25 Burning Questions I can’t, don’t want to answer, or will not answer.

I’ve been seriously thinking about starting up the ever so popular Burning Questions series on this blog again. For those of you who are new here, it is where I ask a question and YOU answer.

In the meantime here are Twenty Five Burning Questions I can’t answer, don’t want to answer, or will not answer.

Why would anyone marry someone with children who don’t like them?

Why would anyone marry something with children they don’t like?

Why would anyone marry someone with children who don’t like them?

Why would you marry someone who doesn’t like your kids?

Why won’t you turn me into a vampire? 

Why would anyone who wants children marry someone who doesn’t?

Why would someone who doesn’t want children marry someone who wants children?

Why do people adopt animals with no intention on keeping them forever?

Why do people treat children badly just because the parents are assholes?

What Hogwarts house do you belong to?

What would your Superpower be?

Batman or Superman?

Why don’t your socks match?

Where do socks go after you put them in the dryer?

What is the deal with middle aged men and their leaf blowers?

What is it with some politician’s wives and daughters and the obsessions with wearing 7-8 inch hooker heels?

Don’t men realize how stupid and pathetic they look with their much younger trophy wives?

Don’t trophy wives realize how stupid and pathetic everyone thinks they are?

Why do dogs beg to out to pee in the middle of the night in the rain then refuse to pee?

Why are cats such assholes?

Why are some people afraid to talk to their children?

Why does the media think precocious brats are cute? 

What the fuck is wrong with people who say, “everything happens for a reason?”

Why do you blog about Vampires?

Why do you capitalize Vampire on this blog?

What if your child was gay?

As you can tell some of these questions have answers. Think about it, especially if you’ve been reading my blog for a while. I take parenting seriously. If your kids don’t come first then why did you have them in the first place? Everyone has to be selfish but not at the expense of your children. If you want to fuck up your kids it isn’t your business – it is their business and they will hate you forever for it. They might not tell you but they will. That’s all. Yes, I’m an old judgmental Vampire, but this is my blog and my kids turned out great and so I can write what I want.

Stay safe. Wear your mask. Be kind. Help and check in on those who are elderly or might need extra help. Talk to your kids. Hug your dog. Let your cat in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out. And most important of all…kiss a Vampire.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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Burning Question #62: Things that go bump in the night

From Ghoulies and Ghoosties, long-leggety Beasties, and Things that go Bump in the Night, Good Lord, deliver us!

Ghosts

You’re sleeping. You wake up in the wee hours of the morning. It is still dark outside. You hear something.

You’re home alone. You hear something. You don’t know what it is. Your cat growls under her breath. Your dog whimpers and curls by your side.

You hear music…

The wind howls outside, the rain pours own, stairs creek, doors slam without notice, it sounds like something or someone might be on your back porch, in your hallway, or maybe even running a bath.

Or you might hear a thump and then a voice saying “awwwww shit.” Something just went bump. What was it?

Halloween is coming soon, along with even more things to go bump in the night.

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Burning Question #62: What goes bump in your night?

 

 

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Please feel free to leave comments, observations, recipes, poems, jokes, your experiences with things that go bump, and whatever you feel like (but no short stories or novels, it just takes up too much space and annoys everyone.)

Happy October everyone and enjoy that Pumpkin Spice.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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I is a beastie. I go bump.

Burning Question #61: Abby Normal

The first known use of the word PARANORMAL was in 1905. Don’t ask me for the context. You can look it up later. Or you can just ask a Ghost. By the way Nigel said he won’t answer that and he doesn’t know (he died in 1986 at age 26 so needless to say he wasn’t around in 1905.)

Welcome to Vampire Maman where most things paranormal are normal, including Ghosts, and where we capitalize nouns that denote paranormal folk/creatures/whatever.

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October is here, which means our thoughts are on paranormal things, which by the way are extremely popular. In books, movies, and of course on TV paranormal everything is the rage. Everywhere we go we want to know if Ghosts lurk. When the moon is full (or in the 7th house) we think of Werewolves. Can little girls start fires with their thoughts? Can we see into the future without any facts to back it up? Oh wait, that might just be politics. But seriously, all cultures have paranormal stories and traditions.

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Don’t believe? Hold that thought and just step back for a moment. Lets assume there is paranormal activity. We’ve all seen it in some form or experienced it. Look how dogs and cats watch stuff that isn’t there. It IS there but you just can’t see it. I can see most of it because I’m a Vampire but you already knew that. But is is normal?

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Can we explain the unexplained? Should be expected to?

Is is normal to expect to see Ghosts? Is it normal to find Demons on your bedroom ceiling? Is it normal to run across a Werewolf on a full moon night? Is it normal to determine what car you’ll buy next or what job to take based on a Tarot reading? Is it normal to think of things like headless horsemen or Fairies, or Pixies, or Banshees? Is it normal to wonder if a love spell from a Witch will work. Which brings us to the 61st Burning Question…

Burning Question #61: Is Paranormal Normal?

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Answer the poll. Think about your answers. Leave comments. Have a Pumpkin Spice Latte. Above all watch out for things that go bump in the night.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Burning Question #60: Ghostly Matters

Wow it is already time for another Burning Question AND it is almost Halloween.

Halloween is also known as The Day of the Dead. Ghosts are dead. You know where this is going.

I’ve written A LOT about ghosts on this blog. Do a search. You’ll find everything you ever wanted to know about Ghosts and then some… except the answer to today’s BURNING QUESTION.

Burning Question #60: Do Ghosts Celebrate Halloween?

 

TWEENKIE GHOSTIES FOR HALLOWEENIE! ONLY EAT IF YOU DARE! BOOOOOOO

 

And speaking of Ghosts. I’ve been wondering where Nigel the Ghost has gotten himself off to lately. I know he is still lurking around somewhere.

I’ll go look for Nigel and YOU go answer the poll and please feel free leave a comment, suggestion, joke, musing or whatever. Let’s have a haunting good time.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Cat-ur-day: You can dance if you want to…

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Where is Juliette? Where is the Burning Question today?????

I’ve been so busy with my kids (my ADULT kids) and moving, and traveling, and taking friends to the art museum, and Vampire stuff that… well, there is no Burning Question.

Happy Cat-ur-day!

And don’t forget your hat. By the way if you forget your hat make a music video. It’s ok. You have my permission.

Now go hug your cat, hug your kids, hug everyone else, and dance! Take the chance.

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Burning Question #59: Anger Management

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ANGER

It is something that a lot of people have been feeling a lot of lately.

Each of us deals with anger in our own ways. Some is good and some not so good.

Through extensive research I’ve found a few books that might help you deal with your own anger issues.

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You might just be like me and be known as one of those girls from Hateville. We can deal with anger because we’re the dolls who are out to get everyone, including HIM. I have no idea who he is but I’m out to get him.

Or you could find yourself dealing with people who don’t realize that you are REALLY REALLY allergic to seafood.

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Why marry a virgin? I can’t think of one good reason. But if you have crabs… that is an entirely different post.

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Then again there are those assholes who will never be happy if they know you’re happy.

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Then there are those days when you have to deal with space aliens. Seriously guys keep your anger on your own planet. We have enough here as it is so get back on your ship and fly the fuck away.

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Look back in anger because he NEVER makes the bed and always leaves the toilet seat up.

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Then there are those days when weasels rip your flesh. I mean, if that doesn’t piss you off I don’t know what will.

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This week we’re dealing with how YOU deal with anger. Oh just be like Vincent Price and drop someone in a vat of acid or carry her head around by the hair. That should take the edge off. Then again chocolate chip cookies might also make you feel better.

Hey, why not talk it out? Noooo.

Or you could just have make-up sex…unless it is over politics. Then don’t even think of sex or any physical contact. Barf.

So enough of this silly stuff and poor taste… it is time for BURNING QUESTION #59!!!!

Burning Question #59: What do you do when you’re angry?

 

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Feel free to leave lengthy stories, jokes, random comments, your very personal anger issues, or anything you like below in the comment section. Make sure you answer the poll. PLEASE answer the poll because THAT is the only way I can get the scientific answers I need for my research.

Now that we’re all pissed off here is a picture that should make you happy.

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Or if you’re not feeling the possum love today here is something different. Lookie here, two mysterious adorable Vampire guys. Yes, they are Vampires and if you beg to differ I will be so angry that I’ll throw my possum at you (just kidding, I’ll throw rocks. I’d never throw a possum.)

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We are “the guys” and we approve of this blog.

And if you’re angry about all of this just leave a comment and let me know why, or don’t.

I’ll see you next Saturday for BURNING QUESTION #60.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman