Vampire guilt and parenting… more musings and general BS

Juliette Vampire Maman

Vampire Maman

Someone recently asked me if Vampires have support groups for our guilt about being what we are.

I think not.

What would we talk about? My obsession with tofu? My secret spray on tan? My loathing of black clothing?

Even the lowliest of Vampires, the shadow creepers, the awkward ones who live in the dark underground are no ashamed of who and what they are. They know they have support if they need it. All they have to do is reach out and find another of their kind.

OK that isn’t completely true. But support groups?

I know I’m insensitive. I’m writing myself into a hole. Actually I’m not insensitive. I’m extremely sensitive, but…

I asked my friend Adam the Werewolf about it. He said they just go out for a run in the woods and pee on things when they feel misunderstood. Actually he said, “mark territory.”

Oh right, this is a parenting blog…

My kids were fortunate enough to have a speaker come into their school and talk to them about life and such. Yes, he was a motivational speaker, but not the sort that I have railed against (the con artists). This guy actually helps kids. He lets them know that life is HARD, not all puppies and bunnies. BUT if they stop worrying about the small stuff then the big stuff will be easier. He talked with a lot of kids afterword and from what I hear has helped teens who are sexually abused, bullied or just plain confused.

That brought on discussions about leaders and followers and cults and joiners and the importance of being yourself and being confident and taking control of your life.

I was dealing the other day with Matthew, an old Vampire who has just come out into the modern world, as well as Cody who has been a Vampire less than two years.

What a difference. Matthew was living in the dark almost in hiding. I don’t think he truly ever accepted who and what he is. Cody on the other hand is completely taking control of his situation. It doesn’t help that Cody is sleeping with my great great great grandmother but that is another story.

So, where were we?

Ummmm, Vampires, teens, staying true, self-confidence…

What I have tried to instill into my kids is that you have to be true to yourself. Be proud of yourself. That said, if you want something you have to work for it. That is true with everything, including relationships with others. How you treat others is important. Support, respect differences, encourage openness, and always remember to laugh. Keep a sense of humor. Don’t let your friends brood – and be there for them. Especially with Vampires – we tend to brood. That isn’t a good thing. It is both depressing and unattractive.

That said, and that includes my jaded opinions of almost everything… if you see someone who needs help, is sad, is depressed, is in trouble or confused – help them. Get them the resources they need. Or most of all, just listen. The best advice you can give is silent – just listen. Make tea, hold a hand, go for a walk, bring flowers and just listen. And a hug is good too.

So I will deal with my feelings for tofu on my own and make no excuses. I like tofu. That is ok, even for a Vampire.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Vampire Maman

Little Things

All things are random.

There are things nobody expects. Little things. A broken heel. A flat tire. A warm kiss from a puppy.  A note from a former lover you knew a million years ago.  A rock cracking your windshield.  Those things make up our days and our lives so randomly.

There are those times as well that seem like transitions but one has no idea what or where they are transitioning.

And there are times when we have thoughts and feelings we can’t shake as they drift in and out of our minds like ghosts.

I can’t even fathom the thought of having no family, but about half of all Vampires, or maybe even two thirds have no families. There is nobody left. A lot of regular people are like that too. It doesn’t mean they’re alone. They make their own families. Their own tribes and groups and clans.

I see the kids in high school forming their own little tribes of friends. Nowhere are people so close as teens and their friends. It is the center of the universe. Teens are their own kind of creatures, set apart from the rest of the world and the rest of time and space, yet they are our glimpse of the future. They are the future. No need for a time machine – it is already here.

This weekend two young women ran up to my brother Val and me. A group of friends were in a sidewalk bar giggling.

One said, “We have a bet going. How old are you?”

“Twenty six,” answered my brother.

They giggled and left. I smiled. There was no bet. He is good looking with a beautiful smile and they were checking him out. Then again he lied too. Val turned 155 on July 4th.

News comes in. My daughter texts me that the strap to her backpack broke after 2nd period. I discover a death of someone I know that happened a month ago. A friend has published a book. My niece sends me a cute photo and thinks she is in love.  Her brother has broken up with someone.

I had a lunch date today, on a beautiful warm day in the 70’s with a hint of fall in the air.  We talked and chatted about art and events and life. He had no idea he was the first course. He had no idea I’m a Vampire. Needless to say he will have a lovely afternoon feeling tired (and not knowing why) but with a warm and fuzzy glow. I will keep this one safe from nightmares and stress.

Tonight I will fix a backpack strap and think of all the little things, good or bad, that make up the random swirling vortex of weirdness that is our life.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Spaced Out – Methane on Mars

This morning I heard on the news that there is no methane on Mars.

“No farts,” said my son.

“No boys on Mars.” said my daughter.

“What no cats?” I said that, knowing it wasn’t true. There have to be cats on Mars. We have proof!


Cat on Mars

Cat on Mars


kitten on mars





Halloween Hotties: Witches (no warts on these ladies)

Countdown to Halloween – Halloween Hotties


I don’t go much into witches on this blog. I have little or no patience for them outside of Halloween and fiction..

In fact, this is the first time I’ve even mentioned them. Oh please, don’t get me, or any other self-respecting Vampire to comment on witches much less socialize with those who claim to be witches. I can handle a lot of different types of “people”, but Witches are usually so low rent that I don’t even bother. If you’re a Modern Vampire you will know exactly what I’m talking about.

Anyway… there are so many fun and wonderful witches that we all love in fun fantasy fiction TV and Movies!

There are too many hot witches in books to mention so I’ll make it short and keep it to who I feel are the hottest witches of the small and large screens. Feel free to add to the list…

I’m adding Glinda because she kicks ass when it comes to witch stuff – and she isn’t going to let romance or modern living get in her way. Read the Oz books and you’ll find out just what an awsome and powerful woman she is. Way to go Glinda!

Halloween Hot Witches of the Big and Small Screen:

Samantha – Bewitched (Elizabeth Montgomery)


Gillian- Bell, Book and Candle (Kim Novak)


Jennifer – I Married a Witch (Veronica Lake)


Glinda – Wizard of Oz (Billie Burke)
















Halloween Hotties is a weekly feature through Halloween:

Halloween Hotties #1 – Vincent Price

Halloween Hotties #2 – Movie Vampires

Halloween Hotties #3 – Werewolves

Short Story Sunday: Grandpa’s Dog

A weekly series of short, fun and unexpected stories…


Grandpa’s Dog

A short story from Marla Todd

“I’m taking him to the vet and having him put down.” Jeff said into the phone.

“No you aren’t.” I said, ready to scream.

“It is cruel to make him suffer like this.”

“He isn’t our dog to put down.” I almost growled at my husband.

“I don’t care. Grandpa will understand. He’s always complaining about how he hates Bruce  anyway.”

“The kids will be heartbroken.” I said trying to stall him.

“They’ll understand.”

“What about my mom? She’ll never forgive you.”

“Gretchen, I’m taking Bruce to the vet. I’m sorry.”

“I want to say good-bye.”

“Bruce will understand.” He hung up. Damn him.

Bruce was Grandpa’s dog. He was old. The oldest dog I knew. Jeff thought he was 16. I knew better. Jeff thought Bruce was half wolf and half Alaskan malamute. I knew he was half Irish.  Jeff liked to bake him organic dog treats. I knew Bruce preferred bourbon and prime rib. Jeff thought grandpa was crazy to have such a large dog. I knew Grandpa was half crazy and Jeff was right, it was about the dog, but it didn’t have anything to do with its size.

Once a month I kept the dog for Grandpa, while he “Went to the cabin with his old college buddies.” I hauled the dog to weddings, to funerals, to camping trips and hanging around the house.  He’d been there for my college graduation, my wedding, for my kids. My mom had watched the old dog before me. My grandma before her.

Of course Jeff didn’t believe anything my family said about the damn dog. He’d spent years hearing us tell bad jokes and tall tales. It was how we spoke, in stories. I blame it on my Southern parents. Jeff just thinks I’m funny. He tells me I should have my own show on cable.  HA HA HA.  He thinks my family is quirky and quaint. Right now nothing was funny or quaint.

I raced home from the studio. I’m a photographer, mostly editorial, corporate portraits, product photos.  Good thing I’m the owner of the business, otherwise I’d never deal with my husband, my children and Grandpa’s damn dog. I would have had the dog with me today but he was too stiff to climb into the car by himself and at 125 pounds I didn’t feel like lifting him today.

Jeff was still at home. I parked blocking the driveway. Thank God the kids were still in school. I have never been so angry with anyone in my entire life. I barged through the door yelling at my husband.  “All I asked you to do was check in on him for me at lunch time and you decided to kill him. Well for once in your life listen to me…”

I yelling stopped when I saw Jeff. He had a towel around his hand. He was bleeding.

“The old guy bit me when I was trying to get him out of the house.” he said with a shrug of his shoulder.

I saw Bruce poke his old white muzzle around the corner.

“Why the hell did you have to bite him?”  I yelled at the dog. Bruce tucked his tail and cowered. His ribs stuck out from his sides. He looked ancient and pathetic.

Jeff reached out to scratch the dog behind his ear. “Don’t yell at him. It’s like he sensed what I was going to do. Poor old guy was scared.”

“Don’t touch him.” I yelled. I looked at the wound on Jeff’s hand. It was clean. I went back to the dog. “Damn you, after all I’ve done for you.” Bruce looked at me with glassy brown eyes and shook, tail still between his legs.

Jeff put his arms around me “Gretch, don’t get mad at the dog. “

“You don’t understand,” I gasped.

“He’s old and scared.” Jeff said stroking my hair with his good hand. “You know dear, all that dog hears is “Bruce, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah”. He laughed and gave me a quick hug.

I pulled away. “He’s a werewolf.”

“Oh Honey, don’t call him that. He’s just an old arthritic dog. Poor old guy.” He leaned down to touch noses with the dog. Bruce licked Jeff’s face and thumped his tail on the floor. “You aren’t a werewolf are you old guy? You’re just a prince in disguise. You think she’ll give you a kiss?” Jeff started to make kissy noises.

I thought I was going to throw up.

“There’s a reason why we never see Grandpa and Bruce together.” I growled.  They’re the same animal. Bruce isn’t 16, he’s 85. ”

Jeff took a deep breath. “I’m not going to put him down. We’ll wait till Grandpa gets home and discuss it with him. Werewolves. That’s a good one. So when you work at night does that mean you’re a vampire?” he laughed again.  “You can bite my neck anytime.” He kissed my neck.

I backed away feeling the panic rushing up inside my body. “Jeff, it’s true and now….”

I couldn’t say the words. Now my husband was going to become a werewolf and I’d have one more old dog to take care of.


More from Short Story Sunday

Expect the unexpected … and a lot of fun! Click on the title to go to the story.

Short Story Sunday at

Short Story Sunday at

Because I am the coolest mom of all time…

Because I am the coolest mom of all time…

Starting now and through Saturday, September 21, 2013 I will be taking a break from writing and all work…

And taking the teens to The Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the Disco concert in San Francisco, California.

See you all for Short Story Sunday and maybe…maybe a concert review!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman