Dear Juliette: Bedsheets, Baseball, and Blood

Ask A Vampire – Advice for Everyone

Dear Juliette (Ask A Vampire) is a regular Thursday feature on

These are real questions from real readers. If you need advice or just have an interesting question send it to: juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com


Dear Juliette,

Vampires are sensitive. What thread count would you recommend for their bed sheets, and what other creature comfort home upgrades would you suggest for interior decorating?

~ Stylish Vamp


Dear Stylish Vamp,

I recommend 400-1,500 thread count. I also recommend a sateen finish. I hate to be short sheeted, and I hate wrestling with fitted sheets so sometimes I get King size sheets for my queen size bed. That goes for blankets too. Most Vampires I know can’t abide flannel sheets. The idea of them makes me feel claustrophobic.

I recently found a set of beautiful dark blackish green sateen sheets as Costco (of all places.) I’m going back for a second set, or maybe even a third. I like them that much.

Another recommendation is go for the Egyptian cotton. Believe me on this one. You’ll be able to tell the difference.

Vampires love decorating. That is those of us who live in homes in the modern world. Come to think of it, even the old timers get into it every once in a while.

Modern style (like my brother Max), or traditional Gothic (Vlad), all Vampires love their books and have them in almost every room of the house. Invest in good bookshelves. Go for something practical as well as beautiful.

Invest in a good refrigerator or wine refrigerator for your extra blood supply.

Make sure you have good window covers. Interior shutters for windows are good for bedrooms and easy to install. Interior shutters don’t have to look creepy. You can cover the exterior to look like elegant curtains. If you have neighbors you have to think about appearances. You don’t want anyone to think you’re weird. Really, believe me, you don’t.

Iowa has been in the news a lot lately, but there is a lot more going on there than politics. If you’re the rare Vampire who still likes to sleep in a coffin check out the Trappists Coffins made by monks near Dubuque. Their work is beautiful. Sure the coffins are made by monks but you don’t have to tell them you’re a Vampire when you put in your order.

Another trend for coffin sleepers is having stereo systems added in. That sounds sort of 1980’s to me. Remember those tacky water-bed head boards with the built-in eight track tape decks and vinyl bumpers? Sure you do. Just bring your smart phone or tablet to bed with you. Or just don’t sleep in a coffin.

~ Juliette


This is not my bed. I don't sleep in a box.


Dear Juliette,

With this being an even year, do you think the Giants will be hoisting the World Series trophy again, or will all that money they spent on pitchers who weren’t exactly at the top of their game last year come back to bite them?

~ BB Fan


Dear BB Fan,

You know how Vampires love their baseball, and with a large Vampire population within driving distance of San Francisco we love our Giants.

It is a lot of ask from the Gods of Baseball, but yes, they could win again.

In my humble opinion, in 2016 the Giants will showcase one of the most intimidating rotations in MLB. With Madison Bumgardner (and the crowd goes wild), Johnny Cueto, Jeff Samardzija (who might surprise us in a big way), and Jake Peavy, they might be able to pull of some good ball. The big problems with all of these guys, except maybe Madison, is that they keep hurting themselves. The Giants pitching line up has a lot of players so we might have some surprises from guys I haven’t even mentioned. You never know.

They just have to watch out for those Diamondbacks this year.

But all said, there is nothing like a game at ATT Park overlooking the San Francisco bay. It is always packed and always a great time.

As long as they don’t let Casey go up to bat I think they’ll be fine.

~ Juliette




Dear Juliette,

Can a Vampire tell the difference in blood type alleles? Does it affect the flavor? Moreover: could a Vampire conceivably recognize a disease detectable by science merely by taste alone? Finally: is the blood of a single person distinct enough that, if a drop were left behind from someone a vampire had tasted it once before, that they could recognize it as belonging to that individual?

~ Bloody Curious


Dear Bloody,

That is a lot of information to take in all at once. I’ll give you the short answer.

Vampires can indeed tell the difference between blood types. Of course we can. Did you know that Werewolf blood has a hint of fine Bourbon in it? Well, it does.

Basic blood types yes, but I can’t give you a run down on your family tree. If I had a comparison I guess I could but who has time for that?

Can we recognize a disease by blood. Yes, and not just blood. We can sense when something isn’t right.

One drop? It depends on how fresh it is. There again, we can, some of us better than others. I am not in any kind of “enforcement” profession so I don’t regularly look for blood drops and lick them. But my brother Max is in that profession so sure, he can tell if he has to. And some of us are better at this sort of thing than others. Just like regular folks we’re not all identical. How boring would that be?

One thing that is interesting, and little known by the non-Vampire community is the ability to pick up temperament in the blood. Yes, there is something to the term “hot blooded.” Poet blood is more complex and rich in taste than others. Someone who is in mourning has a slightly bland taste as if something is missing. The list goes on. I could write a whole article on the subject.

It is the rare Vampire who does not have A+ type blood. For some reason people with that blood type convert over better. Use that fact next time you’re on Jeopardy.

~ Juliette

victorian vampire girl

Dear Juliette (Ask A Vampire) is a regular Thursday feature on

These are real questions from real readers. If you need advice or just have an interesting question send it to: juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

4 thoughts on “Dear Juliette: Bedsheets, Baseball, and Blood

  1. How far my former fantasy league regular Matt Cain has fallen to suddenly become an afterthought in the rotation he used to hold up. Well, unlike The Freak, at least he’s still there. Play Ball!

    • I’d love to see him make a big come back. But oh man, those injuries and surgeries. A cold damp San Francisco night could make those bones start to ache and it wouldn’t be pretty. We’ll all send our good karma his way. Play Ball!

      True confession: I just hope to get on the kiss cam this year.


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