Vote TODAY – Everybody

On Tuesday June 5, 2018, I will be working as a Sacramento County Polling Clerk at one of the new voting centers. I’ll be in Orangevale so if you’re in my neck of the woods you might see me.

We are now in fire season here in Northern California. No big fires yet, but they’ll be here soon enough.

I was going to wax and wane poetically about fires that burn in our hearts with desire for love and freedom and dreams that others would take away. Think about how many times a child says she wants to be an artist or writer or doctor or historian or anything and someone says “that is too hard” or “you’ll fail.” How many times have people come up against all odds and had success. Think about that when you vote tomorrow. And you WILL vote (or I will lose all respect for you if you’re an American citizen.)

Anyway, a lot of people, including ALL women had someone before them fighting for that vote. But I won’t go on. The fires burn for education and knowledge. The fires burn for freedom to love. Vote for the fires that burn for the love of your children. Vote for the environment and water issues. Just vote for common sense.

Today you need to VOTE because all of the above. In other parts of the world (not my part of the world) people risk their lives for the right to vote. They die for it. People died for it here too.  So remember them and VOTE.

Plus remember… if you don’t vote you can’t complain about the results.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

vote

 

The Big Picture

When my daughter was about five or six years old she came up with a practical approach to Time Travel.

“When I grow up I’m going to invent a time machine. It will be red, and it will fold up flat so I can take it with me wherever I go. Nobody will be able to steal it,” she said.

Little Clara always saw the big picture, even as a small child. She is in college now and still gets the big picture, but now finds herself right in the middle of the big picture. Yes, she is registered to vote. All of her friends are registered to vote. All of their siblings are registered to vote. They’re young but they get it. They see a world outside of their college classes, friends, romances, and family.

We’re all in sort of a one way time machine, especially if you’re a Vampire or other long lived person. We can’t change the past but the opportunity to learn from it is always there. On the other hand the opportunity to be extremely embarrassed is also there but that is another blog post.

My Great Great Great Great Great Grandmama Lola is staying with me for the next week. She usually lives in a cottage along the Sacramento River Road, but it is in a state of renovation at the moment. I don’t mind. I love my Lola. She raised my father, along with countless others who needed raising, including her own long gone children.

Lola was born on October 25, 1343, the exact same day and year as Geoffrey Chaucer. She isn’t the oldest Vampire around, but she is one of the most interesting. I don’t even care anymore if her stories are the truth, half truths, or even lies. Even with the lies there is always some truth in there somewhere, a fact that separates old Vampires from politicians.

“I never go back into the past. I only move forward”, said Lola as she sat at my kitchen table. She was wearing jeans and a sweater, with her long wavy hair over her shoulders, looking like a stylish young women in her mid-twenties. “Things get too ugly and troublesome, and dirty. Yes, dirty. The world used to be such a dirty place. Still is in some aspects, but when you don’t have running water…” She stopped and took a sip of coffee. Rubbing her leg where the Vampire Hunters burned her about six years ago she looks up at me. “You allow me to move forward, even when everything in my past, and everyone in my past tends to pull me back. You don’t consider anyone obsolete.”

“We grow, we change, we reinvent ourselves and if we’re smart we hold tight to the fire and passion that burns inside of us, deep down in hidden away small spaces,” I said.

“You’ve become so…profound,” she said sitting up and holding her coffee cup again.

“Only when I’m not making bad puns,” I said.

She has seen horrors and experienced so many bad things. When I do bring up things it is only the good things, unless she wants to talk about not so good things. But for the most part we look forward.

If Time Travelers do poke around with their stolen technology and brash arrogance we will deal with them, and keep off of their weird machines. In the meantime, I think it is time for more coffee and maybe even some gossip, far away from the Big Picture and far away from the past.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Teens

Half a dozen teens ate Tide Pods.

About half a million people tweeted about it.

Twenty million believed that half a million kids were eating Tide Pods.

Thirty Million posted memes on Facebook about kids eating Tide Pods.

Those same people are now criticizing kids for speaking out against school violence because they believe that all teens eat Tide Pods.

This is what is wrong.

Everyone WANTS to judge.

Nobody THINKS about these things.

Nobody asks the teens they actually know about this shit.

People are stupid.

I’m sick and tired of it.

STOP EMBRACING IGNORANCE.

THIS is why Vampires sleep during the day. It has NOTHING to do with sensitivity to light. It is because people are stupid and they rush to embrace ignorance.

How do we change this?

Listen to young people for a change. They are our future. Listen to old people. Sometimes they have good ideas and nobody listens to them anymore.

Or maybe just shut the fuck up for a change and THINK before you post. Listen before you post. Have an original idea.

Go back to bed. Clean out your garage. Take a deep breath. And realize that there are different ideas and opinions out there to every problem.

This is for ALL issues.

In June all of the kids I had watched grow up will now be voting.

ALL OF THEM.

I wish them the best. 

They are our future.

We’ve let them down.

Let’s hope they won’t let us down.

 

Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Don’t talk AT them. Talk with them. Engage them. Force the conversations. Spend time with them. Hug them. Love them.

Don’t parent by accident. Your children deserve more than that.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Venting about parenting and giving it a score

We’re going to talk about MOM stuff today. You know, motherhood, children, babies, and all that kind of, dare I say, Mommy Blogger stuff.

Babies and Toddlers

First let’s all go way back to when our kids were babies. Some of you might even have babies, or will have babies in the future.

I saw a Pampers Diaper commercial recently that absolutely horrified me. Yes, and you’re right – not much horrifies a Vampire…but this did.

A small boy child toddler type is running in a full droopy diaper. Gross.

Then it shows a baby running in a Pampers Diaper. He isn’t all droopy butted. Yes his diaper is full of urine but he is happy. Gross and happy.

Alright, all of you moms out there, raise your hand if you would let your child walk around with half a gallon of pee in his pants because you know he was feeling dry and not drooping.

I want a diaper that keeps a child dry and does not leak. I don’t want to keep my child in that disgusting full diaper while the child happily plays – as the advertisement suggests.

I can’t even imagine leaving any child of mine in a diaper with pee, or heaven forbid, poop in it.

Dear Pampers Marketing Department,

A baby with a diaper full of pee is not cute. You are disgusting.

~ Juliette Kings aka Vampire Maman (parenting expert and internationally known parenting blogger)

Score: Pampers -10 for that one.

 

Nothing says GROW UP like being a PARENT

For parents of Middle School kids and Teens, please remember that YOUR bad behavior influences your kids. They see what you do and who you spend your time with, and I think you know where this is going.

I spent a lot of my youth in a total disaster zone, well not completely, but I made some bad choices. I am no longer making those choices. I am a parent. I am an adult. I have children.

Having a child, no matter your age, you financial circumstances, you education, or your paranormal affiliation, makes you an adult. If you have a child you are an adult, so act like one.

I don’t need to explain the party till you drop behavior, or hanging out with your stoner friends that go way back to high school, or being stupid, or bringing home man after man, or marrying some girl young enough to be your daughter, or doing all sorts of stupid selfish things. If you have children they come first. That is what adults do. Period.

It is your job to teach your children to be responsible adults one day. It is your responsibility to make sure you children are more successful and better adjusted than you ever were. It is your responsibility to make sure your children don’t make half the mistakes you do. Sure they’ll make mistakes, but don’t teach then by example how to do it. For God’s sake be a good example.

Score: Adults 10, Acting Like Kids -10

 

Helicopters Do Not Belong Around Your Kids. They’ll Get Caught in The Blades.

I’m joined to the hip with my kids. We’re close. We’re scary close. BUT I am the parent. And like I’ve said, my job is to prepare my children for adulthood. That does not mean calling the school all the time and micromanaging my high school and college aged children. They need to learn to work out problems on their own.

Parenting is like war. You only bring out the big guns when things are serious. Otherwise be peaceful. Let your kids learn how to figure out their problems.

Your job is to talk to them and help them figure it out. Don’t always just throw advice out – spend time listening to them. Then give them the tools THEY need to take care of the problems. Your job is to drive them to the hospital if they get hurt. Your job is to give out hugs. Your job is to teach them to be adults and solve their own problems.

Yes, if there is a major problem like horrible bullies, sexual predators, violence, bigotry, and other vile matters, by all means be the total wolf mother and step in. But for the everyday crap, stand back and let your kid handle it. Be there for back-up. Be the pit crew. Be the coach.

And whatever you do, don’t be that parent who stands up at school meetings and asks questions just to show everyone how brilliant YOU think YOUR CHILD is. It is so unflattering and does a disservice to your child.

And never go up to the high school office and yell about stupid small stuff because every single teacher and kid in the school will hear about it.

Remember, none of us exists at the center of the universe, especially you and your child.

Score: Rational Parents 10, Helicopter Parents 3.5

 

Conclusion

In the meantime teach your kids not to be an old judgmental, grumpy, obnoxious, and worked up Vampires like me.

I’m working as a polling clerk in tomorrow’s election so I’ll be back on Wednesday. If you’re in a voting state on June 7 make sure you vote (and vote often HA HA HA). But seriously vote, and the nice people at your polling place will give you a sticker. I bet they’ll give your kid a sticker too.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being a Vampire in a Political World

Last week I took a bunch of teens to see Bernie Sanders. Yes, Feel the Bern and all that. Teens love him. One girl kept yelling “Grandpa!”

We waited for three hours in the sun. We listened to bands. My child leaned into me as we sat on the grass, unembarrassed by her mother. The other kids were fine with my presence. Other young people were also there with their parents, waiting for the old man with the white hair and passionate voice.

Two middle-aged women with gray hair, long flowing skirts, and no bras danced the dance of white girl youth with memories of a skinny young man who made love to them in a tent, and too much pot. Other middle-aged women, with perfect blonde highlights, in slacks and blouses watched over their teens, with the just got off work look and fierce passion in their eyes for their young adult children.

I tried to count all of the Secret Service men but there were too many. I know there were hidden ones in the crowd, but there were also the men in suits who make themselves obvious and watch everyone.

Bands played. Soulful singers with voices that sang gospel, blues, and punk pop. A young man, originally from Korea, played the Spar Spangled Banner on a violin, while his Black friend played percussion. Everyone sang along, including the solemn Muslim girls in their headscarves and long-sleeved shirts.

I had to smile. The crowd of 20,000 was as diverse as it could be, from the palest of pale, like summer ice, to the dark color of the midnight sky, but then again, I live in probably the most diverse county in the United States. People were young and old. It was an equal mix of male and female. I was encouraged by the number of young men there. Seriously, it seems that all too often young men don’t show up at “things” these days as much as they should. Anyway, it was diverse. But to us that is normal. And that doesn’t even include the section of the population I belong to. And you know we’re never included in the statistics.

Over the year my children discuss why we’re not “out.” Because we would be slaughtered. We all know that.

The old Jewish man would listen to us with interest. Then I don’t know what he’d do. Maybe he’d just let us be. But could he protect us from the extremist? The loud man with the ugly hair and ugly attitude would have us immediately put to death. The woman would listen then come up with a complex solution to something only regular people think could be a problem. Or she could put out the word that we’re safe and to be ignored. We could only hope. Hollywood types and wanna bees would say they know us well, even though they don’t. The hard-line holy rollers who give my Christian friends a bad name would pee their pants.

I try not to delve into politics this election because, frankly, it makes me sick to see what is happening. And of course by the time the primaries come to California it is always too late for us to have a choice. Then again, there is always a choice.

It was good to see so many people of all walks of life, all colors, and all ages, gathering together in a peaceful and positive manner. Seriously, the good vibes were intense.

I posted this on one of my social media pages:

Last night I joined some young people in my life, and almost 20,000 others to attend the Bernie Sanders Rally in Sacramento. No matter who you choose to like or follow, it is important to check out your options, listen to all sides, research, learn, and listen. This was also a great opportunity for the teens to see how our process works. They saw the press, the Secret Service officers, and people from all parts of our community. They saw a calm and well behaved crowd. It wasn’t like what they see in the news. It wasn’t what they see in the movies. It was real life and pretty normal. They saw a speaker who running for president – not an everyday event. If you have kids talk to them about current events, the election, and our world. Also listen to them.You might learn something – about them and about yourself. And finally, vote for who you want. That is your right. Just vote. I stress to the young folks I know that people in other parts of the world risk their lives, risk jail, and risk everything for the right to vote. Don’t take it for granted.

Don’t take anything for granted. Don’t take for granted that there will be peace. Don’t take for granted that you will not be hated for your beliefs by blind followers of ignorance. Don’t take your freedom to say, or write what you feel, and what you believe in for granted.

Haters are going to hate. It has been a while but I’ve had haters come after me about Vampire stuff. Yes, they’d waste their time on that. Obviously haters never read Green Eggs and Ham, or much of anything. Don’t be fooled. Haters come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and levels of education, and economic status.

No matter who you you choose to support, there is no excuse for bad behavior (including party crashing, nasty phone calling, and other assholery.) Make sure you tell your kids that.

I’d like to say as part of the paranormal community who lives in the shadows that I could rally my peeps together and we could save the world. Unfortunately we can’t. What we can do is vote, and help change things one baby step at a time. You can do the same.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

                            ~ Martin Niemöller

 

What is your favorite trait in a politician? Or a Vampire? Hey, they’re not the same.

With all of the debates and crazy and totally insane political crap going on right now it is high time I do an official political poll. You may choose one or more answers and you may do the polls as many times as you want (to make sure it is fair and completely scientific.)

So…

 

What is your favorite trait in a politician?

 

 

What is your favorite trait in a Vampire?

 

 

If everybody running for President of the United States VANISHED today, who do you think should run? Who would you replace them with?

 

 

What do you like to eat?

 

I added the last one in case I have a party or have your over to watch a movie anytime soon.

All of the answers will be scientifically tabulated and sent to all of the major news organizations. Thank you for your time.

Vote today and vote often.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman