An odd blog exchange.

So you wanna be a Vampire?  I get messages and questions along these lines from time to time. There is the weird SPAMMING guy, who I think is from England who claims to be a Vampire. I’ve blocked him with SPAM filters.
Then there are those random message exchanges like this one. 

 

Buck  June 17, 2019 at 12:20 pm
I m bor of mu life please convert me into vampire
Reply
Juliette KingsJune 17, 2019 at 12:30 pm
If you’re bored now you’ll still be bored as a Vampire. Unfortunately that is the way things are in the paranormal world.
Reply
BuckJune 17, 2019 at 10:05 pm
I seen every thing and my childhood wish is change into vampire I try to talk satan but its very difficult please help me
Reply
Juliette Kings  June 18, 2019 at 11:59 am
We’re not talking to Satan. As Vampires we don’t talk to anyone or let ourselves be ruled by anyone. We’re not demons. Sorry can’t help
Buck June 18, 2019 at 1:27 pm
As I know u know how to convert in vampire I wish please tell me
Reply
Buck June 18, 2019 at 1:29 pm
My life is like death please help me try to understand my choice please tell me how To convert in vampire I do anything
Juliette KingsJune 18, 2019 at 7:33 pm
Go to college. Get a degree. Meet a girl. Fall in love. Get a good job. Get a dog. You have to be in a good place before anyone will consider having you join the Vampire community.
Buck
I want all but as next life I like please tell me how my transform a vampire please please…
Juliette Kings
No
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That is where it ended. I suppose I should do my usual thing and talk about how happiness should come from within, and that if you ask here about Vampire conversion the answer will always be NO. But I’ll just leave it for today.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Dear Vampire Troll, Get the Hell Outta Here

If you have a blog you’ll get weird messages from weird people. If you blog about Vampires you’ll get exceptionally weird messages. You’ll have more WTF moments than you EVER thought you’d get in a hundred years.

I recently received another one of THESE:

I turn to a vampire any time i want to. i become a vampire because of how people treat me, this world is a wicked world and not fair to any body. at the snack of my finger things are made happened. am now a powerful man and no one step on me without an apology goes free. i turn to human being also at any time i want to. and am one of the most dreaded man in my country. i become a vampire through the help of my friend who introduce me into a vampire kingdom by given me their email. if you want to become a powerful vampire kindly contact the vampire kingdom on their email

Following this lovely message was an email address.

Hey, Internet spamming trolls, or weird Vampire wanna-bees, don’t leave me this shit. You know who you are. I’ll delete it. I’ll have a low opinion for you that only someone who lives for centuries can have. You’re a troll. A TROLL. Get the Hell outta here. And while you’re at it leave my friends alone too.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ask A Vampire

Ask A Vampire

Dear Juliette,

I want to become a Vampire in the worst way. How do I make it happen?

~ Still Warm

 

Dear Still Warm,

I can only compare your request to the plethora of candidates running for president. They have wild hopes and fantasies but few, if any, are truly qualified for the job.

I receive a lot of emails from people wanting to become Vampires. Really. I kid you not.

First of all most Vampires don’t go into this lightly, and a good portion don’t go in willingly.

Think of what you’d give up. Warmth. Sweet Rolls. Possibly your soul.

Reality isn’t what happens in the movies and most books. All Vampire guys aren’t the sexy beasts you see on book covers. Vampire women aren’t all vixens. Think of the fantasy versus reality.

If you think you’re different now imagine being different for centuries. I mean really different. Don’t forget too, that unless you want to be a nasty crypt dwelling Shadow Creeper, you still have to pay taxes, register your car, pay your bills, bring your dog to the vet for yearly shots, and do all of those tasks that are part of modern life. Unless you have unlimited resources there are no castles or dark lavish Queen Ann style Victorian houses for you. Plus the upkeep on those places is never ending.

Most new Vampires have no idea how gross humans really are. Summer is the worst. Just imagine biting into a hot sweaty salty neck. I don’t want to imagine it. Until you get a few trusted regulars in air conditioned surroundings… well, good luck on finding fine dining experiences.

The actual process of changing isn’t that easy either. It is horrible. Sure the pay offs can be great. Ask most of my friends about it. But it is an experience that will haunt your for years, maybe even centuries.

Do you know any Vampires? Have you hung out with them at any length of time? If you don’t already hang with Vampires you might want to seek some out and see if you even like them.

Think of what really attracts you to the idea of changing your biology and becoming an entirely different kind of mutated creature.

Just as an end note, not to kill your dreams and all but, only about ten percent of those who attempt to become Vampires actually make it. Most die. Of those who make it about half lose their souls. Is the risk of becoming an undead soulless creature something you’ve thought about? If you ask the wrong Vampire to change you without checking out your blood type, your physical and mental states, and many other factors you could be majorly screwed. Simple as that. Once you change you can’t go back. Once you’ve lost your soul… well, let’s just say it isn’t good.

~ Juliette

 

Dear Juliette,

My friend is fifty years old, beautiful, happy, successful, talented and delightful to be around.  I just don’t understand why she has never been married. She has had several long term relationships. Should I suggest a match maker?

~ Best Friend

 

Dear Best Friend,

I suggest you mind your own business and be happy for your friend. She obviously has make her own choices and like you said, is successful. Be her friend, not her nag.

~ Juliette

 

If you have a burning question for Juliette send it to juliettevampiremom@gmail dot com, with the words ASK A VAMPIRE in the subject line.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman