Avoid Bad Blood (and other New Year’s Resolutions)

New Year Resolutions for Vampires

  • Avoid bad blood of all forms
  • Drink more fresh blood
  • Seek out organic blood when you can
  • Embrace your inner shadow
  • Bring your thoughts into the future
  • Embrace the 21st Century
  • Get enough sleep
  • Try making friends outside of your normal circle (like a Werewolf or a Ghost)
  • Help Vampires in Need – those who are clueless or new at this.


New Year Resolutions for Werewolves

  • You’re not a dog. Don’t sniff butt. Don’t see yourself short.
  • Run proudly even when the moon isn’t full.
  • Keep that fur conditioned.
  • Go ahead and let that pretty girl scratch your belly.


New Year Resolutions for Silly Vampire Wannabees

  • Don’t.
  • Don’t even think about it.
  • Don’t go there.

New Year Resolutions for Zombies

  • Don’t lose your head
  • Try not to shuffle your feet so much
  • Remember not to mumble
  • For an vegetarian option try roasted cauliflower drizzled with a little balsamic vinegar instead of brains

New Year Resolutions for Regular Humans

  • Do not under any circumstances fall in love with a Vampire
  • Stay healthy and active
  • Eat your vegetables every single day
  • If you are going to get a pet adopt a shelter or rescue animal.


New Year Resolutions for Parents (of all kinds)

  • Talk with your kids.
  • LISTEN to your kids.
  • Have dinner with your children.
  • Tell your children that you love them every single day.
  • Stand up for your kids.
  • Be aware of what they’re doing.
  • Don’t just lecture – discuss issues. They will be open for discussion. They hate being lectured.
  • Spend quality time with your kids – just hanging out together.
  • Tell them that they are doing good. They need to hear that.


Wishing all of you a happy 2015! May it be a bright, creative and peaceful year for all.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


He asked me, “Can you take my soul?”

He asked me, “Can you take my soul?”

I told him that I could take it but I could not keep it. I am not a keeper of souls. I only keep my own, which cannot be taken by anyone.

He often asks those questions when we are alone, in those quiet times that are ours.

Once he asked how his blood tasted. “Different for me than it would for you,” I told him.

He continued to ask me about souls and evil.

I could still taste his blood on my tongue. I kissed his neck one last time then sat down beside him and held his warm hand in my cold fingers.

“Humans are gladly forfeiting their souls everyday in exchange for true evil that will consume them like thick fire. They do it all the time without a second thought or remorse. They want to be led into the fires. They want the warmth. They want the ignorance to engulf them. They want to give up free will and the ability to think and reason on their own. Evil is easy because the evil ones carry no burden of guilt or the hardships of love or the fear of failure or the sorrow of hope.

It is not my place to take your soul.

I can change you into a creature of the shadows. I cannot make you evil, unless you choose to throw away your soul and die before your body is ready to leave this earth. My involvement in such matters is far to complex to explain this afternoon and I am tired of speaking of it. You don’t need to know because I will never turn you my dear, into a Vampire.

I can drink your blood. I can make you feel alive. I can kill you. I can bring you back from the dead… I can turn you into a Vampire. But, I will not be part of the evil that is part of human nature, real human nature.

Of course there are bad things in the shadows, very bad things, but nothing that compares to the humans we walk the earth with. Nothing compares.

Do not hate what you do not understand. Fight the hate with all you have and drive out the evil and ignorance with every bit of your precious soul.

Did I answer your question?”

He said yes and kissed my cheek and then brushed his lips against mine. There will be more questions next week. There will be more next year. There will always be questions.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Musings Over Coffee with a Ghost

This morning, around 4:00 am I sat at my computer, a cup of coffee. All in the house was silent excel the ticking of the clock on the mantel and my keyboard. I spied a motion at the corner of my eye and saw a slender white hand sticking a finger in my coffee cup.

“Would you like your own cup?” I asked the question of the ghost sitting across from me. Her ashen lips turned red with a small shy smile. “Mary dear, all you have to do is ask,” I told her as I poured another cup of coffee and set it in from of the ghost.

She cupped her translucent hands around the cup and took in a deep breath. This little ghost never tasted coffee when she was alive but she loved it now. Back when she was alive was the early 17th century in London. Like many ghosts Mary was murdered by someone she knew. He was the man she was to be married to. She changed her mind so he brutally killed her. Another man was blamed for the crime and hanged. The innocent man went to Heaven. The murderer ended up in Hell and Mary ended up at my table in California 400 years later.  After all these years the human race is still a vile and violent group of creatures. There is the knowledge and understanding to stop the tragic and stupid behavior but they don’t want to change – at least not enough.

So in the wee hours of the morning a Vampire and a Ghost had coffee and pondered the issues of the day. It was easy for us to judge. We knew the history. They didn’t seem interested. I always wonder why so many people refuse to see where they’ve been. If you know where you’ve been you’ll know where you’re going.

Of course I’d be a complete snot if I said Vampires and Ghosts haven’t had their share of stupid behavior but it can’t compare to Regular Humans. Believe me we have – just read this blog.

Our conversation went back to our men. Her’s is a ghost named Nigel, a man who died in 1986 but acts as if he’d been haunting the world of the living for centuries. Mine is a Vampire named Teddy, who like Nigel, used to be counted among the living men of the world. That said, for centuries women have talked about their men over coffee. It is what we do.

Mary speaks in a quiet musical and odd old accent that most people now living wouldn’t understand. I have the flat California voice, slightly sultry and a little bit soft like Mary’s. We don’t need to be loud. Loud is a trait Vampires and Ghosts will save for Regular people and Werewolves and actors in the theater and politicians and trolls and ministers.

I told Mary some funny jokes that made her giggle. She fades in and out when she laughs. It is really cute, sort of like someone flicking a light switch on and off really fast.

So we sat and chatted until the sun came up. I sipped the rest of my coffee while Mary took in the vapors of her cup. The cats mewed for food, the dog begged to go out and the birds and squirrels started their morning circus in the trees outside. And as the sun came into view Mary vanished back into the night to come.

It is good to have friends who are different. That is a lesson for our children, and a lesson for Humans as well.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman



Be inspired!

Be inspired!


The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies & Ghosts)

February brings thoughts of love… I first posted this musing on love letters in July but it is well worth revisiting.

My brother Val always says “love isn’t a physical thing. It is a meeting of souls. Be it friendship or romantic lovers, it is something we can write about and dream about, but we can never truly explain or define it.”

The Art of Writing Love Letters is Alive and Well (even for Zombies & Ghosts)

The most popular post on this blog is “How to respond to a love letter.”  Really. Out of the zillion or so things I’ve written on just about every subject everything always circles around back to LOVE.

That is proof that the art of letter writing is not completely dead (YES – real scientific proof) AND romance is still alive and well.

Everyone writes love letters. And that means YOU. Below are some examples to inspire you and get you going.

For Modern Royalty

Let me undress you my love and rid you of your fashionable dress. Let me unroll your stockings one by one. Let me slip off your panties and bra so carefully. And when you’re all mine naked and beautiful, let me cover you with frumpy pastel colored grandma clothing and ugly hats forever.

kiss snow white

For Werewolves

Let me run my hands along your bare skin and feel the fur grow under my fingers.  Run in the woods with me my love and let me hear your howl in the moonlight. Be the father of my cubs and the alpha of my pack.  Your large paws and dark eyes excite me.  I sniff you and your scent intoxicates me.  Both the man and beast in you make me love you even more.

blue eyed adam

For Zombies

Know that I love you for more than just your brains. When I first saw you staggering across the street, the wild look in your one remaining eye, the slight smile, the slow groan, the matted hair and I knew you were the girl for me.

I will be with you even when we fall apart and our body parts trail behind us…and there is nothing left except our love.


For Vampires

In the shadows you bring dark light and the slow beating of your heart. I live for your cool touch, your lips on my neck, fangs lightly teasing me. You’re my heart and soul. You are my shadow. You are my love. You are the one I will spend centuries with sharing wine and blood and passion.


For Regular Humans

You’re cute. I like being with you. I love you.  xoxoxoxox.  I can’t get enough of you. Light my fire or even my BBQ Grill – I’m easy. Love you sweetie pie!


For Ghosts

In life love was just a dream like mist or a phantom.

Now it is real even though nothing else is.

Through the centuries we drifted,

Only to meet at night, haunting the truth and reality of life,

To find love in death and tragedy,

And hope that will never make sense,

But it is ours and ours alone.

You haunt me to my very soul,

The spirit of our love lives anew.

dancing in the dark

So get out your pen, your pad, your smart phone, your crayon or pencil and write a letter to the one you love.


~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman


Last night the cat was looking out the sliding glass door that goes to the back deck with her back all arched. I looked out and saw a muddy water dish and paw prints heading down the stairs.

It was the big raccoon again. He’d already explored my planter boxes and dug up my summer blooming bulbs.

I could hear the frog choir in the background no doubt singing of the bravery of the masked bandit of the night.

Raccoons are cute but not kindred spirits to other night creatures, including Vampires and Werewolves.  I have no control over wild animals.

That said I can deal with animals and accept them for what they are.

It is just the things that go on during the day that baffle me. Dealing with regular humans is difficult because they ARE human. Everything human is wonderful and heartbreaking and frustrating.

The ghost appeared leaning on the damp deck rail.

“Why don’t you people live longer?” I asked. “Why are you always getting sick and old and hurt?”

“Why do you care Vampire?”

“You don’t know.” I said that as a statement not an question.

“I don’t make the rules. That is why I’m a freakin ghost.” He spat back the answer with hate in his voice.

I turned to go.

He spoke again. “There aren’t any answers.”

I turned and responded. “That won’t keep me from asking.”

He glared at me. “You’re so weird and creepy that it makes me sick.”

I never thought I’d have my feelings hurt by a ghost or be so angry. “At least I’m not dead because nobody loved me,” I growled back at him.

I didn’t even wait for a response. I could feel a chill at my back and I knew I’d stabbed him through the heart.

I went inside and took a deep breath. I could feel tears well up in my eyes but kept it to myself.  It was my own fault for dealing with a ghost. It wasn’t my fault for caring about the people I love.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Hey Mom, have you ever converted anyone into a Vampire?

Hey Mom, have you ever converted anyone into a vampire?

Well, um, as a matter a fact…

As a vampire parent, that question is almost as bad as your kids asking you about sex, or more YOUR past sex life. Or worse, asking if you killed a regular human or anyone else before. With vampires the whole conversion thing is a touchy subject.

Unlike popular movies and books, we rarely convert anyone.

Like I’ve told my son before…

“Here are the facts. 80 percent of vampire conversions end in death. Of those 80 percent who die, about 20 percent are immediate deaths.  Those are the lucky ones. The remaining die insanely painful deaths within two weeks.

Of the remaining 20 percent who live, let’s say we started with a sample of 100. So 20 who are converted survive the first two weeks. They have survived Hell. It isn’t about sucking blood, it is about having your entire body chemistry and DNA structure change. It is a genetic engineering miracle and a nightmare.

Out of the 20 who survive, at least 10 will go mad. Some will commit suicide. Some will refuse to feed, go into a coma and die. Some will linger for years hurting themselves and everyone around them. I’ve told you about the damaged crazy ones. Do you want me to take you to see one? It’s worse than any strung out or insane human you’ll ever meet. Would you do that to a friend?”

So again, here are the facts, again:

  • About 80% of the time it kills the person we’re trying to convert.
  • Out of the ones who survive the conversion only about half of those last another 50 years. Many choose to take their own lives or go insane. It isn’t easy being a vampire convert.
  • People don’t want to become vampires (beats me why they don’t, but I suppose on a certain level I can understand why). They don’t want to be changed to what amounts to being a different species of human.
  • We don’t want THEM to become vampires. I swear, they’d ruin it for us just like they ruin just about everything else. Don’t get me wrong. I’m married to someone who used to be a regular human. He is an amazing vampire – but he was an amazing man to start with.
  • Just remember that if you’re an asshole as a vampire, you’ll be even more of one as a vampire (so we really don’t want to convert you).

So we’re sitting on the deck enjoying the summer air and the last pink wisps of sunset through the oak trees (my husband Teddy, Garrett aged 16 and Clara aged 13 in a few days), and Garrett says, “OK if we don’t convert people into vampires, no offense dad, what about that couple of new converts who are going to stay with us for the next month?”

Teddy spoke first. “Your mom and I had nothing to do with the conversion, but since I’m a converted vampire the Circle calls on my from time to time to help out new vampires.”

“Your dad is an expert in the field. Even if he wasn’t a convert he is extremely good with new vampires.”

“Your mother is as well.” My darling husband added.

The kids knew most of the story about these two converts. They were a couple in their early 30’s, married with no children. They knew vampires and grew up with vampires, but they didn’t quite understand WHY their friends were so different. But they loved their friends and would do anything for them.  As professionals in their fields (more on that in a different post) they were successful and smart urban professionals. While on a drive home from a weekend on the Northern California Coast visiting vampire friends the were run off the road by someone (we suspect vampire hunters) and their car plunged hundreds of feet onto the rocks and into the surf. In order to save the young couple from death their vampire friends made a tough choice and converted them. It wasn’t pretty. It never is. But now, 8 months later, the young vampire couple are ready to go make their way out into the real world as vampires.

So Clara asked again “You never answer us?”

“Answer what?” I asked.

“Have you or dad ever converted anyone into a vampire?” asked Garrett.

It was one of those lady or the tiger, damned if you do, damned if you don’t moments.

“Yes.” said Teddy. “It isn’t anything either one of us take lightly. It weighs on the vampire soul like a painful wound that never goes away.”

“Aren’t you being a little dramatic Dad?” said Garrett while his sister gave her dad an “Oh please…” look, as only teenage girls can do.

“No, I’m not. Take it seriously. If not it could lead to your own death.”

“OK, fine, I get it.” said Garrett.

“Do you Garrett?” said his father.

“Yes, I do.” said the boy.

“We’ll talk about it more later. It’s late and we’re all tired. But it happens to all of us sooner or later. It isn’t something we can take lightly.” I said.

“Who are they?” asked Claire.

” I converted my friend Bernadette. There was a few others as well.”

“Aunt Bernie was a regular human?” said Garrett. “Shit I would have never guessed.”

“Language.” said Teddy.

“Whoops, sorry dad.”

“There are a few others, we’ll talk more later, before our guests get here.” I said.

So the conversation has started. As long as we’re open and honest with our vampire teens they won’t do anything stupid. It was a stupid teen who converted and almost killed Teddy, so we know first hand the dangers of stupidity and ignorance in teens about the subject.

But alas, Vampire Maman is dead tired. More on this in the next day or two. Let me know how you deal with your teens.

For past postings on this subject click here.

And here: Dreams of Desire – Once Like You