Bad Dates and A Bit of Advice From My Brother Val (For Vampires and Other People)

“She was weird.”

That is what my brother Val told me when I asked him about a woman he’d met at a party at my brother Max’s house last month.

I have four brothers. Max is engaged, Andy is occupied and in love, Aaron is married, and Val is unattached. Like me, they’re all Vampires. We’ve always been that way. Anyway, back to my story about my single 161 year old brother.

This morning he came in from San Francisco. I figured he was still wearing a scarf around his neck because it was still cold outside, or he was just making a fashion statement.

“Why was she weird?” I asked.

“Lots of things.” Val told me. “She asked if I’d ever had baby blood. Then she went on and on about the old days and how Vampires dined on children. I told her it was bull shit and bad form. We were brought up better than that.” He ran his hand through his hair, something he did when he was flustered.

“Yuck,” I said. It was pretty yucky.

“She wasn’t born one of us. She was fascinated by the fact that I was. I hate it when other Vampires treat us like we’re magical or something.”

“She seemed pretty normal on your first date,” I said

“I know. I thought she was a bit forward and kind of quirky, but she was fun. Damn, she is gorgeous too. Not that looks are everything, but it helps.”

“I guess.”

“We’d been out to a couple of jazz clubs, then went back to her place. She was acting pretty normal by then, you know, not saying weird things. We started making out. It was nice. Then she ripped my shirt open and bit my neck. Not just a little love bite. She sunk her fangs into me.”

“Crap.”

“I pulled away and she ripped my flesh. She fucking ripped my neck open.”

“Val! Let me see.” I unwrapped the scarf from his neck. There was a gash where he’d put a butterfly over a two inch rip in his neck. Usually we heal faster than regular warmer blooded folks, but this was bad. Vampire on Vampire bites take longer to heal than most injuries. The area around the gash had started to turn purple and yellow.

“I swear I thought she was going to bleed me to death. I grabbed her and pulled her off of me. Then she had the audacity to tell me that I was hurting her.”

“What a bitch.”

“She was fucking crazy. After that you know what? She wanted me to go to bed with her. She laughed at me and told me how much she wanted me. No way in Hell was I going to spend another minute with her.”

“Oh Val.”

“My blood was dripping down her chin.”

“Yuck.”

“Then she texts me this morning asking me if I want a third date.”

“What did you do?”

“I blocked her.”

Val’s dates usually don’t go like this. In fact he has less drama in his world than any Vampire or regular person I know.

A while back I wrote a post about dating advice Val had for other guys. Keep reading.

First  posted in 2012

Uncle Val’s Advice on Women (for Vampires but it works for everyone)

My brother Val is visiting for the weekend. My kids Garrett (age 16) and Clara (age 13) adore him.

That said, he decided Garrett needed some advice on women. Not that Garrett needs it – every girl in his high school has a crush on him. Sometime I think he has a crush on every girl as well. But he is level headed and smarter than most boys his age when it comes to girls. Yes, Garrett is a bit of romantic but that’s ok with me. I’d rather him be a smart romantic than a stupid player.

Val is a 156 year old Vampire who definitely does not still live in the 19th century. He is single and savvy. He is also sweet and exceptionally caring, especially about the elders and children of our family and friends.

So this is how the conversation went.

Clara: Boys are stupid.

Val: Yes, they are.

Garrett: What about me.

Val: You’re her brother. You don’t count.

Garrett: What about girls? They aren’t perfect.

Val: Women are crazy but the craziness depends on the level of psychosis. They’re also smarter than we are so just admit it and let them know that.

Me (Juliette): So I’m smarter than you.

Val: No, you aren’t.

Me: Why is that?

Val: You’re my baby sister.

Me: You said boys are stupid.

Val: They are.

Teddy (my husband): He’s right.

Val to Garrett: Vampire girls are independent these days. It used to be that you’d just bring them a few small children or a baby and they’d be happy.

Clara and Garrett together: That’s gross.

Val: We don’t do that anymore.

Teddy: WE never did that.

Me: Your grandparents never did THAT.

Val: My point being that most Vampire women like to hunt for their own food. They don’t need guys to bring it to them.

Teddy: Keep digging Val.

And then we talked about general behavior and a few funny and awful stories but in the end Val passed on his time honored rules about women. Here they are…

Uncle Valentine’s General Rules About Women – If you like them and want to keep one around.

  1. Don’t talk about how much you love beer on the first sip. And I say sip. Don’t glug it. And unless you’re talking microbrews or party planning don’t talk about beer. Even then keep it brief.
  2. Don’t act like you are having a love affair with your car, motorcycle or truck. She doesn’t give a shit.
  3. Wear a decent shirt. Button down is best. Roll the sleeves up and show your forearms off. Women think that’s hot.
  4. Don’t act like a dog and paw all over her. Wait for her to give a signal and be a gentleman for God’s sake. Get crazy in bed after she says she wants to get crazy….excuse me my sister reminded me we have teenagers in the room.
  5. Use good table manners.
  6. Don’t take the last cookie unless you ask her if she wants it.
  7. Don’t talk about your ex-girlfriend/wife. Mention the ex once then STOP talking about it.
  8. Don’t bring her small children or babies…just kidding. But really, don’t do it. Vampires aren’t into that anymore.
  9. NEVER criticize her hair or tell her that she is too fat or too skinny – not even in a nice way. DON’T go there.
  10. If she clings and cries RUN AWAY.
  11. If she is needy RUN AWAY.
  12. If she is mean to you RUN AWAY.
  13. If she complains about everything RUN AWAY.
  14. If she shows more than a hint of jealousness RUN AWAY.
  15. If she talks about her ex too much RUN AWAY.
  16. If she wants you to buy her everything or complains you don’t spend enough on her RUN AWAY.
  17. If she laughs when her dog bites you RUN AWAY.
  18. If she is a Werewolf or a Goblin RUN AWAY.
  19. If you love her…just be careful. Make sure it is real and not infatuation.
  20. If she is a regular human and not a Vampire DO NOT GIVE HER YOUR HEART.
  21. If she isn’t a Vampire NEVER turn her into one. Don’t even think about it. Talk to me about this later.
  22. If you like her – tell her so.
  23. Have fun. Don’t lead her on. Don’t let her lead you on.
  24. Respect her.
  25. Show her respect. And expect her to respect you.
  26. If she is not a Vampire don’t use her for your main food source. In fact, if you’re dating don’t use her as a food source, period. Don’t mix food and sex or love.
  27. Women are crazy but you gotta love them. I love women. They’re like a drug and like any drug you don’t want to abuse it or over use it. Take what you need and don’t be greedy.

“OK Val, I said. I think that’s enough advice for the night.” I said.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

A Drive With Marilyn

Mono Lake Tufa SNR

Mono Lake  – A sight to behold on Hwy 395

 

I’m a little under the weather (even Vampires get under sometimes) so rather than trying to make up something fictional for today I’ll just tell you a story about my brother Val and me, then give you some high-minded moralistic opinion about the state of American culture.

It was October 1963 and we were driving Val’s black 1962 Corvette down Hwy 395, along the back side of the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We stopped in the small town of Lee Vining at dusk, wondering if we should stop for the night or keep going.

I got out of the car and looked up at the mountains. After I took off my scarf I held it up and let the breeze make it into a flag. Everything smelled so fresh. The mountains were so beautiful I couldn’t take my eyes off of the sight.

Val came up to me and took the scarf. He put it over my hair and wrapped it loosely around my neck. “You look like Marilyn Monroe tonight. She was buried in a dress almost like yours, with a scarf like yours.”

Removing the scarf again I looked down at my green dress, then brushed a bit of blonde hair out of my face. Yes, it was blonde at the time fixed in sort of an over teased should length flip. I’ve taken my false eye lashes off as soon as we left Las Angeles earlier that morning.

“How do you know what she was buried in?” I had to ask.

“A friend of a friend went to the viewing,” answered my brother. “She was murdered.”

“Does the friend of a friend know who murdered her?”

“No. What a shame. We’ll read about it later. Jewels, she was having sex with everyone named Kennedy and all of their friends.”

“Does it matter? Does it really matter Val? It isn’t like we knew the woman.”

He ignored my comments. “I feel like I’m in a movies set out here. The obvious choice would be a Western, but it seems more of a mystery tonight. Do you want to stay the night or move on?”

We agreed to stay.  At first we got a skeptical look from the woman at the desk of the Motel when we told her we were brother and sister. Neither one of us wore rings on our left hands. What should she think when two fashionably dressed young people come into a hotel in a mountain town? Plus we came in a sports care. That would be a recipe for immoral behavior in anybody’s book. A man, the owner of the establishment, came in and gave us the key, saying it was obvious how much we looked alike. Some people always have their mind in the gutter.

We went to the cafe next door to get a feel for the place. The view of Mono Lake from our table was unreal as the sun settled down over the mountains. The waitress was friendly and took our orders of coffee and rare burgers. When she came back she told me that the cook thought I looked like Marilyn Monroe. I was polite. Val kicked me underneath the table.

“As soon as we get to Reno I’m finding a salon and switching back to brunette.”

“You’d better get rid of the eyeliner too,” said Val with a wink. “I think she was murdered for sleeping with the Kennedy brothers. Think about it.”

“I’d rather not Val.”

“Do you think Marilyn would have made a good Vampire?”

“The Beatles would make better Vampires. They don’t seem so needy. Honestly would you convert someone as needy as Marilyn Monroe into a Vampire? It would be a disaster then you’d be stuck with her.”

“That might not be such a bad thing.”

“Stop thinking with your…”

“I’m not.”

“Are too.”

“Am not.”

“Val, to be a Vampire one must be fairly independent and strong-willed. You have to be disciplined at all times. I mean, I didn’t know the woman but she wouldn’t have made a good Vampire.”

We picked our way through the food and finished our coffee, then went for a walk down the road. Stopping in a bar we picked up our real dinner for the night. After all, Val and I are Vampires.

The next day we took a leisurely drive with the top off of the car. Once we arrived to Reno I became a brunette again. A month later President Kennedy was assassinated.

I used to get angry at Val for his temporary fascination with celebrity. It started when we where children and he’d pick up bits of information in Harper’s Weekly. From there it snowballed. He couldn’t seem to get enough of gossip and sorted stories about people he’d never met. I’d tell him to read a book and he’d just get pissed off and close up to me. He has backed off but occasionally I’ll catch him catching up on celebrity gossip.

I don’t understand the current fascination with people who are famous for having an unnaturally large number of children (and their disgusting self-serving exploits), or for rich women who are unnaturally made up. If your only claim to fame is the fact that you have a big butt and a rich father why should you get so much time in the news. It isn’t news or even entertaining. It is just stupid and annoying. When I see a movie I don’t want to know about the actors, I want to know about the characters they are playing. That is all.

But it seems the spirit of P.T. Barnum live on in the worst way possible. Some people say there are no more freak shows but it isn’t true. There are plenty of people who are glad to put themselves in the spotlight as freaks.

Thank goodness that isn’t what Vampires do. We might read the gossip but we refuse to be the gossip.

Have a good week everyone. Stay classy.

 

This was first published in October 2015

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Marilyn

Yes, almost like that, but not quite.

 

Never Been Human

Sometimes we leave lovers because they’re rude and stupid. Or we are with them in the first place because we’re stupid. Being lovers with someone with warm blood and a short life span is usually extremely stupid as far as I’m concerned.

A long time ago (a very long time ago) I was involved with one of them. I went out into the morning sun and closed my eyes, feeling the warmth on my sensitive bare skin.

He said, “You do that because you miss being human.”

I said, “I’ve never been human.”

“Pity,” he said, “you would have been good at it.” Then he thought for a moment about what I’d said,  “Excuse me Jewels, what do you mean you’ve never been human?”

I left him but not before making sure he’d have nightly horrifying nightmares for the next three years. Lucky me. I’m a Vampire, I can do that. I would miss not being able to do that.

In our society those we transform into Vampires don’t call us mother, father, uncle, aunt or anything along those lines. Sure we share a bond, but life is complicate enough without a band of groupies following me. Plus everyone I’ve converted over is too smart for that. They can take care of themselves. We’re friends – not master and slave.

Like a lot of only children, Vampires quickly earn to make friends quickly, solve their own problems, be independent and to keep a sense of humor. Even my grouchy brother Max has a sense of humor.

Of course there are those of us who do have families, parents, siblings, and extended families. But we’re in the minority – of Vampires that is. But all Vampires, like all living creatures once had parents and siblings even if they are long gone. Some are even in touch with descendants but it is extremely rare.

Earlier this week I was with my brothers Aaron and Val. We’re the youngest three of the five siblings in my family. We’re a large family as far as our kind  is concerned.  The eldest two Max and Andy are more on the dark side, in the shadows than the three of us younger siblings. They’re both a bit unhinged in their own special ways. They drive us crazy too in their own special way. Aaron, who is the problem solver tends to ignore them and judges them harshly behind their backs. I try not to be swept along in any drama. Val, the second to the last, keeps neutral and keeps a sense of humor. Aren’t all families a bit like that? We all take our roles. Those who like high drama play it up. They stay in the spotlight demanding an audience. The rest of us keep it on the sidelines or behind the scenes.

The three of us younger Vampires (ages 158, 156 and 155) met one night last week for dinner and drinks. It was at a local bar full of casual trendy and artsy folks all mingling over micro brews and red wine. Aaron surprised us by coming in jeans and a sweater, not his usual $5,000 suit and Hermes tie. Val and I were causal as usual – not slobby just casual (we’re Vampires, we have to look good.)

Anyway I don’t even remember what I was supposed to be writing about… Valentine’s Day was uneventful for Val, the youngest male of my parent’s brood, so Aaron and I were giving our single brother Valentine a bit of a bad time (joking of course, sort of) about taking advantage of the day and meeting up with oh so many pissed off single women. He said he stayed home or maybe spend the day with our Great-great-great-Grandmama Lola. Then I had to remind him that Lola AWAYS had a young man (or two or three) for Valentine’s Day. Lola is just sort of like that. Val said this year she spent it with him because her special sweetheart Cody was out of town. She spoke of Cody, who is much much younger than her, though she looks younger than Cody. Funny how things work out that way.

“I haven’t felt this way about a man since Leonardus and our friend Roger were burned at the stake,” Lola told Val.

After the death of Leonardus, Lola went back into the shadows with two small children. Rather than sink into the of hate Lola came remained strong and forged forward into the future. She was only 25 at the time. Six hundred and twenty five years can’t completely erase the pain of such a heart breaking event.

It is funny how things work out because there was Cody walking towards us. He looked so handsome tonight. It was the first time I’d seen him in a suit. I wondered why for a second – why the suit – then saw the glow in Lola’s eyes.

Cody joined us and we all walked, no ran, down memory lane, through years of danger, insanity and insanely fun times.

It is just what we do. Just another night with the Vampire. Just another night with just another family.

Not much else right now.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Girl with Dog

 

 

 

Love: Cold Hands, Warm Hearts

Cold Hands, Warm Hearts

First posted: 2/20/14 

My eldest brother Max (10 years my senior) had asked his best friend Teddy to escort me home from the theater one evening. It was 1874. I was 15 years old.

“Your hands are so cold,” he said as he helped me up off of the muddy street onto the boardwalk.

I gave him a coy smile. “I have a cold heart sir.”

He laughed. I never called him sir. He offered me his arm.

I gladly took his arm. “Your hands are positively burning. What sort of fire stirs your soul tonight?” That was pretty forward but I didn’t care. I was floating with the joy of being a flirt and having no brothers or parents around to stop me.

“You’re not like the other girls.”

“No I am not.”

“You’re an impish little thing. It will take a man with a quick wit and a good sense of humor to woo you Juliette.”

“Ahhhh, but you forget I have four older brothers. I pity any man who would have to deal with them.”

“They’ll love any man who is truly in love with you Juliette.”

“I doubt that Teddy.”

Then he stopped and faced me. “I have some news. A secret if you can keep one.”

“Your secrets are always safe with me.”

Teddy had a large smile on his handsome face. “I’m getting married.”

My young Vampire heart literally stopped dead. My head started to spin, but I managed to smile because like all Vampires, I was a natural liar. “Oh Teddy. I’m so happy for you. She really is lovely.”

I wished I could just turn to putrified slime and slip into the dirt like the dead in the cemetery but instead I found a dark place to curl up in for the rest of the night. Teddy would now be lost to me forever. No more laughing at silly jokes with him. No more having him give me sly smiles. No more watching him and my brother Max in awe as they turned from boys to real men.

Teddy would be moving on to the world of married men where there was no room for girls who laughed too loud and talked too much. There was no room for Vampires. Sure, once I was older and became an icy cold elegant woman like my Vampire mother I could entertain Teddy and his bride, but until then it was over. He might has well have died – at least that is what I was feeling in my cold quiet teenage heart.

Teddy had no idea how different any of us were. He had no idea that his father’s business partner was a Vampire. Teddy had no idea what a Vampire was.

While they were away to college Teddy never really questioned why my brother Max would go out in the middle of the night. He imagined it was a woman or gambling or just a restless spirit. Like all of us, Max was brilliant at hiding his true nature.

The young woman of good breeding whom Teddy had become engaged to was sweet. That was her only attribute aside from being considered pretty. She wanted nothing more in life than to be the wife of a successful man. The fact that Teddy was the most handsome human I’d ever seen in my life, interesting, smart and funny was just an added bonus. Other than the fact that Teddy thought she’d be a good match there was nothing remarkable about her. Good breeding. Good reputation. Good girl. I didn’t even think about passion. Thinking about that would be almost as bad as thinking about my parents having any kind of passion (remember I was 15 years old.)

Teddy’s love wasn’t out sucking blood out of people in the middle of the night. She was in bed alone dreaming of angels and kittens. She was the kind of girl he dreamed of and I am sure he dreamed of her at night.

I wished I was like her. I wished I was sweet and warm like a her. I touched my icy hands against my cheeks and closed my eyes and then wiped away cold tears. No amount of wishing could make me warm. No amount of wishing could make me walk in the sunshine without dark glasses or a parasol. No amount of charm or wit could make him continue to be buddies with me, a girl who lived in the shadow of the night. He’d never love me.

I found my brother Val and told him the news. Val, who is only 16 at the time, thought I was being silly. He didn’t understand. He was a boy. Teddy could still be friends with a boy.

Max came up on the roof where I ended up that night. He sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. “Teddy is like family. He’ll still be here for a long long time. With any luck he’ll live a long life and we’ll always be able to watch over him and protect him.”

I closed my eyes knowing it was a battle I couldn’t win.

“Listen Jewels, part of growing up is letting go, that means letting go of everyone else who is growing up and moving on. It won’t just be Teddy. All of us will have to go out in the world and make our way. We’ll all find love. We’ll find it with people like ourselves, other Vampires. People move on, but the human heart, and our hearts have a great capacity for love. You have to treasure that love because as we move on, they, the regular humans grow old and they die. I’ve seen Mother and Father mourn the loss of their friends in the worst way. We’ve mourned the loss of friends in the worst way. But Teddy isn’t dead. Be happy for him. He’ll still be my best friend. He’ll still be your friend.”

We sat on the roof until the sun came up and talked of life and love and loss.

A year later Teddy died and didn’t die. He became a Vampire (not from anything we did and very much against his will.) The wedding never happened. After that we all went our separate ways and had our share of love and adventure and friendship.

After Teddy acclimated to being a Vampire we became great friends. Twenty years ago we got married. That isn’t typical of anyone, but then again, not much is typical in my life.

As my own children become older and closer to being adults they’ll have to deal with friends moving away, getting in relationships and changing in ways they can’t imagine. Some friendships will last those changes, but many won’t. The fact that we can’t always predict these things doesn’t make it any easier, but at least we can talk with our kids about these things. We can be there when they need someone to talk to. And that day will come.

I have been fortunate to have friends who’ve been in my life since those days when I used to sit on the roof of my parent’s house and ponder the meaning of life. Sometimes my friends would sit on the roof with me. Sometimes my brothers would join us. We’re not sitting on the roof anymore, but we’re still talking and laughing and having warm hearts to go with our cold hands.
———————————

January 31, 2015

The past few weeks have been crazy hectic busy and emotional. We (my family) lost two good friends and we’ve been dealing with the elders of our family. Add to that business and other well, work related things. Thank goodness there are no problems with kids. But anyway…

February brings ROMANCE so I will do my best to post plenty of Vampire and Gothic Valentine fun. And of course I’ll have to see what I can get out of my sweet brother Valentine. I haven’t posted much on him lately – seeing that he is so grounded and not good material for blog posts right now (he has been out and out boring – especially for a Vampire.)

And don’t forget to enter the Vampire Maman Love Letter Contest. CLICK HERE for more details.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Everybody likes a little romance. Come back for more at Vampire Maman.

Everybody likes a little romance. Come back for more at Vampire Maman.

My Funny Valentine

When it comes to romance (hey, it is February) my brother Valentine is right up there as the guy every girl would like to be with, even if it is just for a few hours.

My brother Valentine is one of the most relaxed creatures I’ve ever met. Describing him brings up traits like low-key, mellow, friendly, happy, smooth and of course funny.

If you didn’t know him you’d never in a million years guess he is a Vampire.

Then again putting everything out there, the what-you-see-is-what-you-get attitude has never seemed smart or true to me. It somewhat lacks in a certain sophistication. I’m not saying to be false, one just doesn’t have to wear their underwear on the outside for everyone to see.

So I said to him, “Val, tell me about your perfect Valentine’s Day.”

Val leaned back in the chair and smiled as he told his story. “February 12, 1941. There was a full moon. I was in London working for the American Military, as we all were. The usual super secret Vampire stuff. Anyway, that night Jo, you remember Josephine McClintock. Well, Jo and I were strolling around the city in the dark. We’d dined on a group of British officers who never knew their guests were Vampires. We were just a couple of funny Yanks with a lot of good jokes and sources for good booze.

Jo was always in a good mood, except that night she was a little off. She’d seen someone she was crazy about with another woman. What made it worse was that the other woman was a beautiful Norwegian Vampire. Her plans for the evening under the moonlight were crushed. Jo took it all in stride. To this day she is still one of the most level headed good humored Vampires I’ve ever met. She was the best companion I could have had that evening.

I’d also been crushed in a slightly different way and was feeling sorry for my self in the worst way. I’d run into Gloria. I know you remember Gloria – the Vampire who’d taken my heart but would never give me hers.  I wasn’t good enough for her, yet she always came to me, to my bed but nowhere else. I was in love with her. She was in lust. We’d parted ways months before but then I’d run into her while at the library. I was hopeful she’d changed her mind about me, but she told me she was in love. I told her some sort of lie about how I was doing great. Then we both said have a nice life and she left. An hour later she returned to where I was still doing research. She said she wanted me. Not forever. Just for now. Just for a few hours of sex. She said she couldn’t stay away from me.

I told her that I wouldn’t be with her because I would never betray another man like that. I said that it was out of respect for him that I wouldn’t touch her. She said she understood and respected me for that. I gave her a hug and I never saw her again.

I’d lied to Gloria. What I wanted to tell her was that I didn’t have sex with her wasn’t because she was in love with another man. The real reason was because she wasn’t in love with me. Now after all this time I wish I’d told her that, but I can’t go back.

That night in London, Jo and I found ourselves under the moonlight talking about how love never lasts and how useless any efforts on love were all stupid and a waste of time. We found ourselves laughing at funny stories about love and romance. What fools we are, especially us Vampires were for thinking that love could work and last for anyone.

From the window of a dark house that had once been grand, but now was in slight decay, came the faint sound of Artie Shaw’s Begin the Beguine. We quietly went inside the unlocked door and down a dark hall to a large hall. A wind up phonograph was on the floor. A couple danced cheek to cheek in the center of the room, alone, in love. He stopped the dance and kissed her under the moonlight that flooded through stained glass windows. Time seemed to stop. They were the only two people that existed in our war torn world. Their hearts would never be broken.

We backed out as quietly as we entered.

Jo linked her arm in mine and gave me a smile, “We were wrong Val. That was Jeremy and Samantha. They’re legends in the Modern Vampire movement. I’m sure you’ve heard of them.”

I smiled back. “Somewhat.”

“They’ve been in love for around 250 years. Real love.”

I laughed out loud then told her “I know all about their love affair. Jeremy and Samantha are my parents.”

We left Mom and Dad alone and went off to seek fun elsewhere. A few nights later the bombing started again. Jo was assigned to another post and I didn’t see her again until 1950 at a party in Santa Barbara. I saw her again last week. She’s doing great.”

“Mom and Dad are still in love,” I said to my brother.

“Yes they are. Every day is Valentine’s day for them.”

And I hope every day is Valentine’s Day for you, my readers.

~ Juliette aka

This sort of looks like Val but not quite (you know I can't show photos of my family here.)

This sort of looks like Val but not quite (you know I can’t show photos of my family here.)

Note: The song “My Funny Valentine” was from the 1939 musical Babe’s In Arms. The song didn’t become popular until the 1950’s when it was recorded by various amazing artists (my favorite is the Chet Baker version). They lyrics don’t describe my brother Val, who turns heads with his good looks, but no matter what he looks like, even if he looked like a frog I would never want him to change a thing about himself.

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart

You’re looks are laughable
Un-photographable
Yet, you’re my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine, stay
Each day is Valentines Day

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/10/writing-challenge-valentine/

Another note: If you’re a new visitor/reader please look around at some of my previous posts and the “curious about…” page. This blog is written from the viewpoint of a Modern Vampire Mom. I cover a variety of issues dealing with parenting, family, relationships and modern life through stories, poetry and art and of course musings. I muse a lot. So explore and have fun and feel free to comment. Warning – all posts are written really fast so I won’t forget what I’m thinking about…. Thanks for dropping by. ~ Juliette

V is for Valentine…and Vampire

lovers kiss

Romance is in the air and in the blood!

As many of you know, I’m always finding brittle dried up folded pieces of paper in the dryer. Love poems and notes to the heart that my 17 year old son Garrett scrawls down and shoves in his pockets.

I don’t understand women. I will never understand women. Vampires, Regular Humans, Werewolves. They’re all confusing. They drive me crazy. I love them.

Alright. I guess that is better than finding a frog or a joint in the dryer. All joking aside, I find it sweet. He is my romantic. Then again, he is a Modern Vampire so he can’t help it.

Yes, there are those cold and heartless Vampires, but it is generally a protective ruse to keep their cold hearts from warming up enough to break or beat fast enough to get a pulse. Yes, V is for Valentine and Vampire.

And speaking of Valentines…

This is the place for ROMANCE all February long.

In fact this is the place for romance all year – that is Vampire style romance.

The most popular post on this blog is about how to respond to a love letter. About a third of my blog traffic comes from those romantic souls looking for advice on love and writing the perfect love letter or response to a love letter.

So this month I’m gong to highlight love letters, kisses, romance, romantic reading, relationships and anything that makes the heart go still (or pitter patter depending on what kind of creature you are.)

From fact to fiction it will all be fun. 

And of course, it wouldn’t be a month of romance without my four Vampire brothers, including my brother Valentine.

Wishing you kisses starting NOW. It will soon be time for Cupid to come calling!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman