I spilled half a littler box of used cat litter down my shirt

Venting Musings At Home With the Vampires Amid the Lockdown

cat-tongue-catster

Today I spilled half a littler box of used cat litter down my shirt.

I was attempting to dump the box of used litter into a bag and well… I guess we can just say shit happens.

One a popular social media platform someone told me “I don’t read vampire books but I like Twilight.” I translate that to the entire text of Green Eggs and Ham. If you don’t understand this comment please don’t even ask. If you’ve never read Green Eggs and Ham please do yourself a favor and read it sometime in the next 48 hours. Please do not tell me you or a fan of Twilight or anything along those lines. I am not a fan.

Read this.

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Yes, it it one of those days.

It seems like every other week another writer, artist, musician, complains that friends and family don’t like or understand their work. Worse than that is that friends and family ignore their work.

I have friends who DO like my art and my writing. If you don’t do not worry about it. Plenty of people do or will like your creative work. Even if you’re the only one, along with your tens of thousands of fans that is all that matters. Keep telling yourself that.

I write about parenting. Don’t tell me you don’t like teenagers.

I also write about Vampires and other such things. I usually do that metaphorically /ˈˌmedəˈfôrək(ə)lē/.

Don’t tell me you are not a fan if you haven’t read any of my work, or read works from my friends or other authors I like.

Do you see where this is going? If you are an adult and someone politely offers you something you do not think you will like there are two correct answers.

  1. Have a small taste. You might like it.
  2. Say nothing.

During our time at home during this historic period we’ve been remodeling the inside of our home. That means we’ve been painting and moving around furniture before the new floors go in. According to cats that gives them permission to scratch up any nice furniture we might still own, and it also gives them permission to pee on everything that might have fallen on the floor. Cats do not live by the same rules as the rest of us. They are not part of polite society. However humans, or those who look human are expected to be part of polite society.

At this time polite society means four things.

Those things are:

  1. Wear a mask when going out in public and social distance.
  2. Be nice.
  3. Give moral support to medical staff, teachers, first responders, and people working in grocery stories, working in hardware stores, and working in places like Costco and Walmart, food workers, delivery drivers, and those who are out among the public.
  4. Do not complain and whine about staying in or online schooling.
  5. You are not unique or special. Even Vampires are not unique or special at this time. If they’re not special you aren’t special. Seriously, ever hear a Vampire whine? Be a like a Vampire. Don’t whine about staying inside, wearing a mask, missing a pedicure or a haircut, or shit that in the long term really doesn’t matter. You can miss things but not mourn them. Only mourn those who have lost their lives.

You may complain about people who are mean, or misleading, or prone to embracing ignorance.

Yes, I dumped a half a litter box full of used litter down my shirt today and I’m tired.

If you say you don’t like Vampires then just think of how hard it is for them now. We don’t like breaking into houses so we don’t do it. Nobody is out in public. Bottled blood just isn’t always fun be we deal with it because that is what we do. We stay home and deal with it.

Yes, it is hard. The money isn’t coming in. The government hotlines leave you on hold listening to endless messages for an hour then tell you to go away and hang up. Don’t give up. Never give up.

The best thing to do is stop listening to the news for even a day or two. Binge watch Netflix. Go for a walk. Read a book. Keep in touch with friends and family. Start drawing pictures even if you aren’t artistic. Look at cat memes. Read blogs you’ve never read before. Ask me for recommendations if you need help.

Adopt a stray. I hear shelters are open for adoptions. Adopt a stray. Give it a forever home. Bring unconditional love into your life. I’d do it but I have enough unconditional love and those who give it to me don’t like each other and are destroying my furniture right now.

Yes, I’m complaining about complaining. Heaven help me. At least I don’t have issues with Demons like my brother Max.

I’m done.

Have a wonderful POSITIVE day. xoxoxo

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

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Dear Social Media Friends

oscar the cat

Dear Social Media Friends,

  • I am in no mood to “share” generic cause posts on FB.
  • I will not do math problems. Every answer will be zero.
  • I will not find the panda in a sea of other animals.
  • I will not type amen or respond to anything having to do with religion. Keep it to yourself.
  • I will laugh at your funny memes.
  • I will comment nicely on your pet photos or any other animal photos.
  • I will comment nicely on your posts of kids doing craft projects or online classes.
  • I will read your poetry.
  • I will listen to your music.
  • I will enjoy photos of your flowers.
  • For people on Twitter I’m pretty much done with you. What the fuck is up with follow parties? Cut it out.
  • Stop whining about being stuck at home. We’re all stuck at home. Read a book. Most of the classics are free online. Educate yourself.
  • I do not care what famous attention whores people are doing or saying during this time. Why should anyone care?
  • I will be amusing.
  • I will share amusing things.
  • I will be encouraging and try to support my friends.
  • I will continue to write about Parenting, Vampire, Ghost, and Werewolf things.
  • Stay positive
  • Keep writing, doing art, and being creative.

 

For all times on or off of the Internet:

Wash your hands.

Wear a face mask if you must go out.

Call anyone who might need extra help, is alone, or is in need. Check up on anyone who is at risk for being lonely or depression.

Stay positive.

Call your kids if they’re not with you.

Hug your kids if they are with you.

FaceTime, text, Zoom, email, call, blog, drive by and honk.

Stretch.

Laugh.

Have more coffee.

That’s all. Just venting but trying to stay positive. Even Vampires need to stay positive in weird times.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

science-facts1

 

Teens

Half a dozen teens ate Tide Pods.

About half a million people tweeted about it.

Twenty million believed that half a million kids were eating Tide Pods.

Thirty Million posted memes on Facebook about kids eating Tide Pods.

Those same people are now criticizing kids for speaking out against school violence because they believe that all teens eat Tide Pods.

This is what is wrong.

Everyone WANTS to judge.

Nobody THINKS about these things.

Nobody asks the teens they actually know about this shit.

People are stupid.

I’m sick and tired of it.

STOP EMBRACING IGNORANCE.

THIS is why Vampires sleep during the day. It has NOTHING to do with sensitivity to light. It is because people are stupid and they rush to embrace ignorance.

How do we change this?

Listen to young people for a change. They are our future. Listen to old people. Sometimes they have good ideas and nobody listens to them anymore.

Or maybe just shut the fuck up for a change and THINK before you post. Listen before you post. Have an original idea.

Go back to bed. Clean out your garage. Take a deep breath. And realize that there are different ideas and opinions out there to every problem.

This is for ALL issues.

In June all of the kids I had watched grow up will now be voting.

ALL OF THEM.

I wish them the best. 

They are our future.

We’ve let them down.

Let’s hope they won’t let us down.

 

Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Don’t talk AT them. Talk with them. Engage them. Force the conversations. Spend time with them. Hug them. Love them.

Don’t parent by accident. Your children deserve more than that.

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ask Juliette: Political Fall Out, Social Media, Teens, and Vampires

Ask Juliette

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire – Advice for Everyone) is a somewhat regular feature at vampiremaman.com

If you have a question about parenting, relationships, vampires, or anything – just ask. Leave a question here for the next post, or email me at juliettevampiremom @ gmail .com

This week was difficult. See the questions below. I’m sure after I write this post I’ll go throw up blood, or get a headache that will last for weeks. I hope I won’t lose any friends.

medieval-rabbits

I’m the parent of three wonderful teenagers. Since the election they have been on social media non stop complaining about the new POTUS. What do you say to teens and young adults about social media? I understand their passion, but it is getting ugly out there.

Since election, and even more since the inauguration there has been a shit storm fire storm of politically inspired social media posts.

First and foremost I have had a difficult time staying polite over the issue. But as a parent I don’t want my kids, or any kids, to miss opportunities due to their public opinions.

This is a time when many high school kids are applying for college, and applying for jobs.

No matter what their political, religious, and other beliefs are they MUST keep in mind that others are looking at their social media footprints.

Email addresses: No employer or potential school wants to see an email address that reads suckmydickorangeman@yahoo.com, or mypussyisofflimits@gmail.com

Encourage your child to use something that resembles their given name. For example JasonDoe99@yahoo.com.

I understand the outrage of many young people. I understand their feeling that the government that will shape their adult lives is showing only hate and malice towards science, the environment, women, LBGT folks, and the freedom of speech. I understand their need to express that outrage. But they need to do it in a constructive way that will not effect future education and job opportunities. That does not mean they have to be silent. It just means that on public social media where they use their own names they need to be smart. Leave the profanity for the places where their real names aren’t used.

They can be swept up by the storm, or they can get involved. They can register to vote. They can write letters. They can go to peaceful organized marches. They can attend events. They can volunteer.

Their voices need to be heard. But the must be smart about it. I always make it a rule to keep my professional life, and my personal life separate, and that includes social media. I advise my children to do the same. It is just a good idea. Besides, you don’t need your potential boss, or school administrator in your business.

Since the election and inauguration I have had a heavy heart, and a headache that will not go away. I’m trying to keep the radio off, and limit my social media. That does not mean that I am going to shut up. It does not mean that I can get over an administration full of mean-spirited, sexist, racist, ignorant assholes. I’m getting involved. I’m encouraging others to vote. I could write about my feelings but when it comes to MY OWN feelings on this subject I tend to get too emotional. Deep breath.

I’m seeing families divided, and friendships damaged in ways I have never seen before. I’m sure I’ll lose a few readers because of my answers on this post.

The point is, that no matter what you believe, encourage your teens that whatever they put out there on the Internet will always be there. They need to think about what others will see when someone searches their name. Unfortunately that is the way things are. I can’t stress that enough. I’d hate for someone to miss out on an education or job opportunity due to meme, or comment made on social media. A split second of anger can do years of damage. I know to a teen (and adults) that sucks, but that is the way it is.

 

Sea Monster

I’m worried about the environment and the anti science attitudes that the new Trump administration has. What do you think.

I’m worried to. In the Sierra Nevada Mountains and foothills there are still problems with mercury poisoning from the California Gold Rush (remember 1849.) That is just one example of the lasting effects of man on the environment.

Yesterday a bald eagle flew over my house. It circled my yard then flew back to it’s nearby nesting place. I can’t imagine a world where wild creatures are not protected.

The anti-science policies of the current administration scare me. The current mode of making decisions is based on potential monitory profits, ignorance, and spite.

I have no answers except to get involved. Have your facts straight when you talk to others. Write letters. Boycot businesses that are environmentally unfriendly. Vote.

 

Unfortunately some things never change.

Unfortunately some things never change.

The woman I’m in love with is a Vampire. Any advice would be helpful.

Run away. Seriously, if you said she was from another culture that would be one thing, but she is a different kind of animal than you are. She might have been like you a hundred years ago, but dude, get a grip. It just isn’t a good idea. Believe me, I know about these things first hand.

 

No, this is not you and your Vampire girlfriend. It is not going to be like this. You're just a dude in love with someone you have no business being with. Run away. Run away.

No, this is not you and your Vampire girlfriend. It is not going to be like this. You’re just a dude in love with someone you have no business being with. Run away. Run away.

I want to be a Vampire. Can you turn me into one?

Good for you. No. Go away.

Ask Juliette

That is it for this week’s advice. Please feel free to send me some less exhausting questions for next week. Hey, I’m game for anything, really…do you know where I put the vodka?

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

 

Dear Pants on Fire,

I’ve been receiving (flooded with) a bunch of emails lately from people who say things like:

  • My article would fit your blog.
  • My colleague told me about your blog.
  • Mommy Bloggers like you.
  • You share our concerns about parenting.

Then they go on to prove to me that they know nothing about me or my blog.

First of all I AM NOT a Mommy Blogger. I blog about parenting teens and young adults. I blog about Vampires. I HATE the term Mommy Blogger. The term Mommy Blogger makes me think of silly women who wear nothing but yoga pants, have expertly done highlights, think their children are the absolute center of the universe, and don’t know their husbands are sleeping with the top female executive where he works.

If you read my blog you would know that I don’t pitch products or services that I don’t use.

I write from the viewpoint of a Modern Vampire Mom. Get it?

I also write from the viewpoint of a mom who works, a mom who reads, a mom who is realistic about the world her kids live in, and a mom who thinks honest communication with children is more important than stroking the self-esteem of bratty smug children who are treated by their parents like they are Jesus Christ himself.

You’re a liar. You don’t read my blog. All you did was have your robot search for the tags that said things like “parenting” and “mom.”

Stop wasting my email space.

Where the fuck did you come from?

Yes, if you have a product for moms who swear too much I might write a review.

Yes, I will write a review of your product for $500 up front, and I can’t guarantee it will be good.

No, I will not link to your site just because you asked. I’m not THAT stupid.

I worked in marketing for over 35 years so I know the tricks. The tricks are old and stupid. That dog can’t jump anymore. Just put the poor creature down and leave me the hell alone.

Your profile is obviously fake. Do you think anyone is that stupid? You must because obviously someone has taken you up on an offer. Maybe not. I’ve met a lot of stupid marketing people in my time. Way too many.

We’re Vampires here. We drink blood. We say snarky things. We love our children. We’re smoking hot sexy. We love our regular human friends too much to subject them to stupid stuff – you know, like that stuff you email me about. So stop it.

I’m not even going to tell you to watch out for things that go bump in the night.

And to my wonderful regular readers – I will never subject you to any sales pitches unless it is to check out my merch page (for great shirts, pillows, and other cool Victorian Vampire themed stuff), or for stuff I like, or if I attempt to write and self publish another lame book, OR one of the WPaD Publications (proceeds go to MS Research.) Or to tell you about a book, blog (like maybe your blog), movie, song, or something I really love. But you know where I’m going with this. 

Can you imagine an infomercial type post featuring Tellias and Eleora, Max, Vlad, or The Ghost? No, neither can I. 

xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

 

Vampire Maman

 

 

 

 

Ask Juliette: Internet Trolls, and a few other items of great importance.

Ask Juliette (Ask a Vampire, Advice for Everyone) is a regular feature here at VampireMaman.com

All questions are from my readers. If you have a question about anything (and I mean anything) just send me a note at juliettevampiremom @ gmail.com

 

Ask Juliette

Dear Juliette,

Lately it seems that I can’t view a single cute or inspiring thing on the internet without seeing at least one asshat trying to ruin the moment with a negative comment. There’s a puppy cuddling a baby, someone says the baby will get germs. There’s a puppy drinking from a baby bottle, some idiot says milk is bad for dogs. (puppies are bottle-fed with special formula, dumbass) A paraplegic rider demonstrates how she mounts her horse, which is trained to lie down. The trolls spewed their poison all over that one as well.

The simple solution is to stop reading comments on things people post, and yet I find myself drawn there every time like a rubbernecker at a car crash. I worry that I’m developing some kind of sick obsession.

What is wrong with people?

And what is wrong with me, that I feel compelled to seek out the trolls? Does that make me a troll?

 

What is wrong with people? They’re assholes. But I’m going to show a few examples. No, I don’t have any answers. Trolls need to grow up and get a life.

If you look at trolls are you a troll? Absolutely not. You’re right, it is like car crash or a train wreck. But it pisses us off because it is like seeing a car crash caused by a drunk driver.

We’ve all left nasty comments (don’t tell me you haven’t) on sites. I don’t do it anymore because when I have I usually feel guilty and troll-like. You just have to let it go. LET IT GO.

LET IT GO like James Bay or Elsa in Frozen but neither one of their songs work for this – so let’s move on.

Now that the US Presidential election is looming and in our faces 24/7 the trolls are out in full force. Be careful. Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into the mess. Nothing good will come of it.

For the sake of this post we’re going to discuss serial trollers. You know who they are. They’re the people who ALWAYS have to leave a nasty comment or something that contradicts what you’re trying to say. They’re the kind who like to leave their nasty snail slime trail on news stories, blogs, and public online social media groups.

From Wikipedia: “In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory,[1] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[2] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion,[3] often for their own amusement.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to forward a feel good news story (usually on NPR) to someone but then saw all of the asshole troll comments on it. I swear some of the regular trollers have no lives. They can’t have lives – not with all of their narrow minded negative energy that they MUST get out.

I have three examples of crap I’ve recently seen.

Linda Holmes writes the popular culture feature Monkey See. Even though I’m a hundred years younger than she is, and don’t always have the same taste as she does,  (but what is there to agree with it is just a popular culture feature to be entertained by) but I love her writing. She is bright and fresh and funny. Anyway, on a recent column about a The Bachelorette TV show she had to start it with an anti-troll disclaimer.

[Note: This is where a spoiler warning would usually go, but in this case, the warning is this: it’s a post about The Bachelorette. You should only read it if you’re interested in a post about The Bachelorette. If you’re not interested in a post about The Bachelorette, I can recommend this story about a snowy owl or this examination of ancient Chinese beer. If you’re not interested in The Bachelorette or owls or beer, I’m out of ideas.]

But even with that there were trolls making comments. The other readers pointed out the disclaimer but trolls gotta troll. They can’t help it. It is their sick and twisted fix. But what is with the guy who doesn’t understand that the program is just fluffy entertainment and went on a rant about politics and the fall of Western civilization?

This is the full article: http://www.npr.org/sections/monkeysee/2016/05/24/479291336/parade-of-goofballs-2016-can-jojo-find-a-prince-in-a-haystack

I don’t watch The Bachelorette but I thought the article was laugh-out-loud funny.

Another example was a story with the title, World’s First Surviving Septuplets, Born In ’97, Graduate From High School.

I thought the article about the McCaughey siblings was sweet. I remember when those babies were born. Seven! Count em. And their parents raised them ALL at the same time. Can you imagine the diapers? Can you imagine having seven toddlers? It was a feel good article. But the trolls have to move in and make about every kind of mean and nasty comment they could. Why? I have no idea. Those kids aren’t hurting anyone. And to make matters worse they might read the comments. But trolls don’t care about that.

http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/05/23/479248548/worlds-first-surviving-septuplets-born-in-97-graduate-from-high-school

I’ve noticed on news sites that it is the same trolls coming up over and over. Get where this is going? On one of my own social media sites I used to have a cat hater hating on my cats. WTF? I’m not going to hate on your pets.

Recently (today) a young friend of mine posted this disclaimer before posting a funny video on Facebook.

Please, no “this is why you don’t cater to children” comments. We’ve all gone down this path at least once (some only once) and found ourselves eating the damn toast over the trashcan.

No, we don’t give into toddlers like that, well usually, but the video was funny. If you’ve lived with a wild chimp, I mean toddler, you know what the maker of the video was getting at. But it is a shame that the young mother who posted the video had to tell her online friends to back off.

The Artistic (Figure) Rollerskating community is filled with trolls. My own child (a US National Champion) spends a lot of time defending young skaters against older trolls. There are first the old timers who do everything they can to put down young skaters. Yes, old people are trolling young people in their sport. They throw out their old nasty phlegm about how the skaters aren’t any good and how their dresses are ugly. Really? If they want the sport they loved to die they’re doing a good job and helping it along to it’s grave with their negativity and lack of support. By the way – the skaters are better now and their dresses are better than ever. These old folks never even think that when they spread their negative crap that the young people who are working so hard see it. So shut the fuck up skating trolls – or anyone who trolls any young people in an activity they love.

What is even worse is that the old trolls give younger trolls permission to be mean. And don’t even get me started on trolls from one sport who troll another sport (don’t even get me started on them.) If you want respect don’t be a troll. Make sure you tell your kids that – even if your kids are grown.

Earlier this week I asked my readers to give me their thoughts on trolls.

From Kevin A. Ranson:

I think Trolls enjoy participation, but they also like reality TV drama. It’s their chance to be snarky safely behind their keyboards without worry about other people’s feelings — which may say more about the Trolls than their targets.

That said, however, posting anything online invites conversation. If the comments are left on, it may be naive to expect that only supportive statements will be made. Some folks don’t have the education or the experience concerning a particular subject matter and may be asking ACTUAL questions in a way that may sound Trollish while not trying to be. Being accused of being a Troll in a new group can transform someone into a Troll; after all, shouldn’t they act accordingly if no one will take them seriously?

Online conversation tends to exist in a microcosm of support where people may expect to be safe — Facebook groups, for example — but a difference of opinions can manifest between even the best of friends. My own policy is to allow Trolls to be themselves on my threads while I ask them constructive questions to see if they are indeed a Troll or, perhaps, have been transformed into one. One aspect of this behavior tends to be intelligent, articulate, net-savvy folks looking for someplace to belong; make friends with a Troll and they will be your online friend forever!

Many folks I’ve met online started out as Trolls but have since joined a contingent of Trollhunters: Trolls who hunt Trolls — a-holes who hunt a-holes. These are friendly but arrogant folks who target Trolls, luring them away down dark tunnels until they find themselves surrounded and left with little choice but to run screaming back under the rocks from whence they came…and it can be quite entertaining to watch.

For Kevin’s blog Thinking Skull CLICK here. 

From Holly:

I will get personal attacks on my weight or looks when I post pictures of myself (well, when I did, I mean) but they would filter out and never get published. Either I delete and don’t care or, depending on where I am in the depression and such and take it all completely personally.

I know that it has become popular for some people to troll-track or expose people for who they really are, but I view that as just as lousy behavior as the troll. Even in the name of defense, creeping is creeping.

I agree with Holly. The beauty of most social media and blogs is that you can delete trolls, block them out, and get rid of them. Holly’s smart and entertaining blog is https://bloggityramblings.wordpress.com

For my original troll post and the other comments from my readers (THANK YOU EVERYONE) click here. 

When I first started Vampiremaman.com I had a few trolls. OK maybe not complete trolls – they were just people who wanted to tell me that I knew nothing about blogging or Vampires (really?) or spelling. OK I admit I know nothing about spelling. I had a few tell me that I was going to Hell for writing about paranormal creatures of darkness. But I just blocked them out and they went away.

But back to the original question… I don’t think we’ll ever get rid of trolls. Maybe if we just all ignore them they’ll go away.

~ Juliette

 

I added this image of Vincent Price just because he is smoking HOT.

I added this image of Vincent Price just because he is smoking HOT.

Dear readers, I’m soooooo behind, so I only have a few short questions left.

 

Dear Juliette,

My boyfriend has no sense of style. If we’re going out he’ll wear an oversized tee shirt and baggy sports shorts, no matter what the occasion. How can I get him to dress nice without hurting his feelings? 

 

Ask your boyfriend the age-old question, “Are you going to wear that?”

Another version of that same question is, “You’re not wearing that are you?” I find that one the most effective at my house.

Be firm. If he doesn’t get a clue take him shopping and show him the following video cause every girl’s crazy bout a sharp dressed man.

~ Juliette

Dear Juliette,

I met the perfect guy, except I just found out he is a Vampire. What should I do?

 

Run away.

~ Juliette

 

oscar_artistic copy

 

Ask Juliette is a regular feature on Vampire Maman. It is usually posted on Thursday. If you have any questions about anything please ask and I’ll answer the best I can. Send your questions about relationships, parenting, vampires, paranormal stuff, life, love, cats, oranges, ghosts, werewolves, fashion, cooking, art, and everything else to juliettevampiremom at gmail dot com.

Thanks for dropping by. xoxox

~ Juliette aka Vampire Maman

Ask Juliette