Ask Juliette: Just Shut The F Up, Justification for One’s Actions, Vampires, & Bat Shit Crazy Alien Abductions

Ask Juliette

Long titles aside, Ask Juliette (Advice for Everyone, Ask a Vampire) is a regular feature at Vampiremaman.com

I will find an answer for just about anything you ask. Relationships, Vampires, parenting, unexplained weirdness, history, art, Halloween, party ideas, love, pets, you name it – I will find you an answer.

If you have a question email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com OR post a comment on one of my blog posts and let me know you want an “Ask Juliette” answer.

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I’m so sick and tired of all of the political talk. At this point nobody is going to change anyone’s mind. How can I bow out gracefully when invited to lunches, dinners, and other events with all of the political junkies?

I hear you on that one. You already have the answer: Bow out gracefully. In situations like this white lies are justified to keep yourself out of the fire, or worse dead of boredom and frustration.  Say you have other plans. You don’t have to say those plans are to be somewhere you don’t have to listen to uncomfortable political banter.

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Oh how many times I’ve wanted to say that to someone over the past few months. I had to explain to my teen what the full expression was. She’d never heard it before. I rarely have mom guilt, but sometimes, just a little.

Dear Juliette,

Are Vampires really dead, or undead?

Zombies are dead. I guess you could call some Vampires undead because they were briefly dead, then came back transformed, you know, as Vampires. Of course if one waits too long in the process, and lose the dead person’s soul you’re in trouble (otherwise known as deep shit.) That my dear is how monsters are created. Then again, bad parenting also creates monsters.

 

 

Oh look, someone wrote a book about me.

Oh look, someone wrote a book about us.

Dear Juliette,

As a woman from the mid 1800’s, you can completely understand the historic male violation of Bodily Integrity, but as a Vampire who occasionally feeds upon human beings in complete secrecy to protect yourself from destruction, how do you reconcile that violation? Do you feel justified merely for being what you are — that, perhaps, some even deserve it — or do you harbor guilt that in some ways you are no better than those who take choice away from others (aka “You’ll get over it; it’s not like it killed you.”) I have my own opinions on this, but it seems relevant in our current political climate to ask for yours.

I know, this is weird, especially since I absolutely HATE to have my personal space invaded.

OK let’s start with the most egregious violation of personal space: sex without mutual consent. As a rule Vampires do not sexually violate their prey. Yes, of course there is the erotic  aspect in popular culture but that is a choice one (both Vampires and donors) make. If that involves some neck biting so be it.

Forget the scary blood dripping stereotypes of Vampires. It just ain’t true, at least not with civilized, and civil Vampires of the modern age. We’re smooth about it. We’re delightful. We’re charming. And more often than not our donors don’t even know they’ve donated anything to us.

Taking blood it isn’t something we really think about. We do it because that is our food source. Just like an apple or a chicken thigh are food sources. Same thing. Only it isn’t a human food source. Believe me, when non-Vampires start to drink human blood it is just plain creepy and weird.

On the other hand, my brother Andy has tormented himself over the years with this very question. Unfortunately there is no getting around it. Being vegan isn’t an option. Sure we could get all of our blood from bottles but without that personal connection one lacks that sense of truly being alive.

I feel no guilt because, as with most Vampires, we give back when we take. I make sure I leave my donors with sweet dreams and good vibes. That is payment for their efforts. I also leave cookies for my regulars. Seriously, just like at the blood bank.

The Vampire/Human relationship is a rather nice symbiotic one. It has worked for thousands of years with few complaints from our dinner companions.

Of course, as you know, all of us (Vampires) can be as scary as Hell when we want to be, or have to be.

I do need to address another issue. You mentioned that I started out in the mid-19th Century. To be exact, I started out in 1859. I, along with my mother, and other female Vampires thought that things would be different by now. Equality of the sexes has always been the rule in Vampire culture. It is sad, and even tragic that by 2016 that humans are still so backwards when it comes to equal rights and equal respect for everyone. Unfortunately there will always be misogynistic pigs in our society who revel in the sexualization of women.

 

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I believe I’ve been abducted by aliens. Memories of large orbed creatures in my bed haunt my dreams. I feel the probes. I wake up with piercing pain, but at the same time I feel extremely sexual, as if I’ve made love to someone who wasn’t there. Do you believe aliens have visited Earth and have made contact?

Ever hear the expression Bat Shit Crazy? Just wondering. Do you sleep with your cats? Do you wear tinfoil on your head to keep radio waves from stealing your thoughts?

To answer the question of the existence of aliens on Earth is a tricky one. We know that Time Travelers are all using stolen technology. Nobody knows where it came from so it might be from aliens. But seriously, out all of the billions of souls on this planet you think one came into your room, took you up to a spaceship and had sex with you? Really? Really? If you’d said you saw a ghost or a Vampire I might believe you because there are a hell of a lot of ghosts and Vampires around. I mean, sure there might be aliens. They might be taking your teeth. They might be putting microchips behind your ears. They might be having cocktails on their deck and laughing about you. If you look at Earth you’ll find that we are a long way from everywhere. Nobody visits us, even with four wheel warp drive. And if they are visiting I’d think they’d have the balls to look us in the face and be honest about it.

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Dear Juliette,

How can I keep my boyfriend from looking at other women? When I’m with him I expect 100% of his attention.

You can’t keep him from looking at other women unless you put a blindfold on him. My advice would be to break up with him, and when you’re mature enough to start dating again find another man – maybe someone without a spine.

 

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Thanks for dropping by.

Ask Juliette (Advice for Everyone, Ask a Vampire) is a regular feature at Vampiremaman.com

I will find an answer for just about anything you ask. Relationships, Vampires, parenting, unexplained weirdness, history, art, Halloween, party ideas, love, pets, you name it – I will find you an answer.

If you have a question email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com OR post a comment on one of my blog posts and let me know you want an “Ask Juliette” answer.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

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