Answers to Questions about Vampires

Answers to stupid questions regular folks ask about Vampires:

This is not my bed. I don't sleep in a box.

This is not my bed. I don’t sleep in a box.

No, bats don’t make good pets. They’ll die. Don’t do it.

No, we don’t tear people’s throats out. Think of the mess. And seriously do you rip the door off of your refrigerator every time you get something to eat? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

No, I don’t sleep in a coffin. I really want one of the Sleep Number beds.

Yes, we are sensitive to light. Thank you for asking and pass the sunscreen.

Yes, sometimes we do eat real food (we need fiber just like you).

Yes, we do have paranormal powers. No I won’t tell you about them.

Ask a Werewolf if you want to know about Werewolves.

No, garlic will not kill us. Now your breath… that is another issue.

No, a cross will not burn us.

Yes, fire can kill us. Fire can kill you too.

Yes, if you destroy my heart or cut off my head I’ll die. So will you.

Yes, this is a real Rolex. I purchased it new in 1959.

Yes, cat blood is pretty nasty.

Yes, we do hunt vegans.

No, being a vegan will cause a Vampire to go into a coma for a very long time.

Because you’d kill us.

No, we usually just make them think they did. That’s why people love us and have so many fantasies about us.

No, we can’t have biological children with a regular human.

No, less than 10% of humans turned into vampires survive more than a few weeks. Of that only 5% will make it. 90% die within an hour. Did that answer your questions?

We wear other colors. Not just black.

Yes, we do prefer red wine over white.

No, I won’t answer questions about THAT.

Yes, Werewolf blood does taste sort of like Bourbon.

Yes, we do get married to other Vampires. No we don’t marry regular people (not anymore, it never works out)

No we don’t marry Werewolves. What is wrong with you?

No, I will not show you my teeth.

 

Vampire Teen

These answers were first posted in 2012 back when this blog only had about five readers.  So to you, my five friends, forgive me for running this again.

Since then I’ve published many more posts with answers to your questions about Vampires. I’ll be reposting some of them PLUS NEW ANSWERS and answers to your questions about Vampire Children (this is a thinly veiled parenting blog.)

I you have any burning red hot questions  (or red cold) about Vampires please ask away. I’m here for you. That is why I’m writing this blog.

Have a good week everyone. Only 23 days until Halloween!

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

12 thoughts on “Answers to Questions about Vampires

  1. And since you’re light sensitive I don’t think you in fact DO sparkle in the sunlight, do you? ROFL
    (Oh, Juliette… I KNOW you giggled!!)
    But actually I wanted to ask you something else…
    Vampires don’t marry Werewolves, but do they marry other extraordinary beings – like fairies, water nymphs or the few others we both know about… and never speak about? 😉

  2. No, we don’t sparkle unless we’re trying out new holiday lotions at Bath and Bodyworks.

    As for relationships… Do Vampires marry other extraordinary beings?

    Well, um, nobody I know of. My brother Andrew lived with a woman for 40 years who wasn’t a Vampire (until her death.) That isn’t so uncommon, at least for less serious relationships (Vampires and Regular Humans). It is generally frowned upon in my culture to romance with those who are so physically and paranormally different than ourselves – but who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

  3. Hey! I think I may have been one of those five readers since I kinda remember this! I am no longer afraid of vampires thanks to reading your blog for the past two years. As for werewolves…. well, I have the cats to take care of them….

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