Dear Juliette: Random Advice For Everyone (The Not Quite Right Edition)

Every once in a while I answer questions from my readers. Some of them don’t quite sound right. This is the not quite right edition.

Dear Juliette,

I love my girlfriend. She is fashionable, smart, funny, sexy, and my soulmate. She is not conventionally attractive and would never be considered beautiful or even pretty. On the other hand I am a lot more attractive than most men. When we go out, especially restaurants a lot of people stare at us. Is it shallow for me to be uncomfortable with this?

Dear F-Boy,

Yeit is. The fact that you’re even writing about this or concerned with it shows that looks really do mean a lot more to you than you want to admit. Are you really with her because you love her, or with her because she makes you look good? Maybe you do love her. I just hope you’re not sharing your concerns with your charity case girlfriend. Nobody deserves a shallow partner. Sorry dude. 

Also, did you see this in another advice column or on Quara then passed it on to me? Just asking. Not for a friend.


Dear Juliette,

I want to be a Vampire. How do I become a Vampire? Can you turn me into one?

Dear Wanna Bee Vampire,

I shortened your question for privacy. About twice a week I get messages from people who want to be Vampires. Think long and hard about what you asked.

Becoming a Vampire isn’t easy. It also isn’t fun. The survival rate is extremely low. 

You could lose your soul. If you lose your soul you’ll be prey to other Vampires who don’t want you around, you’ll be prey to Vampire Hunters, and you’ll more or less be prey to everything, because everyone will want you dead.

First of all, if you have to ask, you really shouldn’t become a Vampire, or even be entertain the thought.

Second: If you have to ask the answer will always be no.

Obviously, you don’t know any Vampires. Wouldn’t it make more sense to get to know a few Vampires and learn more about the Vampire community before you jump right into it. 

Being a Vampire isn’t the romantic fictional version of living forever with unlimited lust and fabulous black fashions. Unless you want to be a squatter in some abandoned of building you will still need to pay bills, pay taxes, put gas in your car, and deal with other people. The Covid-19 Pandemic was harsh for everyone – including Vampires. 

Don’t be pathetic and immature. Before trying to become part of any community do your research.


Dear Juliette,

My husband is an asshole. Can you tell me why?

Dear Curious,

I don’t have the band width to answer that question.


Well now, that is all I have for today. If you have a question, an issue, a personal problem, a romantic dilemma, or whatever, just ask. Put your question in the comments, or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail dot com.

Have fun. Think before you act or talk. 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.