Vampire Diary: Queer Eye for the Vampire Guy

Dear Diary,

Tonight I stood outside in the cool breeze, under the sky with few stars, only the moon and the planet Venus, and occasional airplanes. How different the world is where there is so much light at night that even when it feels dark we can not see the stars.

It was the year before Louis XIV, The Sun King, died. I did not find out that for another three hundred years. I had heard another group of Vampires had left for the New World. I missed the American Revolution. My own country, my own small bit of the world fell into chaos and ruin…

I stood under the night sky with the wind in my long honey colored hair fell to the small of my back. I wore a coat of the finest wine colored fabric trimmed with ribbons with gold thread. My boots were of the finest leather and the color of my jacket. My shirt was trimmed with lace. It would all have been approved of by the Sun King, or any king, because I, Vlad, was King of the Vampires.

Here I take a deep breath and wonder what the Hell happened. I was standing alone in my thoughts enjoying the night air in a Foreign land, returning from a trip to Italy, when the last thing I remember was the sight of a beautiful woman and a sharp pain in my heart. It had nothing to do with romantic thoughts.

My attackers, who are still unknown to me, sealed me in a crypt, and there I remained for the next three hundred years. My location was unknown to my family, friends, or allies. My citizens were without a leader and lost to the winds and ravages of marauding hordes. Those who were not slaughtered went into hiding. My friend Randolpho was one of them.

For three hundred years I lay in a state of trance like sleep, occasionally mixed with consciousness, unable to move, or cry out for help. I was dead, but undead, in a cruel state of hibernation. My heart had been stabbed with a stake but not fully pierced. My throat had been slit but my head not severed. It is rather disgusting now that I think of it.

Of course one can imagine what it was like when Randolpho and my love Gillian found me. First I heard the lock snap, and the gates of the crypt forced open, then the top of the tomb moved off, and then they opened the coffin.

“Oh shit,” was the first words that I heard, coming from the mouth of Randolpho.

Gillian bent over and kissed me. I opened my eyes. “It’s him,” she said in a now unfamiliar accent. “Let’s get him out of here.”

My fine clothing had all but rotted away. My hair was in tangles with years of bugs and mice having their children in my golden locks. When I awoke I found myself not in a coffin but in the softest of beds with sheets so softer than anything I could have imagined.

Everything smelled good. I smelled good like flowers and fresh spring herbs. I wore a soft robe, and drawstring pants. My hair was clean but now short to my collar. I often think of growing it long again but maybe not.

Gillian came in, not as I remembered her, corseted in a long gown and elaborate ringlets, but in a short skirt and a long jacket. Her hair was straight and down her back. The skirt was black leather, the jacket was a pink color I could not describe, her shirt was simple white lace. She smelled like oranges and roses. Later she told me it was grapefruit scented lotion. Her legs were showing. Almost all of her legs.

In all of my centuries I could have never imagined the modern world in which I had awakened into.

Louis XIV was the King of the Sun, and I was the King of the Moon.

Now I wear jeans. I am no longer King. As for Louis, alas he is still dead.

~ Vlad

 

Dear Diary,

Gillian said, “You could wear a burlap bag and you’d still be cute.”

“What is a burlap bag?” I asked.

She rolled her eyes. The door bell rang and she left me standing, once again wondering what she was talking about.

I quickly looked up burlap bag on the Internet. Why would wearing a brown bag made of rough cloth make me cute? What did she mean by cute? Do I look like an onion or potato or coffee bean? Onions are not cute. I do not understand half of what she says to me.

Friends came to binge watch Netflix. I asked them once what Netflix represented. They told me that movies used to be called flicks because of how the film would flicker. They explained more but I was lost. I smiled and thanked them. Gillian and Randolpho tell me not to be overly concerned about the names of companies. I disagree. One never knows what might be lurking in secondary and secret meanings of names. They laugh at that. I scoff. I was not Vampire King for 306 years by not paying attention. The one time I did not pay attention I ended up in the 21st Century.

Randolpho and friends, Innocenzio D’Antonio, Jackie Rafferty and his girlfriend Willow came over. Gillian’s friend Elizabeth was also in the group. I have no kingdom but I have new Vampire friends.

Tonight we watched something called Queer Eye. In my wildest dreams I never imagined such a thing. We watched for five hours.

Five men go from town to town and fix the lives of other men who need fixing. They also help women, but mostly men. How do I say this… they are what is now called “Queer” or “Gay” which in this language means odd or happy, but also means they choose to be with romantic men.

Back when I was King of the Vampires in my old country and old centuries back world we did not care who anyone spent their time or lives with. It did not matter. We were Vampires and I was their King.

As a youth it did matter. There were men who were afraid of those who loved freely. They were violent against those who were not the same as them. That was my uncle and cousins who were unfortunately eaten by wolves or ended up somehow, mysteriously with their heads on posts.

They would torture me when I was young because they said I looked like a pretty girl rather than a boy. They also tried to take advantage of my sister and harm her. They were not the kind of Vampires who would binge watch Netflix. But they are no longer here and I look around my home and have decided that I need to how do I say, step up my game.

Alas clothing for men is so plain now. Everything looks good on me but it would be good to know what would look best on me.

Among the seven Vampires watching we used two entire boxes of what is called Kleenex while watching the shows. We might be Vampires but we are what do they call it, suckers for sentimentality and turning lives around. After all, that is what Vampires do. We turn lives around as well.

Antoni, Karamo, Tan, Bobby, and Jonathan made me laugh and think about style. I believe my hair would look good if it was styled the same as Tan’s. I do not like angels, as most Vampires do not, but in this case I believe Bobby is the human form of one.

When the sun came up and we decided to sleep, I wondered if Bobby would help an old Vampire design his guest chambers?

I almost stayed up to watch the rest of Season 2 without the others.

~ Vlad

 

Dear Diary,

In my bed, with Gillian asleep in my arms, I wondered how out of touch I am with the modern world. Maybe it is not that I am so out of touch as… I do not know. I seem to adapt.

It is a full moon. I wonder if I will hear the Werewolves howl tonight. I wonder if they will have their sinks clogged with fur. I wonder where they keep their clothing when they run as wolves. I wonder why even now Werewolves still dress in such tacky and distasteful clothing. I wonder if I get measured and order some new suits tomorrow how long it will take for me to get them. I wonder if ribbons and lace will ever be popular again for men to wear openly without shame?

Gillian runs her hand across my chest and up my neck. She never asks what I am thinking. She knows. Her cool touch to my face brings me out of my own thoughts.

“Do you think I need a Queer Eye?” I ask.

She smiles with a hint of fang. “No, just a few history books.”

Then she kisses me, and puts her naked leg over mine, and this is where I stop writing.

~ Vlad

 

 

Kissed by a Vampire

Kissed by a Vampire

This has been the 39th installment of Vlad’s Vampire Diary. To start from the beginning (or randomly read them) CLICK HERE.

 

 

 

Victorian Fashion Trading Cards – Only a love letter away from being yours…

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Do you like quirky and silly and lovely things? Of course you do.

Enter the Vampire Maman Love Letter Writing Contest and YOU, yes YOU, might win one of my fabulous Vampire Maman Victorian Fashion and Interesting Dead People Trading Card Sets.

The photos are from my own personal collection.

I’m still working on the cards so what you see today is a work in progress. What you see here is far from done. The real cards will be wonderful and truly amazing. And nobody else in the world will have them.

For complete information and instructions on how to enter and what to enter the contest CLICK HERE. Yes, CLICK RIGHT HERE.

I’m also giving away coveted WPaD Short Story Anthologies.

But Juliette, what if I don’t have a WordPress blog?  No worries. Just send your love letter to juliettevampiremom@gmail.com and I’ll post it here along with all the others.

You’re only a love letter away from fame, notoriety, a few good books and the joy of sharing your LOVE LETTER with the lovers and romantics of the world.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman 

group set uncut

In progress: an uncut sheet of Vampire Maman Victorian Fashion and Character Trading Cards. I’m still working on graphics and captions.

Box of Ghosts

Happy Halloween Everyone from Vampire Maman!

For your entertainment I’ll share some portraits from my collection, my Box of Ghosts,  to delight and inspire.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

vm man of the futurevm charmingvm three siblingsJuliette Kings collection

We are "the guys" and we approve of this blog.

We are “the guys” and we approve of this blog.

 Mother and daughter

Precious child 1850's

Precious child 1850’s

We don't wear shorts to school!

We don’t wear shorts to school!

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Lola

Lola

Children of Men. Images of the Past.

vm steampunk girls

They dressed them up in boots and buttons.

vmboredgirl

Teenage days wondering if things would ever become less boring.

vm white trim

A beautiful gown of silk and lace. A chance to dance with a handsome stranger.

vm 3 sisters

We were smart girls. No fools to be trifled with.

vm lovely girl

We were fine. We were fierce. We were the ones who might change the world.

vm charming

I knew where Tesla hid his death ray and I never told a living soul.

vm man of the future

I am the man of the future.

vm little lord

I am a man of style and class. The ladies are in the palm of my hand.

vm three siblings

There is more to us than you can see from this image.

vm darling girl

And we are not amused.

 

 

 

Photos from the collection of Juliette Kings. Taken from my not-so-smart-phone. 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Color & Cut-out Modern Vampire Paper Dolls

Color and Cut-out Modern Vampire Paper Dolls

Set #1: Juliette and Clara

What could be more fun than paper dolls to get you started over the long weekend? Maybe a nice glass of wine and a good looking Vampire stud, but…

Tell Mr. Tall Dark & Handsome Vampire Stud to come back in a few hours – it is time to cut and color and have some creative fun! Crayons, pens, glitter, colored pencil all works great. Put tracing paper over the dolls and make your own make-to-fit outfits and design your own Halloween dresses and Fabulous Fall outfits!

Since my pens seemed to vanish into some sort of time warp or black hole or kid’s room – I’m just giving you quick pencil sketches today. And it will work fine after you get done with your fabulous coloring and embellishment!  You can draw in the faces too.

This is the first of several sets of Modern Vampire Paper Dolls featuring your favorite characters in my blog. Collect the entire set for hours of pre-Halloween fun!

My goal is to have more polished, stylized and a lot more “Gothic” designs in the future as part of Vampire Maman’s Countdown to Halloween.

So cut, color and PLAY!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Juliette and Clara Paper Dolls: Print, color and cut-out fun!

Juliette and Clara Paper Dolls: Print, color and cut-out fun!

julietteclaracasual

julietteclaradresses

clara_Vdress

 

juliettevdress

 

Masquerade Fantasy

Last summer I did some sketches for the yearly Vampire Masquerade Ball costumes…here they are all in one posting.

Just quick pencil  and/or pen on paper.

I do more detailed pen and ink work but that is for another post.

Have fun!
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman and Costume Designer

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