Dawn of the Undead – A Very Short Vampire Story

Dawn of the Undead – A Very Short Vampire Story

It had been a long night of love and blood and fun. So many Halloween parties. It was a good night to be a Vampire.

Jon pulled up to his house and sat in the driveway for a few minutes as he checked his messages. The sky grew lighter in the distance. Soon the sun would be up and he’d be in bed, shutters closed, dreaming sweet dreams of the night skies and warm women with long necks.

As he stepped out of the car something grabbed him and slammed him down in the driveway. Flat on his back he looked up into the face of a Vampire Hunter. Damn it.

“We’re going to hold you here until the sun comes up and you fry,” said a man dressed in black.

“Honestly Dude you’re going to have to cut out my heart or cut my head off to kill me. i guess you could burn me to a crisp but that takes forever. You might want to reconsider. Come on in and we’ll talk about this over a beer or something…” Jon was trying to stall them. The sun wasn’t going to hurt him much.

Turning his head Jon could see the thin ribbon of pink coming up over the hills. Dawn. It was his best hour. It was the time he’d write his best work. It was the time he’d relax and gather his thoughts. It is his time and they were not going to take it from him.

“Guys, I have a deadline on an article for Vampire Review. I have to get it done this morning. You’re making a mistake.”

The Vampire Hunters raised their knives.

A few hours later the sun was in the sky, the birds singing, squirrels ran through the trees. Jon took off his work gloves and put away his shovels. This wasn’t the way he’d planned on spending his morning, but when you’re a Vampire… sometimes you have to face the sun and do what you have to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From ghoulies and ghosties

And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!

Dawn of the Undead – A Very Short Vampire Story

Tangled Tales

Dawn of the Undead – A Very Short Vampire Story

It had been a long night of love and blood and fun. So many Halloween parties. It was a good night to be a Vampire.

Jon pulled up to his house and sat in the driveway for a few minutes as he checked his messages. The sky grew lighter in the distance. Soon the sun would be up and he’d be in bed, shutters closed, dreaming sweet dreams of the night skies and warm women with long necks.

As he stepped out of the car something grabbed him and slammed him down in the driveway. Flat on his back he looked up into the face of a Vampire Hunter. Damn it.

“We’re going to hold you here until the sun comes up and you fry,” said a man dressed in black.

“Honestly Dude you’re going to have to cut out my heart or cut my head off to kill me. I guess you could burn me to a crisp but that takes forever. You might want to reconsider. Come on in and we’ll talk about this over a beer or something…” Jon was trying to stall them. The sun wasn’t going to hurt him much.

Turning his head Jon could see the thin ribbon of pink coming up over the hills. Dawn. It was his best hour. It was the time he’d write his best work. It was the time he’d relax and gather his thoughts. It is his time and they were not going to take it from him.

“Guys, I have a deadline on an article for Vampire Review. I have to get it done this morning. You’re making a mistake.”

The Vampire Hunters raised their knives.

A few hours later the sun was in the sky, the birds singing, squirrels ran through the trees. Jon took off his work gloves and put away his shovels. This wasn’t the way he’d planned on spending his morning, but when you’re a Vampire… sometimes you have to face the sun and do what you have to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From ghoulies and ghosties

And long-leggedy beasties
And things that go bump in the night,
Good Lord, deliver us!

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Vampire Maman

My mom blogs about vampires

Ask Juliette: Just Shut The F Up, Justification for One’s Actions, Vampires, & Bat Shit Crazy Alien Abductions

Ask Juliette

Long titles aside, Ask Juliette (Advice for Everyone, Ask a Vampire) is a regular feature at Vampiremaman.com

I will find an answer for just about anything you ask. Relationships, Vampires, parenting, unexplained weirdness, history, art, Halloween, party ideas, love, pets, you name it – I will find you an answer.

If you have a question email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com OR post a comment on one of my blog posts and let me know you want an “Ask Juliette” answer.

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I’m so sick and tired of all of the political talk. At this point nobody is going to change anyone’s mind. How can I bow out gracefully when invited to lunches, dinners, and other events with all of the political junkies?

I hear you on that one. You already have the answer: Bow out gracefully. In situations like this white lies are justified to keep yourself out of the fire, or worse dead of boredom and frustration.  Say you have other plans. You don’t have to say those plans are to be somewhere you don’t have to listen to uncomfortable political banter.

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Oh how many times I’ve wanted to say that to someone over the past few months. I had to explain to my teen what the full expression was. She’d never heard it before. I rarely have mom guilt, but sometimes, just a little.

Dear Juliette,

Are Vampires really dead, or undead?

Zombies are dead. I guess you could call some Vampires undead because they were briefly dead, then came back transformed, you know, as Vampires. Of course if one waits too long in the process, and lose the dead person’s soul you’re in trouble (otherwise known as deep shit.) That my dear is how monsters are created. Then again, bad parenting also creates monsters.

 

 

Oh look, someone wrote a book about me.

Oh look, someone wrote a book about us.

Dear Juliette,

As a woman from the mid 1800’s, you can completely understand the historic male violation of Bodily Integrity, but as a Vampire who occasionally feeds upon human beings in complete secrecy to protect yourself from destruction, how do you reconcile that violation? Do you feel justified merely for being what you are — that, perhaps, some even deserve it — or do you harbor guilt that in some ways you are no better than those who take choice away from others (aka “You’ll get over it; it’s not like it killed you.”) I have my own opinions on this, but it seems relevant in our current political climate to ask for yours.

I know, this is weird, especially since I absolutely HATE to have my personal space invaded.

OK let’s start with the most egregious violation of personal space: sex without mutual consent. As a rule Vampires do not sexually violate their prey. Yes, of course there is the erotic  aspect in popular culture but that is a choice one (both Vampires and donors) make. If that involves some neck biting so be it.

Forget the scary blood dripping stereotypes of Vampires. It just ain’t true, at least not with civilized, and civil Vampires of the modern age. We’re smooth about it. We’re delightful. We’re charming. And more often than not our donors don’t even know they’ve donated anything to us.

Taking blood it isn’t something we really think about. We do it because that is our food source. Just like an apple or a chicken thigh are food sources. Same thing. Only it isn’t a human food source. Believe me, when non-Vampires start to drink human blood it is just plain creepy and weird.

On the other hand, my brother Andy has tormented himself over the years with this very question. Unfortunately there is no getting around it. Being vegan isn’t an option. Sure we could get all of our blood from bottles but without that personal connection one lacks that sense of truly being alive.

I feel no guilt because, as with most Vampires, we give back when we take. I make sure I leave my donors with sweet dreams and good vibes. That is payment for their efforts. I also leave cookies for my regulars. Seriously, just like at the blood bank.

The Vampire/Human relationship is a rather nice symbiotic one. It has worked for thousands of years with few complaints from our dinner companions.

Of course, as you know, all of us (Vampires) can be as scary as Hell when we want to be, or have to be.

I do need to address another issue. You mentioned that I started out in the mid-19th Century. To be exact, I started out in 1859. I, along with my mother, and other female Vampires thought that things would be different by now. Equality of the sexes has always been the rule in Vampire culture. It is sad, and even tragic that by 2016 that humans are still so backwards when it comes to equal rights and equal respect for everyone. Unfortunately there will always be misogynistic pigs in our society who revel in the sexualization of women.

 

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I believe I’ve been abducted by aliens. Memories of large orbed creatures in my bed haunt my dreams. I feel the probes. I wake up with piercing pain, but at the same time I feel extremely sexual, as if I’ve made love to someone who wasn’t there. Do you believe aliens have visited Earth and have made contact?

Ever hear the expression Bat Shit Crazy? Just wondering. Do you sleep with your cats? Do you wear tinfoil on your head to keep radio waves from stealing your thoughts?

To answer the question of the existence of aliens on Earth is a tricky one. We know that Time Travelers are all using stolen technology. Nobody knows where it came from so it might be from aliens. But seriously, out all of the billions of souls on this planet you think one came into your room, took you up to a spaceship and had sex with you? Really? Really? If you’d said you saw a ghost or a Vampire I might believe you because there are a hell of a lot of ghosts and Vampires around. I mean, sure there might be aliens. They might be taking your teeth. They might be putting microchips behind your ears. They might be having cocktails on their deck and laughing about you. If you look at Earth you’ll find that we are a long way from everywhere. Nobody visits us, even with four wheel warp drive. And if they are visiting I’d think they’d have the balls to look us in the face and be honest about it.

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Dear Juliette,

How can I keep my boyfriend from looking at other women? When I’m with him I expect 100% of his attention.

You can’t keep him from looking at other women unless you put a blindfold on him. My advice would be to break up with him, and when you’re mature enough to start dating again find another man – maybe someone without a spine.

 

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Thanks for dropping by.

Ask Juliette (Advice for Everyone, Ask a Vampire) is a regular feature at Vampiremaman.com

I will find an answer for just about anything you ask. Relationships, Vampires, parenting, unexplained weirdness, history, art, Halloween, party ideas, love, pets, you name it – I will find you an answer.

If you have a question email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com OR post a comment on one of my blog posts and let me know you want an “Ask Juliette” answer.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

You too can join the ranks of the undead.

Oh my

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This one was too good to keep to myself.

And it is “do it yourself” no less.

Yes, I know this is a silly thing for kids who are monster fans (from the 70’s) but it ties into this blog.

I get a lot of people visiting my blog wanting to know how they can become a Vampire. Oh boy.

It isn’t a simple answer. You can be born into it (which is rare) or you can have someone, preferably a friend, turn you into a Vampire.

If anything goes wrong, and it usually does, you could either lose your life, or worse lose your soul.

Yes, close 90% of Vampire conversions are failures. Seriously. I kid you not.

If it works you don’t just wake up one night and say to yourself, “blood for breakfast sounds good.” No, it isn’t that easy. It is a slow, horrible, painful process, and that is if you get someone with natural talent and expertise (like me) to convert you.

Then once you get converted, with your soul more or less intact (but changed), and a shadow soul, the adjustment begins. No more donuts. Think of yourself on the strictest diabetic diet ever created. You’re cold to the touch. You can go out during the day but your light sensitivity is extreme. You’re clueless.

How are you going to get blood out of someone without making a mess?  How do you know how much to take without killing your donor? The clueless part is the worst. Other than that it isn’t a bad gig, but … there are so many moral and ethical issues involved. This isn’t weird guys in opera capes surrounded by beautiful women. This is regular life among the undead, in jeans and sweaters, and socks that don’t match (we too have to clean cat boxes.)

If you’re lucky, someone, a more experienced Vampire, will be assigned to help you out. Hope you’re lucky or you won’t last long.

And to be perfectly honest with you, I don’t want everyone becoming Vampires. It is something special. It is our world. The warm blooded folks have their own world and own insanity.

Anyway, that is it for today. I just thought the ad was funny and wanted to share.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Rosemary and Lemon…and Vampires

A lot of Vampires love the smell of rosemary and lemons because it reminds them of being warm and in the light.

In fits of melancholy they are drawn to the past. Alone they fill bowls with herbs and fruit, then sleep until someone texts them or until the night calls.

I bet you didn’t know that.

Just like with regular humans the people of the shadows have days where they can’t seem to bring it all together.

Then the stars come out, it starts to rain, a song comes on the radio that brings up the spirit. A friend reaches out a cold long fingered hand and pulls you into an embrace and you know you aren’t alone.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Where’d you hear I was dead?

I was sitting (and still am) at my dining room table with my laptop and overheard my husband on the phone.

“This is Theodore Kings…yes, it’s me Teddy….well I suppose, but no I’m not dead…I haven’t been dead for a long time. Where’d you hear I was dead?….Really?…I married Juliette…Yes, that Juliette… You and Juliette? My wife? Really. No I didn’t know… I wanted to ask you about…”

From there is was all business. I hadn’t thought about him for years. I hadn’t talked to him for at least eighty years if not longer. We’d spent a year on and off, more on, traveling around Europe and ended up in New England. Then we just sort of drifted apart and pst touch, as Vampires tend to do. I had no idea that Teddy knew him.

Anyway, what was I writing about? Huh.

Oh right, we were looking at vacation spots and thinking of either Iceland or Bermuda. Seriously. But we have to go to New Mexico and school and skate schedules have us booked up.

The cat is on the table next to me purring, then I hear a voice asking, “So are you dead?”

I look up to see The Ghost sitting across from me. Yes, that ghost.

“I’m very much alive,” I tell him.

He smiled that nasty shit eating grin of his, “Sort of like those parasites that go dormant for years on end then come to life when they smell blood.”

“Do you need something Nigel?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Not really.”

Tonight his eyes were almost black under his long lashes. He smiled and started to fade out, then reappeared in the chair next to me. He is so annoying.

“Juliette, my dear, you were never a real person were you?”

“No, I was never a real person. I’m one of the lucky 10% of Vampires born this way.”

“Then how can you be undead? I mean you’re a Vampire so you’re supposed to be undead. But you were born alive as a Vampire, so you didn’t die first did you? That wouldn’t make any sense. Then again, I’m a ghost and that never made any sense to me. I was alive and then I was a ghost. And my body is in a box marked with a stone. People still come by and visit there. I’m hardly ever around when they visit. And here we are talking. Fancy that. So what exactly is undead? Isn’t it weird to be a monster? Do you ever feel like a freak of nature?”

“We’re done talking Nigel.”

“You’re done Juliette. I’m just going to hang out for a while. Go back to what you were doing.”

I tried to ignore him and started to look up stuff, you know research on the book I haven’t finished yet.

“Hey, Juliette, mind if I take your car?”

“You’re a ghost. You can’t drive.”

“Just checking to see if you were listening.”

I reached out and touched where his hand was. My palm rested on the table but it made him smile. “I’m listening. It must be difficult to be real and then not real. Teddy had a Hell of a time adjusting. How are you doing with it Nigel?”

“Alright I guess. I need to get out and haunt more but it gets old after a while. Not quite 30 years and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Just kidding. It’s fucking great.” He almost spat that out with a ghostly snarl. Not as good as a Vampire would snarl it out but almost.

We sat for a while and listened in to Teddy’s phone call. They were talking about diamonds.

Nigel stood up and straightened his cufflinks. “It was fun. I gotta go.”

“Haunting?”

He smiled. “No, hot date.” Then he vanished with a thin bit of blue smoke like an exotic cigarette, but without the smell.

You can’t always define friendship or connections or old loves or old pals. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? It’s just a thing.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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