Short Story Sunday: Perfection

A short story about my brother Max. Some of you might have read it before. Today I’m reposting two tales about Vampire guys and their romantic adventures. Enjoy.


Maxwell drove down the coastal highway, roof open under the stars and the cool night air, thinking about his life as a top of the heap alpha male Vampire. It was a good time to ponder.

He didn’t have personal friendships with humans, the way some other Vampires did. He would protect them when necessary but he wouldn’t be their friend – at least not a close friend, not for a long time.

Of course he had human lovers, but that was pure physical need for their touch and their blood.

Vampire woman were another matter. He tended to be a freak magnet when it came to them. The normal ones were out there but they were always involved or off-limits in some way or another. Or they were too strong and independent. Or in rare moments, years ago, he’d used bad judgement and not seen the big picture. Screw the big picture, he’d grown up and moved on. He was different now.

There were always other men, but right now he had the need for a female of his own kind. Someone safe and easy. Someone who would be there for him after a job that often involved violence and other unpleasantries.

He’d had plenty of friends with benefits.

Carmel by the Sea. The beautiful village on the California coast. A place full of artists and rich people and those just wanting some peace and quiet. His Grandmama had lived here when the artist colony was thriving at the turn of the 20th century. He used to visit her and fall in love with the place and everyone in it.

This weekend was the Concourse de Elegance the most prestigious car show in the universe. Everyone who was anyone would be here, including Vampire Hunters. And since Max was the world’s foremost hunter of Vampire Hunters he was looking forward to it. A weekend of perfect cars, perfect women and perfect hunting.

It had been a long day and a long drive. He took his bags out of the car and walked to the door of the cottage he’d rented with 3 of his colleagues. He wasn’t sure who’d be here as it was last notice for him. He’d hoped it would be Pierce and David, two of the best and total car guys. He figured as long as they were there they might as well have some fun.

He used his key and as he opened the door cheers came up. Female cheers.

Elizabeth, Janye and Mehitabel. Vampire women who were also Hunter/Enforcers of the highest order and all GIRLS.

This was not what he was expecting. Not at all.

They exchanged warm greetings (he didn’t show his true feelings about the situation) and he left to shower off the weariness of the road. As he was drying off he could hear the girls talking. He stopped rubbing his hair to listen.

Janye: I can’t believe the choices Max makes. His last girlfriend was one of those types who always looks perfect and helpless. A total control freak.

Elizabeth: Total bitch. She just used him and he was too stupid to know it. Oh my God she had fangs like a saber tooth tiger, no it was more like a rabbit. And she was always telling everyone how attractive she was. I wish she’d done us all a favor and gone down with the Titanic.

Mehitabel: She used him. Most of them just used him. He wouldn’t know his perfect match if she slapped him across the face.

The women went on talking about his physical attributes (excellent), his professional attributes (excellent), his qualities as a Vampire (outstanding) and his relationships with woman (pathetic.) Great, this was going to be a wonderful weekend.

He’d known all three of them for years, over 100 but he’d never heard this side of the story. Damn. Was he that ridiculous? No, it had to be them. Women were so skewed.

He’d always been friends with Elizabeth and Jayne. It wasn’t like the movies or books where Vampire women drop their clothes and crawl naked all over their dominant male counterparts. Besides, these two were like sisters.

Then there was Mehitabel. Beautiful and strange, at least to him. He couldn’t stay away from her at one time, but he couldn’t be with her, not in his heart. She was too easy for him to use. He’d never love her, but he’d never met a woman so sexy, who could drive him so insane with desire. But she wasn’t the one. He made that clear from the start. It would never be.

The women helped him bring in the weapons and they sat around the table with bottles of wine, Bourbon and blood. They laughed over old times, new times and everything in between.

Despite his first impression he knew these three Vampire women were at the top of their game and would be loyal and true with him. And in turn he would do anything to protect them. They’d be a good team. They’d get the job done.

Beside that, he knew they’d like the cars.

They were excited to show him their dresses. Elizabeth, the most outgoing, a California blonde of the first order, had a red-flowered strapless sundress of silk with a wide skirt and strappy red heels. Jayne had a royal blue halter dress that looked like it had come right out of Grace Kelly’s closet. A redhead with an attitude, Jayne had a fierce sence of humor and a fierce sence of the fight. Mehitabel had a black sheath dress with a pattern of leaves woven into the fabric. It was form fitting, which was good since she had an extraordinary form. She’d wear it with a long strand of real black pears and matching earrings. She’d wear her brown hair sleek and long.

Mehitabel was as odd and unusual as her name, but he had always liked her. He was drawn to her humor and her matter of fact ways with a touch of something sad that he could never quite figure out.

He’d also had a history with Mehitabel. She knew his every move. And in turn he knew every move she made, every inch of her body, everything she had to give him and then some. But she wasn’t the one. She wasn’t the girl of his dreams. She was different. Max wasn’t looking for different. He was looking for perfection. But that was a long time ago, at least 90 years, maybe more like 100.

As the night went on he thought maybe he’d relive some of the magic of days gone by. It would be a way to get off some of the tension before a week of dangerous work.

“I’m going to go to the beach. Anyone want to join me?” He asked that as he looked at the women.

“Sure,” said Mehitabel, “I’ll go.”

They walked along making small talk. It seems so comfortable and so right. Old friends forever, just like old time. As they came to the beach on the edge of the Pacific Ocean Mehitabel became silent.

“You’re quiet tonight,” Max said, ready to make a move on her. One kiss and she’d be his for the week. The others wouldn’t care, unless it was pure envy.

Mehitabel stepped away. “It was never friends with benefits or fuck buddies or whatever you want to call it with me Max. I loved you but you never wanted it. You just threw it away and treated me like some common girl that needed to be slut shamed. I loved you for so long and now I don’t know. I’m not perfect enough for you. You want a woman who will break your heart into a thousand shards and I can’t do that for you. If you had spent some time with me, some real-time and looked past the imperfections…”

“I never said that…” Max protested.

“You didn’t have to. You used me Max. You used me so I had to let you go. Don’t you understand?” Mehitabel was now angry, something he’d never seen.

He tried to take her hand, “The last time we saw each other, I mean romantically, you were the one who turned me away. You told me to go.”

She stepped away again. “To go back to your girlfriend. I wasn’t going to be with a man who was cheating on another girl, especially another Vampire. I told you that. Remember?”

Max remembered too well. She’d always been so friendly and compliment about his relationship rules.

Mehitabel continued her rant. “And there had been no romance. Sure we’d talked into the night. Sure we had some sort of weird connection where we could read each other’s thoughts, excuse me, I could read your thoughts, or at least I know when you’re thinking about ME, but it was never romance. Not with you it wasn’t. You did everything you could to talk yourself out of caring about me.”

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” Max said gently, trying to calm her.

“I know that.”

She was right. She always knew. There was some sort of strong connection where she always knew when he was thinking about her. It was spooky.

“Why didn’t you contact me?” Max was almost feeling hurt that she’d think of ignoring him after all of their history.

“Why didn’t you love me Max?”

“It wasn’t like that Mehitabel. I was just looking for something else.”

“What? Oh right, perfection. Well Max, I might be among the most elite hunters on the planet but I’ll never be anything but an imperfect slut to you. I’m never going to let you break my heart again. Do you understand that Max?”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

She walked down the beach alone. He wondered if she was crying. He’d find out later.

Over the years he’d taken down Werewolves, Vampire Hunters with fire blowers, Ghosts, Rogue Vampires and Zombies. He’d seen it all. He was Maxwell August Todd, one of the greatest Enforcer/Hunters of all time, but this was one battle he couldn’t win.

“Mehitabel, I’m sorry,” he called after her.

Then he remembered something his mother had told him, one of those things that he wished he’d remembered earlier. “Max, my darling boy, remember, if we were all perfect then life would be so boring you’d hardly be able to stand it.”

Looking down the beach at the woman walking along the edge of the night surf, he suddenly realized he was in love and this would be the most difficult fight of his life.

He called her name again. She turned and yelled “Go to Hell.”

“Yes,” he said to himself out loud, “to hell and back.”



~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Tangled Tales

The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies and Ghosts)

In honor of Valentine’s Day I’m posting my most popular love and romance bits today. Enjoy. xoxoxox

Vampire Maman


My brother Val always says “love isn’t a physical thing. It is a meeting of souls. Be it friendship or romantic lovers, it is something we can write about and dream about, but we can never truly explain or define it.”

The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies & Ghosts)

The most popular post on this blog is “How to respond to a love letter.”  Really. Seriously, go on Google and look up how to respond to a love letter and it will bring you right back here. Out of the zillion or so things I’ve written on just about every subject everything always circles around back to LOVE.

That is proof that the art of letter writing is not completely dead (YES – real scientific proof)AND romance is still alive and well.

Everyone writes love letters. And that means YOU

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My Own Vampire Maman

She walked into the crowded bar as if she owned the place. I waved. She flashed me a dazzling smile and walked my way.

Black jeans, a dusty plum-colored coat over a white dress shirt she borrowed from her man, buttons open to give a hint of a promise of something soft and lace covered, the most darling gray boots with buckles and heels, a gray and blue scarf, and a black messenger bag with a tiny gold bat pin attached to it. Her nails are covered in glossy gray varnish as perfect as perfect can be, set off  a perfect dark fire opal on her right hand. Loose dark brown chestnut colored ringlets cascading down her back. Perfect smoky eyes as gray as a winter sky shot with blue and a slight hint of pink lip-gloss on cupid kissed lips. She could be somewhere between 25 and 35 but it doesn’t matter. She is perfect. Every male head in the place turns. My mom just walked into the room.

She walked to the bar where I sat nursing a gin and tonic. She didn’t need to pull up a stool – four were immediately offered to her. She grabbed one a few places down and sat it next to me. Her arm went around my waist and squeezed. All was right in the world. Mom was here.

She still calls me her baby. I still call her my maman.

She picks something off of my sweater. She liked my hair. My nail color made my hands look dirty. Was Teddy home with the kids? I looked tired. Was I getting enough sleep? Was I spending all my time driving the kids around? Was I working on my novels? Was I planning my spring garden?

My dad with at my brother Aaron’s house. It was a big girl night out.

She scanned the room and said “we won’t go out hungry tonight.”

No we wouldn’t.

I put my hands in my lap, then decided to ignore her comment about my nail color. I liked the color even though I doubt if I’d wear it again.

We spoke quietly, our heads together. A man asked if we were sisters. My mom said we were.

He was in his early thirties. Blonde hair, green eyes, button down shirt. Cute bordering on handsome. My mom is 378 years old.

She whispered something in his ear and put her hand on his shoulder. He smiled. He was hers for the night if she wanted him. That isn’t what she said to him, but she can make anyone feel good. She said there was a girl in the bar who liked him, the pretty girl who is never the prettiest in the room and never the one who gets picked first. The girl was smart and funny and sexy and a little different. He’d pick her tonight and in a few months time he’d pick her forever. My maman has a talent for facilitating happily ever after events. How Vampires got the bad rap I’ll never know (actually I do but that’s another blog post) but we’re quite the romantics and lovers.

Her wedding ring was on a cord around her neck, hidden under her shirt. It was funny considering we spent most of the evening talking about my dad. She said she wanted to spend the weekend with my kids.

She said she’d planted the strawberry plants I’d given her. She’d also started mine in pots for me since I hadn’t dug up my planting beds yet. Hers were doing great but mine were still smallish. I told her that was because she loved her plants more than mine. She laughed.  She had my plants in the car. I told her that I’d give them lots of love.

We were like any other mother and daughter meeting in the evening. Except we were out for blood. But that’s ok with us.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



This was first posted February 2012. I’ll have new musing, thoughts and stories soon. In the meantime, have fun. J.

Short Story Sunday: My Vampire Lover

Tangled Tales

Tangled Tales

January brings football, more activities and shuffling around with teens and other family members, work and well, just life. But it is also Sunday, which means a short story and my brain has gone blank. So today I’ll just pass this one on as it was told to me by the parties involved.

Once upon a time, in a land far away (not really, it is in San Francisco), on a dark stormy night… But we’re having a drought so it is just dark and cold with out the stormy stuff. Anyway…

My Vampire Lover

Part 1: Andrew

Andrew stood in front of the open window, the wind in his hair, his eyes on the moon. A smile lingered on his lips with the memory of a kiss and the promise of more.

He turned dramatically, like he always did, when he heard the click of the door opening behind him.

A tall pale man as thin as a reed wearing a black suit came into the room. “Sir, there is someone here to see you.”

Andrew eyed his man servant. “Gerald, would you please stand up straight. You’re going to creep someone out.”

Gerald straightened out, growing another 4 inches and losing about 10 years.

“Much better. Who is that someone you said is here?”

“A young man who said, and I quote the monster who is dating my mother. He seemed a bit upset.”

“Well, that is somewhat unexpected. I suppose I should talk to him,” said Andrew with a shrug.

Part 2: Cameron

My mom is sleeping with a Vampire. I can’t believe I just said that.

A few years ago my dad left mom for another woman. I didn’t think she’d ever get over. He was such a douche about it too.

Fast forward five years, my sister and I are in college and mom is happier than I’d seen her in ages. She said she was involved with a man. He was an opera singer of all things.

I looked him up and found a portrait, a painting someone did last year. He looks about 28.

Then one day while I was home for the weekend I was my mom had her email up. I couldn’t help but look. It was my mom, what could have been on a 53 year old woman’s email that would have bothered me? I mean, she was already seeing a guy half her age (that bothered me.)

And there it was “Vampire.” What the Hell was going on.

So I went to his house. I couldn’t let my mom do this. I couldn’t let him have her.

Armed with a backpack full of crosses, garlic, holy water, a silver knife and a gun I knocked on the door.

A tall stooped skinny guy who looked like he was out of Central Casting for creepy butlers answered the door. I demanded to see Andrew, the Vampire. The butler let me in.

Andrew looked younger than I thought he’d be. I asked his age. He said 162 then smiled without his fangs. He said he loved my mom. He said he’d do anything to make her happy but he’d never come between my mom and her kids.

I could see how my mom was attracted to him. He was tall and well built looking like something off of the cover of a romance novel in his white shirt and black velvet vest, his chestnut brown hair to his shoulders and swept off his handsome face.

But why my mom? It didn’t matter. Today was the day I’d save her honor and her soul.

Part 3: Shawna

My son said in a text that he was going to save my honor and my soul? WTF? Then I realized, he’d found out about Andrew.

I love my kids, but they’ll always see me as the frumpy mom who was married to their dad. That would be the same dad who cheated on me and lied to me and broke my heart. No more. I’m a mom forever and that is my most important role. Needless to say I’m not frumpy anymore and I’m not going to feel sorry for myself anymore. I don’t even miss my ex husband. In fact I’m glad to be rid of him. But besides being a mom I’m also a woman. My kids are in college. I’m by myself most of the time. I deserve happiness.

I didn’t know Andrew was a Vampire when I met him. When I found out it was too late – my heart was already his. He accepts me for who I am and loves me. We are so good together.

I’d been visiting Andrew for the weekend and just run out to the store for a few minutes when I received the text from Cameron.

Racing back to the house I could hear yelling inside. My heart pounded. The front door was locked. I screamed for them to let me in.

I heard Gerald yelling “Get the bastard. Knock him off his ass.”

Andrew screamed “Get him.”

I heard Cameron yell but couldn’t make out the words. This was my worst nightmare.

The French doors off of the back deck were unlocked. Running inside I expected to see carnage. Who would be alive and who would be dead? My darling boy or my lover. It was more than I could handle. Tears streamed down my face.

As I ran into the room I stopped myself cold, breathing hard, not believing what I saw.

Gerald was sitting in a chair wearing a sweat shirt and jeans, his legs proper up on an ottoman, his long hair out of the usual trademark pony tail. Cameron sat on the couch, almost shoulder to shoulder with Andrew my Vampire lover.

All three of them looked around at me with a puzzled look.

“Mom, what’s wrong?” Cameron looked up at me with his big puppy dog eyes.

“Honey, what is it?” Andrew got up and approached me.

On the TV Screen the football game played. Playoffs. They were watching the playoffs. Nothing brings guys together like sports.

I took Andrew’s hand and said “Nothing is wrong. Damn allergies are making my eyes water. Glad to see you guys met.” Then we sat back on the couch and watched the rest of the game.


Disclaimer: If you’re following this blog please don’t unfollow – 98% of the other posts here are much better than this (but this is a TRUE story) and all of the other short stories are really worth reading. 

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Love her for who she is, not what you want her to be…

eveningOver the long weekend I packed up the family and took them out to the farm on the Delta where the Elders, Eleora and Tellias live.  My brothers were to meet us there for a night of family fun – as much fun as a family of Modern Vampires can have (which is pretty darned fun). Teddy, my husband, looked forward to sharing some new wines. Garrett and Clara, our teens, looked forward to visiting with their uncles and the Elders who never seemed to run out of tall tales. As the only sister it is my job to make sure my brothers are happy and not being stupid.

Upon arrival I noticed my brother Andy had cut his waist long chestnut colored hair to just a few inches below his shoulders. It short of flipped up on the ends but still looked like guy hair. Smart, artistic and sexy guy hair.

“Looks good Andrew. Did you cut it for her?” I asked running my fingers though my brother’s hair.

“Of course not. I wouldn’t change my hair for any woman. I just like this length better.” He gave me a twitchy look, like he does when he is annoyed. “I haven’t seen her for a month. She doesn’t know what to think of me. I can’t change who I am.”

“Did she ask you to change?”

“She hasn’t asked me to do anything. I think I confused her so much that… I know she likes me, and she might be in love with me, but she isn’t like us. She isn’t a Vampire.”

“Then if she loves you she’ll love you for who you are. She’d be crazy not to.”

“She’d be crazy if she did fall in love with me.”

I gave him a hug and sent him off to the back room where the rest of my brothers were.

It was one of those rare nights when all five of us, my four brothers and I, were together.

My husband and my sister in law Verity (my brother Aaron’s wife) were sitting out front on the veranda with the Elders, avoiding the potential drama.

Garrett, my 17 year old came up and put his arm around my shoulder. “What’s up with Uncle Max?”

“A girl rejected him so he can’t stop thinking about her.”

“What about Uncle Andy?”

“A girl he is in love with doesn’t know what to think of him.”

Garrett gave a slight laugh and a snort. “Those guys are so weird. Why don’t they just go with the flow and talk to these women? You know mom, they aren’t talking.”

I knew he was right. Teens sometimes get relationships because they aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for someone to go to the next dance or football game with. They’re looking for a study partner who might also like to flirt and hold hands. Sure they make mistakes and get their hearts broken but they don’t brood for 50 years and get all bent out of shape forever due to their own predisposition to jerkdom.

Sure teen love is complex. OK it is simple. But if given the opportunity they can look at a situation and make better sense out of it than a lot of grown ups I know.

I just keep thinking of what my husband Teddy tells all the teenage girls, including his own daughter. “Boys are stupid.” That pretty much says it all.

He didn’t ask about his other two uncles. Aaron is happily married (and I mean that in the most real way) and the other, Val, is happy and always well adjusted enjoying his single state with every woman he meets.

 Teens don’t see adult romance the same way they see their own romances and crushes.

Adult romance is based on a lot of things that don’t make sense, due to the fact that adults seem so bad at it.

Max told me the woman he knows, who has frustrated the crap out of him, would be perfect if she just changed. He always expects them to change, but they end up wanting him to change. It never makes any sense to me. I always resented anyone who wanted me to change. I hated it.

If you want someone to change, if that is a qualifying factor for your love then it isn’t love. It is ownership and control. If you need to change someone you might as well find someone else. If someone wants you to change you need to run. That is the world of romance according to Juliette, Modern Vampire, Modern Woman.

We all change and we change together. But if only one is required to change then the relationship will always be off balance.

My 14 year old Clara came in and joined her brother, taking my arm. I hugged them both.

“I have important relationship information,” I told my darlings. “Repeat after me darling children of mine:

1.     I will not change who I am for you.

2.     I will not wear the ugly shirt you don’t like but I will not change my morals, values or core beliefs for you.

3.     I will wear the shirt you gave me because it looks good on me but I will not change my hair for you.

4.     I will hang out with you but I will not drop my friends for you.

5.     I will not do anything for you that degrades me or makes me feel like I am not a whole person.

6.     I will be open to educated change, agree to disagree and discuss differences but I will not be forced to change in exchange for your love.

7.     If you force me into an ultimatum to change, your life will change because I will no longer be in it.

8.     If I change for you it is not love, it is fear that you will not love me.

9.     Love me for who I am, not what you want me to be. “

“We know that mom,” said Garrett. “You’ve already brainwashed us.”

“We love you mom,” added Clara.

I went out to the back porch where my eldest brother Max, the great brooding Vampire was standing. Maxwell the hunter, the fighter, the legend among Vampires, the idiot when it came to women.

Max was thinking about the girl. The woman. The strong smart amusing Vampire woman. The woman he couldn’t figure out. The woman he thought was just a friend. A friend he slept with when he wanted to. And easy friend. Easy. Easy. Easy.

Then he realized that his thoughts went from woman to girl and he suddenly realized that he had never taken her seriously. Why would he?

Now she was gone and he missed her.  Was it her or his ego?  Or was it just the fact that she was always available to scratch his itch in places nobody else could scratch. Or was it the fact that she let him bite her and take her in ways that his other Vampire bitches would not?  I think it was just for the face that she’d pissed him off.  It was the fact that good or bad, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

“You should call her.” I said to my brother putting a cautious hand on his shoulder.

He glared at me showing his fangs. “To Hell with her.”

“She never played games with you Max. You used her and dumped on her feelings. That’s sick Max.”

“I don’t know why she is so pissed off. I told her I’d never love her. She isn’t the kind of woman I fall in love with.”

“None of the women you ever get involved with mean anything to you unless they use you before you use them.”

I sat down on the porch swing and let him brood in the dark. He knew I was right. Or at least he knew he’d have to change and admit that I’m right.  I wondered if I smacked him hard enough with a 2 x 4 if it would knock any sense into his head.

Tellias sat next to me and put his hand in mine. “Don’t be so hard on your brother. Boys are stupid.”

“What makes you so smart Tellias?” I asked the ancient Vampire.

“One doesn’t change their partner, they grow and change together.”

“How long have you and Eleora been together? Do you remember?”

“Since they started planning Hadrian’s Wall. That was a long time ago. I remember the first time I saw her. She was standing on the edge of a cliff singing some God awful song wearing the ugliest dress I’d ever seen. It was so odd. I just stood there and stared for the longest time until she turned and looked at me with eyes ablaze with fury. I thought she was going to kill me. It was love at first sight.”

“You’re still in love.” I gave his cold hand a gentle squeeze.

“I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Writing a love letter? Ask a vampire.

 Vampires write love letters tooClara (14): I met a new friend in school today. His name is Alex.

Me (mom): Is he cute?

Clara (big smile): Yes.

High School is full of surprises this year! Well, not really, but that is a good thing. The kids are having so much fun and so far everything is great.

My teens are also doing quite well (so far) at handling the opposite sex.

I can’t say as much for my brother Andrew who is staying with me for a few weeks. I guess, he does handle things in his own over blown old fashioned over the top romantic way.

We (my kids and I) walked into our family room to find Uncle Andy laying on the floor, pen and paper in hand, cat on Andy’s back purring and the dog curled up against his side.

“What are you writing?” I asked, for one never knows with Andy.

“A love letter to Sheena.”

Ah, the new woman he’d met this summer. Not a Vampire but not a sweet young thing either. She was a 50 something professional mom of two college age kids who’d captured his heart. Actually she didn’t capture his heart, he threw it at her. She learned he was a Vampire and was a little freaked out about it, but not so freaked out that she wouldn’t let him stay the night with him. But still freaked out.

None the less, she must be pretty special to get love letters from Andrew, who is always throwing his heart at women.

There had been a couple of Vampire women a over the past two or three years  I seemed to remember.

“What about Teresa? Your Vampire love in New Orleans?” I had to ask because she was so interesting.

Andrew shrugged his shoulders. “She said she was looking for someone more mature.”

“You’re 162 Andy,” I said thinking that my older brother wasn’t that old for a Vampire but he wasn’t exactly young.

My brother sighed. “She wasn’t talking about my age.”

Then he rolled back on his stomach and the cat crawled on his back again. “Help me write this letter. What should I say to my Sheena?”

I thought a minute. “Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you, tomorrow I’ll miss you, remember I’ll always be true. And then while I’m away I’ll write home every day and I’ll send all my loving to you.”

“Say that again…close your eyes and I’ll kiss you. Juliette that is a Beatles song.”

It took a while before the kids stopped laughing. Then they started to throw out ever bad lyric out there.

“Alright copy this down,” I told him. I cleared my throat ceremoniously.

“The first time I met you I felt as if I’d known you forever.  It is as if I’ve loved you forever.  If you don’t want to see me I understand, but please give me a chance to let me show you who I am, what I am and why I love you.

I remember when we were on the beach, dancing under the full moon. I can still feel the brush of your lips on mine, the taste of…” I paused with a sudden thought, one that only Vampires think. “Did you bite her Andy?”

“Yes, but in my defense she didn’t know. She fell asleep. She’ll never know.”

“OK. Just tell her how you feel. Make a couple of rough drafts. Read it aloud. Quote some poetry or a song lyric.”

Teddy (my husband and Andrew’s friend) came downstairs. “Hey children of mine, the results are in from this week’s America’s Got Talent. It more or less sucked.” Teddy then looked at Andrew on the floor. “What are you doing?”

“I’m writing a love letter to Sheena. She needs to know how the full emotional depth of my feelings for her. I just can’t…seem…to get the words down on paper.”

Teddy got the look on his face like he gets with the kids. “Why don’t you just pick up the phone and call her?”


“Andy, if you like her, call her.”

“What would I say?”

“Hi. How are you? I’ve been thinking about you? When can we get together? What’s the worst than can happen? She’ll say no and you won’t have to worry about her anymore. She says yes and you’ll get to see her.”

Andy took out his phone and went to kitchen. We could hear him on the phone, “Sheena, it’s Andy.”

They talked for about an hour. I’m sure during that time there must have been about 100 texts from Alex to Clara too.

Like Teddy said, all you have to do is say hello. But you know, a beautifully written love letter never hurts.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


If you look up “how to respond to a love letter” on Google you’ll get MY POST FIRST (click here to go there) and if you go to the second choice, and this is what makes me the really cool mom, and I mean really really really cool, you’ll get SMOSH. If you don’t know who SMOSH is they’re a comedy team from my neighborhood who do really fun things on YouTube. And they’re a favorite of my kids. They created one of my favorites the Teleporting Fat Guy. Click here for SMOSH love letters: