Leave Your Demons At Home

My daughter Clara is up for a few weeks. College is online but she still has her apartment in Southern California. This is just a break. She and her boyfriend drove up without any contact from the outside world except to get gas.

My brother Max has decided to stay with us for a few weeks. I asked him why. He said his house is infested with Demons.

When he got here last night he was beyond distracted. His dogs didn’t seem to care and immediately started playing with our dog. I thought they were all going to knock down every piece of furniture in the house. Between the three of them there is almost four hundred pounds of frolicking dog.

My husband Teddy helped Max bring a few things in from his car and haul them upstairs. I went to the kitchen to fix my eldest brother a nice mug of warm blood with a little bit of ground nutmeg and a dash of Tobasco (don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.)

I heard a scratching at the front door. Thinking it was one of the cats I told Clara to let it in. No sooner had I heard the front deadlock click open I heard Clara yell, “MOM. MOM. MOM. Come here.”

Flopping around in the front entry was a small pale gray Demon trying to unfold a twisted wing. The cats, who are usually game for jumping on any small alien creature ran away. The demon put it’s nasty fang filled face up at us and hissed.

“Holy shit,” I said. “Clara get me a broom.”

The tiny Demon scuttled around hissing and then suddenly stopped and looked up at me. “I’ll give you three wishes if you help me out,” it said with a smile full of sharp pointed teeth.

“I’m a Vampire you moron. Your BS tricks aren’t going to work on me,” I said. “What the crap are you doing here?”

“I came with Max and his damn dogs,” it said in a voice that sounded like a hundred years of chain smoking and cheap whiskey.

“Did Max invite you?”

The Demon rolled it’s shoulders and tried to stand up straight. “No he didn’t invite me. Nobody ever invites me anywhere. I hid in the glove box. Why the hell do you think I’m so twisted up.”

By then Clara had come back with the broom. She looked at the Demon in disgust and started hitting it. I opened the door and it managed to fly out, but not without the cats running after it.

Clara and I heard a blood curdling scream then silence. Outside in the front yard the cats stood staring at a dark burned spot on the decorative bark in my front yard.

“Good kitties,” said. Clara ran into the kitchen for cat treats.

Out at Max’s car I said, loud enough for Demons to hear, but not loud enough for my neighbors to hear, “if there are any Demons in this car you’d better leave now or you’re as good as fucking dead.”

There was silence for a few seconds, the the smell of sulfur came through the air. The back passenger door opened and a blur of several more small Demons flew out and off into the sky.

Once I was back in the house I told my brother and husband about the encounter. They acted clueless as usual. Seriously, I wish they’d both take these things more seriously and not wait until there is an infestation.

And that is my life today. I might get out into the garden, or visit more with Clara. We might all watch a movie. There is also the second As We Were blog post to finish up and cue up for tomorrow. Clara is studying. Max and Teddy are on the deck shooting the breeze.

Until then, keep fighting off those Demons. Stay inside, stay home, social distance, wear a mask, wash your hands, be smart, be safe, be friendly, be polite, be caring. Call, email, or FaceTime those who might need extra help or just need to hear a friendly voice.

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

moth

 

Tuesday Vampire Cocktails and TV: Lemon Martini & AGT

11494-cocktails-565It is Tuesday so that means our review of this week’s America’s Got Talent and Teddy’s Cocktails.

First off with the cocktails. This is one of my favorites.

Summer Moon Martini

  • Juice from half a lemon
  • 2 oz vodka
  • Ice
  • 2 large green olives (we like garlic stuffed and NO it isn’t true about Vampires and garlic.)
  • A slice of lime if you have it on hand.
  • 1 oz blood (optional especially if you aren’t a Vampire.)
  • Add a sprig of mint if you have it and feel like being extra festive

 Pour everything over ice. Let it sit for about 5 minutes. Enjoy.

TV-WatchingNow that we’re all throughly looped (except the kids) let’s watch the show!

America’s Got Talent Show 2013 #3!

The show came on an hour early tonight and we missed it! And we didn’t record it. So being the resourceful mom that I am, I caught a what I could on YouTube. We’ll see the entire thing on “on demand” tomorrow.

But this is what I saw (and I liked all of them, some better than others.)

I have to say I’m diggin on Nick’s plum colored jacket. I absolutely LOVED Heidi’s dress with the zippers. I can see myself in that!

Kenichi Ebina – 38 year old dancer. WOW and WOW and WOW. He did the most amazing robot thing and it looked like his head fell off. WOW. He was darling too. Cute as a bug.

Deanna DellaCioppa. A RED haired singer with a HUGE voice. She sang a song from Dream Girls and did quite well. She is also a 39 year old mom and she does animal rescues. She gets my vote.

Military Spouses – Beautiful voices and really ugly shirts and pants. They were nice.

Rong Niu – A 42 year old juggling unicycle darling. Yes, tonight is the night for darling performers. She was great! How did she do it? I don’t know but she did!

Sprice aka Steve Price – This 19 year old makes Rube Goldberg Machines. And boy does he ever.  I couldn’t stop smiling. SHOW ME MORE Steve! HA HA HA HA love it.

So, from what I saw tonight P.T. Barnum would have been proud of this lot!

But no snakes tonight thank goodness!

But no snakes tonight thank goodness!

_______________________________________________________

OK since I missed the show … now on to BOOKS.

And if you need something raw, scary and a lot of sick and twisted fun – that isn’t exactly “Family” entertainment check out this deal from my friend author Mandy White:

The FeederFreebie alert: The Feeder will be free on Kindle for two days, June 19-20, starting tonight at midnight. Do me a favor and hit download, even if you have no intention of reading it.http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BTJYY4Y

The Feeder by Mandy White
The Feeder gives brutality a new meaning…
Victims horribly mutilated, with parts missing and inserted in their mouths…
An aspiring actress-turned-prostitute falls victim to the killer, leaving behind a grieving twin obsessed with revenge.
Warning:
Graphic violence and scenes of mutilation. Some readers may find the content of this book offensive. Read at your own discretion.
This book is DRM free – can be read on non-Kindle devices. #noDRM
And don't forget to always look your best while drinking cocktails (especially with Vampires)

And don’t forget to always look your best while drinking cocktails (especially with Vampires)