Ask Juliette: If you’re going to Pine you might as well do it with a straight face – and other advice.

Ask Juliette

Dear Juliette (Ask A Vampire – Advice for Everyone is a regular feature on Vampiremaman.com) sf_academy

Dear Juliette,

You’re always mentioning San Francisco in your blog posts. Have you ever been to the location of the Starfleet Academy.

Why, yes I have been there. It is right by the base of the Golden Gate Bridge I believe on the Marin County side. Unfortunately you’ll have to wait until the 22nd century to get in on the action. In the meantime I’ll have to say that San Francisco is the ideal location. Hands down. No arguing.

But funny you should ask because last night Clara, who loves perfume ads in magazines with a passion, pulled out a scented ad with an incredibly handsome man. She and Teddy asked who that was. I recognized him right away. It was Chris Pine, the actor who now plays James. T. Kirk, Captain of the Starship Enterprise. Clara said the cologne smelled great. I said it smelled like Chris Pine’s sweat and we should strap him to a treadmill. Then Teddy rolled his eyes and said to our daughter, “I know she’d say something. How does she come up with this stuff?”

smell-like-chris

Dear Juliette,

What color is your coffin?

I don’t have a coffin. In fact most Vampires don’t sleep in coffins. The only Vampire I know with a coffin in his house is my brother Max. He has one in his attic for when his weirder friends spend the weekend, and I suspect for, dare I say, kinky sex stuff (but I’ll deny I ever said anything.)

This is not my bed. I don't sleep in a box.

Dear Juliette,

I was recently contacted by my high school boyfriend. I haven’t seen him for twenty years, but all of the hot and heavy young passion all came right back up. I’m happily married, and haven’t acted on anything but I can’t stop thinking about him.

Don’t do it. You aren’t the same person you were when you were seventeen. You said you’re married. If your old teenage flame wants to fool around with a married woman then he has some serious character flaw issues. Tell him thanks for the memories, and leave it at that.

why get married

Alright then, that was this week’s super short installment of the most popular advice column on the World Wide Web. If you have a compelling question for next week leave a comment here OR email me in private at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com (take out the spaces that I left in to prevent trolls.)  Come on folks, give me something to work with.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ask Juliette

3 thoughts on “Ask Juliette: If you’re going to Pine you might as well do it with a straight face – and other advice.

  1. I’ve heard that San Francisco is plagued by fog but I’ve seen every episode of “Charmed” many times and it’s always sunny, so I don’t think that’s the case. So it is an ideal place to put Starfleet headquarters 🙂

    • The fog usually burns off by the afternoon. When I drive there from my house in the fall and winter I can see the fog rolling over the hills about 40 miles out. Oh a sunny day in San Francisco is a beautiful thing. Just about any day in San Francisco is a beautiful day.

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