Ask Juliette: Odd Dreams, Relationships, Possums, and a Question About the Vampire King.

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Dear Juliette,
It appears that I have had several dreams of being a vampire however in all my dreams I always simply wake up before another dream of being a vampire in a different time era comes to be there is more tendencies that I tend to have but do not disclose almost all of these however have a blood red moon before I wake I don’t know if you have any insight on this but my dreams are not always the same sometimes I’m a vampire other times a Lycan I feel like something inside is trying to reach out to me…

You might just be having random dreams. We all do. On the other hand you might have a Vampire messing with you. We’ll do that you know – give you dreams. Maybe you remind someone of times gone by. Maybe they have a crush on you. An overly romantic vampire can be more than a pain in the neck; they can mess with your sleep as well. I hope you don’t ever become a Werewolf/Lycan. Oh man, they don’t walk and easy path. Stay away from those wolf-folk. Stay away. If you’re watching a lot of vampire movies or reading a lot of vampire fiction it might be time to give it a break for a bit. On the other hand write it all down. You might have a best seller on your hands.  

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Dear Juliette,
How can I tell if my boyfriend is a troll? He stays up all night pounding on the underside of a bridge asking crossing goats how to become a Vampire… wait. Never mind.

You might consider counseling on your choice of romantic partners. I’m pretty sure the guy is a troll, or at least a creep. Seriously there are a lot of great guys out there who are already Vampires (and they’re totally cold and hot.) And stay away from guys who try to pick up on strange goats.

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Dear Juliette,
When is it time to give up on my art?

Never.

 

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Dear Juliette,
I think possums are cute. Am I weird?

People who don’t like possums are weird. You’re just fine.

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Dear Juliette,
I have to ask you about your posts about Vlad of “Vampire Diary” fame. Is he based on Vlad the Impailer? Is he based on Dracula? Why is he living in surburbia if he is the Vampire King? That doesn’t make sense. He should be in LA or New York City living in a penthouse or a lavish mansion ruling this new Vampire kingdom and followers. I understand that he is sexy and dangerous but why add all of the cuteness. He is a cold powerful Vampire not some guy out of a Nicholas Sparks or Nora Roberts novel. Who is that idiot Randolpho he hangs out with? Just asking for a friend.

Uh hem (that was me clearning my throat.)

No, he is not based on that violent ugly little shit soulless Vlad the Impailer. He is not based on Bram Stoker’s Dracula. He is living in surburbia because it is comfortable and he can have a little peace. He lives in a very nice upper middle class neighborhood with lovely people. He isn’t in LA or New York City because he just wants to be low key for a while. Yes, it would be easy for him to jump right into being Vampire King but he is still trying to navigate living in the 21st Century. Now about the cute thing… Vlad is really cute. He is powerful. He can be quite dangerous and cold. He could be a guy in a Nora Roberts novel but he isn’t. Nicholas Sparks? Maybe not, but hey, Vlad can be a sensitive guy. As for Randolpho…he and Vlad have been friends since childhood. So what if you think he is an idiot. A good friend is a beautiful thing, even if you’re a Vampire. Jeeze, that was weird. Go take a chill pill or something. 

And if you’re reading this and don’t know about Vlad’s Vampire Diary CLICK HERE.

 

Ask Juliette

 

 

 

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire) is a somewhat frequent feature on Vampiremaman.com

If you have a question about ANYTHING (Vampires, relationships, parenting, life, weird stuff, etc.) just leave a comment here or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail. com

Thanks for dropping by and have fun.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ask Juliette: Popular Culture Edition

Ask Juliette

Ask Juliette (or Ask a Vampire) is a semi-regular feature here at Vampiremaman.com

If you have a question you NEED to have answered, about anything send it to juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com, or put it in the comments here and I’ll answer it on the next Ask Juliette post.

So here we go. I have a lot of small ones this week.

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Why don’t you like the violin player Lindsey Stirling. I think she is awesome.

Good, then YOU listen to her play her magical violin. I don’t know, I just find her extremely annoying and rather weird. If you like her than by all means I’m not going to stop you. Have fun.

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 Why didn’t anyone in your family watch the Grammy Awards this year?

Because it is the same old shit every single year. There are so many talented and fantastic, and original artists who NEVER get recognized. I get tired of the Pink, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Jay-Z, and the rest of the “popular” artists. And I didn’t even mention my shock that the horrible Imagine Dragons song “Thunder” was nominated for anything. Really guys? You can do better than THAT. You used to be brilliant. What the F happened there?

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What movie do you want to win Best Picture at the Oscars?

Unlike the Grammy Awards, I approve of the Oscar nominations. Of course, since Sacramento is my hometown, and I loved the movie, I’d love to see Lady Bird get as many awards as possible. I’d loved that Get Out was recognized. The rest of the films are all deserving. This is one of those years when the choice will be hard, but no matter who wins it will be ok.

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Why don’t you like red pants?

We’ve gone over this before. Only small children (under ten years of age) and really old people (over eighty) should be allowed to wear red pants. Grown men should NEVER wear red pants, especially guys over thirty. So why don’t I like them? Because red pants look stupid on most people.

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What if your favorite Vampire movie?

Nosferatu (1922) because it is so weird and creepy. As a rule I don’t like Vampire movies. I think my next three picks would have to be Love at First Bite, Interview With A Vampire, and of course The Lost Boys.

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How do Vampires find food? It isn’t like you can just go to the grocery store.

Food is all around up. Most of us these days don’t depend on lurking around bedrooms, unless of course we’re invited. We find food at bars, and clubs. We find it at cultural events. Art events are awesome for food, as are concerts.

Most of us have several regular donors we go to. They might not know that they have their own Vampire, but they do. In return for being a regular we give them a certain amount of protection and favors.

Of course we get blood in bottles. Yes we do. And sometimes we DO eat real food. Just stay away from baked goods, sweets, and keep it simple but full of flavor. Poultry doesn’t set well with most Vampires. All things in moderation.

I get a lot of questions about this because everyone is fascinated with what we eat. Seriously folks it isn’t that interesting, but I’ll do more future posts on it.

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What would your exotic support animal would you want to take on a plane?

A fresh water otter. If not that a large goat.

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Alright that is all for now. Vlad’s Vampire Diary is coming up next. And remember if you have any questions about Vampires, relationships, fashion, paranormal stuff, books, following your dreams, anyone I talk about on this blog, parenting, kids, school, travel, cats, ghosts, or anything else you have just “Ask Juliette.”

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Play Ball (and Other Summer Vampire News)

“We’ve known the fallacies and misleading contradictions spread about our kind,” said my dear old Dad with a little bit of smile, along with a little bit of fang. “Let them spread it my darlings, it is to our advantage.”

My teenage daughter and twenty-two year old niece listened to their Grandpapa who’d lived through the English Revolution (yes the one in 1688) and decided to start a movement with his fellow Vampires. They’d never lived in the shadows that much, and they didn’t have any plans to follow old dark ways.

I listened to his voice that still held a touch of an English accent. Then they started to talk about Baseball and this year’s Giants lineup. That is one of the advantages of not living in the shadows, especially if you have nice club seats during an evening game. Play ball.

I’m looking forward to a lot of summer fun with both of my kids (Garrett and Clara) and my niece and nephew (Laurel and Logan) RIGHT HERE so I can use them for blog fodder. Whoo Hoo. That is more Vampire fun than most folks can handle – but I know you’re up to it.

 

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On another summertime note, I will be starting up my famous “America’s Got Talent and Cocktails” blog posts soon. The show is in it’s final season unfortunately. But don’t cry because it looks like it will be a good season – maybe the best. And yes, it will make you cry because it is so good. Plus I’ll be posting a new batch of Vampire cocktail recipes and party suggestions.

I will also feature uncensored comments from my own Vampire peanut gallery.

When I started Vampiremaman.com in 2012 the “America’s Got Talent and Cocktails” posts were one of the things that made this blog so famous. No kidding. So watch along with the Vampire family and let us know who your favorites, and not so favorites are this season.

By the way, if you don’t like the show, don’t read the posts.

 

AGT and Cocktails

AGT and Cocktails

Don’t forget… Thursday, June 7 is the next “Ask Juliette” day, where you get to ask me, Juliette aka Vampire Maman, questions about anything and I’ll answer. It is the ultimate advice and information column. If you have a burning question about parenting, relationships, life, Vampires, Zombies, or whatever please plop that burning question in the comments section below or if you’re feeling a bit shy, email me at juliettevampiremom@gmail dot com (you know, .com but if I write it out spamming troll robots will find my email and I’ll never find your message.) All questions received by midnight June 8 will be answered. Any questions I can’t get to will be answered the following week.

 

The fact that he always brought his brothers and their tiny chairs along on dates should have clued me in on just how weird he was.

The fact that he always brought his brothers and their tiny chairs along on dates should have clued me in on just how weird he was.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ask Juliette: Difficult Questions about Family and Relationships

Ask Juliette (Dear Juliette – Ask A Vampire) is a regular Thursday feature here at vampiremaman.com

Real answers for real readers (you think I make this crap up?)
Ask Juliette

Q: My husband and I have been fighting with my sister-in-law for four years since their father died, over simple estate matters that could have been easily resolved if everyone had worked together. What is it about death that turns ordinary people into monsters and turns siblings against each other?

A. There are a lot of reasons people act nasty after someone dies, and none of them are good reasons. Old resentments live on long after death.

Sometimes siblings feel entitled. They feel as though they deserve more than the other siblings for various reasons (or no reason.) Or sometimes somebody else feels that because they are more “successful” or “educated” they are entitled to be in charge. And some people are just nasty to begin with.

It is incredibly sad how someone can let their own ego get in the way, ruin the memory of a loved one, and tear their own family apart.

My advice has always been for each person to take a few small things they want and have a third-party auction everything else off.

This is a cautionary tale for everyone to make sure they have a will and a family trust so their heirs won’t be fighting over who gets what. That includes making of list of heirlooms and who gets what (post it notes don’t cut it – it has to be a formal list.)

Or I could give you a typical Vampire answer and say “Stab em in the neck.”

 

 

Q: A guy I like has a good job, his own place, cleans up after himself, is funny, cute and sexy. So what’s the problem? He writes fiction. I’ve read his work and he is really good but he has only had a few short stories published. Is this normal or should I write him off as a out of touch dreamer.

A: Maybe he needs to write you off as out of touch. People write for a lot of reasons. You should consider yourself lucky to be with a creative guy. Life will never be boring, of course unless he gets bored with you.

Q: I’m a successful widowed middle-aged guy with two sons in college. My girlfriend is successful, middle-aged widow with a daughter in college. I was drawn to her for her sense of humor and intelligence. My son’s love her and talk with her for hours. I don’t think I’ve ever had more fun with anyone in my life. I was recently looking for some ibuprofen at her home and found prescription antidepressants in her medicine cabinet. When I confronted her about it she said it was no big deal. She said it is just a minor thing, like a chemical imbalance. She said she’d been depressed for no reason since her teens, and got weepy about every little thing. The drugs stopped it and made her feel “normal” again. She said she could function without the drugs but didn’t like having to fight with the depression coming on at any given moment. Should I be concerned about mental health issues down the road. I love her but I don’t want to be stuck with someone ready to go off the deep end.

A: Your girlfriend is fine. She saw a problem. She got help. Don’t worry about it. Be happy she recognized her depression and got help. You said she is a success and your kids love her. Wow, I mean, how wonderful is that? Now call her up and tell her how much you love her.

 

Q. Why do Vampires always wear black.

A. We don’t always wear black. OK, we do a lot, but everyone wears black (at least those of us who are hip and with it.)

 

Q: How do I get rid of feelings of guilt. I think I hurt someone who overheard me saying something out of context. It wasn’t about him, but he might have thought it was. Do I say something?

A: I don’t know. This is one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t moments. Either way it could heat up, back fire, blow up, get uncomfortable, or just make you want to crawl into a hole. Life can be a bitch. Of course if you’re a Vampire you just move on. If you’re a regular person you suffer. Eventually you might want to explain it, but choose your words carefully. Sorry I couldn’t help you more with that one.

Q: Every time I’m with my girlfriend I feel like she has eaten my brain. Our sex life is great and my friends all like her and tell me she is the one, but she is so demanding. She wants to spend every night with me, but we always have to be doing something. She never wants to just hang out. Some nights, after a long day at work I just want to watch TV or play on the computer. I don’t always feel like entertaining someone. It would be nice if she could just sit with me and do nothing. I’m going to go broke financially and emotionally.

A. She obviously isn’t the one for you. She sounds needy and high maintenance. Nobody needs that.

We all need our own space and our down time. If she can’t respect that then it just isn’t going to work. Tell her you need your space. If she refuses to understand and says stupid things like, “I guess you don’t love me,” then dump her. Seriously, you need someone who isn’t so needy.

Vampire Teen

Well folks, that is all for this week. Now that I’m emotionally exhausted from answering all of these questions I’m going to take my pup out for a walk.

Ask Juliette is a regular Thursday feature here at Vampiremaman.com

If you have questions about anything from Alligators to Zombies just ask and I’ll try to answer.

Send your questions to juliettevampiremom@gmail dot com

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ask me anything and I’ll answer (within reason)

Advice for Everyone

Thursday is coming up and that means another “Ask Juliette” (Ask a Vampire) advice column. If you have any questions about parenting, relationships, Vampires, politics, gardening, burning, history, love, pets or, well, you get it. Just ask and I’ll answer on Thursday.

Yes, this is an advice column. Do you need advice or a bit of life coaching. I’m here for you.

Send your questions to juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com. Or you can leave your questions below in the comments.

Glad to help.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Dear Juliette: Hairy Dating Issues

Dear Juliette – Ask A Vampire – Advice for Everyone!

Dear Juliette (Ask A Vampire) is a regular Thursday feature on Vampiremaman.com

These are real questions from real readers. If you need advice or just have an interesting question send it to: juliettevampiremom@gmail.com

 

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Dear Juliette,

Is it appropriate for Vampires to date Werewolves?

~ Hairy Situation

 

Dear Hairy,

Not really but it happens. Just figuring out the lifestyle issues can be daunting. You know, the whole full moon thing, the hair clogging up the bathtub drain, the fleas, the dirt, and all of those peeing contests.

Then again there is that whole hot forbidden love thing that can be a lot of fun.

Like I said it is just impractical. And if you want to have kids, forget it. It won’t happen.

All joking aside, if you are considering dating a Werewolf, Regular Human, or even a Vampire of a different kind, there will always be those who are going to get in your face about it. Those close to you may be reacting negatively out of practical reasons, or even their own past histories. Those who don’t know you will react out of bigotry, ignorance, and hate.

Who you love is your business. If it is true love you’ll work it out.

~ Juliette

 

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Dear Juliette,

Where did the idea come from that vampire turn into bats? What kind of magic is included with a real vampire?

~ Flying High

 

Dear Flying,

Blame Mr. Bram Stoker for that one, at least in popular culture. Dracula didn’t just transform himself into a bat, he could also change himself into a wolf. When you’re writing fiction a Vampire can do just about anything.

Over the centuries there have been quiet a few stories of creatures with leathery wings that claw, fangs that bite, and who haunt and kill humans. They aren’t especially Vampires but a variety of demons, fallen angels, shape shifters, time warping dinosaurs, and other freaks of paranormal nature.

So what can Vampires do along the paranormal lines of thinking? And this isn’t magic or rocket science. It just is what it is.

  • We can suck your blood right out of your body.
  • We can kill you, and then bring you back to life.
  • We can steal your soul, but we won’t keep it, so you will likely never get it back.
  • We can make you think we’ve changed our shape.
  • We can make your forget.
  • We can give you nightmares that will last for years.
  • We can give you sweet dreams and make you feel content.
  • We can make you feel warm and fuzzy.
  • We can make you not fall in love with us.
  • We heal quickly and live for centuries.
  • We do not appear to age.
  • We rarely succumb to illness.
  • We can make you believe you’ve been in love with us, and made love to one of us, even if you haven’t.
  • We can be invisible, or at least make you not see us. We call it hiding in the shadows.
  • We can see in the dark.
  • We’re pretty no-nonsense.
  • We like bats but we don’t turn into them.
  • We can haunt you.
  • We can heal you.
  • We can be your best friend, or your worst nightmare. That is up to you. Well, sometimes.

This is the short list. I really don’t feel completely comfortable going into all of the attributes of Vampires. Of course talents vary from Vampire to Vampire. But thanks for asking.

~ Juliette

 

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Do you have a hot question? A cold one? Then Ask Juliette.

Dear Juliette (Ask A Vampire) is a regular Thursday feature on Vampiremaman.com

These are real questions from real readers. If you need advice or just have an interesting question send it to: juliettevampiremom@gmail.com