Both Ends

This morning, overheard between my husband Teddy and our 18 year old Clara.

Teddy: Honey, you have to stop and get some rest. Between school and work you can’t keep staying out late every night. You’re burning the candle at both ends.

Clara: What candle?


vampire teens



Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom


I got stuck in traffic and I left my phone at home. This is what happens. By the way, I’m Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom. I DID remember to bring the dog.


But wait, it gets better.


Yes, I got there. All is well.

Seriously, I couldn’t make this stuff up.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

When boys get sappy

Clara: “Hey Mom, I hate it when boys get all sappy.”

Me: “Tell him shut the Efron up.”


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
















Note: My fifteen year old daughter and I were talking about movies and, well, puns happen. It is what we do. Talk and laugh with your teens – it is the best time you’ll ever spend.

Are you the one? Or do I have to wait 20 years until I realize you are?

Everyone needs to get along!

My house is full of teenagers catching up on TV today. They’re watching the MTV show “Are You The One.”

It is a reality show about finding love. Nobody gets kicked off the island or sent home. There are 10 young men and 10 young women, all in their 20’s. All have a history of bad relationships. Their friends and family and ex boyfriends/girlfriends are interviewed. They are interviewed. THEN the MTV staff puts it all together and finds a PERFECT MATCH for everyone.

But wait, there is more… Nobody is told who their perfect match is. They all go and live in a house and try to figure it out. If they all find their perfect match each person gets $50,000. Each week they all get to vote on who might be a perfect match… look it up. It is a train wreck but fun. I know, I know, as a mom I shouldn’t approve of this stuff but … I don’t think it is going to rot their brains. I’d love to see a Vampire version of this show (on VTV if there was one.)

Last night all the friends stayed the night and the kids were all watching music videos from the 1980’s back when MTV was about music. They all liked Flock of Seagulls. That got met thinking…If the guys in the band Flock of Seagulls had seen Finding Nemo first would they have named their band differently? Think about it.

I'm diggin on that hair. Really guys? I wonder what they're doing now?

I’m diggin on that hair. Really guys? I wonder what they’re doing now?

Then there is that Pina Colada song (Rupert Holmes). You know the one where they guy is bored with his “lady” so he puts an ad in the paper (this was before the Internet) looking for the perfect woman. Some chick ends up answering it and surprise she is his perfect lady. Turns out the one who answers his ad is his wife/girlfriend/lady. HA HA HA. Looks like a happy ending. I don’t think so. They BOTH have the potential of being chronic cheaters. Both were willing to sleep with someone else based on cocktail and weather preferences. As far as I’m concerned they are both wearing the big L on their foreheads.

This is it on YouTube in case you forgot about it (or wish you had.)

Remember this one... sorry ...

Remember this one… sorry …

The point of this story is… if you had met your perfect match 10 or 20 years ago would you have liked that person? I honestly believe that over the years, before we got together, my husband and I would have gone through long periods when we would not have been a perfect match. The longer we’re together the more perfect our match becomes – either that or we just figure we’re stuck with each other. Actually we make it work better than most people. Sure it isn’t all romance and tropical drinks but we’ve built a life together. And THAT is what relationships/marriage is all about – building a life together.

A good relationship can withstand all sorts of weird stuff including…


Including one person being the straight man and surviving the funny one (as in the case of my marriage.)

red heart

I once asked the Elders what the secret of their 2.000 year old relationship was. They just shrugged and said something about shared history and passion then they started to laugh and changed the subject.

My brother Max is with a girl who thought he was her perfect match years ago… he thought otherwise. Now he has changed his mind and she is pissed off. Maybe in another 30 years they’ll finally come to that point where it all matches up. But relationships are like socks – they usually don’t match up. Life is one big dryer. Stuff goes in all nice and matched and comes out with NOTHING matching. It is one of those unsolved mysteries, like the Mary Celeste or D.B. Cooper or The Money Pit that we will NEVER know the answer to. It is one of those things that we need to take on faith or chance or just for pure love or lust or just because it seems right.

So if you aren’t already, go fall in love this weekend. Or read a good book, or visit your mom or just hang with friends and mix up a batch of cocktails.

Speaking of cocktails… it has been a while since we’ve done cocktails on this blog. I promise to post some soon. In the meantime here is a favorite of mine that my husband won’t touch.

Summer Moon Martini

  • Juice from half a lemon
  • 2 oz vodka
  • Ice
  • 2 large green olives (we like garlic stuffed and NO it isn’t true about Vampires and garlic.)
  • A slice of lime if you have it on hand.
  • 1 oz blood (optional especially if you aren’t a Vampire.)
  • Add a sprig of mint if you have it and feel like being extra festive

 Pour everything over ice. Let it sit for about 5 minutes. Enjoy.

Yes, right, um, it is time to end this post. Have fun.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Vampire Desires

Vampire Desires

Story Problem – No problems here


A Play in One Act


Clara yells DAAAAAAAD. Dad runs up the stairs. Then they call for Mommmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Mom: What’s the problem? A giant spider?

Dad: No. If Nichole read 20 pages in 80 minutes how long does it take her to read each page.

Four minutes a page. That makes Nichole stupid.

Clara: Dad!

Mom: It depends on what Nichole is reading.

Clara: Never mind.

Mom: What type are they using? What size is the font?

Dad: Nichole is a slow reader.

Mom: It depends on what she is reading. Russian literature or a historic romance?

Dad: War and Peace would take a lot longer. That would be about an hour a page.

Mom: It depends. On the other hand Jane Austin is a little tricky.

Clara: I have it figured out just shut the door.

Mom: If she’s reading The Cat in The Hat she’ll race right through it but a good mystery…

Clara: Just shut my door will you.


The End – Curtain