Burning across the sky
Settling in the trees
Burning across the sky
Settling in the trees
I’ve often written about regrets and mistakes. We learn from those experiences and in turn teach our children so they don’t ever end up living with the burden of so many “I wish I had” experiences.
My husband Teddy always says “If all of those bad things didn’t happen we wouldn’t be where we are now. It has all, good and bad, led up to this.”
But sometimes I wonder about his deepest thoughts in his heart – the heart that used to pump hot blood and had a finite lifespan. I wonder if he still thinks back to the days when he was human.
For one who has always been a Vampire I can only imagine what it is, or was like to be one of them.
To be one thing then being forced into a metamorphic transformation into something different, without your consent, without prior knowledge is beyond compare of almost any other experience. But one deals with it…usually…best case scenario.
I know there are times when he has wished for a normal life, or normal for most people. Most regular human type people.
Teddy would have been dead by 1950. More than likely he would have died in the 1930’s or before then.
It was last Friday when he came home in a good mood. I knew who he’d had for lunch. Several times a month they sit in a bar by the river for hours talking about everything under the sun. Then they go back to his office and… well, he leaves with just the right amount of blood and she leaves happy as well.
This sort of arrangement, for a married man no less, would have seemed totally unacceptable and morally corrupt for the Victorian man my husband used to be. Now he looks forward to his encounters with his “regulars.” I have my own encounters. It is what we do. We’re Vampires (for goodness sakes.)
But there are times when he expresses a reverence for the elderly and those with experiences and wisdom that comes from living. He wonders if he’ll ever have that sort of wisdom.
I believe he does, he just can’t see it. I see it in what he teaches his children and how he lives his life. He is open and honest with our kids about being different. He can give the knowledge about what it is like to be like everyone else.
You know, we’re not ghouls who hold people down and rip their throats out. We have a bit more class and refinement than that.
But still, sometimes I wonder, would he go back and change things? Would he choose to stay ignorant of our world? Would he choose to never have tasted blood, or never to have tasted my kiss, or loved our Vampire kids?
Honestly, I don’t think he ever wonders about it. He just accepts it. That is a good thing. And is it a good thing or a bad thing that he is a Vampire? For me it is a good thing. For him it is just a thing. It is what it is.
Like he says “If all of those bad things didn’t happen we wouldn’t be where we are now. It has all, good and bad, led up to this.”
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
I wait for you
The quick beating of your heart
The hitch in your breath
In anticipation of
My kiss and maybe
Juliette aka Vampire Maman
Click here for more on poetry/verse: A need you dare not admit.
August 1, 1889
An angel came into my life today upon a cloud of pink bows, with ruby lips and chestnut curls. Her laugh is like tiny musical bells. Her eyes sparkle in the candlelight with joy that lights up the dark night sky.
August 5, 1889
We walked tonight along the parkway, her arm in mine. She has the knowledge of the ages, but the lighthearted composure of a young girl.
With any other woman I would have thought she was brazen and forward, but when she kissed me I felt as though the heavens would open up and swallow us in light.
August 8, 1889
Tonight we attended the Opera. She scanned the audience and smiled after waving to a friend. In her blue gown and pearls she was a rare flower in a sea of withering beauties. I am undone by her.
I declared my love tonight. Another kiss, but it was that of a woman’s passion and not that of a young innocent girl. We consummated our love in a fury of desire. Then I found myself alone, feeling weak, my neck ached and my head spun. Yet, I have never felt so good in all my life.
September 8, 1889
Today when I saw her it was as if she had put me in a trance. Another night of passion.
September 10, 1889
She laughs at the drop of a pin. It never takes much to amuse her. She told me she couldn’t be serious all the time. Her brother Valentine is much the same. He watches over her and I believe he knows but says nothing. I love her and like him tremendously but I wonder how he could be so dispassionate knowing how I use his sister. It is a guilt I am willing to live with.
September 11, 1889
I asked her to be my wife. I expected a resounding yes. I am wealthy and can give her any material comfort she wishes. My social connections are outstanding. My passion can match hers. She stroked my face with her hand and told me how handsome I am and how kind. The answer was no. My heart fell into darkness.
September 12, 1889
Two men came to my door asking if I knew Juliette. I was shocked to see them, dressed in long black coats with weapons at their sides. They told me such news that I could hardly believe them and almost ordered them out of my sight.
They said she was a demon from the depths of hell. They said I should take her to my bed one last time and then plunge a knife into her heart and cut off her head.
What Hell is this that they spoke of? They called her a Vampire. My angel.
September 13, 1889
I confronted her tonight. She stood in her dress decorated in pink and yellow roses. Her milk white shoulders waiting to be touched and her red lips waiting to be kissed. I thought she would cry at such horrible accusations. She only said “Don’t speak with those men again or I will leave your life forever.”
“Are you a creature from Hell?” I asked her.
She said “I am a child of darkness but I carry no evil in me. Do you not feel comfort and well being after you’re with me? Do you not feel safe? I will always keep you safe. I will always keep those who would harm you away. I will do that for you and for your family, if you promise not to speak of this again.”
September 17, 1943
After I married she never came back, but my children and their children had charmed lives with miraculous happenings. My dear wife expressed the same thoughts. From time to time I think I see my Juliette in the shadows and hear her laugh, and then chills go down my spine and I can’t help but smile.
~ Oscar Ambrose
Note from Juliette 9/17/2013: He was so sweet. I put down the journal and stroked the cat curled next to me. The sweet cat I named after the sweet man. My brother and I still watch over his family and keep them out of harm’s way. It is the least I can do.
Oh and one more note…I’ll be back to parenting stuff later this week…
The word Vampire and luxury are synomymous. We’re known for our sumptuous clothing, grand houses, decadent lifestyle and living on the edge.
So this morning when I was a writing prompt about “a luxury you can’t live without” it was easy.
It is expensive – more so than I ever thought. Yet, I will spend my last penny on it.
It is time consuming to the point of madness.
It makes me feel good unlike any drug on earth.
It is crazy and totally insane and so much work.
I brag about it. I shamelessly brag.
I am addicted to it.
It isn’t a rare blood type, a perfect neck, a jewel, pair of buttery soft gloves or coffee or a fine red wine – all things I love. More than shoes. More than fresh flowers. More sitting in the moonlight with a cool night breeze on my skin. It isn’t art or books (but damn I love art and books). It isn’t men (damn I love men). It isn’t even those wonderful rare times with girlfriends that I need more of. Even more than cats.
The luxury I can’t live without is my children.
I don’t mean to be sappy, but they’re expensive and time consuming and so many people just let them slip away like diamonds between their fingers. I hold tight to my diamonds and I’m sweetly savoring every moment with them. Every single moment.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
As a child I never asked for help. At least never with anyone outside of my family.
I’d be the kid in the back who watched and waited and figured, or not, things out by myself. Asking for help showed weakness. It kept me open for attack. It was uncomfortable. And if it was an adult they would look at me with those big adult faces full of bumps and wrinkles and veins and red eyes and expect me to talk to them.
The only people I’d ever ask assistance from were my parents (sometimes), my brother Val (always) and the Elders who were like my grandparents (always). To everyone else I had to prove that I didn’t need them. Don’t ask me why. I was just that kind of child.
I grew out of that. I don’t see adults in such a horrible ugly light anymore (at least most of them). Never the less, I don’t like asking for help. Being an independent woman in my world, the world according to Juliette, has always been first and foremost.
Those in my world, the world of the modern woman, as well as the Modern Vampire and well, a lot of different types of beings, requires that one depend on themselves.
BUT, that said, I knew early on that my kids would have a lot better time in life if they DID ask for help. RAISE YOUR HAND and ask your teacher for help. Ask me, ask your dad, ask your uncle, ask your Grandmama. By asking for help a kid interacts, learns, explores new options and generally has more fun.
Asking for help is a good thing. It can open doors, open jars, open friendships, open minds and open hearts. And giving help does the same ten fold.
It is still something that doesn’t come easy for me, but my kids… they’re not me…at least in that way.
But one thing I’ve learned that is so important is “If you don’t ask, the answer will ALWAYS be NO.” So I tell my kids to always ASK, because most of the time the answer will be YES.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman