When everyday seems like Halloween…










October will be here in a few hours! Time for scary things.

I have refrained from the darker side of Vampire life. I was brought up not to talk about things like that in polite society. But we all know we talk about it ALL THE TIME.

Face it, sooner or later Vampire kids, those who are brought up to be Modern Vampires have to hear of what goes on in the darker circles of our population. We can’t protect them from everything but we can give them the tools to deal with it. We can teach them good judgement. We can not only tell them what NOT to do but WHY they shouldn’t do it and the consequences. We can teach them not to associate with members of certain circles of the Vampire population. That is what happens when you live in a world where everyday is Halloween.

Then again I know a lot of Regular Humans who live like it is always Halloween so I guess my point isn’t too unique to Vampire Teens.

You know how, sometime when you’re just sitting around and some weird memory comes to mind and you think “I would never tell my kids that.” Well, that happened today.

I was thinking about a guy that I knew. It was more than a guy. He was minor royalty. He wanted to be a Vampire. I played with him. I led him on. I even thought about granting his wish. He was fun and sort of dangerous in that bad boy sort of way and he was gorgeous.

One night I showed up at his house. He had a surprise for me. I thought of his surprises. Once it had been one of his friends with a rather nice neck. One time it had been a pair of ruby earrings.  I couldn’t guess.

He took me to a bedroom where he presented me with two very small children. They couldn’t have been more than two years old, sweet and perfect, sleeping like angels. “I brought you babies, the sweetest babies, for your enjoyment.”

“Are these your children?” I knew the answer but dared not show my true feelings.

“I bought them for you.” He told me that as if it was normal. “Like the finest lamb or veal. They’re yours to enjoy.”

I took the children without taking a drop of blood from them. They were placed in loving homes and never remembered a thing of that night. I never saw my lover again. Nobody ever saw him again. Not even one drop of his blood. Imagine that.

It wasn’t the first time something like that had happened. It won’t be the last, but we’ve tried to be civil. We try to not do harm. It is our way in our circles.

That was October, 1880.  A lot of ugly things existed in the world then and still do now. We talk to our kids about what we hear in the news and what goes on with those we don’t associate with…but all the while…

While we protect our children we must also let them know that the world isn’t always  rainbows and puppy dogs. I know I’ve said that before. They need to go out in the world prepared with open eyes, and we need to teach them from our own experiences. Maybe not tell them everything, but you know where I’m going on this.

So, Halloween is coming and I’ll try to get some fun stories of adventures we’ve had that are scary and fun… but there are some things that are too scary and too sad for this blogger to put down here.

And now that you’re all depressed… You know I’m tough and can handle bad situations, but I’d rather live the life of a comfortable wimp who seduces to get my blood rather than putting fear into the hearts of everyone I meet.

But I promise some fun in October and plenty of Vampire fun! Really, I’ll try to stay away from these depressing musings (ok maybe not but keep coming back just to check in for the funny stuff.)

Alright, twist my arm, maybe we’ll have some scary stuff…

So I’ll end with a joke:

A Vampire goes into a bar with a bat. The bartender says “You need to take that thing to the zoo.” The Vampire says “We went to the zoo yesterday. We’re going to the movies today.”

I just looked up from my computer to see the ghost standing outside the window, leaning on the deck rail looking up at the starts. He just flipped me off. Damn him. I’m going to flip him out and show him some fangs. Serves him right. Like I said, it is always like Halloween around here.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Halloween Hotties #5: Ghosts (part 1)

You know how I feel about ghosts in real life, but in the movies we can forget the fact that they are rude and make rude hand gestures and act like I’m the one people are creeped out about. Hey, I’m just a Vampire, not some weird thing without a real body. Anyway…

The hottest ghost ever was played by Rex Harrison in the Ghost and Mrs. Muir.

If you haven’t seen this movie you MUST see it before Halloween. Just trust me on this one. Oh my goodness!



But for just fun and naughty games there is the ghost in High Spirits played by Niam Neeson. Yowza.


Not all ghosts are hot but you gotta love this guy!


And yes, you know my history with ghosts or one particular ghost… I haven’t seen him around lately.

Just think of ghosts as hot guys who aren’t really there.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Halloween Hotties is a weekly feature through Halloween:

Halloween Hotties #1 – Vincent Price

Halloween Hotties #2 – Movie Vampires

Halloween Hotties #3 – Werewolves

Halloween Hotties #4 – Witches


Short Story Sunday: Stumped


I just got done removing a stump from the back yard and I’m sitting down to a beer and the game when the doorbell rings,

My wife is out shopping and the kids are off with friends. I’m enjoying a little quiet time, just me and the TV.

I answer the door, and there is a guy about my age standing there. He looks like he just came out of GQ Magazine with a jacket, perfect jeans, a shirt that costs as much as my house payment. His features are like an Italian Model or a Movie star, that sort of pretty but manly look that women go nuts over. His hair is perfect, thick and silver. He’s wearing a Rolex Submariner. Nice.

He gave me a pretty serious look then said “I’m sleeping with your wife.”

Alright, I wasn’t expecting that one. He then looked me up and down like he was waiting for me to beat the shit out of him. I’m a big guy. Not big and fat, but 6″4′ with 50 inch shoulders and a lot of gym time.  I used to play football. This guy wasn’t small but I had a good 5 inches on him and maybe 60 pounds. He looked like a runner or one of those freaking guys who rides a bike in neon colored spandex shorts.

Honestly I should have beat the shit out of him, but that isn’t my style. I just went numb. Heather and I had been together for 20 years, married 17 of those years. We have two kids and a house and friends and … we were one of those perfect couples. You know, we laugh a lot and say the same thing at the same time. That sort of perfect. We hold hands and … I thought things were fine.

Sure she’d put on some weight and had a hard time dealing with her body image. Sure she was over worked with her job and the kids and with me. Sure she was stressed, but who isn’t? But… this handsome, obviously wealthy guy was standing here telling me that MY WIFE was sleeping with him.

He started talking about passion… her passion. Sure we had passion. That morning I’d almost been late for work because of her passion, our passion. But he got into details of fetish stuff he’d do with her and how he made her scream the way I never could. I had no idea she ever wanted any of that stuff. I sure didn’t want it.

Then, as I stood stunned, he talked about her beauty and how smart she was and how I could never ever appreciate her. He said the kids didn’t need her as much anymore, he said she loved him.

I could feel my body start to shake. My world was imploding around me. My throat was tight. I thought I was going to vomit on his expensive shoes. Finally I said something. “Does she know you’re here?”

Mr. GQ  glared at me and said “I’m taking her away to live the life she deserves.”

“Do you love Heather?” I asked. I had to know. I knew the answer but I wanted him to tell me.

His eyes opened as big as dinner plates. “Heather?”

“My wife,” I said.

“Your wife isn’t Allison?”

“Heather.” I grabbed the wedding photo off of the hutch in the front entry way and put it in his face. “Allison lives next door.”

“Uh, sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t go next door. He just got in his car and drove away.

About 20 minutes later the front door opened and I heard a familiar voice “Honey, I’m home. Did I miss anything.”

“No, just got the stump out and I’m watching the game. Hey, did I tell you that I think you’re beautiful?”  Then I took her hand and took her upstairs. It would be another 3 hours before the kids came home.


Short Story Sunday at Vampiremaman.com

Short Story Sunday at Vampiremaman.com

More from Short Story Sunday

Expect the unexpected … and a lot of fun! Click on the title to go to the story.

How to Write a Vampire Story (DIY Projects)

starsHave you been trying to write a Vampire story but just spend hours staring at a blank page? Do you dream of being the next best selling Vampire author? Do you love the passion of Vampires but find your fingers fumbling on your keyboard.

Stare, fumble and dream no more. Now you have the fun and easy way to write your own epic Vampire story.

It is so EASY.

Print out this post or cut and paste the text into a Word document and print it out. Cut out the words below (as individual words, descriptions, names). Put each group of words into individual jars (bags, hats, boxes.) Pick the indicated amount of words from each jar. Write your story.

The Vampires (pick 3-5)

Vlad – one of those opera cape type of Vampires

Catherine – a raven haired wild temptress of a Vampire

Russell – A geeky vampire

Ramona – A passionate Vampire who wishes she was human

Big Rob – A larger than life Texan Vampire who always gets exactly what he wants

Zack – An Enforcer and hunky sexy Vampire guy. Knows his weapons. Has a really big gun.

Jared – A Wall Street Banker, recently turned into a Vampire. Wears really great suits.

Billy – The Vampire with a heart of gold

Jonathan – An ancient Vampire who is smoking hot sexy and deadly

Freda – Vampire Queen

Fiona – A dead ringer for Freda

Larry – A Vampire guy who likes fast cars and faster women

Lissa – Sexy Vampire scientists and university professor

Jeff – A Vampire who runs an antiques shop

Jasmine – An exotic Vampire woman with a secret past

Clay and Desdemona – Vampire hipsters

Other Creatures (pick 2)

Hank – a hunky Werewolf

Piggy – a short fat Werewolf (turns into a pug dog during full moons)

Doris – a fast talking Goblin chick. Likes tight red dresses and green hair

Jenny – A screaming banshee with a keen sense of humor

Nickle – A girl who is really a robot underneath her smooth seductive skin

Mickey – A mouse

Susan – A Zombie

Humans (pick 3-9)

Jack – Tall and handsome with a body to kill for. A serious attorney.

Mavis – A fast talking, hard living biker grandma

Morgan – A beautiful blonde

Dash – handsome fast talking con-man

John – A Hell Fire Minister

David – Cute in a geeky way computer programmer

Liv – Sweet innocent girl of 19, ready to take on the world

Boris – A Russian Count with a dark Secret

Bella – The girl with only one facial expression

Senator Hayes – A powerful US Senator

Jason – A preppy college student

Dr. Fausco – A mad scientist

Dr. Harrison – A History Professor with an interest in Vampires

Stephen – An antiques dealer with a passion for all things dark and mysterious

Daphanie – A romance writer

Fit – Yoga instructor who is also the lead singer for a Metal band.

Kindle – A police detective

Janice – A prim and proper small town librarian who dreams of passion.

Janet – Damn it

Bruce – A Vampire Hunter

Callie – Another Vampire Hunter

Dr. Ralley – Another Vampire Hunter

Twig – A meth cooker and snitch

Locations (pick 3)

Phoenix Arizona

The Swiss Alps

New York City


San Francisco

A deep dark forest

An airport

Washington DC






St. Paul

New Orleans

An ancient crypt

An old church

A castle

An old dark house

A school

A University

Plot Stuff (pick 5)

An unsolved murder

A mysterious lover

They fall in love

A violent blood soaked night of passion

A roll in the hay

A car chase

Snow falling

Locked in a cabin


Gun shots

Finding a treasure

Robbing a bank

Finding a body

Falling in a grave

Buried alive

A creepy sermon

A gathering of bats

A bathtub full of otters

A bubble bath

A wild night of romance

A dark stormy night

Interesting Objects (pick 3-5)

A map

Ancient book in an unknown language

Pink foam curlers


A golden key

Jeweled dagger

Finely carved chair

A complete Meissen Monkey Band

Silver cross

A gun

Fine lace handkerchief

Mysterious locked box

Red shoes

A white beaver hat


Old photo album

A mirror

Crystal ball

Clock with a mysterious chime

A set of crystal goblets

OK everybody, now get to work and write your own Vampire story. Have fun! And don’t forget to check your spelling (something I rarely do but highly recommend.)

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman (now you know exactly how I do it)


Remembrances of School, Life and Love

Remembrances of School, Life and Love

We recently had a party at the farm owned by the Elders.  All four of my brothers were there, along with Cody our new Vampire, Matthew an old Vampire who is trying to become more modern for the sake of his son, along with a rare visit from my niece and nephew, my kids, plus several other friends and their teens.  It was one of those wonderful early fall evenings when the weather is just starting to change and the cool Delta breezes take away the last of the daytime heat.

I’d been tasked at helping Cody transition to the world of Vampires when he was changed into one of us, unknowingly about two years ago (he knows now and is a find young Vampire). Since then the 32 year old and I had become close friends and he’d settled quiet well into our lives.

He stood with my great great great grandmamma Lola on the steps of the cottage she lives in next to the much larger Victorian farm house the elders and my brother Val lived in. Cody’s arms were around Lola, as if he never wanted to let her go. He kissed her and ran his hand over her long curls. They were so sweet together. Lola might have been born the same year as Geoffrey Chaucer,  sometime around 1365, but she looks about 25 or 26. The age difference between Lola and Cody is an issue with some members of my family. Or maybe it is just the fact that she hasn’t hitched herself to some older and more traditional Vampire. They fail to remember that Lola has never been one to hold to tradition.

My brother Max snarled under his breath and looked across the lawn at them in disgust. “I can’t believe she attached herself to him.”

“Just shut up and give it a rest. They’re happy. Be happy for them.” I wanted to call my eldest brother an asshole but refrained. But he knew I was thinking it. Do you ever just want to smack someone but don’t because… well just because you’re the better person for it and you know the person you want to smack can beat the hell out of you. Anyway…

Since it is fall, the talk turned to school. High School for the younger members of the party. College and law school for my brother Aaron’s kids.

The kids always marvel that any of us know how to read and write at all considering we went to school back in the days before Wikipedia, electricity and smart phones. They are astounded that we even had colleges to attend. Oh the innocence and ignorance of youth.

Matthew and his son Josh are new to the group. Josh is a typical teen, engrossed in friends and music. Matthew is an old fashioned Vampire (we called them Shadow Creepers) who lived as if it was another century (past not future) but he wanted a better life for his son, as a Modern Vampire. He reached out to us about a year ago and moved to our area. Josh has thrived. Matthew is still a bit uneasy but is trying to embrace this new world he has found himself in.

A while back Matthew mentioned that we live like Regular Humans more than we live like Vampires. I told him that we all live in the same world so maybe Regular Humans live more like us.

That said, someone asked Matthew what school was like for him back at the end of the 18th Century.

He thought for a moment, a little apprehensive about telling his story. Then he began, in his almost seductive expressive voice (which he is totally unaware of.)

Matthew began. “My mother was the second wife of my wealthy father. His first wife had died after giving him six healthy sons and a daughter.  My mother, Anna, was a pretty toy and brood mare for his business empire. She bore him another seven children before succumbing to illness. I was the fifth of Anna’s children, the 10th son of my father. I hardly knew my mother and was raised by tutors and nursemaids.

I remember once going into my father’s library and upon finding him there I attempted to strike up a conversation. He looks at me with a puzzled smile and said “Matthew, isn’t it? You’re Matthew. Can you read young man?” I nodded my head and he told me to find a book and leave him to his business.

The following month my father remarried another pretty young fertile women. Upon the return from their honeymoon he sent all of Anna’s sons off to boarding school.  I was only eight years old.  My father’s third wife gave him six more children giving his a total of nineteen offspring. Fifteen sons and four daughters.

In boarding school our masters taught us mathematics, music, religion and business so that we’d be prosperous and upstanding businessmen and citizens when we grew into men.  They treated us well but there were little or no emotional ties beyond what we made with our dorm mates.  I was often lonely but accepted my lot in life. I knew nothing else.  I was just another commodity to my father. I had no mother. My brothers were indifferent to me.

Shortly after my 14th birthday I looked out the window over the fields near the school and saw a figure of a girl standing in the moonlight. We looked at each other for what seemed like forever, and then she waved and vanished. She returned every night for a month, then one evening I awoke and there she was sitting on the edge of my bed, a black cloak around her shoulders, her honey gold hair in curls around her face. She was so pale yet so lovely, a young girl of my own age. Her name was Sabina and she already knew mine was Matthew.

Sabina took my hand and we went outside. It was odd to me that nobody noticed our departure. For several months she would visit and soon I grew to love her. And one day I kissed her and…”

He faltered. “She told me that she loved me. That night I left my school and old life forever. Through her blood and her love I became a Vampire and was accepted into her world, a world I came to willingly, where my new family remembered my name.  We were together for over 200 years until…until our son was just four years old and she was taken from us. Thirteen years ago last month. It seems like the time with her was but a moment but the few years without her has been forever.”

Matthew’s son Josh put his arms around his father’s neck and gave him a hug.  Matthew closed his eyes for a brief moment, then gave a slight uncertain smile.

Later I thanked Matthew for his story and welcomed him again to the world of Modern Vampires.

Being “different” can bring a difficult set of challenges to parenting. On the other hand it can enhance life for your child because you’ve seen the world through unique eyes yet you can understand what others expect of you. And if you do it right you can bring your child the best of all possible worlds.

Have a good weekend everyone,

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


I wait for you

I wait for you

The quick beating of your heart

The hitch in your breath

In anticipation of

My kiss and maybe

My bite.




Juliette aka Vampire Maman



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