More answers (about Modern Vampires)

I’m nice to all of my donors. Yes, donors are people I get blood from.

You have to be practical. Given the choice would you rather scare the crap out of someone and hide in their closet OR would you rather have a glass of wine and seduce them with friendship and kindness? And don’t tell me you’d rather hide in the closet. When you scare people is when accidents happen. That is when injuries happen, blood stains, ugly stuff all around. It is just so uncool.

Yes, sometimes it is all about the seduction. Come on, we’re Vampires. What did you expect?

It isn’t like that.

No, I won’t tell you.

Dead flowers are more of a Zombie thing. Or just a ghoulish thing. We (Vampires) like all things wonderful and comfortable.

I love the color red. Red is the main color in my decorating schemes.

No, I don’t have one of those bordello looking bedrooms. Give me a break. I said I like red, not tacky.

Modern mixed with some choice older items.

OK I know, you want to talk about Vampire stuff, but we like our homes.

And for the 150th time we don’t live in crypts. Seriously? Do you think any trendy teen would want to live in a crypt? Do you think I’d want to live in a crypt? Where would I put my shoes?

My fangs are extremely sharp.

Healthy Vampires do not leave marks. Don’t worry, it isn’t like a hickey either – so nobody will know.

Baby Vampires are extremely cute.

No, we don’t turn regular human children into Vampires. Not only is it wrong, but it won’t work. They have to at least hit puberty and it always works better when they’re grown. We don’t take this sort of thing lightly.

Yes, if I wanted your blood I could, and would take it. Period. End of story. You can’t resist. You can’t run. You can’t hide. But why would you want to? Vampires are so completely and totally charming for the most part – at least when we’re hungry. The rest of the time we’re just like you (busy and wondering why you didn’t get more sleep and looking for coffee.)

Yes, again, all Vampires have A Positive blood. I don’t know how it all works.

My cats are not Vampires. They would be if they could, but they aren’t. Honestly, I don’t think they care as long as I keep their food bowl full and open and close the door for them at least 45 times a day.

We’re extremely sensitive to sun.

We do wear dark glasses.

We DO like to dress up. It’s a Vampire thing.

For the 100th time…WE DO NOT HAVE BIG RUMBLES WITH WEREWOLVES. We just don’t. Why in the world would we want to get together in the woods or wherever and fight it out with a bunch of dogs. Really now, get serious. We’re not always the best of friends with Werewolves as a lot, but we live together.  They think we’re weird and we think they’re weirder. Sure there have been scuffles. I still have a scar on my neck where I was attacked by one a while back, but it was a slight misunderstanding. All in all Werewolves can be, well, dogs, but most are pretty smart and far more conservative in their habits than most Vampires. That is why I don’t mind if my kids hang with Werewolves. And if you’ve misplaced anything, a Werewolf will be able to find it for you.

And yes, Werewolf blood tastes like bourbon.

Yes, most Werewolves are either total Geeks or artistically inclined. There are a lot of musicians in the lot too. They do the blues like, well, howling wolves with broken wolf hearts.

Yes, Vampires will hold a grudge. For a long long long time.

And no, I will not answer questions about how to kill Vampires.

Yes, we’ll post more Vampire cocktail recipes.

We do have our own Vampire governing bodies, but they aren’t a bunch of nasty looking folks who haven’t changed their hair or clothes in 400 years. It is all rather diplomatic and unexciting, and it works. We’re Modern Vampires.

Have a good week, and keep your feet off of my red couch.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman