Ask A Vampire

Ask A Vampire

Dear Juliette,

I want to become a Vampire in the worst way. How do I make it happen?

~ Still Warm

 

Dear Still Warm,

I can only compare your request to the plethora of candidates running for president. They have wild hopes and fantasies but few, if any, are truly qualified for the job.

I receive a lot of emails from people wanting to become Vampires. Really. I kid you not.

First of all most Vampires don’t go into this lightly, and a good portion don’t go in willingly.

Think of what you’d give up. Warmth. Sweet Rolls. Possibly your soul.

Reality isn’t what happens in the movies and most books. All Vampire guys aren’t the sexy beasts you see on book covers. Vampire women aren’t all vixens. Think of the fantasy versus reality.

If you think you’re different now imagine being different for centuries. I mean really different. Don’t forget too, that unless you want to be a nasty crypt dwelling Shadow Creeper, you still have to pay taxes, register your car, pay your bills, bring your dog to the vet for yearly shots, and do all of those tasks that are part of modern life. Unless you have unlimited resources there are no castles or dark lavish Queen Ann style Victorian houses for you. Plus the upkeep on those places is never ending.

Most new Vampires have no idea how gross humans really are. Summer is the worst. Just imagine biting into a hot sweaty salty neck. I don’t want to imagine it. Until you get a few trusted regulars in air conditioned surroundings… well, good luck on finding fine dining experiences.

The actual process of changing isn’t that easy either. It is horrible. Sure the pay offs can be great. Ask most of my friends about it. But it is an experience that will haunt your for years, maybe even centuries.

Do you know any Vampires? Have you hung out with them at any length of time? If you don’t already hang with Vampires you might want to seek some out and see if you even like them.

Think of what really attracts you to the idea of changing your biology and becoming an entirely different kind of mutated creature.

Just as an end note, not to kill your dreams and all but, only about ten percent of those who attempt to become Vampires actually make it. Most die. Of those who make it about half lose their souls. Is the risk of becoming an undead soulless creature something you’ve thought about? If you ask the wrong Vampire to change you without checking out your blood type, your physical and mental states, and many other factors you could be majorly screwed. Simple as that. Once you change you can’t go back. Once you’ve lost your soul… well, let’s just say it isn’t good.

~ Juliette

 

Dear Juliette,

My friend is fifty years old, beautiful, happy, successful, talented and delightful to be around.  I just don’t understand why she has never been married. She has had several long term relationships. Should I suggest a match maker?

~ Best Friend

 

Dear Best Friend,

I suggest you mind your own business and be happy for your friend. She obviously has make her own choices and like you said, is successful. Be her friend, not her nag.

~ Juliette

 

If you have a burning question for Juliette send it to juliettevampiremom@gmail dot com, with the words ASK A VAMPIRE in the subject line.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

6 thoughts on “Ask A Vampire

    • You are correct but you have get that physical and mental connection occasionally. I gotta keep it real.

      That said, check out Dave’s Bottle Shop. He is having a great sale on Poet’s Blood this week.

  1. Being a Vampire feels harder to do than to be an immortal. i.e. Highlander and the Raven. You just don’t want to lose your head. Offed by a sword. Having to worry about nutrition. The taste of blood is sweet but I don’t know how far I would go for sustenance. Being a Vampire is a cool concept but How Do You feel about the choice? Obvious, you are more use to it. Like being GAY. After awhile you forget about it and just live.

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