. I have a friend who used this on her car seats (the baby powder) and it worked wonders.

Let the salt (your best option), or any other dry, powdery material you use, settle for a few minutes. In some cases, this may be enough to actually remove the stain completely, especially if you acted fast enough. Otherwise, you may need to apply additional methods.

Coffee stains

If you get water on it right away most coffee stains will come right out. Most soap will get it out too. But use the same steps as above for blood stains and don’t let it sit too long.

If you’re prone to stains I suggest getting a small Green Machine or other mini type carpet spot cleaner. You’ll thank me for it later. This is a great tool for your adult children who are renters and concerned about getting their security deposits back (and just having nice looking carpets.)

Another life hack, or Vampire hack, is to always have a spare shirt in your car or backpack. You never know when you’re going to slop something on your shirt. It is good to be prepared.

My children were fortunate to go to an elementary school where life skills were threaded through the curriculum. They learned to do laundry, cook and plan meals, money, and interior design. This wasn’t some high end private school. It was a public school (Montessori). They learned the skills, wrote about them, did math problems about them, and compared notes. I will all kids learned this stuff in school. It is fun for them and they learn how reading, writing, and math fit in with the real world. If your child doesn’t get this in school take the time to teach them. When they move out they’ll call you about things that aren’t laundry or how not to overdraw their bank and Vemo accounts.

I’ve got an empty nest now but I will text my kids, share daily dog pictures with them, and maybe even talk to them today. But one thing I won’t worry about is stain removal – ok, maybe I will. They know it but they still always ask because, well, I’m the mom.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Mamam

 

 

 

 

Fright Night & New Vampires

Musings on a February Friday…

On Friday nights regular folks traditionally watch scary movies at home or at a theater. Fright Night. Every city has their host or events. In Sacramento it used to be a guy named Bob Wilkins (anyone out there remember him?). Bob would show the most horrible British Vampire movies. He’d also show the Vincent Price movies which were always a treat.

And speaking of ghoulish stories…a while back my kids asked me why people think we (Vampires) live in graveyards, specifically in crypts.

It was for practical purposes. For the most part when someone is turned into a Vampire they die, or at least go through a death like process. Upon coming through the transformation some are so shocked that they “might as well be dead” – as in dead to their former lives.

In this modern age that isn’t always the case. People often become Vampires and live their lives just fine, maybe a little weirdly, but don’t “die” but just sort of fade away and eventually move on. More on that later.

Anyway, back in the old days is was easier to A) not find the body or B) bury someone in a crypt. A crypt is above ground and much easier to escape from than a buried coffin. So that my dears is why people think Vampires live in Crypts. We live in houses. Except for my 6th cousin Donald the New Age Hippy Vampire who lives in a Yert, which is another story for another time.

This brings us back to our dear Cody, the new Vampire. Cody, as you recall became a Vampire last spring when the car his girlfriend (on/off girlfriend) went over a cliff on the Pacific Coast Highway and came crashing down upon the rocks. A Vampire friend rescued them and the only way to keep them from death upon the rocks was to bring them back as Vampires. We’re not sure what happened to the “girlfriend”. She might not have survived the process (I’ll spare you the ugly details of what might or might not have happened – at least for today).

Keep in mind that this is not something that happens all the time. It is as rare as seeing a ghost (not in my case) or … just take my word for it. This rarely happens.

I don’t know the agonizing experience of being transformed into a Vampire or Werewolf. If you’re born that way it seems normal. If you aren’t it is brutal and many don’t survive both physically and mentally. Your very being and everything you know will change. Everything you thought was real is suddenly different.

Cody seems to be doing ok. Unlike the old days, he still sees his family and old friends. He met Vampires before he became one so he doesn’t see us as monsters. He has quit his old job and taken up with a company run by Vampires. But there is an adjustment.

Cody is now hypersensitive to the sun. He needs to get blood. His diet is limited. On the bright side he can now see in the dark. He is learning how to use his “paranormal” abilities, and he looks really cute with fangs. And he’ll heal much faster if he is hurt. Much to my chagrin I think he is falling in love with my great great great grandmother – there again another weird story.

He is having a few issues but I’ve told him that his soul has not been eaten by evil and he is welcomed into our community with open arms.

With all new and unexpected situations we need to be there for those who need our support – even if they don’t ask. Just let them know you are thinking about them – even that is a small comfort.

So I guess the point to this is that we all get through things, or maybe that is not the point. Sometimes even being pointless is ok.

Find comfort in the company of others and help new friends along the way.

Find comfort in the company of others and help new friends along the way.

Dumping someone like this is never a good idea.

Dumping someone like this is never a good idea.

Deliciously Random Bites

Deliciously Random Bites

Most Vampires have A+ (positive) blood. Don’t ask me why. It is what it is.

Vampires like red things like blood, pomegranates, red shoes, apples, red wine and tomatoes.

Vampires don’t tolerate baked goods (cakes, bread, muffins, whatever) especially things with sugar, but my friend Rebecca is trying to find the perfect recipe for RED VELVET CAKE. As soon as I get the recipe I’ll post it for my regular human and Werewolf friends.

That is why you might find a Vampire who is a butcher or candle stick maker but never a baker.

Vampires like all sorts of music. Especially if it is different and creative and full of spirit.

Our hearts beat slower and our body temperature is cooler. Cold hands warm heart.

Our souls are dark and romantic.

There is a lot of life in the dark. Go into the woods on any night with a flash light. THAT is when the animals come out.

Contrary to popular opinions Vampires like a good joke (but I’m not going to tell you any).

Most Vampires have great voices. We could all be on the radio or voice actors.

I hope to finish one of my novels soon but enough of that.

Wishing you all a lovely Valentine’s Day Week. Especially my brother Valentine who was not born on the 14th. His birthday is April 1st.

xoxoxox

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Everyone needs to get along!

menu

Swiss Chard and Uncle Reggie’s Race Horses

Several readers have asked me how I make my Swiss Chard for Thanksgiving…which reminds me of the time my Uncle Reggie purchased a dozen race horses with the intention of using them for blood but had no place to keep them. My father rescued the poor beasts who were not doing well under Reggie’s care (we laugh about it now) and that is how I got my first horse. All five of us kids got a horse. That was 1874. Anyway Reggie showed me how to make chard jut right. Every Vampire knows greens are full of iron. So, yes this is a teaser I’ll post the recipe tonight. Right now I’m doing the mom thing at sports practice and just have my iPhone. xoxo

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

A word about Mummies…and Mommies! And Vampire Kidlets! Halloween Fun has Just Begun!

Halloween will be here soon!

 

What are you going to be for Halloween???

We’re planning a trip to Evangeline’s the best Halloween Store in the Universe (in Old Sacramento). The mail goal is to find striped tights and the right makeup and maybe some wigs. But you never know. I think we’re going this weekend.

Vampire kids love to go Trick-or-Treating but unfortunately they don’t get to keep too much of the candy. We have a low tolerance for sugar so our systems just can’t handle it. But you know, the kids have so much fun giving it away.

Now that my children are Vampire Teens they get a special treat of Spiced Halloween Blood (and it’s the good kind – recipe to come). To make this year even more special we’re going to be making our own Halloween goblets out of wine glasses and glass paint. If you have any recommendations on glass plaint let me know! I’ll be posting photos and sharing my designs with you!

And of course what fun is Halloween without a Nightmare Before Christmas Party!!!!! Vampires love all things Tim Burton! So I’ll post recipes for treats and costume ideas! It will be great.

So Happy Pre-Halloween!

xoxoxoxoxo

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

FYI the illustration shown is by one of my favorite artists of all time W. Heath Robinson. The man was absolutely brilliant!

 

 

 

Robinson Crusoe

I read this to my children when they were young and I still love it. Forget them. I love it.

OK, I know you came here for vampire stuff. Blood, lust, gore, sex, more sex, adventure, wit, beauty, tits, more blood and lust…I get it. OK I really do get it. I’m into all of that too, but it’s been a long night and I’m drunk on fresh hunts (blood ok) so Juliette, vampire maman, just wants a little silly poetry charm. Work with me on this. You’ll thank me for it later.

Blood, lust, passion, desire, parenting advice, ghosts, vampires, werewolves and paranormal romance ALL to come next week. I promise. Really I do. Just read the poem. Let me share.

Robinson Crusoe’s Story

THE night was thick and hazy
When the ‘Piccadilly Daisy’
Carried down the crew and captain in the sea;
And I think the water drowned ’em;
For they never, never found ’em,
And I know they didn’t come ashore with me.

Oh! ’twas very sad and lonely
When I found myself the only
Population on this cultivated shore;
But I’ve made a little tavern
In a rocky little cavern,
And I sit and watch for people at the door.

I spent no time in looking
For a girl to do my cooking,
As I’m quite a clever hand at making stews;
But I had that fellow Friday,
Just to keep the tavern tidy,
And to put a Sunday polish on my shoes.

I have a little garden
That I’m cultivating lard in,
As the things I eat are rather tough and dry;
For I live on toasted lizards,
Prickly pears, and parrot gizzards,
And I’m really very fond of beetle-pie.

The clothes I had were furry,
And it made me fret and worry
When I found the moths were eating off the hair;
And I had to scrape and sand ’em,
And I boiled ’em and I tanned ’em,
Till I got the fine morocco suit I wear.

I sometimes seek diversion
In a family excursion
With the few domestic animals you see;
And we take along a carrot
As refreshment for the parrot,
And a little can of jungleberry tea.

Then we gather as we travel,
Bits of moss and dirty gravel,
And we chip off little specimens of stone;
And we carry home as prizes
Funny bugs, of handy sizes,
Just to give the day a scientific tone.

If the roads are wet and muddy
We remain at home and study,—
For the Goat is very clever at a sum,—
And the Dog, instead of fighting,
Studies ornamental writing,
While the Cat is taking lessons on the drum.

We retire at eleven,
And we rise again at seven;
And I wish to call attention, as I close,
To the fact that all the scholars
Are correct about their collars,
And particular in turning out their toes.

Charles Edward Carryl