Surprise! They’re Adults! More Parenting Fun.

Vampire Maman

Why is there so much paperwork?

Oh the joys of being an adult.

And the joys of being a parent. You still need to answer their questions.

Adult child: Why is there so much paperwork?

Parent of adult child: Fuck, I don’t know.

For the parent of the rare Vampire child there are even more questions. My children continue to have questions. Clara who is 19, is pretty good about accepting whatever comes her way, taking charge of it, and rolling with it. Garrett, who is 22, tends to over think, but that’s ok.

A few days ago Garrett called me and asked, “When am I going to age out?”

Me: Age out?

Garrett: Mom, you know what I’m talking about. When am I going to stop aging? How old am I going to look for the rest of my life?”

Me: I don’t know. I suppose between 25 and 40. The average seems to be early to mid 30’s.

Garrett: I don’t want to age out before I’m 25. What if I always look like a college student.

Me: That depends on how you dress. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it.

Then he asked: What’s up with all these creepy older Vampires hitting on me?

Me: What do you mean by older?

Garrett: Like your age or older.

Me: Tell them no. It’s the same as with people who aren’t Vampires. Don’t let them bother you. They’re older and maybe have a lot of power, but they don’t have power over your body or your emotions. Tell them to stop. If someone won’t leave you alone call me. I’m still your mom. I’ll deal with them.

I told him that some old Vampires have been reading too much fiction. Also, creepers come in all forms. Why are we still even dealing with that issue? You’d think that everyone would have evolved by now.

Speaking of evolving…

High School and a person’s early 20’s are a fun time. It is a time to explore who you are and what you want to become. It is a time when the popular culture such as music and fashion sticks with you and becomes part of who you identify as. You’ll always identify with that time. That isn’t a bad thing.

The bad thing is when someone sticks with that time and those experiences as who they are forever. Just listen to Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days,” or “1985” by SR-71. You can love or hate either or both songs, but the message is clear. Don’t be that person who is stuck in a time warp. Vampires tend to do that and become ridiculous parodies of their own lack of vision. Yes, I had a great time in 1885 but I’m living in the 21st Century. Stay relevant.

Yes, stay relevant. That is one message you can’t say enough to your adult Vampire child.

My brother Aaron was always resisted technology. Sure Aaron, you were born in the 1850’s but you don’t still have to act like you are living in the 1950’s. Finally our dad who was born in the 1650’s pulled him aside and told him to get with it and stay relevant.

Sure I loved bustle dresses, but I don’t wear them anymore than I still wear huge shoulder pads.

Garrett: Why is everything so expensive?

Me: I don’t know.

I try to explain fluctuations in fuel prices, international politics, weather changes, and other factors that go into inflation. Sometimes things are just expensive for no reason. I never took any economics classes and those things make my head spin. That is when I say, “go ask your dad.”

Garrett: Why do they take so much out of my paycheck?

Me: Hell, I don’t know. Vote.

The paycheck message is brutal. Unfortunately our representatives in government believe they are leaders. They are not leaders. They were elected to represent us. They’re doing a piss poor job of it (all parties, all sides.) They always have done a piss poor job. Vote. Get involved. Vote.

Garrett: Do you think there will ever be a time when we, you know Vampires, can come out in the open about who we are?

Me: No.

Garrett: Why?

Me: Because they’ll kill us?

Garrett: Why?

Me: Because we drink their blood.

Garrett: I get it but…it isn’t right.

Me: People are always afraid of what they don’t understand or can’t comprehend.

This conversation has been going on for years. We went on in-depth about Vampire Hunters and all sorts of assholes out there who are going to try to knock us down. You just have to be true to yourself, do what is right, and move on.

Just imagine being a Werewolf. They have no control over what happens on a full moon night.

Anyway, I guess the whole point of this chat over my first morning cup of coffee is that no matter how old your kids are you have to be there for them. They will have those burning questions. They’ll always have questions, even after they’re grown. You won’t always have the answers but that is ok. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to. And sometimes you just need to listen.

If you don’t have an answer you can look for it together.

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A bit of business: This is week 51. The 50 Burning Questions ended last week. Yes, for 50 weeks I posted Burning Questions for YOU to answer and discuss. It was super fun. Thank you everyone for participating. I’ll have more fun in the future along those lines. In the meantime I need a break. I also need to get back to writing more parenting and Vampireing posts. Click here to see all of the Burning Questions.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman





Questions my kids ask that I can’t answer

Questions my children ask that I can’t answer

My children have asked a lot of questions over the years. It leads to a lot of discussions because they are “big picture” kids. They see the world outside of their own neighborhood and outside of their own family, friends and school.

I can give them answers but it still never makes sense. I mean, I can logically and emotionally give them something but sometimes I feel frustrated because I don’t have solutions. As a mom I always wish I had a solution. As a citizen of this planet I wish I had solutions. It is frustrating as Hell.

I didn’t make these questions up. It came from the kids.


  • Why do people hate Jews?
  • Why do people have more children than they can take care of?
  • Why do people have kids they don’t love? Why don’t they give them to someone who will love them?
  • Why don’t people take care of animals?
  • Why does the media sexualize women and girls so much?
  • Why is everything in the media about sex?
  • Why does every movie or TV show have to have a sex scene in it for no reason? It doesn’t add to the story.
  • Why don’t people change?
  • Why does anyone allow their daughter to be a child bride?
  • What is Tiananmen Square and why did it happen?
  • Why can’t I get my belly button pierced? (Because I’m your mom and I said NO.)
  • Why are boys so stupid?
  • Why are girls so stuck up?
  • Why are the roads so bad?
  • Did you know I can get the dog to eat anything if I put Ranch Dressing on it?


The list goes on and on. Every morning it is something new. So we talk about it. We talk a lot. It is what we do, because we’re a family. That is what families do. At least I hope it is what they do.

You might not have all of the answers but you can sit down with your kids on whatever computer device you have, or go to the library, or call a friend and get an answer. Or you can figure out the answers between you. Sometimes there are no answers.

But even when there are no answers there can still be discussion.

Talk with your kids. It is the best investment of time you’ll ever make.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Mom

Who doesn’t have all the answers, but will continue to look for them.

And more along this line but with Vampire stuff and a story from Tellias (the ancient Vampire) to come later today or tonight…


Fights and Tights Don’t Mix!!!! A Vampire’s Advice to Superheroes.

My kids are always asking me “Why do Superheros dress in tights and masks? Why can’t they just be themselves?”

Interesting coming from Vampire teens, but they do have a point.

Dear Superhero,
Why do you wear tights and capes and masks? Isn’t that sort of uncomfortable and really impractical? My kids need an answer.

Love, Juliette

We have all have a great time with the big crop of Superhero movies out in the past couple of years. Are you kidding – who doesn’t like Ironman? But then again, unlike other superheros Ironman doesn’t pretend to be somebody else.

Come on guys…Why the tights? Why the capes? Why the masks?

The only time we dress funny (Vampires) is on Halloween. Do you honestly think my Vampire husband will trade in jeans and a comfy shirt while watching the World Series (Go Giants) for tails and a red lined cape? Give me a break. I don’t even think either my husband or I have ever even owned a red lined cape.


Tights and Fights Don’t Mix

My daughter is in skating and we know how expensive good tights are and how easy it is to rip them. Even a small fall can completely ruin a good pair of tights. It just makes common sense. And believe me, most GUYS don’t want to be wearing tights of any kind, much less capes and masks.

Free yourself Superheros – we don’t care who you are or that you have day jobs.

We all wear a lot of hats. Wearing a lot of hats is part of modern life.

Most people I know have no idea I’m a Vampire – but I don’t dress funny when I go out for a hunt. That would be just too silly.

Vampires, Werewolves and others have to hide who we are for obvious reasons – survival being the main reason. But a Superhero? People love them. They don’t need to hide.
I guess that’s why the real heroes don’t wear masks except for safety and sometimes wear uniforms, but they don’t need to hide who they really are. I guess that’s why they’re heroes.