Things you need to do with your teen

Things you need to do with your teen.

You know right off the bat I’m going to talk about talking with your teen. TALK WITH YOUR TEEN. DO IT. NOW.

 

fruit bat cutie

Right off the bat…

 

Movies you need to see with your teen:

Lost Boys

Click on the movie titles above for information about the movie (and so you’ll see the right movie)

 

Must do things  to do with your teen:

  • Take your teen to a concert. Not something YOU want to see. Not something you THINK will be culturally enriching. Take them to see a band THEY listen to. Go to a smaller venue. Listen to the music before you go. You might like it. You might like it a lot. Click HERE for guidelines. Click HERE too and HERE.

Night Riots at 2015 Warped Tour - Mountain View, CA. Yes, I was there. It was awesome. I am the coolest mom ever.

Night Riots at 2015 Warped Tour – Mountain View, CA. Yes, I was there. It was awesome. I am the coolest mom ever.

  • Take your teen to Van’s Warped Tour. If you’re the parent who buys the ticket you get in free. What a deal. I saw seven bands that I liked. There were dozens more.
Never Shout Never Posters. Go Chris Drew.

Never Shout Never Posters. Go Chris Drew.

  • Take you teen to the an orchestra concert. Even if you don’t have a major Symphony or Philharmonic orchestra in your area, most communities have excellent community groups. Many high schools and colleges have orchestras. Take advantage of this wonderful opportunity and GO. Yes, this is the cultural education. You’ll have fun.
  • Go to the zoo. Zoos aren’t just for little kids.
  • Take your teen to a vintage clothing store and try stuff on – both of you. Boys and girls. Rock the vintage stuff.
  • Tell your teenager a bad joke every single day. Laugh out loud. Pretty soon they’ll be laughing along with you.
  • By the time our children get to high school and college the family pets are ancient senior citizens. Keep the love going but make sure you are there for your kids when the four-legged members of your family move on. It sucks but it seems like most teens live with ancient pets – well-loved ancient pets.
  • Cook with your teen, even if you’re a Vampire. When they get into college their roommates will love them if they can cook. Everyone loves a good cook.
  • Go for walks at least twice a week. It gives you a chance to talk and spend some quiet time together. No phones.
  • Go to a baseball game. Any team will do – professional, high school, college, T-ball. It is all fun.
  • Go roller skating.

 

Talk to your teen about:

  • Sex (if you aren’t responsible enough to use protection you are not responsible enough to have sex. Sex is normal but just because you are physically able to do it you might not be emotionally ready. High School is a fun time – don’t complicate it with sex. Yes, the conversation is easy. Don’t lecture, just discuss and let them know they can come to you and trust you for good fact based answers)
  • Birth Control (Don’t be silly, cover your Willy. AND ALWAYS use birth control. Even if your kid is not sexually active have this conversation because when they go off to college they WILL become sexually active and they need to know how to be smart about it.)
  • Diet: Eat right. Don’t pack on the pounds with the Starbucks Ultra Thick Carmel Chocolate Mocha Bomb every single day.
  • History: You don’t know where you are going until you know where you’ve been. Talk about your history, your Uncle Duff’s history, George Washington, or anything that has happened before the year your child was born. Tell them about the old days before personal computers and copiers and cable TV. Tell them about MTV when they actually played music. Tell them about seeing The Rolling Stones in concert when Keith Richards was hot (they won’t believe you so you’ll have to show them photos.)
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Yes, this is Keith before he died and came back as himself.

 

Watch silly YouTube videos with your teenager.

I suggest:

  • SMOSH Teleporting Fat Guy
  • Anything with cute animals
  • Famous Rap Battles of History
  • Short horror films
  • Make-up tutorials
  • More cute animals
  • Music your teen likes
  • Music you like

 

Alright, that should have filled up your brain and your time. I’ll have more later.

What would you add to the list? What do you and the teens in your life do together? Let us know.

Have fun

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

At the end of my street is a woodland that ends in bluffs overlooking a lake. On one end one can see the towers of Folsom Prison. If you walk a bit down the trail you can see the Mormon Temple. At night it looks like the Eifel Tower in Paris.

Most Vampires avoid both prisons and churches (I use that term for all places of worship.)

If we go in a church we’re usually drawn in by the music, hiding out or drawn in by someone of strong will.

I had a dream that my friend Amelia and I were inside of the Mormon Temple exploring on our own. I’ve been there so I have a visual, but I wasn’t exploring the first time – the real-time. I was on a tour, as a guest, when the building first opened (another story for another time.)

It was lovely and a bit confusing. I have to admit that I like exploring old Catholic churches full of statues of saints the best. Of course the ultimate is getting into the hidden areas of the Vatican. Oh have I got stories for you about that. Dan Brown – give me a call if you’re reading this. Yes, Vampires love the Vatican.

Amelia has always been the explorer – more than most Vampires. Granted we go in and out of buildings and places as we more or less please, but Amelia is the master. Name a place and she has been there, unseen. No, really, name a restricted place. Amelia has been there. Ask her about the Knights Templars. I dare you.

But my adventure was just a dream, however real it seemed.

For some reason, when schedules change, I dream vivid dreams. I can’t sleep either.

My brother Max came this morning at 3:00 a.m. and picked up my kids for a trip to the coast. Just the weekend, but I couldn’t sleep, except to have strange dreams. Granted my sleep schedule is already messed up. You know, people think being a Vampire is easy but it isn’t. Not at all.

So that got me to thinking about the meaning of dreams. And that led to a list.

Vampire Maman’s Guide to Dream Interpretation

What you dream about and what it means (in italics.)

Cats: Something good is about to happen.

Blood: Either you’re thirsty or somebody is in big trouble.

Church outside: You are utterly alone.

Church inside: Feeling caution.

Cake: Cake.

Driving: Trying to resolve childhood issues.

Driving fast: Trying to resolve adult issues.

Vanishing road: You are afraid of everything and feeling out of control.

Airplanes: Black crows or grackles. 

Rockets: Toothpaste.

Wolves: Sex with someone you don’t really like but are attracted to.

Sex: Unresolved issues with the artistic side of your brain.

Sex with a stranger: Unresolved issues with disappointment.

Red: A color.

Blue: Another color.

Orange: A longing for Halloween.

Political conversations: You’re truly sick and need help.

Wine: Wine.

Broken glass: Broken dreams and self loathing.

Birds: Birds.

Bats: Feeling of being both cute and ugly at the same time.

Trains: Change.

Train travel: Sex.

Childhood: The need for cake. Maybe pie. Cookies will do in a pinch.

School: Fear.

Militant Vegans: Small barking dogs.

Roses: Beauty and pain.

Beer: Fear of hot weather.

Witches: You are being watched.

 

To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t believe in dream interpretation but please, go ahead and study my list. I’m concerned for the well-being of all and want everyone to feel good. Yes, look into my eyes. See the hazel waves of the ocean lulling you into relaxation. You’re in your happy spot. You feel calm. You feel the cool ocean breeze surround you in love. You want my teeth on your neck. Relax, close your eyes, sleep and when you wake… I will be gone.

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

 

Will she come through?

I stand alone

Watching

Above all things

Seeing all

Watching.

Will I kill today?

Or will I just watch

The masses of life before me?

I ponder string theory

And the flight of birds

And sleep

And nothing.

Will she come through?

And I slowly close

My eyes

Until I hear

That sound

That makes

Me call out

With excited bliss

She has opened

The can.

I am complete.

I am her cat.

 

 

I am her cat.

I am her cat.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Quiz Time: What kind of friend are you (even if you’re a Vampire)

Answer the questions. Tally the Scores (1-4, add em up.) Find out what kind of friend you are.

 

Your friend tells you he has become a Vampire. He wants to talk about it. What do you do?

1. Sit down with him and quietly discuss the issue. You’re there for your friend.

2. Tell him that he has to get HELP NOW.

3. Run.

4. Drive a wooden stake through his heart and cut off his head.

 

Your friend tells you she has become a Werewolf. What do you do?

1. Sit down and discuss the matter with sensitivity. Let her know she can trust you.

2. Give her a box of dog biscuits.

3. Call Animal Control.

4. Shoot her through the heart with a silver bullet.

 

You are at a bar with your Vampire friends. Two of you see the same guy with type A+ blood. Your friend is really hungry, but this guy is really cute. What do you do?

1. Let your friend have him. There are a lot of cute guys with A+ blood out there.

2. Share him with your friend.

3. Tell your friend that you saw him first.

4. Tell your friend that she is a loser with fat thighs. Then drain the guy of blood so NOTHING is left for your loser friend.

 

You are walking in a dark alley with your friend and suddenly a dozen Zombies come shuffling towards you. What do you do?

1. Tell your friend to run, then fight off the Zombies with your portable flame thrower.

2. Grab your friend by the hand and run.

3. Tell your friend everyone knows he is an idiot so he doesn’t need to worry (no brain, ha ha ha ha.)

4. Push your friend into the oncoming Zombies and watch as they eat his brains, rip his skin off and gnaw his bones.

 

Your friend shows up at a party wearing the same dress as you. What do you do?

1. Gently giggle, then go home and change.

2. Laugh and pretend you’re twins all night.

3. Spill wine down the front of her dress so she’ll have to go change.

4. Call her a bitch and tell her to stop copying you. Then smack her as hard as you can and kick her shins.

 

Your friend has a baby who looks like a Goblin. What do you do.

1. Tell her that the baby is beautiful.

2. Tell her the baby is smart and alert.

3. Shrink back in horror and then excuse yourself.

4. Tell her it is the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen and laugh in her face.

 

You’re at a party and Vlad the Vampire Prince shows up. Your friend is smitten. You know Vlad is bad news. What do you do?

1. Gently tell your friend that Vlad is bad news and her reputation as a woman and a Vampire would be ruined should she pursue him.

2. Tell her bad things about Vlad.

3. Kick Vlad’s Vampire ass and tell him to stay away from your friend.

4. Find Vlad and screw him silly. Then brag about it to your friend.

 

Your friend is writing a paranormal romance novel about a Vampire and a Werewolf who fall in love and open a smoothie shop. You read it. It is poorly written and confusing. What do you do?

1. Tell her to keep writing and follow her dream.

2. Suggest she find beta readers and a good editor.

3. Tell her it just isn’t your thing.

4. Tell her that the book sucks and that she is stupid to even think about writing and has absolutely no talent. Then smack her across the face and break her pencil. Make her cry.

 

Score:

Add of the numbers of the questions you picked (1,2,3 or 4.) Check the answers below.

Score: 8

Either you’re a saint or you’re a compulsive liar. Either way NOBODY is going to want to be around you.

Score: 9-12

You care a lot about your friends but sometimes you let them walk all over you. Don’t let your friends take advantage of you. You are a true and loyal friend – make sure your friends are true and loyal too.

Score: 13-17

You’re a lot of fun to be with. I’d go shopping and out to lunch with you.

Score: 18-20

You’re a good friend but sometimes you can be an asshole. Cut it out.

Score: 21-25

You might consider getting counseling. You enjoy the company of others but sometimes you don’t think before you speak or act.

Score: 25-29

I’ve dated guys like you. Go back to your crypt and grow up.

Score: 30-31

HA HA HA HA. Really?

Score: 32

You’re a horrible person.

 

The fact that he always brought his brothers and their tiny chairs along on dates should have clued me in on just how weird he was.

The fact that he always brought his brothers and their tiny chairs along on dates should have clued me in on just how weird he was.

 

I hope you had fun doing this quiz. I hope you found out something you didn’t know about your friendship style.

~ Your friend (who’d never kick you in the shin.)

Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Vampire mom

 

 

 

 

 

Enter the 1st Annual Vampire Maman Love Letter Contest

Businessmen, Handsome Gen X

Vampire Maman 1st Annual Love Letter Contest

When the weather gets chilly we think of romance. February is just around the corner. Be bundle up on couches and cuddle more under the sheets. We look at the clear winter sky and think of loves of long ago. And we think “cold hands, warm heart.”

Anyway, I’m having a love letter contest.

Rules:

Create a love letter. It can be written. It can be drawn. It can be a photograph. It can be a video. It can be whatever you want as long as you consider it a love letter and can post it on your blog.

All love letters must contain these three words:

  • Vampire
  • Prism
  • Portrait

It does not have to be about Vampires. You can write it about your own passion, your love, your longing, or long lost dreams or future entanglements or astronauts or bulldogs or ice cream if you want – just include the three words. Vampire. Prism. Portrait.

You can write it to anyone or anything you want. Just let yourself go.

And MOST IMPORTANT: Post it on your blog with a link to THIS POST. I also suggest you add the link to the comments section below to make sure I see it. I tend to be a bit absent minded… and you know how it is. Just help me out here.

But Juliette, what if I don’t have a WordPress blog?  No worries. Just send your love letter to juliettevampiremom@gmail.com and I’ll post it here along with all the others.

PRIZES and AWARDS

Everyone who participates will get fame beyond their wildest dreams.

Everyone who participates will get an electronic “badge” that you can put on your blog or email to your friends or post on your Facebook page. It will show that YOU are a Master Love Letter Writer.

FIRST PLACE:

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Paperback copies of the WPaD books Passions Prisms (signed by me) and a copy of Silk She is by the late Daniel Tanzo. Plus a set of Vampire Maman Victorian Fashion Trading Cards (I make them myself with images from my personal 19th Century photo collection.)

THUMBNAIL_IMAGE

SECOND PLACE:

possums are never rude

A box full of possums. HA! Just kidding. I wish. The second place winner will receive a signed copy of the WPaD book Goin’ Extinct. I love this book. But there’s more… the Second Place Winner will also receive a set of Vampire Maman Victorian Fashion Trading Cards (I make them myself with images from my personal 19th Century photo collection.)

THIRD PLACE:

Lola

Lola

Will receive his or her very own set of Vampire Maman Victorian Fashion Trading Cards (I make them myself with images from my personal 19th Century photo collection.)

More?

I might also have a few surprise drawings of electronic books from the WPaD group or other odds and ends if a lot of lovely love letter writers participate. I will announce that later.

DEADLINE:

February 10, 2015

WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED:

February 14, 2015

But wait there’s more…

You may enter as many times as you like but only one prize per love letter writer.

I will be sending out reminders and posting links to your blogs as the contest deadline nears.

PLEASE READ ALL OF THE RULES AND FOLLOW THEM.

Vampire Maman is where everyone comes for love letters.

Google “How to Respond to a Love Letter” and you will be directed here. In fact, the most read post on my blog is “How to Respond to a Love Letter.” 

Links to my love letter posts are below:

I want to give a shout out to the Evil Squirrel for stealing his contest ideas. He didn’t have a love letter contest but he had a great contest where participants had to include a Squirrel, a Unicorn and a Possum. My entry is HERE. CLICK HERE. Thanks Evil Squirrel. I didn’t win but it was so much fun that I didn’t care. The winners were amazing and awesome and creative. I mean, isn’t fun the reason we do this stuff? 

And Ms Raani York – famous latter writerI expect an entry from you.

So everybody start thinking romance or love or longing or a nice Vodka Martini… and send me your love… that is love letters.

xoxoxoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Kissed by a Vampire

Punkin-Heads – More Cut and Color Halloween Fun

Let’s have some Halloween FUN!!!!

More cut and color paper dolls from Vampire Maman.

Today we have PUNKIN-HEADS ready to get dressed up for a night on the town!

punkin-heads

punkin-heads suits

punkin-heads dresses 1

 

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman