You wait at my door

You Wait At My Door

 

You wait at my door,

Your bite still fresh,

Your cries

Your pleading

Your banging

The scratching

Your love

Astounds me

You will not give up

Fangs set

Love forever

I must let you in

For after all

Despite all

Forever all

I laugh

I smile

I let you in

You are my cat.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

oscar-the-cat

 

 

 

 

Answers About Vampires (No. 32)

victorian vampire girl

No. If you’re bitten by a Vampire you won’t automatically turn into a Vampire. It’s more complicated than that.

Yes, our body temperature is lower than yours.

No, we’re not all creepy.

No, going into a church will not kill us. It makes us uncomfortable so if we’re there we’re in the back row. But seriously don’t look for us there. Nobody likes Vampires in their church, and we just go for the music.

Yes, we celebrate the same holidays as you do.

Yes, Vampires drink coffee. No the caffine does not bother us.

No Vampires aren’t off the grid, at least most of us aren’t. We have passports, birth certificates, drivers licenses, and other required documents. We also vote.

Despite popular opinion Eric Trump is not a Vampire.

trumptwilight3-800x430

Yes, Vampire fangs are retractable. Unfortunately, just like old car windows, fangs on certain individuals can drop down with no warning, stick up, stick down, or have other “mechanical” issues. Fortunately the car window fang thing is rare.

You need answers…

No, bats don’t make good pets. They’ll die. Don’t do it.

No, we don’t tear people’s throats out. Think of the mess. And seriously do you rip the door off of your refrigerator every time you get something to eat? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

No, I don’t sleep in a coffin. I really want one of the Sleep Number beds.

Yes, we are sensitive to light. Thank you for asking and pass the sunscreen.

Yes, sometimes we do eat real food (we need fiber just like you).

Yes, we do have paranormal powers. No I won’t tell you about them.

Ask a Werewolf if you want to know about Werewolves.

No, garlic will not kill us. Now your breath… that is another issue.

No, a cross will not burn us.

Yes, fire can kill us. Fire can kill you too.

Yes, if you destroy my heart or cut off my head I’ll die. So will you.

Yes, this is a real Rolex. I purchased it new in 1959.

Yes, cat blood is pretty nasty.

Yes, we do hunt vegans.

No, being a vegan will cause a Vampire to go into a coma for a very long time.

Because you’d kill us.

No, we usually just make them think they did. That’s why people love us and have so many fantasies about us.

No, we can’t have biological children with a regular human.

No, less than 10% of humans turned into vampires survive more than a few weeks. Of that only 5% will make it. 90% die within an hour. Did that answer your questions?

We wear other colors. Not just black.

Yes, we do prefer red wine over white.

No, I won’t answer questions about THAT.

Yes, Werewolf blood does taste sort of like Bourbon.

Yes, we do get married to other Vampires. No we don’t marry regular people (not anymore, it never works out)

No we don’t marry Werewolves. What is wrong with you?

No, I will not show you my teeth.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

readbyvampires

 

pepper2017

#nanopoblano

23231443_10207889227348594_6423222142504503445_n

design

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Wait At My Door

You wait at my door,

Your bite still fresh,

Your cries

Your pleading

Your banging

The scratching

Your love

Astounds me

You will not give up

Fangs set

Love forever

I must let you in

For after all

Despite all

Forever all

I laugh

I smile

I let you in

You are my cat.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Vampire Maman Fall TV Lineup: New Shows

I just got word from my friend Thomas Kent that the fall listings for V-TV are coming out. Below is a sneak peek of some of the new shows.

 

Dark A.M. with Andrew

Late night show with Singer Andy Todd. What will you be watching at 3:00 a.m.? Fill the void with Andy. He features interviews with Vampire leaders, musical guests, authors, bloggers, nocturnal pet experts and more. With Andy everything is always smart, unexpected and entertaining.

Rating: TVPG

 

Night Crawlers

Reality TV with a down home fishing champion Werewolves. Buddy and Laverne deal with parenting their litter of four, plus running a fishing camp and championship boat yard. the first episode takes place with their crazy friends during a full moon on the lake. A run under the stars has never been more fun. You’ll howl laughing with this good-natured crew.

Rating: TVG

 

Dead Hunt

Find out who the deadliest Vampire Hunters are and what you can do to stop them. This hard edged show identifies threats and where they live. Hard hitting news and information about something that concerns everyone in the Vampire community.

Rating: TVPG

 

Fangs

What happens when four young Vampire friends move to the big city? A lot. Follow the hilarious adventures of new Vampires Quintin, Kylee, Melvin, and Claudette as they navigate their new world.

Rating: TVMA 

 

Open Season

Detective Amanda Tinkerton solves the murders that nobody else can. Only her colleagues have no idea that she is a Vampire. Partnered with Werewolf Alex Black, the two go into the dark corners where they not only hunt criminals, but the criminals hunt THEM.

Rating: TVPG

 

Katrina’s Krazy Kitchen

Have fun with Katrina in her paranormal kitchen with sidekick Michael the Goblin. We promise no small children will be in their ovens, but you’ll see other surprises that will make your mouth water. So come on down and cook with Katrina in her Krazy Kitchen.

Rating: TVG

 

Reality Stalk

With so many reality TV shows on now,  Vampire producer Jack Van Lees wondered, “how fun would it be to drop in for a surprise visit?” Vampires Jack,  and his friends Lauren, and Woody make night time visits to shows like Naked and Afraid, Survival and Fast N Loud.

Rating: TVPG

 

Crypt Hunters

Hosts Ollie and Rachael take you on a weekly tour of Crypts that are now available for the old fashioned Vampires (and aren’t we all a little old fashioned.) This is a fun filled show full of grave yard trivia, Vampire history, and a bit of interior design, entertaining, and real estate know how. Meet the crypt keepers and the Vampires who want to downsize into their own traditional crypts. As Ollie would say, “This is bloody fun for everyone.”

Rating: TVPG

Crypt Hunters

Crypt Hunters

 

Dark Art

In the late 19th Century the artists colony in the beautiful Monterey coast of California was flourishing. The artists had unbridled passions for their art…and for each other. Ellie and her lover Gerald aren’t just artists – they’re Vampires. This epic drama highlights the art, the beauty of the California coast and the darker sides of the art and artists of the 19th Century.

Rating: TVMA

 

Have fun,

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

HERE’S A SHORT STORY TO PROVE I’M NOT DEAD YET…

Oh my goodness Vampire Maman is so excited…it is FINALLY here!!!!! In fact I’m so excited my fangs hurt – it is THAT GOOD!!!!

A story by the oh so talented Nathan Tackett

A HORROR STORY.

READ ON…

Download the entire story at: http://ijokepublishing.blogspot.com/2012/06/ladies-and-gentlemen-i-am-pleased-to.html

THE MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE AND ASSUMED ASCENSION OF MORGAN FREEMAN

1.
Yes, this story is about Morgan Freeman, but not the Morgan Freeman you’re probably thinking of. Although THAT Morgan Freeman would probably make this story a hell of a lot more interesting.  But, truth be told THIS Morgan Freeman went up and missing in the summer of 1959-which, if my research serves me correctly, would’ve made THAT Morgan Freeman roughly 22 years old.  THIS Morgan Freeman was much older…seventy four years to be exact. Hell, I suppose that’s all ironic and shit given that THAT Morgan Freeman-the rather popular actor-is 74 years old currently.

THIS Morgan Freeman, the one which I am going to tell you about, suffered from many curses that no ordinary man such as myself could ever understand.  He had a bum leg, was blind in one eye, had no children, and had a sickness for the drink.  Also, he was black.  Which, for the record, I shall say is most definitely NOT a curse. Fact, being that he was the only black man in the town of Flatrock, Nebraska should be considered quite the most robust victory in itself.

Sure, Flatrock had a mosquito’s fart of a population-453 every Sunday to be exact. But, if you’re the only man of the African persuasion placed in such a whitewashed environment you might as well have been up against thousands.

You’re already doing it aren’t you.  Since I’ve told you that THIS particular Morgan Freeman was black and old, you’re already picturing THIS Morgan Freeman as THAT Morgan Freeman.  Hell, go ahead. It’s not hurting anyone I suppose.  You might have already gone as far as to imagine THAT Morgan Freeman reading this story to you.  So be it.  I can’t stop you, and it’s probably going to keep you interested in this story a lot longer than any normal person should.  It most certainly is not my power of pristine narration holding you with intrigue.

Well, from now on I’m only going to refer to the Morgan Freeman that this story is about.  Any mental point of reference damage has already been done.  Just make sure that you’re only thinking about ONE Morgan Freeman while reading this story. It’ll make things a whole hell of a lot easier on you.

Read or download the entire story at…

http://ijokepublishing.blogspot.com/2012/06/ladies-and-gentlemen-i-am-pleased-to.html

_________________________________________________

Learn more about my friend NATHAN TACKETT From the official NATHAN TACKETT Amazon  Profile:

Nathan Tackett wrote some words once. He then wrote some more words. Wash, rinse,repeat, until the day he can make a living off this or he dies -whichever comes first. He is most comfortable in the realms of dark humor, science fiction, and booze soaked literature. You could call him a genre-hopper. He’s been called worse.

He is best known for his collections of short stories and poetry. This will change when his first novel is published this fall.

Tackett’s writing has been called “…the bastard child of Charles Bukowski and Chuck Palahniuk.” 

It has also been called pure crap.

Currently, he lives somewhere he doesn’t really want to. 

He would personally like to thank you for stopping by. 

Due to the length of the story (it clocks in at almost twenty pages)  it available for download in different formats. THE PDF IS HERETHE EPUB IS HERETHE KINDLE IS HERE. All files are virus free and free of cost.