I live in a house with twenty-six windows.
I am a Vampire.
My home is on a hill so that creates a nice cool space under the house where we keep wine, camping gear, yard tools, and boat stuff, among other things. There are no coffins under there. There are no coffins anywhere in my home.
Windows let in the light. Windows also let in the night. They let us watch rare lightning storms. They let in the moonlight. Windows let me view the fog without the dampness.
Wait…I was just going to muse on about living next to an oak forest, and the peaceful setting, and more windows, but I think I just heard gunfire. What the fuck is wrong with people? Sure shooting guns is fun but not in a residential area. Not near a public park. It doesn’t matter that there is a lot of undeveloped land around. Assholes.
A few nights ago, about a mile away, some white trash yahoo shot a gun into the air a bunch of times then shot up a car. Needless to say he is in jail right now. We’ve had two drug related drive by shootings in our quiet relatively crime free community in the past year so everyone is a bit on edge. One was a sixteen year old who had been involved in drug traffic. What a sad waste.
So back to my musings on windows but I’ve totally and completely lost my train of thought.
I’d like to say that I can take care of annoying people. Not as in bringing them chicken soup when they are sick, but as in making them live in fear, or have nightmares that drive them crazy, or other creative solutions. I can, but I don’t, as long as they stay away from me or those I love. As with most Vampires, I just take a deep breath and keep writing (or doing whatever I was doing.) We aren’t super heroes or keepers of the calm. We’re just Vampires. We pick our battles carefully. Then again, doesn’t everyone with half a brain.
Oh great. Now I hear squirrels running around in the wall, between the floor of the upstairs and the ceiling of the downstairs. I am not happy. Squirrel squatters are the worst kind of animal trash. And no, my cats are not earning their keep right now.
Ants are in my house too. I can usually manage them. Our neighbors haven’t been so lucky. They put their cat food dish in a bowl of water so the ants can’t get at the food.
Turkeys are in my yard. I can hear them in the back picking through the dry grass (we’re in a drought remember.) They have done their best to try to dig up the roses in my front yard. There are six of them. All females. They make their rounds digging in yards, looking for whatever turkeys eat. The small calico cat used to stalk the turkeys but now she just ignores them. Don’t suggest shooting them. Just don’t.
Last winter I came home to find a large dead male turkey right in the middle of my front yard. I have no idea what happened. No idea. But there was a broken branch in one of the trees above the dead bird. I just figure he was drinking and fell out of the tree.
So if you thought Vampires are solitary creatures you are wrong.
Speaking of which, I have to get the door. I’ll be back.
That was my charming young hipster friend Cody. I suppose I can’t call him a Vampire in training anymore, or even a new Vampire. He has been part of the community for four years now.
I told him he could take my squirrels and make a beard out of them. Or maybe a coat. Those were jokes of course. Bad jokes but jokes never the less.
My young friend (he is in his mid-thirties) stopped by for coffee and lively discussion. It is what Cody and I do. Today, in a rare burst of emotion, he was asking a lot of questions.
First he asked, “Why do I still need to wear contacts or glasses during the day, but I can see crystal clear in the dark?”
“Our eyes are sensitive to the light,” I told my young friend. “It is just part of being a Vampire. Our night vision, the ability to see in the dark, is a gift. One of many gifts.”
“Is it wrong to be in love with a woman who is six hundred years older than I am?”
“No.” I answered. Of course it that was one of my kids I’d flip and have to go beat the living moonlight out of that old Vampire. But Cody is an adult…long story for another blog post.
He talked, while I listened, about the fact that he could feel the emotions and even the thoughts of others. It was overwhelming to him sometimes.
He talked about how he could smell warm blood inside of live people and it reminded him of summer barbecues and that bothered him. I told him that it happened to all Vampires from time to time.
Then he asked the one question that got on my nerves. “What is that noise?”
“Squirrels.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll blast roller skating music at them. You know, organ music played to popular songs in classic dance beats.”
“That would do it. Or you could hire someone with traps to come out.”
“I could do that too. I could also feed them peanut better cookies until they get so fat they explode.”
We had more coffee and spoke to the transitions in our lives. Even Vampires have transitions. Even 155 year old Vampires have transitions.
“Sometimes I miss things, like being warm. In the winter I can’t see my breath in the cold air,” said Cody.
I’ve always been like this, but I remember as a child wishing I could breath out fog like regular humans could. Growing up this way makes being this way normal.
“Cody,” I said, “your feelings are normal. Your new world is normal too. Take it from me, no matter where you are, make it your normal.”
I’m sure that made no sense at all to him, but he looked at me as if I was some self-help guru.
“Like a new normal,” he said.
“Like the normal you’ll always had but just different. Even if you had never become a Vampire you’d still have major changes in your life.”
Then we talked about books, and had more coffee, and went for a walk down by the lake.
And now, I’m back here with my cats, the squirrels, and still no ideas about my twenty-six windows and how I’m going to tie those into a life lesson story. Oh well.
Have a good week everyone. And don’t feel stupid to ask questions. There are no stupid questions. OK there are stupid questions but I’m a mom and I’m not supposed to say that.
~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman
Vampire Maman 
First of all, a sarcophagus is wonderful; you should really try it. Second: is four years the “official” graduation from fledgling neophyte baby vamp to NOT all that?
No. And no, I’m just writing thoughts out loud about a friend I met four years ago. This is just a series of brief thoughts on life, based on my morning.
So when then? Four decades? Four CENTURIES? I’d love to know when it’s acceptable to look say, “Trust me; I’m an experienced vampire and maybe – just maybe – you should listen to me.” Words cannot express how much I hate that condescending look of, “When 900 years old YOU are, look this good YOU will not.”
As with anything it depends on the individual. Everyone has their own way of adjusting to major changes. That includes physical and social changes. There are no rules in this matter.
A lot of my blog posts deal with change and fitting in. It is something young and old, we all have to deal with. We all deal with change in different ways. I can only tell stories and offer practical suggestions and support. We should all be there for those who need our support, no matter what phase of the moon they are in, so to speak.
That said, I’m not an expert on those who wish to be Yoda or how they choose to look at others. There is no excuse for that kind of rude behavior, especially with Vampires.
That’s kind of interesting. With Cody it doesn’t matter the woman he loves is a few hundred years older than him, but it would matter with your children? I know you’re a Mom and I’m not, I still find it fascinating. Would you explain it to me? I mean: the difference?
The key word is CHILDREN. Cody is a grown man of thirty six. My children are teens (16 & 19.) Cody has been out in the world. He graduated from college. He has had serious relationships with women. He has had a career. He owns a house. He can make those choices as an experienced adult. Plus he is not my child.
As a mother, of any kind, your duty is to protect your children, especially from those who would take advantage of their youth and inexperience. Any parent who loves their children and wants the best for them would give you this answer.
Think back when you were sixteen. Would your mother have wanted you to become involved with a man who was ten or twenty years your senior? Think about it.
There is something wrong with a mature experienced adult who preys on teens for relationships or sex. I don’t care how young that older adult looks or acts. It is never an equal partnership. It is really pervy. I don’t want Mrs. Robinson with my son. I don’t want some old creeper with my daughter. When it comes to relationships teens and young folks need to be with those who are in their own age group – they need to grow and learn together.
There is NOTHING romantic about a sixteen year old girl being with a guy who is over eighteen. That is where I draw the line as a mom. Kids need to be kids, not seduced into some sick and twisted relationship to feed the ego of an older man. The same goes for women who seduce teenage boys. It is wrong. Just plain wrong.
Okay. Now I understand a little better what the worries are. Thank you very much for explaining.
I had a question while reading this post, Juliette. What about vampire children? Don’t they grow up the same age? Vampires don’t age, correct?
Everyone in my family was born into it. We grow up. We stop aging at a certain point (it is different for everyone.) But we don’t turn children into Vampires. That is a myth. They’d die or turn into monsters without souls, soon to be killed by Vampire hunters or other Vampires. Plus it is morally wrong in the world of Modern Vampires of my culture to mess with children. Half of my blog posts are about growing up with my brothers in a Vampire family. It was fun. We were different. We learned to keep secrets. But we never even thought of turning any other children into Vampires. That was just wrong.
This isn’t just a Vampire blog – it is a parenting blog as well. Anytime a child is harmed or put in harm’s way I turn into a Vampire Maman with fangs ready to protect that child. All children need to be allowed to be children until they are mature adults and can make serious choices (like becoming a Vampire.) on their own as informed adults. And yes, of course becoming a Vampire isn’t always a choice (my husband for example) but it should be.
Ok, that makes sense. Thank you for clearing that up.
Unfortunately, one of my characters gets turned at a young age. She becomes unapologetically evil … and I think I now have a sequel.. 🙂
Anyways, I had another question. How do vampire deal with unsavory characters in the world? Do you have a private police force?
Search out posts about my brother Max. He is part of the force – those alphas who keep order in a not so orderly world. So are his friends Mehitabel, Jayne and Pierce (do a search, you’ll find them.) Also, there is a small group of enlightened Vampire Hunters who help take care of unsavory “bad” vampires for us (check out the Austin & Elizabeth stories.) I also have a post about taking care of unsavory characters called something like “if you want something done ask a busy person.” Look it up. That is when my sister-in-law, the ghost, my son and I took care of some pretty nasty characters.
Or as one of my friends always says, “just stab em in the neck.” But that gets a little bit messy.
Then again, there is my brother Andrew who for some reason is a total unsavory character magnet. Sigh.
What a nice visit you had with Cody! Friends like that are good to have. Now about those evil squirrels… 😉
Yes indeed. I’m still on the fence about the squirrels.
You rang?
HA!
HA!
Knowing this squirrel’s taste in music, blasting roller skating music just might attract even more of them inside. About the only humane way to handle the problem would be to call out a pest control expert who won’t just get out a shotgun and blast the varmints to bits. Though if I had that problem, I would quickly be open to inhumane ways as well. The key is to find out how they are getting in, and take care of the gateway…
Traps and removal of any tree branches that rub the roof are my options of choice. We had a bee hive removed about two years ago. The bees went on to live a nice life in an orchard about a hundred miles away.