Ask Juliette: Dirty Talk, Romance, and Dump the Chump Edition

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire, Advice for Everyone) is a somewhat regular Thursday feature at Vampiremaman.com

This week brings an interesting variety of questions about dirty talk, love, romance, vampires, and rude people. Let’s get started.

Ask Juliette

My boyfriend always asks me to talk dirty to him when we’re having sex. I don’t know what to say. I feel stupid.

Um, well, I could give you some specifics but I’m sure you’d still feel uncomfortable. I’d feel uncomfortable.

Try starting out with compliments, and of course a few well placed adjectives. Or just giggle when he asks you to do the dirty talk. Giggles are cute. Guys like cute. This is so personal that giving advice is difficult.

One big sex rule for me (and all Vampires) is to never do anything in bed you aren’t comfortable with (that includes putting a step-stool on the bed to change an overhead light bulb, but that is a different post.) So my advice would be to tell him that you want to SHOW and not TELL.

Ask Juliette

My girlfriend and I have been together two-years and things are starting to look serious. We share interests, friends, and a lot of interests. Sex is great and we’re still romantic. My problem is that she doesn’t like what I do for a living. I make really good money but she hates what I do because to her it doesn’t sound impressive. She is all hung up on dating someone who is a doctor, attorney, CEO, or other stereotypical male power job. I told her that her attitude was shallow and sexist. She broke down in tears. By the way, I’m a nurse (RN) specializing in pediatrics. I’m proud of what I do.  This is getting to look like a deal breaker for me. 

Excuse me? You didn’t mention this woman was NUTS. Dump her. You rock!

By the way, nobody should ever make anyone feel guilty or ashamed of their chosen career/job. If you do honest work, be it blue or white collar, or no collar, there is no reason ever to be ashamed.

Ask Juliette

I wrote my boyfriend a love letter for our six month anniversary. He read it, then proceeded to correct my spelling and grammar. He thought what he did was funny, then when I didn’t laugh, he told me to stop being all butt hurt. The next thing you know I was getting a lecture on how I need to up my game, and maybe go back to school and learn how to write better. He is really sweet, and a good man but he is always giving me suggestions about everything I do. Should I ignore him? Go back to school? Or just stop writing love letters?

Dump him. Suggesting you hone your writing skills is one thing. Doing it with a love letter is just wrong. What he did was insensitive and mean. For God’s sake it was a love letter, not an SAT essay. There is nothing sweet about what he did. What a jerk.

Ask Juliette

 

Do Vampires and Werewolves date? 

No, not really. Why’d you ask?

 

Ask Juliette

The man I’m in love with is a Vampire. I haven’t acted on my hot desire for him yet. I’m afraid he might kill me because that is what Vampires do to humans. The last time I saw him he called me an endearing name and kissed my cheek. I think he might have feelings for me too but if we fall in love I will die.

Are you for real? Give me his name and I’ll tell him to stay away from you.

Ask Juliette

Dear Juliette,

I am not a Vampire, but I was wondering if it is safe to date a Vampire Hunter.

Not really. Most of them are pretty stupid, and prone to mishandle dangerous weapons.

Ask Juliette

How do Vampires deal with having to drink blood from other people? Isn’t that the most egregious violation of personal space one can commit?

Egregious. I like that word. It is a big word. Good for you. Maybe you should run for President.

No, taking blood is not the most egregious violation of personal space one can commit. In fact some people like to have a Vampire in their life. We take blood, but we give back so much more. Now go away.

Ask Juliette

Now that I’m thoroughly exhausted from answering this odd lot of questions I think I’ll call it quits for today. I’ll have more love letters for February coming up this week. And thank you everyone for not asking about woodchucks.

If you have a pressing question, or are just curious about anything just ask. Put your questions in the comments here, or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail. com

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

4 thoughts on “Ask Juliette: Dirty Talk, Romance, and Dump the Chump Edition

  1. Let’s see if there’s a way to hook up the girl who doesn’t want her boyfriend to be a nurse with the guy who red pens love letters. They really deserve each other…

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