Vampire Diary: Man in the Red Suit

Dear Diary,

Lights. Colored lights. Every single house on the street is covered in colored lights. What is this?  Are they turning their homes into bars and bordellos? What sort of lunacy is this?

Even I know that it is unwise to expose children to such a lifestyle.

~ Vlad


Dear Diary,

They celebrate a fat man who wears red. He lives in the arctic circle and enslaves elves to build toys for good children. They say he travels on a sled pulled by flying deer. He slips down chimneys. Why doesn’t he go through the door? What if there is a fire burning? The US Air Force (NORAD) follows him. I found a “link” to the tracking but I am still baffled beyond words. I do not understand who this man is. What is he?

I am writing down the link so that I may check him later. I must meet this Santa Clause person.

~ Vlad


Dear Diary,

The lights are growing. Each night more houses blaze up with color or white lights like snow. I racked my brain then went for a walk. The cat and the kitten followed at my heels.

I stood in the middle of the street and turned around and around and around. Trees could be seen inside of the houses. Trees with lights. More lights. Then it all suddenly jolted my brain. The Yule. It is Christmas season. Electricity. Of course. How dense can one Vampire be?

As I walked back could see one dark house. It sat back tall and alone with not a single light. It was my home.

I placed two torches in my front yard and lit them. I stood admiring my handwork then went inside. A few minutes later two men in jackets of black and yellow came to my door. They came in a red truck. I was overjoyed.

“You must be from Santa Clause,” I said to my visitors.

My excitement did not make their hearts merry and bright.

They said they were from the fire department. They spoke of drought and fire danger. The cats rubbed against their legs. I invited them in for wine but they declined. I have  yet to figure out the chain of command.

~ Vlad


Dear Diary,

I purchased lights and decorations for my home. All of the lights are red.

Cute animals seem to be the decoration of choice for many. I cut bats out of silver paper and hung them from my porch. Then I made silver spider webs out of metallic thread.

I discovered a place called a “craft store.” Everything is sold there. I found the silver threads and sketch paper. It has been centuries since I’ve drawn anything. I used to sketch portraits of the women I kept in my care and protected. They were beauties with long white fangs and flowing hair. I can still hear their laughing in the cold night air. How they’d sing at the smell of warm blood and the sound beating hearts. I believe they are all gone now – stakes in their hearts and garlic filling their eye sockets. Yes, even I have Christmas memories.

I signed up for a scrap booking class. I have no idea what that is but the woman in the store said I would be inspired. I told her I had many memories. She told me that I am cute. Why do women keep telling me that. I do not look like a child or a cat. I noticed how beautiful her neck was. I think I will go back for more supplies.

I do not think I am doing this Christmas thing correctly.

~ Vlad


Dear Diary,

I discovered a Christmas Song. It is about lights.

I have a fine singing voice so I learned the words. I found white pants and a black vest.

Upon going out in public I realized I was mistaken. It is not a Christmas song.

I will still sing that song. I will not wear white pants with a white shirt.

~ Vlad


Dear Diary,

As I write these words my Gillian, my Vampire lover, is sleeping in my bed. I hear no breath. No heartbeat. She is lovely and as cold and pale as new snow.


I tried to force myself to think of celebrations long ago in the castle. I didn’t want to think about it. So Gillian and I will make our own traditions. We will have mulled blood mixed with wine. We will attend parties and make merry and unwrap scarves from warm necks like presents to us. We will get a fir tree, bring it inside, and decorate it for the cats. They will like that.

I will find Santa Clause. I am sure he has a cat. He might even be a Vampire. It would not surprise me.

~ Vlad


11 thoughts on “Vampire Diary: Man in the Red Suit

  1. Pingback: Juliette’s Monday Book Club: Cute and Confused: Vlad’s Vampire Diary | Vampire Maman


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