I’ve often written about regrets and mistakes. We learn from those experiences and in turn teach our children so they don’t ever end up living with the burden of so many “I wish I had” experiences.
My husband Teddy always says “If all of those bad things didn’t happen we wouldn’t be where we are now. It has all, good and bad, led up to this.”
But sometimes I wonder about his deepest thoughts in his heart – the heart that used to pump hot blood and had a finite lifespan. I wonder if he still thinks back to the days when he was human.
For one who has always been a Vampire I can only imagine what it is, or was like to be one of them.
To be one thing then being forced into a metamorphic transformation into something different, without your consent, without prior knowledge is beyond compare of almost any other experience. But one deals with it…usually…best case scenario.
I know there are times when he has wished for a normal life, or normal for most people. Most regular human type people.
Teddy would have been dead by 1950. More than likely he would have died in the 1930’s or before then.
It was last Friday when he came home in a good mood. I knew who he’d had for lunch. Several times a month they sit in a bar by the river for hours talking about everything under the sun. Then they go back to his office and… well, he leaves with just the right amount of blood and she leaves happy as well.
This sort of arrangement, for a married man no less, would have seemed totally unacceptable and morally corrupt for the Victorian man my husband used to be. Now he looks forward to his encounters with his “regulars.” I have my own encounters. It is what we do. We’re Vampires (for goodness sakes.)
But there are times when he expresses a reverence for the elderly and those with experiences and wisdom that comes from living. He wonders if he’ll ever have that sort of wisdom.
I believe he does, he just can’t see it. I see it in what he teaches his children and how he lives his life. He is open and honest with our kids about being different. He can give the knowledge about what it is like to be like everyone else.
You know, we’re not ghouls who hold people down and rip their throats out. We have a bit more class and refinement than that.
But still, sometimes I wonder, would he go back and change things? Would he choose to stay ignorant of our world? Would he choose to never have tasted blood, or never to have tasted my kiss, or loved our Vampire kids?
Honestly, I don’t think he ever wonders about it. He just accepts it. That is a good thing. And is it a good thing or a bad thing that he is a Vampire? For me it is a good thing. For him it is just a thing. It is what it is.
Like he says “If all of those bad things didn’t happen we wouldn’t be where we are now. It has all, good and bad, led up to this.”
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman