Until you are nothing

Tomorrow I shall start to kill

Poison

Strangle

Hack away

Until you are nothing

Bare ground

Where you were

I have always hated you

Your drive for attention

Your needs

That could never be met

I will bring in dirt

To cover any last trace of you

And I will plant

Roses

Lilly of the Nile

Rosemary and Sage

Farewell hated lawn

My revenge on you will be swift

And final.

Reading List in an Alternate Universe

Catcher in the Rye

After an injury at the World Series star baseball catcher Blake Woodward finds happiness running his grandfather’s distillery, but will he find romance with the quirky booze blogger Andie Sampson?

Lord of the Rings

Jared inherits a title and a castle. But will he also find love when he allows a circus to camp on his property over the summer?

Madam Bovery

When Emma, a French widow finds herself alone and longing for adventure, she buys a Montana Cattle Ranch. Little did she know that along with her bovine companions, she’d have to deal with the mysterious and handsome large animal vet Logan McClellen. Will Emma find love among the cows or will Logan’s past catch up with them both?

Frank N Stein

Dr. Victor is a successful medical researcher during the day, but at night he moonlights at the brew pub Frank N Stein. Just as he finds cures for the body, at the pub he finds cures for the souls of those who come in for the fine brews. When he meets the beautiful and spunky fashions designer Melanie Zapp he wonders if it is now his time for healing and love.

Dracula

Dashing Count Dracula finds that he can no longer live a quiet life when the evil attorney Jonathan Barker accuses him of murder. To make it even more complicated Dracula is a Vampire. In order to clear his name and that of his Werewolf sidekick the lovely India Tanto, he goes to England where he attempts to clear his name and along the way find love in the most unlikely of places.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Tiffany Jackson finally is getting her dream and turning the old Sea Mansion into the most trendy Bed and Breakfast on the West Coast. After hiring handsome breakfast cook LaMar Donatello things couldn’t be better until mysterious and frightening things began to happen in the old house by the sea. LaMar and Tiffany look for clues in their cooking and maybe solve the mystery of multiple murders and perhaps find love.

David Copperfield

Hunky David English finds himself winning the largest Copper mine in the state of Arizona in a poker game. He literally digs in and brings profits back to the people of Rattle Snake Gulch, but will he find love in the arms of the mysterious daughter of the local ghost?

The Outsiders

Classic teen tale of a group of friends who are forced to give up their cell phones and spend the summer OUTSIDE by the local lake and walking nature trails. Can they survive? Can they find love? Maybe a little common sense and conversation? Find out in this gripping tale of survival and friendship.

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Always look forward…

The other day my 17-year-old son Garrett and I were just talking about stuff and he brought up the last big Vampire party and gathering last summer.

He made an interesting comment about a different subculture of our kind. “I met those Vampires, we call them Shadow Creepers. I thought they were like doing the whole Steampunk or Victorian Goth thing then I realized they were just old and mouldy, like they belonged in a crypt or something. It was sort of pathetic.”

I knew exactly who he was talking about. “They’re stuck in time, just like your friends with moms who still have really awful 80’s bangs or bleached blonde hair.”

“It’s worse than that mom. Like when you were my age the Civil War was going on. You and Grans were wearing hoop skirts but you’re so modern now. I mean, like you didn’t stay in the past.”

“No, we don’t live in the past. We remember it and try to learn from it, but we don’t live in it. That is what keeps us young.” I said that trying to impart a bit of wisdom.

“Mom, you’re not in some messed up Vampire Costume Drama.”

I smiled. “That would be weird. Shadow Creepers. I’ve never heard that one before.”

“All the kids, the Vampire kids, call them that.”

“Huh. That is too funny, but it fits.”

“Yeah.”

I gave the boy a hug. His future is bright, as I hope mine will be as well.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Bad taste (and it isn’t bad blood)

Warning…bad taste and bad puns to follow…Fell free to search for previous posts about poetry and ghosts.

 

Vampire guys are sometimes a little weird.

 

I have to admit that a few Vampire guys I know have inspired books like these. Ohhhh they’re all respectable now but back in the day…

Would you marry this woman? On the other hand I'm not sure if I want to know that answer.

Would you marry this woman? On the other hand I’m not sure if I want to know that answer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A woman needs more than housework and a new broom. Unless she is a witch then a new broom would come in handy, but that is another blog post.

A woman needs more than housework and a new broom. Unless she is a witch then a new broom would come in handy, but that is another blog post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What she needs is a fun night out with her skates and a little organ music (ok if you don't get that pun then there is no hope for you)

What she needs is a fun night out with her skates and a little organ music (ok if you don’t get that pun then there is no hope for you)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then again, there are those slutty girls I warn my brothers about. They love to tease the Vampires then yell for help. Right, like they need help. Give me a break. Go away you silly tramp and find a Werewolf or something.

Then again, there are those slutty girls I warn my brothers about. They love to tease the Vampires then yell for help. Right, like they need help. Give me a break. Go away you silly tramp and find a Werewolf or something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All Starry Eyed Over Vampires

starryUncle Max, hunts rogue Vampires and Vampire Hunters for a living. He goes after just about anyone and anything that could do harm to Vampires or Regular Humans. Max lives in the shadows like an avenging angel.

Max is also my eldest brother and my husband’s best friend. I remember him as the annoying older brother. He remembers me as his smart ass little sister. Max and my husband have had a  164 year old bromance – best buddies forever, since they were born, like a couple of guys in a silly comedy (think of The Wedding Crashers or worse The Hangover with Vampires).

Go figure.

So Max stops by this afternoon, as usual dressed in black and totally buffed. He asks if he could do something with the kids. My children. My teens.

I love Max…But like all Vampire guys, regular human women are attracted to him. And with Max, being Mr. Alpha Manly Vampire, they are out of control. Add my “most handsome creature who ever lived” husband to the mix and we almost have riots of out of control females.

Vampire dude with Vampire Maman Ink

So, as the mother of a teenage son, you can see my concerns, even for a Vampire mom.

I tell Max to tone it down and not to encourage the ladies. I tell him that he has to be a good example to his nephew and keep the respect of his niece. So far my son Garrett has done a pretty fair job of keeping the high school girls in control, and I want to keep it that way.

My Vampire friend Angela told me it is the same with her husband. She finally have to lay down the law and tell him not to play with his food and show some respect.

I shouldn’t worry. They just went to the new Star Trek movie. But if you think Kirk was good with the ladies, imagine if he had been a Vampire. Wooooo!

I asked the kids if “it” happened. They said Uncle Max got a few looks. OK, Clara said he got a lot of looks. Garrett didn’t notice. Good Max.

And what about Vampire ladies? We get noticed…but only when we want to be noticed. If we want to be noticed they can’t resist us. That is the advantage Vampire girls have. Bet you didn’t know that did you?

By the way…they loved the movie. I’ll have to go see it soon. 3-D of course.

Live Long and Prosper. And for good luck, kiss a Vampire.

enterprize

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman