Dear Vampire Troll, Get the Hell Outta Here

If you have a blog you’ll get weird messages from weird people. If you blog about Vampires you’ll get exceptionally weird messages. You’ll have more WTF moments than you EVER thought you’d get in a hundred years.

I recently received another one of THESE:

I turn to a vampire any time i want to. i become a vampire because of how people treat me, this world is a wicked world and not fair to any body. at the snack of my finger things are made happened. am now a powerful man and no one step on me without an apology goes free. i turn to human being also at any time i want to. and am one of the most dreaded man in my country. i become a vampire through the help of my friend who introduce me into a vampire kingdom by given me their email. if you want to become a powerful vampire kindly contact the vampire kingdom on their email

Following this lovely message was an email address.

Hey, Internet spamming trolls, or weird Vampire wanna-bees, don’t leave me this shit. You know who you are. I’ll delete it. I’ll have a low opinion for you that only someone who lives for centuries can have. You’re a troll. A TROLL. Get the Hell outta here. And while you’re at it leave my friends alone too.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


    1. Luckily my spam filters catch most of the SPAM. I’ve never understood the thought process, or the persistence of the blogger trolls. I figure it is a numbers game with them. The person who put this comment on one of my posts is the same as those people who send messages to an unsuspecting person saying a long lost relative needs money, or someone died in Nigeria leaving millions of dollars. Ugh. These are con artist and nothing but thinly veiled attempt to get someone to click on their link and cause harm.

      1. LOL. He wrote “at the snack of my finger”. Maybe we will all get lucky and he will work on the rest of his hand (or more)…omgosh, too funny.

  1. I would have thought that one of the biggest problems with vampire trolls is the inability to bite the buggers, what with them being made of stone.

    I agree with Jaded. People suck. (But vampires do it better.)

    1. Thank goodness for spam filters that stop most of these comments. The same sorts also spam Facebook groups, and any other sorts of social media. I usually just delete and ignore, but for some reason, yesterday, it just bugged me.

    1. I started this adventure five years ago today. I should have known I’d get some weird ones lurking around. At least nobody is telling me I’m going to Hell anymore. That was a riot and a half.

    1. Seriously. Keep your fingers in tact. Don’t do that snack thing. Am I the only one who gets these weird comments. Do you get things that say, “I have sexy possum squeerl to meek you heppy.” In the meantime how about a funny Dorito ad with fingers.

      1. No, my spam just seems weird on its own merits… it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the theme of my blog…

        However, I just checked my spam folder and found out I have two identical comments that are a long-winded explanation behind the history of the jockstrap. The first one was posted by none other than “mr jockstrap.” That has to be one of the all time great spammer names in the history of the internet…

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